


Iris

by flowerypath131



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, BDSM, Blood and Violence, Consensual Violence, Double B AU, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Smut, if you're easily triggered don't read this bc i suck at warnings and tags, softie jiwon (only for hanbin tho)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:14:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 90,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24164944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerypath131/pseuds/flowerypath131
Summary: He took in the younger’s appearance beneath him and Jesus fucking Christ he looked like the ultimate sin personified, an absolute temptation, the darkest angel, and he was all those things to Bobby. Because for how many people he killed and for how many times he cursed the heavens, Hanbin was his biggest sin of all.
Relationships: Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jiwon | Bobby
Comments: 197
Kudos: 343





	1. Sin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HANBINGAYGOD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HANBINGAYGOD/gifts).



> This was inspired by Goo Goo Doll's Iris. I was gonna edit a video for it but I realized I have shit for editing skills so.  
> And this is to celebrate Hanbin's Demo.3 because I am just over the moon for it.

Prologue:

South Korea may have been ranked among the lowest in crime rates but the unwavering pillars of criminality— namely, the family dynasties of the underground world— still holds one of the biggest influence in the country’s economy.

One of the resounding family name would be the Kims. What once was headed by a tenacious and ambitious Kim Ha Joon was then taken over by the infamous Kim Siblings, his sons.

Rumors a plenty have circulated but none came close to how the Kim Siblings rose back to its glory as it crumbled once upon their father’s demise.




Chapter 1:

As soon as the doors closed to the underground floor’s suite, Bobby had Hanbin pinned by the wall, gritting his teeth at the effort of holding the younger down who held the upper hand with the adrenaline pumping through him. For a few seconds, the only sound that could be heard within the massive room were their labored breaths but the tension was heavy and thick, his ears ringing from it.

Hanbin purred against the choke hold Bobby had on him, eyes bloodshot from hysteria, his bottom lip bruised and bleeding from his own bite, and his smile held the ghost of a madman. “What are you gonna do? Run me down with your morals? Oh, please, we both know you get off seeing me committing every sin there is,” the younger said through clenched teeth as he struggled to let the words out.

“You’re right, you little minx. But we both also know what’s about to go down, so do you wanna do this the hard way or the easy way?”

With a tilt of his head, Hanbin laughed that held so much venom before it was cut off when Bobby tightened his hold.

"Why did I even ask, right?”

Within four minutes, Bobby had both of them naked in bed with Hanbin’s hand tied to the center of the headboard where the rope was already installed beside the satin handcuffs—reserved for days when Hanbin wasn’t being like a rabid dog—spread eagle with a leg spreader bar, and with a finishing touch of nipple clamps that made him whimper with pleasure.

Series of curses and strangled moans were heard from the writhing body in bed and Bobby felt bewitched by the sight of his handiwork. But he needed to stop Hanbin from further damaging his lips so he strapped on a ball gag to which Hanbin retaliated.

“You know how much I love hearing you scream but your lips are bleeding, kitten.”

Bobby abruptly used the spreader bar to flip Hanbin to lie on his stomach making the younger grunt. He picked up the black leather flogger, the one Hanbin absolutely loathed. “Now, my little kitten, as much as it turns me on when you go on a rampage, you need to be put to your place,” he reminded Hanbin as his hands smoothed down the younger’s cheeks, massaging it lightly making him squirm in his hold.

“The shipment’s gonna be delayed with the mess you made back there with González’s men.”

A deafening crack of the whip echoed within the room. _One._

“I don’t think he’d appreciate it very much when only his second-in-command’s ripped head will report back to him, baby.”

Hanbin _never_ took it well when he felt like he was being looked down upon outside of bed, and that was how nine men died on his hands today. The flogger landed on his right butt cheek. _Two._

“You even used his family’s sword, chopping off his head.”

A muffled mix of moan and scream came as he hit him the _third_ time.

Hanbin writhed and struggled within his hold but still moaned in pleasure when the flogger hit the _fourth, fifth, sixt, seventh,_ and finally the _eight_ time.

Bobby removed the ball gag after he tossed the flogger aside, flipped Hanbin again, and positioned in between his legs as he lathered lube on his dick as well as Hanbin’s entrance.

He took in the younger’s appearance beneath him and _Jesus_ fucking _Christ_ he looked like the ultimate sin personified, an absolute temptation, the darkest angel, and he was all those things to Bobby. Because for how many people he killed and for how many times he cursed the heavens, Hanbin was his biggest sin of all.

The bed rattled violently when a particularly strong tug on the headboard freed Hanbin’s tied hands which he brought up to Bobby’s neck, pulling him down as he proceeded to violently kiss him. _Hanbin was his biggest sin of all_. And with that in mind, he snaked his hand down his shaft and entered Hanbin abruptly without any preparation at all, swallowing down his scream with a searing kiss.




October 22, 2019

“You see, Mr. Han, I’m not what you may call patient. I fear most of my men aren’t as well,” Hanbin flashed him a soulless smile as he briefly glanced behind him where Junhoe stood, already visibly vibrating, “so I suggest you put an end to this treasure hunt and tell me where all that money went?”

The room was eerie with dead silence. Void of any distractions and most of all, chance of any form of escape. A single block of room and in the single, old wood, and creaking chair sat a despicable man who both looked and actually is capable of anything.

In front was an exhausted Mr. Han Won Sook who was probably electrocuted, beaten, and under various forms of asphyxiation before this final interrogation. Kudos to him, he did try. Spouting out nonsense in the hopes the men who were torturing him would let him go but alas, each time his words were proven false.

Unfortunately for him, Kim Hanbin was never one who wastes time for himself and his men who had better things to tend to.

“Bobby,” he beckoned, a hand gracefully opened to prompt his second-in-command. The familiar cold and heavy metallic object laid upon his hand conjured a sinister smile.

The man in front of him visibly tensed more in his already roughed up state. Shame. But what was once useful and now isn’t would only cause more problems than they’re worth.

Eyes bulging almost out of his skull, his mouth gaped as if to say something but the crackled voice in his ear-piece was the go-signal he needed.

Blood.

Hanbin looked away viciously from the sight. After so many years, he still haven’t coped up with his fear of blood. Fear. Nothing ever annoys him more than that word. But in this field, who could ever cope with fear of blood when one deals with it regularly?

“He was about to talk, Hanbin,” came Bobby’s stern voice. The second-in-command would never dare question his actions, especially during work, but there were times he’d speak up when he felt being left under the shadows.

He hummed as he stood up.

“I know.”

Facing Bobby, away from the bleeding corpse behind him then, he smiled again. Bobby quirked an eyebrow in silent question.

“Mino found everything. We didn’t need him.”

Bobby sighed, “Well, you could’ve spared the man for a little while and grant Junhoe the pleasure of blowing off steam. And by doing that, you wouldn’t have had to see all that.”

It was no question what _that_ was. Hanbin knew. Jiwon knew. His men knew.

He brushed off the last bit and merely said, “He has plenty to keep him busy.”

They walked out of the room leaving the corpse to be dealt with by the staff there.

Checking his watch, he saw that it was already fast approaching dinner time and it wouldn’t sit well with Lia if they won’t arrive on time.

“Dylan, do I have any matters to attend to for the rest of the evening?” He called out as they made their way out of the maze they had for a compound.

“Not necessarily. Shipment is coming in from Russia but Seungcheol is overseeing that. And the new club is opening tonight, although Jiyong offered to represent as the host. You can, however, always reconsider.”

He hummed again. If tonight would be uneventful, maybe he’d swing by and have a little fun. He wasn’t very fond of blood but he’s found other alternatives.

“We’ll see.”




As soon as they arrived, they were greeted by Lia, his sister who was thirteen years old, whom he immediately avoided eye contact with and only nodded curtly in greeting.

“Dinner is ready,” she softly said and led the way to the dining hall.

Dinner was a quiet, yet somehow warm, affair for the blended family. Mostly due to the atmosphere they’ve set for the children present. One could never be too careful.

A particular sigh was let out by one of his men, Junhoe, during dinner as he informed them, “I think the tutor’s planning to quit.”

Bobby laughed from his chair, a hand going over his mouth to feign at least a little propriety, “Why?”

Junhoe gave him a pointed look as he looked up from his plate, a silent ‘what’d you think happened, dumbass?’ They couldn’t talk like that with the children around so they stuck to pointed glares and deadpanned faces.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll find a new one.” Yunhyeong said even when he looked and sounded like he didn’t even believe his own words.

“She was too nosy for her own good, annoying Lia and all, and not exactly easy on the eyes,” Junhoe’s daughter, Ryujin, at the age of nine was intelligent as much as she was mean and snappy. Much like her father but scarily more lethal with her choice of words and chilling voice. On top of that, she may or may not adore Lia too much, therefore making sure no one bothers her. She was offended, to say the least, to be subjected to having a tutor and it may have led to some professional tutors to pack their stuff and leave.

“Yeah, and was very unprofessional. Would you believe she tried to get us to sing nursery rhymes? What are we, six?” Chanwoo, who was ten (and a half, as he always clarified) years old, Yunhyeong’s younger brother, however was a softly spoken, meek child. He was intelligent in his own right and one would say he was a perfect angel. But, no. And it’s safe to say that the little boy was smitten with Ryujin and whatever Ryujin demands of him, he complies. What, with the child being Tech-savvy, he had a lot up in his sleeves.

“In other words, unbefitting.” A tone of finality from the eldest, Lia, to everyone’s surprise, was such a darling when she’s undisturbed. She made absolutely no fuss but only when she’s left to her own devices. She didn’t take orders very well and always took matters to her own hands, always denying an extra hand extended to her. One icy glare, very much identical to her hyungs, sent everyone flying while quivering in fear. It didn’t help either that she always had a very pinched expression on her face all the time. Lia never really got fond of anyone except for her brothers which made her the scariest of them all.

With so much at risk, Hanbin and the guys had decided to homeschool the children. Every teacher they had went through rigorous interview and observation before being let on the job.

“Dylan?” Hanbin called as he had finished his dinner and was patting his lips with the napkin.

Dylan perked up from his seat and faced him, “Yeah,” Honorifics and formalities were dropped within the household so as to not confuse the children with having their Uncle Hanbin— in Lia’s case, oppa— being addressed to intimidatingly.

“Start on that tutor-hunting and then give each of us a copy of the tutors’ information.”

“No problem.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have some things to tend to.” Hanbin bid adieu to everyone.

Hums and nods were everyone’s reply as they finished off their food.

Hanbin made his way to the elevator just beside the living room as he pressed the button for the top floor. Stairs proved to be exhausting as they have bought one of the, if not the biggest, house in Seoul. Having a huge family composed of a bunch of guys with kids who are home-schooled and difficult to entertain within the mansion even led to some enhancements, therefore a bigger house.

He shed his clothes as soon as he arrived in his room and headed to his bathroom for a bath. The evening has just begun and he needed some time to rest his damn bones before he went out again.

It was right when he settled into the bathtub that he heard the door of his bedroom being opened and not much longer, the bathroom door opened, too.

Hanbin didn’t even bother to open his eyes to register who’d come in. A gentle hand coaxed him to give some space as another body slotted behind him and then pressing his chest back to settle into the intruder.

“I thought you hated evening baths,” he slurred as hands had found it’s way to his temples and lightly massaging.

“Only when you’re not with me,” came the husky reply.

He scoffed a little, somehow still managing to do it gracefully, “What a charmer. Let me guess, bearer of bad news again?”

“I’d like to think I’m always a charmer even when I’m not bearing any bad news, thank you very much.”

“Sassy.” Hanbin scoffed softly as he turned and faced him, effectively straddling the guy beneath him. “Spit it out, Jiwon.”

The elder raised his hand to caress the younger’s face as lightly as his calloused hands would allow. “Your brother and I talked.”

Hanbin leaned into the touch and hummed even when he could predict another argument starting to arise, “And?”

“Jiyong-hyung has so much plans, Bin. Don’t shut him out. It’s our chance at a new life. Jiyong—“

“Needs to get off of my dick,” he snapped, his eyes open now as it glares invisible holes to Bobby’s face.

“Bin, baby, please. Listen for a sec. Please don’t shut me out, too.” Bobby pleaded. Bobby rarely pleads for anything. Hanbin knew that but he chose to ignore it.

“Then stop spouting nonsense, Ji. Stop tolerating my brother’s whims. His choices are irrelevant. What we have now, what we’ve developed, what we’ve grew up in is the only life we can have. He’s risking a lot and you know it, too. I don’t even think half of the guys are gonna be up for it. This is our life and changing it would lead to more problems.” He was, as always, calm and composed but he still said the last bit through gritted teeth.

“What about Lia? Chanwoo? Ryujin? D’you really want them to grow up in this environment? Let’s get out of this hell hole now before it’s too late.”

Bobby was pushing it. If he thought guilt-tripping Hanbin would work, he was dead wrong.

“You know what,” he said as he slowly got off of Jiwon’s lap and got out of the tub. “If you’re really that tired of having this life, maybe you should go. Go off to your dreamland with my brother. Just don’t drag me with you.”

“You know I’ll always be by your side, I have been for years. I wouldn’t and never will leave you, Hanbin.” Bobby was out of the tub now, too.

As Hanbin finished tying his bathrobe he faced Bobby as stone-faced as he could, chuckling but without any ounce of humor in his eyes. “Why wouldn’t you? After all, we just fuck for fun. I’m sure you’d find yourself another past time, maybe even fall in love.”

Bobby gawked at him, opening his mouth and closing it again as he seemed to have no response but then he laughed like the whole situation was a joke he had woken up from, “Right. For fun. Past time.” He grabbed the spare bathrobe and put it on, walking out of the bathroom but not before he glanced back, “It was nice having fun with you, B.I.”

“Well, I don’t think you should’ve approached him like that but what can we do? He’s always been tenacious, I don’t think he’d budge that easily. Not even by you.” Yunhyeong remarked from where he was stirring something in the kitchen.

“Why did I even think I could convince him? I’m nothing but a quick fuck.” He groaned from his seat on the breakfast table.

“I doubt you both consider each other that but then again as much as you are feared, you guys are fucking cowards. And stupid.”

“Shut up. I swear to—“

“Yun? Are you cooking? What the fuck is that smell?” A very familiar voice reverberated across the gigantic kitchen and it would seem he hasn’t noticed that Bobby was there so Bobby could stare at him as much as he wanted. Hanbin padded into the kitchen still looking half-asleep.

Hanbin came in accompanied by Lia who was right behind him, her hands clasped behind her looking as elegants as ever. So much in contrast with the bird’s nest Hanbin was currently sporting. But, he looked adorable as much as sinful in just his sweatpants.

“What? It’s ox-bone soup for Bobby’s hangover.” Yunhyeong was wide-eyed glancing back and forth from Hanbin to Bobby who was shaking his head and gesturing for him to keep quiet.

Hanbin seemed to have woken up a little bit more at the mention of his name. “Hangover?”

“Yeah,” Yunhyeong merely replied still looking hella confused and conflicted. “What’s wrong with the smell?”

Hanbin heaved a little at the reminder of why he was there, “It’s making my stomach turn. I’m gonna get the hell out of here.”

As Hanbin left the way he came in, Bobby groaned again in his seat, alerting Lia of his presence.

“Oh? Bobby-oppa,” Lia called as she walked closer. “You’re quite the sight.”

Bobby snorted, “Good morning to you, too, Li.”

“Seriously, you should go freshen up. I heard Hanbin-oppa have some early errands. Wouldn’t you wanna tail him again all day?” Lia mocked him with a straight face.

“For a thirteen year-old, you sure are a know-it-all. It’s my job to tail him all day, FYI, little missy.” Bobby bit back and playfully booped her nose which made her squirm adorably.

“Right, let’s go with that,” she replied, seeming unconvinced. “Take care of him for me?” she said, almost only above whisper as she fiddled with her fingers.

Jiwon smiled fondly at her, “Of course, Li. Always.”




It’s been four days since their last conversation apart from work-related stuff. Four days of absolute hell for Bobby and he can’t tell what the younger could’ve been feeling all along because Hanbin’s specialty was masking his entire being. It was once an admirable trait but now Bobby’s plain annoyed.

“Bobby,” Junhoe called from where he stood by the door of the library Bobby’s been lounging about where he could drink in peace.

“Hey,” Bobby merely replied, continuing to sip on his drink.

“Hanbin left you in-charge for today and he said Dylan would fill you in on what needs to be done.”

“Why?”

Junhoe shrugged and said, “Beats me. But, he did look like hell and was extra snappy since he woke up. I didn’t wanna ask because,” he gestured a slicing motion on his neck.

_What the fuck happened to him?_

Bobby was not used to not knowing what was happening with Hanbin and it doesn’t sit well in his stomach.

He was starting to worry when he remembered Hanbin’s words echoing in his head. _“After all, we just fuck for fun.”_ And then his blood boiled again, worry vanishing from his line of thought.

“Fine,” he gulped down the remaining contents of his drink.

Junhoe narrowed his eyes at him but didn’t comment more on the subject and instead muttering frustratedly, “If you’ll excuse me, I have a daughter to find.” And then the tired-looking father was gone.

“You should check on him, Bobby-hyung.”

Bobby wasn’t even surprised anymore at the sound no doubt coming from behind one of the shelves. It was Ryujin. He’d never understand why she’d always prefer calling them hyung instead of oppa and no one really ever bothered to correct her after she stomped her two cute, little feet and locked herself in the library for half the day. Seemed dramatic but they understood that she was proving a point. They just didn’t figure out what the point was.

“Wanna come out of your cave and have a proper conversation with me?” He asked amusedly.

“No,” she said in a heartbeat. “Besides, you have somewhere to be, I presume.”

Bobby sighed, “You kids will be the death of us. And your Dad’s looking for you.”

“Yeah, because we’re smarter than you. And Dad needs the morning exercise.”

“Of course,” he rose from his seat and buttoned up his suit once again, “if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go and do what you just said, because you kids are right most of the time anyway.”

A scoff and, “You better,” was the last thing he heard from the kid before heading out to heed Ryujin’s advice. As much as it pains the whole household to say it but on more than many occasions, Ryujin was always right.

He ventured up to the top floor of the house where the siblings’ rooms resides and as he stepped into the hallway, he came across Lia with a tray being covered.

“Hey, Li,” Bobby called out.

Lia gracefully looked back, “Bobby-oppa? What’re you still doing here? Hanbinnie-oppa’s gonna have your head if he finds out you haven’t gone off to work yet.”

“I’m sure he will be but why don’t I help you with that first and then, I’ll be out your hair.”

The girl shrugged, “Sure. I’m not gonna be the one who’s gonna get yelled at anyway.”

Bobby took the tray from the younger and they continued walking down the hallway.

“Yelled at? Your brother rarely yells, even when he’s mad. I haven’t even heard him use a tone higher than what he sounds like every time. Well, maybe except when we’re at work and he’s frustrated.”

He didn’t specify that her brother go on a killing spree, lets out a war cry, and kills everyone who wasn’t his men off. That’d be one of the rare times that Hanbin wouldn’t even be bothered with seeing blood as his vision had already turned red in rage. One of those times was the first time Jiyong proposed the idea to him.

Apart from that, Hanbin was always composed and his voice eerily calm even when he was angry on the inside. Which was a lot scarier, to be honest.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but he’s been bratty and snappy for a few days now.”

Bobby would’ve laughed at how Lia sounded like an annoyed mother if it weren’t for his immediate worry for Hanbin kicking everything aside.

And then he remembered their last conversation. Bobby was the one he always complained to whenever his brother, Jiyong, berated him of proposing to finally go clean and leave the underground world, so to have Bobby turned against his convictions was probably the last straw.

Hanbin may seem like an unwavering and cold person but he was sensitive in all places and resorts to violence instead of risking his pride. A very dangerous mix. And maybe he shouldn’t have let this cold war stretch this long. Hanbin was his best friend first above all else and nothing could change that, even his hurt feelings.

“It’s nice that you’re taking care of him,” Bobby hummed.

Lia rolled her eyes, “Right. Would’ve been great if he’d respond to me, look my way, or even let me hold him.”

Bobby winced a little at that. Hanbin _never_ lets anyone hold him or even be near him apart from Bobby and with him, the circumstances where he’s allowed to, were also limited. No one knew the reason behind the withdrawal, and no one even dared question it. Hanbin always had his leather gloves on at home and only took it off when asleep.

He tried to find words to comfort Lia but it only made him look like a fish out of its tank so he was grateful for the younger saying, “It’s okay. I’m used to it. Are you gonna come in with me?” Lia sounded hopeful. Everyone had noticed the tension whenever Bobby and Hanbin were in the same place and that something was going on but no one wanted to meddle. It seemed like Lia has had enough of it if she’s treading on this territory. Because no one questioned Hanbin and Bobby’s relationship. Not a soul. Off limits.

Bobby crinkled his nose at her, “Promise that you’ll come to my rescue if he throws the plate on my face?”

“Promise,” Lia giggled.

Lia opened the door of her brother’s room after a soft knock. 

“Good morning, oppa. I have your breakfast with me and I’ll set them up by the table and leave you two alone.” Lia bowed gracefully, didn’t even wait for any reaction or response from her brother and went on her way out.

Bobby went to sit beside Hanbin the moment the door closed. The younger sat upright in his bed, back being cushioned with soft pillows, hands neatly folded atop the blanket he had over him, and eyes piercing Bobby’s.

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at the compound by now.” Lia was right, Hanbin was snappy. The slight rise in pitch of his voice was evidence enough. He just never really noticed because they only communicated through work these past few days and when there was no work, Bobby would avoid the younger and prefer having his meals in his room or going out and about.

But then again, why the fuck should he give two shits about what’s been going with Hanbin? The man had—

Okay, not the time for inner conflicts.

Not the time for beating around the bush either so he said, “To check on you.”

Hanbin looked away and plopped back in his bed, “I’m fine. I trust you can handle everything for the day and if not then just contact me or something,” he said monotonously.

“Eat.” Bobby stood up to carry the tray over to the bed. It was Hanbin’s favorite breakfast— Pancakes with blue berries and whipped cream.

But it seemed to have changed as the younger recoiled from the sight and smell as it wafted on his nostrils the moment the lid came off.

“What’s wrong?” Bobby asked worriedly. The pancakes looked mouth-watering and it smelled so g—.

“The smell,” Hanbin gawked at him like he was crazy for not noticing.

“Why? It smells just like how it should.”

“My stomach is turning at the smell. Get it away from me.”

Hanbin got off of the bed and stood up but immediately stumbled causing him to sit back on his bed. He looked like he just lost balance. And Hanbin never loses balance.

Bobby covered the pancakes again and put it aside to the coffee table near by the bed before he went to the younger.

“Woah, what happened there?”

“M’fine. Just a bit dizzy. I just need some rest so please leave me alone if you’re just gonna mother me.”

“That’s in Lia’s job description, not mine. I’d never dare,” Bobby said in a straight face.

“Jiwon, don’t make me laugh, you’re making it worse.”

_Jiwon._ It’s been awhile since he last heard that name from the younger. Granted, only Hanbin called him by his real name and he doubts anyone in the household even knew what his real name was. And he thinks the younger didn’t even notice that he used the name.

“See, you’re not fine. You never laugh at my antics. Oh, wait, you never laugh. Period.”

“Ugh, wonder why.” Hanbin said sarcastically as he glared at him through tired lashes. “Can you please just leave me alone? You have so much work to do and I know it because I assigned you for it.”

The younger tried to haul his ass up again to stand, maybe to shower but his knees buckled and immediately crashed on the floor.

Bobby hurried to help him back up and put him back to bed.

“Did you talk to a doctor?” He asked, more urgently so the younger wouldn’t fuck around.

“No. I told you I’m fine, just need some more rest and I can’t do that with you here.”

Hanbin was proving to be such a hard headed bull but Bobby wasn’t having it today.

Without a word, he retracted from the younger whom he thought let out a whimper but that was impossible, Hanbin never whimpers, and stood by the window as he fished for his phone in his pocket. He dialed Dylan’s number and waited, a glimpse of Hanbin’s raised eyebrows didn’t even faze him.

_“Bobby-hyung,”_ Dylan greeted.

“Dylan, assign every schedule to Seungcheol for today.”

A beat of silence and then, _“Will do. Anything else?”_

“Get Dr. Lee here in Hanbin’s room as soon as possible.”

After the call, he turned back to the now scowling Kim Hanbin.

“Why won’t you listen to me?” The younger said exasperated.

“Because you don’t listen to me, too,” he said too easily as if stating the obvious.

“I’m your boss!”

Bobby raised an eyebrow, “And yet you listen better whenever I fuck you six ways to Sunday. Why can’t you do it when I’m looking out for you?”

Hanbin’s jaw dropped at the elder’s shameless comment. “Ugh, that was uncalled for! And someone could’ve heard, you fucktard.”

“The whole household knows, for God’s sake!”

“Yes, well—! Have a sense of propriety at least and don’t make statements like that! We’re not even in a relationship!”

Bobby growled at the reminder and he could feel that there was something in him that flipped, “I fucking know, alright? You think I’m not reminded of that whenever I see you struggling to pick yourself up and I can’t do anything because I’m afraid going over the line? Whenever the guys or your brother asks me a favor regarding you because they think you’ll listen to me? Whenever you ask me to fuck and yet I just wanna make love to you? Whenever you scream my name in pleasure but don’t wanna wake up by my side? Whenever you yearn to have a family of your own and I wanna give it to you but I can’t because I have no right?” He was shaking by this point and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to hold back anymore. “Because I know and I do realize that! I would go through hell and back to change the situation but I’m afraid! I’m afraid you wouldn’t wanna have it any other way and I have no choice— goddamnit I have no choice but to accept whatever you’re willing to give me rather than having nothing.”

He was panting as he heaved a deep sigh. Well, the cat’s out of the basket now and there’s no turning back but he could save some of his dignity. He couldn’t, wouldn’t look at the younger as he was afraid of what his reaction would be. Because Hanbin was his kryptonite after all.

“And maybe all of this is affecting you and the last thing I would want is for you to be stressed on top of everything else. Maybe we should stop whatever this is so everyone would also stop expecting me to take care of you because we both know where that led us just now.” Bobby laughed bitterly and walked out of Hanbin’s room without looking at him just as the doctor was about to come in.

“Bobby-ssi,” the doctor bowed and Bobby did the same, albeit distractedly.

“Doctor, please check on Hanbin thoroughly even if he refuses.”

“Yes, Sir.”

He departed without any thought of where he should go. His whole being felt numb and his mind was a mess but he needed to get a grip.

Lia. Right. He needed to get Lia. And then he can go to blow off some steam.

“Bobby-oppa,” Lia greeted as she opened her door when the man had knocked.

“Hey, Li. I got Dr. Lee in Hanbin’s room. Could you go and make sure Hanbin lets the man check on him? You know how stubborn he gets. I have somewhere to be, you see.”

Lia blinked up at him, her inquisitive eyes piercing through from her reading glasses. Bobby looked away, unable to feign indifference anymore as he felt too drained.

To his surprise, the younger merely nodded and said, “Don’t worry.”

Bobby nodded and left.

_Fuck,_ he thought, _what the fuck am I supposed to do now?_


	2. WDYM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update because it's selca day and I was debating over posting a selca or an update. I chose the latter. Most of this was written already anyway and only needed some tweaking so here ya go

An hour later finds Bobby lurking in an alley as he stealthily peeks through the streets and saw a familiar building. It was almost nine in the morning, right about the time his brother, Jiun, comes out of the apartment building with his son in tow.

Bobby walked up to the cafe in front of the apartment building and orders some food and drink so he wouldn’t be too suspicious.

A few minutes after his order arrived, he saw in his peripheral view a familiar build walking out of the apartment building. There his brother was with Raon, but it wasn’t just them.

He felt a lump in his throat when he took in his mother’s appearance, walking beside the little boy. His mom...

Suddenly, Jiun met his eyes with a conflicted gaze. Jiun was the only one who knew that Bobby was alive and it had to stay that way.

As much as it pained him to do so, he tore his gaze away from his family, stood up, and left. Just like what he did seven years ago.

_July 14, 2012_

_“Sir, are you okay?” He frantically asked Mr. Kim, a VVIP regular in the club Bobby works as a bouncer, who’d knelt the moment they finished off the men who seemed to have attacked him when Bobby stepped out to the alley for a cigarette break._

_“I—,” the man groaned from his place as he tried to talk._

_Bobby cautiously stepped closer and that’s when he saw blood. “Mr. Kim, you’re bleeding. Should I call for your men?”_

_Mr. Kim nodded weakly as he succumbed to the pain shooting in his abdomen._

_Bobby hurriedly unlatched his radio from the holster and asked_ _Jinwoo to alert Mr. Kim’s men of his whereabouts and current situation._

 _“Hanbin! Holy shit,” a man whom Bobby remembers as_ _Koo Junhoe, one of Mr. Kim’s bodyguards approached and crouched down to the heaving man on the pavement. “Dylan, call Dr. Lee and get him to the mansion. Knife wound, not that deep but I can tell he lost a lot of blood.”_

_A car had parked upfront and the bodyguard hauled the limping body towards the vehicle._

_Bobby blinked and blinked through the events unraveling and found himself frozen in the spot._

_Holy shit. Because, yeah, sure, working as a bouncer in a club exposed him to some action happening, some tense rivalries from the men but it never escalated up to a point that guns had been taken out and he just witnessed someone getting shot at. This was still considered as a safe part of town, not really the wrong side of the tracks as it was a Burlesque Lounge for men._

_What the actual fuck._

_Granted he’d worked barely two months in and grew up as a pacifist, church boy so any form of physical violence with the intention to kill was alien to him._

_How did it get to this?_

_Right. It was his fault. Growing up gay in a conservative surrounding made him violent. He’d practiced Jiu Jitsu, Muay Thai, and shooting guns to protect himself from bullying and attacks; he had his grandfather to thank for that. He’d grown tired coming home with cuts and bruises that he decided to fight back when he came home bearing his deepest wound yet from a broken bottle lunged at him by some random homophobe. One day, however, when he came across a pompous ass making snide remarks about “the gay church boy who still hides in his mother’s skirts” and had his group of chunky friends attempt to beat him up but ends up in a hospital was the beginning of Bobby’s life taking a rough turn for the worse._

_Turned out the kid was the son of a businessman whom his father was affiliated to. After the incident, the kid’s father cut all ties with his family’s business and made it a mission to see it burn to the ground. A few months later, his father died from a car accident that to this day Bobby was convinced was murder. His family was in shambles after that and his mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. That’s how Bobby ended up dropping university and working four jobs with two hours to zero sleep in between._

_“Bobby, are you okay?”_

_Jinwoo’s voice cut through his thoughts with a hand clamped on his shoulder to get his attention._

_“H-Huh? Oh, y-yeah, I’m fine, hyung.”_

_“Come on, your lip and brow is busted. We need to get that cleaned.”_

_The following day found Bobby in Jinwoo’s office facing an intimidating underground businessman seated in a swivel chair._

_“Mr. Kim, what can I do for you?” He asked, rather cautiously. The man was hard to read with a neutral facial expression and dark aura with an iron wall._

_“Bobby, am I right?” Mr. Kim asked with a slight raise of an eyebrow. Bobby nodded but before he could speak, the man continued, “Or should I address to you formally, Mr. Kim Jiwon?”_

_A shiver ran up to Bobby’s spine as his real name rolled out of the man’s tongue and the way his eyes flashed quick as lightning. The man was disarming, to say the least._

_“I don’t really go by that name around here.”_

_There was a glint in the man’s eyes as he examined Bobby further. “I respect that. However, I am rather impressed with your hand to hand combat skills last night. I am thankful for that, by the way.”_

_“Oh,” Bobby scratched at his nape at being complimented by such an intimidating man, “It’s part of my job, Sir. No need for thanks.”_

_“I give credit to where credit is due. It’s not often I express any form of gratitude and speaking of, I wanted to let you know that I am interested in hiring you.” Mr. Kim was watching him like a hawk as Bobby tried to process the information._

_Bobby was dumbfounded. Because while he did some dirty work as part of his job here in the club, he wasn’t sure if he was willing to further dive deeper in the underground world. It was dangerous and his family would be in as much danger as he would be._

_As he was about to voice his thoughts, he was stopped by a finger being held up by Mr. Kim._

_“Before you reject my offer, I want you to know that I’ve run a background check on you. I know your family’s current... situation. Working four or five jobs won’t suffice for your mother’s medications and debt; and your brother won’t be of much help at the moment as he just found out his wife’s pregnant.”_

_“Pregnant?! How— what— hold up!” He gestured with his hands flying about._

_“I am willing to pay off your mother’s medication and debt in turn of living under my property, working for me not just a bodyguard but to run errands. I presume, you’re well-informed of what that entails.”_

_Bobby was at a loss for words. There were too many information being tossed into him that he can’t properly process any of it just yet._

_“I’ll give you three days to weigh down your options. I am indebted to you, Jiwon, allow me to repay you with giving you this choice.”_

_Without further ado, the man left the office, leaving a stunned Bobby in his seat._

_He shook his head. For how much he wanted to drown in his thoughts, he still had two hours to work. And so, like the big boy that he was, he sighed, sucked it up, and went out of the office to find scandalous and rowdy men in the bar to beat up._

_Three hours later found Bobby shaking his head in conclusion as he thought that ‘Nope, not worth risking my family for that.’_

_But four hours later found Bobby realizing that the gods have made his decision for him. A single tear, a harsh intake of breath, and a desperate run defined his decision as he saw blaring red and blue lights outside his house where a team of paramedics were carrying his mother through a stretcher and into the ambulance._

“Hey, what are you doing here so early?” Donghyuk, one of the dancers in the club, asked and sat beside him, throwing his gym bag on the table.

Bobby shrugged, “I missed the club.”

“You look shitty.”

“Yeah, well, I _feel_ shitty.”

Donghyuk halted from putting on knee pads, “Should I ask or nah?”

He shook his head with a sigh, “How about you? What are you doing here instead of having your beauty sleep?”

“I actually took three days off and it’s my first night back so I’m here early to work on my routine.”

Bobby snickered behind his glass of drink, “So that’s why Yunhyeong’s been looking like a kicked puppy.”

Donghyuk rolled his eyes at the mention of the elder. Yunhyeong always had his eyes on the dancer ever since he first laid his eyes on him on stage. “Oh, please, he can always have anyone when I’m not around. For a cheaper price, too.” To say that Donghyuk was expensive would be an understatement. He was a gem to the club and private dances or bookings with him tripled the amount of a regular dancer.

“I don’t think he’d settle for just about anyone, Dong. I don’t think the money’s an issue, too.”

The younger sighed as he got up from his seat, grabbed Bobby’s glass and downed the drink, “That just boosted my ego off the roof. I mean, I do want the others to earn money and Yunhyeong is an eye candy so it helps with the job but I’m a very jealous person so it would bruise my pride if he finds another regular dancer.”

He chuckled at that, “I don’t think you need to worry about that. Go practice and maybe do some more workout, your ass is getting fat.” Teasing Donghyuk was like second nature as he was the closest friend he had in the club when he worked here before, it helped lift his mood a little, too. The same thing couldn’t be said to the younger though who threw a towel at his face.

“Oh, shut up. Even Mr. Kim does a double take at this ass when I pass by.”

Bobby froze at the mention of Hanbin but Donghyuk didn’t notice as the dancer had already sashayed towards the stage.

 _What the fuck will I even say to him after my rant this morning? Should I just pretend nothing happened?_ All sorts of thought was running on his mind as he poured and poured himself a drink for what felt like hours. He knew for sure that the younger would cut off any and all sexual ties he had with Bobby if feelingS were getting involved and Bobby doesn’t know what to feel about that yet.

Sure, if one saw it objectively, Hanbin was using him. Maybe even the whole household thinks so but at the end of the day, it was Bobby’s choice to be used. He wanted it, craved for it. He couldn’t even remember the last time he fucked anyone else other than Hanbin. And it wasn’t because Hanbin forbid it. No, it was just Bobby wasn’t really interested in anyone all that much anymore. He knew it wasn't healthy and doomed to be nothing but a disaster. But he wasn't anything if he wasn't stupid at these things.

He jolted when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. _The guys must be looking for me by now._ He answered the call without looking at the caller ID because he knew he’d be a coward if it was Hanbin calling.

 _“Bobby-ssi? This is Dr. Lee,”_ the caller greeted.

“Oh, Dr. Lee.” Bobby sucked at greetings.

_“Yes, hello, I’m calling to tell you that I wasn’t able to check up on Mr. Kim.”_

“What? Why?”

It took a few seconds before the doctor stammered in reply, _“He pointed a gun at me.”_

Bobby had to close his eyes in frustration, “Jesus.” Hanbin really was bull-headed when he wanted to be and when he does it’s always Bobby who handles it better than anyone.

 _“It’s okay. It wasn’t the first time anyway,”_ the doctor sighed and Bobby winced in sympathy. Dr. Lee’s family worked for The Kims since Hanbin’s grandfather started the whole empire. _“But I did consult with his sister, Miss Lia. She said he’s been feeling sick lately, gets dizzy, nauseous, and sensitive to smell. She also heard him vomiting one morning. He gets tired easily and prone to irritability.”_

Bobby nodded through the doctor’s words, taking it all in. He hadn’t really noticed it because he’d been avoiding the younger ever since their argument in the bathroom, this morning was his first encounter with the younger’s recent behavior.

_“Have you noticed anything about him this morning?”_

“Yeah, he did seemed to be exhausted and irritable. He even found his favorite breakfast disgusting. He also stumbled when he tried to get up from his bed. Do you think it could be stress or fatigue? Or maybe any mental issue?”

He hadn’t noticed he was pacing now, his drink long forgotten as worry flooded through him.

_“Bobby-ssi, is Mr. Kim in a relationship with a man?”_

He stopped pacing and froze. _How the hell would that be necessary in this conversation? Did the doctor find out about us?_

_Could it be…STD?_

_Wait, no._ That didn’t coincide with the symptoms.

_“Bobby-ssi?”_

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, “What does his relationship have to do with any of this?”

Bobby was starting to suspect that maybe it was some mental health issue though he wasn’t sure if their _sexual endeavors_ counted as a relationship. It was more like a means of helping Hanbin control himself and manage his stress.

_“Because, as much as this is going to be hard to believe, his symptoms are pointing to one direction.”_

“And that is?”

_“I think it's pregnancy.”_

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU _THINK_ IT'S PREGNANCY?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE IS NO MAGIC INVOLVED HERE. I HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS (a horribly constructed one at that) so wait for that. Anyway, kudos and comments really encourages authors so I'm lowkey hoping for some (is this me being shameless? im sorry hahahaha) but do comment on what you think about the story or maybe even some suggestions or maybe dm me on twt because I don't have anything better to do anyway (xad reacts only)


	3. Unconventional Family: The talk (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may wanna know their age at this point, especially for this chapter but it's almost fucking 1 am where I'm from so I'm just gonna give Jiwon, Hanbin, and Jiyong's present age.
> 
> Hanbin-31 (he was 16 when Lia was born)  
> Jiwon-31  
> Jiyong-35
> 
> But I am gonna disclose that Junhoe's much older than some of you might think ;) but I'm still not sure of my calculations because when I posted this fic I only know what I wanted for each character's story but didn't consider computing their age so it'd coincide with the story SO I APOLOGIZE FOR MY INCOMPETENCY
> 
> and there may or may not be a lot of errors here and there in this chapter but I'm too sleepy to look over it.

Bobby was pacing back and forth outside Hanbin’s room, cold sweat had formed on his forehead, his hands were clammy, and his eyes were frantically darting from one place to another. It was well through midnight and he had just came home after he tried to process the information the doctor told him.

 _Pregnant._ Hanbin, his lover—for want of a better word—was possibly pregnant with _his_ child. They haven’t really discussed their exclusivity but Bobby knew the younger hadn’t been with anyone else. But, that wasn’t really the problem at the moment, now was it?

For one, Hanbin’s reaction at best would be unpredictable. Hanbin wasn’t very fond of humans, to say the least. With the snippet he learned from the past few years through observation of _why_ he did made him understand where the younger was coming from. Even his relationship with his siblings were hostile, stoic and at the very least civil. That particular topic, no one knew why. So, Hanbin having his own would cause inner conflict.

Two, the _how._ How was this even supposed to happen? Was it even possible? If it was any other person, they’d immediately exclaim at its absurdity. But Bobby had been in the underground world for far too long and human, technology, and medical advancements being experimented on that the world wasn’t ready to see yet, they’d been exposed to it and even involved in some of it. He wouldn’t brush this off easily and underestimate its possibility.

Three, was _his_ thoughts on this. Bobby hated using his brain like this, it was like psycho-analyzing himself—which wasn’t fun _at all._ But he had to take this seriously. Because this was a defining moment. It could lead to a lot of things; for the better or worse.

Bobby thought that once he left the life of a normal citizen, he’d kiss goodbye to a normal, family life. He’d have no family, no child, and no legacy apart from his reputation as a powerful family’s top assassin. He knew in himself that he wanted to have a family of his own, _so badly._ But this was bigger than him, bigger than the both of them.

 _Jesus Christ,_ he hadn’t even confirmed it yet but his brain was in high gear.

“Bobby.”

He stopped in his tracks as he heard Jiyong’s voice. Visible confusion was written all over the elder’s face and Bobby found himself gulping.

“Hyung,” he simply greeted because again, Bobby sucked at greetings.

“What are you doing pacing there like a father waiting for his child to be born?”

 _Oh, God and all that is holy._ The irony. For a second there, Bobby would’ve told the elder of his worries but he knew Hanbin would have his head if he ever did.

And so he just laughed awkwardly, “It’s nothing, hyung.”

Jiyong’s eyes softened a little (if that was even possible for a Kim sibling to do) and asked him tentatively, “Are you and Hanbin still in a cold war from when I asked you to talk to him again?”

“Kind of,” as soon as he said it, the elder visibly recoiled in what could’ve been _guilt_ so he quickly tried to reassure Jiyong as he continued with, “but it’s more like a lot of things stacking up so it’s harder to properly talk about it without arguments. You know how he is.”

The elder sighed heavily as he shoved his hand on his pockets. “No, actually, I wouldn’t know. We don’t really talk all that much and when we do it’s…” Jiyong trailed off shook his head, seeming to have found no words to describe it.

Bobby knew it was insensitive but somehow it was like word vomit as he said without realizing it, “Do you think Hanbin would want a family of his own?” He immediately slapped his hand on his own mouth to shut himself up.

Jiyong looked taken aback but he didn’t look offended of anything as he genuinely thought about it. “I don’t know. All I know is that he’d be a great father and husband.”

“Really?” he muttered, his eyes blinking stupidly as he thought it over.

Jiyong smiled a little wistfully. “Hanbin,” he started, “used to love the idea of a big family. He’d bug his Mom about it nonstop about wanting more siblings, it was so hard for me to entertain him as he was just this big ball of energy. When Lia, and her twin, Leo, came into this world, he was the most dedicated big brother I ever knew. He always did his best to be someone the family would be proud of and he used to say that he’ll continue to do so for his own family one day.”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but what happened?”

It was quiet for a few seconds before the elder raised his head again and gestured to the door that led to Hanbin’s room. _Oh shit._

“Come with me to the library.”

Maybe Hanbin had heard them talking. Maybe he didn’t. Or maybe he’d woke up to Hanbin choking him to death tomorrow morning. He sighed inwardly at the thought.

When they arrived at the library that was solely for the Kim Siblings, Jiyong beckoned for him to sit opposite him as he poured two glasses of whisky.

“I don’t know if you know but Hanbin and I are only half-brothers. My mom initially wanted to get rid of me but our dad threatened her and made her give birth to me. After that, he killed her as she looked at me in disgust and hatred as the nurse attempted to hand me to her. Hanbin knew that—apart from her cause of death which he learned much, much later—and I think that’s what made him so adamant at wanting to show me love. He didn’t treat me differently when I thought he would, because he was the legitimate son after all.”

Jiwon listened patiently, albeit with bated breath, as he sipped on his drink from time to time to relax himself. He was hearing this for the first time but somehow he wasn’t shocked. He could imagine it, Hanbin being such a doting son and brother, always the cause for everyone’s smile. He wondered for a moment if he’d be able to actually see that and not just in imagination.

“Our family, despite the business our father reigned, was actually very loving. We grew up in a loving family. It almost seemed like it was too good to be true. To Hanbin’s delight, Dad was very fond of orphanages and constantly donated to them, there was one in particular that he visited personally because that’s where Hanbin and Lia’s mom grew up in, bringing us with him because he was always grateful for what the orphanages do for those children. And Hanbin would always say that everyone there was also family. He took his time talking to everyone and everyone adored him. He’d even visit the orphanage alone, dragging one of the drivers with him. We were very proud of how well he grew up to be.”

The air held such a sad atmosphere as they both knew that the fairytale that was their childhood life, didn’t last long.

“D-Did—,” the elder cleared his throat as a lump had formed with how emotional he got as he ventured down memory lane, “Did Hanbin ever tell you why he never agrees on going clean?”

Jiwon shook his head, suddenly feeling like he couldn’t get his voice out.

“Because Dad wanted to. He attempted to do so. But, at the time, the underground world had a shaky shift of power as it was more chaotic and uncivilized compared to the animosity it held now with agreements and such. People were much more prideful then, so it was only to be expected that a family from old money in the underground world going clean was seen as an opportunity to seize its power, gaining more respect and establishing a stronger reputation.

And so the car ‘accident’ happened. I don’t think one can even call it that. Leo was a blue baby so there was always a scheduled trip to the hospital for treatments and checkups as it couldn’t be held in the house. The Shin family caught wind of that and soon waited for the pattern to repeat again… our parents died along with our brother, Leo.”

Jiwon wondered if he’d face the same fate as them. His sins were stacking up and he knew one day he’d reap what he sowed. And Hanbin…

He wanted so desperately to talk to the younger about this but he knew he couldn’t. _One day,_ he thought. One day he’d be able to, if only to comfort the younger of the pain he must’ve buried in his heart, never once letting it out.

Right when he thought the conversation would come to a close, to his surprise, Jiyong continued talking. “There was no funeral, no trip to the child services, no lawyers who could help us with what our parents left for us because at the end of the day, we were still children of a criminal so no legal intervention occurred and somehow we ended up being in the custody of my uncle.”

For a moment there, he could’ve sworn he saw the elder’s eyes glisten with unshed tears but it was quickly gone and he had no time to dwell on it as Jiyong continued, “As a son, the moment my parents died was the saddest memory I have. As a brother, however, being under our uncle’s roof was the darkest moment in my life. And I could only imagine how Hanbin would’ve felt.”

“Hanbin? W-Why?” Jiwon felt it. The heaviness that question held behind it.

“He was the uncle’s favorite.”

Jiwon gulped and clenched his teeth in anticipation and dread as he waited for the curtain to drop.

“At the time, Lia was only three years old so the uncle had me look after her. That fucker always despised me and ridiculed me, and that left Hanbin. His favorite. A lot happened at that period of our lives, some of them I can’t tell you because I don’t think I have the right to. And when we managed to get out of that hellhole, Hanbin was already _broken_ inside. He’d have recurring nightmares, he became paranoid, tense, and anxious. So, I had him see a,” Jiyong sighed heavily again and shook his head as if in resignation, “hypnotist. I-I asked to have Hanbin’s memories tampered and altered, make him forget whatever happened in there. I don’t even know most of what happened, I don’t think I’d ever want to.”

Jiyong looked him in the eye again, “The guilt has been killing me for years and years but it was all I could think of doing at moment. I wanted to protect him from his own memories. After that, Hanbin was never the same again. The hypnotist assured me it worked so the only thing I could do was accept the changes.”

_Changes._

“The gloves.” Bobby said rather than asked.

The elder nodded. “We deduced it to him still having the trauma in his head even when he couldn’t remember what it was and that this was his way of coping or maybe a defense mechanism. The nightmares stopped but so did our relationship as siblings.”

Bobby nodded, still a bit a dizzy as he tried to process all the information. He couldn’t act on his emotions in front of the elder. “Does Lia know?”

Jiyong shook his head. “I told her about our parents and Leo but I never told her what happened to Hanbin because that was what he wanted. I know it’s wrong but because of the immense guilt, I let Hanbin do whatever he pleased and that he had my full support.”

“Free reign. Until he became out of control.” Jiwon understood then of why Hanbin needed to be reigned back in from time to time.

“When we got out, Hanbin and I were already of legal age so we had the right to have what our parents left for us. We used it to rise back up in the underground world. And Hanbin… became too powerful, fearless to the point that I don’t think he even remembered what death was as he seemed to be risking himself without any regard to what might happen to him. He killed mindlessly, he was ruthless. For three years, his eyes were that of the devil with so much repressed anger and frustration that he didn’t know what to do with it. So in some way, I am grateful for you. I know your relationship isn’t… like that.”

Well, _ouch._

“But I know you keep him grounded. There has to be a reason why you’re the only person permitted to touch Hanbin and for him to touch you.”

The Kims were back at the top for three years after one year of killing and negotiating their way up before Jiwon joined and for that to be possible at such a short period of time, he could only imagine what Hanbin did for that to happen.

“Is that why you’re telling me all this? I’m not a miracle worker, hyung. I don’t even know _why_ he lets me touch him and _why_ I’m allowed to touch him.”

Jiyong smiled in the most bittersweet way that Bobby almost felt bad for raining on his parade. “I know. B-But… maybe through this you’ll be able to get to him and help him more than you already do, maybe make him feel better?” the elder sounded so hopeful as his voice went a little higher in question.

_I probably got him pregnant, I don’t think I can help make him feel better when he could probably be cursing my existence right now._

But of course Bobby didn’t say that and instead nodded a little hesitantly but the elder accepted the response.

“You asked if Hanbin would want a family of his own, well, what we have now may not be the ideal family or it may not be his own and I don’t know if Hanbin would ever come to realize the fact that he made a family out of the people here—you included. You can ask the others why, but I’m sure, one way or another, they consider Hanbin as family.”

Bobby quietly knocked on the door and when there was no response, he quietly slipped inside Hanbin’s room. If it was yesterday, he’d be alarmed with the lack of response as Hanbin was always sensitive to sound and movement, but it looked like at the moment, the younger was too tired to notice.

He had only been in Hanbin’s room a few times as they only ever had sex in the underground floor. They never once actually slept together because however exhausted or drained the younger was after sex, he’d always stand up and leave to sleep in his own room.

It didn’t hurt at first because he understood their agreement that it was purely platonic and a means to get off. He didn’t see any problems with it. Why would he? Hanbin was attractive, and the guy needed help with his sexual frustrations. Bobby was always thankful towards him for what he’d done for his family that he never really hesitated doing what the younger asked of him. It didn’t hurt… until it wasn’t platonic for him anymore.

But now, he wished he thought things through better, considered the possible outcomes, and maybe do things differently.

Bobby sighed, there was no use in wallowing in it now. Looking down at Hanbin sleeping peacefully, pregnant or not… he knew giving up was not an option.

As gently as he could, he sat down on the bed and carded his hands along Hanbin’s hair. He smiled unconsciously as the younger responded with a squirm and then leaned towards his hand. Hanbin not wanting to be touched wasn’t his choice, he knew that. He could clearly feel how touch-starved the younger was.

He leaned down to drop a kiss on Hanbin’s temple.

When he walked towards the door, he could hear light, muffled whimpers. For a moment, Bobby thought the younger got hurt or something may have happened two seconds after he turned his back on him. But Hanbin had his eyes screwed shut, as well as his mouth as he looked like he was trying to keep quiet as he cried.

The nightmares, Bobby realized, never stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i don't know why but this chapter only took me only a day to write but somehow, this was very painful to type and think about. It's rare for me to finish it in a day and some of 'em just came to me while I was typing so even if it was a sad chapter, the words flowed in my mind easily. But, I won't promise that I can update like this everytime, it just depends if I can write.


	4. Unconventional Family: The Talk (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Junhoe (34 yrs old)  
> Rosé [Chaeyoung]- died at 24 when she gave birth to Ryujin (would've been 33 if she was alive)

The next day was a very special day. No meetings, no appointments, no schedules of anything. It was a solemn day in the household as it was Rosé’s death anniversary, Junhoe’s late wife.

Normally, it was only Junhoe, Ryujin, and Hanbin who’d leave for the day to visit her. No one knew where they laid her to rest except for the three. It was such a sensitive topic that they never really asked. But, even when it was only the three who visits, all of them would stay at home and mourn, even when some of the guys haven’t had the chance to meet the woman.

But that day was different. Junhoe insisted that Hanbin stay home and rest as the latter still seemed frail. Junhoe understood that Hanbin didn’t want him to be alone even when Ryujin was there, she was still a child and he’d feel better if someone went with them.

And that’s when Hanbin had called Bobby over to his room and asked of him, “Will you accompany Junhoe and Ryujin for me?”

The younger was seated by the window with the view of the massive informally landscaped botanical garden filled with various flowers, hedges, tress, or any form of plant for that matter where the children oftentimes explore. Hanbin’s room had the best view of it where some of them had an idea that Hanbin loved flowers.

Hanbin looked so soft and comfy as he leaned back by the pillows, drowned in a throw blanket, and his sweater paws tucked beneath Hanbin’s head as the younger tried to relax and rest. He wasn’t even looking at Bobby but the elder was thankful as it meant he could stare at him.

It took a moment before Bobby answered but eventually he said, “Okay.”

Hanbin sighed contentedly and nodded a little as he closed his eyes. He looked so peaceful and… well, harmless, which was very much rare so Bobby just let himself stare for a while.

He approached the younger as softly as he could, crouched down to where the younger was then sleeping, carefully laid a hand on the younger’s cheek. He noticed the faint shadow of dark circles around Hanbin’s eyes, but apart from that Hanbin looked healthy with rosy cheeks and lips plump and red—which meant he was taking care of himself more as the younger normally had slightly chapped lips and pale face. The thought made him smile and before he could talk himself out of it, he kissed him square on the lips.

It turned out Rosé was laid to rest in a Forest Reserve, not far from the mansion as it was initially far from the city already. They were surrounded by trees of different kinds, the surrounding beautifully maintained by one or two people Bobby had seen in their drive there who bowed at the sight of the familiar car with the The Kim Family’s symbol.

They walked silently with each of them bringing bouquets of flower. Junhoe had, of course, Rosé’s favorite flowers which were white roses, Bobby vaguely remembered her saying that putting it close to her brightens her mood one fine morning as she walked in bearing white roses from the garden.

Ryujin had a bouquet of pink carnations, much like the color of her mum’s hair. The little girl murmured that it was a flower for the people you miss.

The flowers Bobby had were from Hanbin and they were violets and primroses, Rosé’s birth flower.

They arrived in front of a red flowering dogwood tree with a simple wooded plaque that had _Rosé_ carved into it _._ After placing the flowers by the tree, Ryujin tugged on Bobby’s hand as he gestured for him to come with her.

Bobby followed her, albeit confusedly leaving Junhoe standing there, as they walked down a path that led to a different tree. It was a white dogwood true that was much, much taller and bigger than the red one, and the huge plaque labeled— _2009 Mr. and Mrs. Kim & Leo_.

“This is where Hanbin-hyung’s parents and brother is buried. Just beside Mum. Hanbin-hyung said that it was so they’d keep each other company and were together when they looked over us.” Ryujin informed him, her voice calm but Bobby could sense she was trying to look tough, just like she always does. She laid a red dahlia that had white petals close to the center—The Kim Family’s official flower emblem.

Ryujin looked over her Dad again and Bobby did, too. Junhoe had crouched down, hand on the tree trunk, his head bent, and he seemed to be talking softly.

“Dad likes to talk with Mum alone for a little bit so Hanbin-hyung would take me here to leave a single dahlia for his family so Dad can have his privacy.”

“Your Hanbin-hyung seems to do a lot, huh?”

Ryujin looked away from her Dad and sat down by the tree, her dress delicately surrounding her like an angel with a permanent frown. He sat down beside her as they looked around the forest.

“Hanbin-hyung did so much for us. Daddy always made sure to remind me of that. This forest was only meant to be for their family but Hanbin-hyung reasoned that we were family and that Mum would be happily rested here surrounded by the majestic forest.”

Rosé was known for having a deep affinity for nature. The entire household would know as it was her, along with a professional gardener, who designed the landscape and even planted the plants still present to this day in the mansion. She was even close to Hanbin whom she always asked for opinion and insight.

“Thanks to Hanbin-hyung, it wasn’t just Dad and I. We had him, Jiyong-hyung, Lia,” she softly nudged him, “and you guys.”

Bobby smiled. They were really were a family, no matter how unconventional they were. And, yeah, they were all a family thanks to Hanbin who was the sole reason for how each of them got together.

“Did you know that Dad was from an orphanage?”

That made him freeze and blink. _Orphanage?_ He didn’t know that. Junhoe was very much a closed-off person when it came to his personal life even when he was the extroverted and loud type.

Bobby shook his head as an answer. “Your Dad haven’t told me yet.”

“Well, he was. It was from the orphanage Hanbin-hyung’s mom grew up in.”

It clicked to him then. He remembered Jiyong’s story.

“When Hanbin-hyung came back to the orphanage after being gone for a while when his parents died, he looked for Daddy and asked him if he wanted to come live with him in the mansion. They were bestfriends ever since they were little, brothers from another mother as Daddy would say.”

Bobby hummed at that as he locked eyes with Junhoe who nodded at him to which he nodded back in reply.

“Do you think your Daddy’s okay?” He asked softly.

Ryujin was quiet for a while, thinking of the answer and came to the conclusion of, “He tries to be. When he’s with me smiles a lot and I can tell it’s genuine but the minute he’s left alone, I can sometimes catch him crying or looking sad.” Her lips jutted out as she continued, “I don’t know why but sometimes I’d catch him patching up his bloodied knuckles. And on even rarer occasions, Daddy couldn’t sleep or if he did, it’d be fretful. It took a while for me to realize that he’d calm down once I sing for him.”

It was then that Bobby realized the extent of Ryujin’s maturity at such a young age. She was the perfect mixture of her parents and Junhoe was so lucky for that. Bobby could only wish the same for himself.

“And how about you? Are you okay?”

The little girl shrugged, “I don’t know what to really feel about it yet. Maybe I will when I’m older. I mean, I have only seen her in photographs and dreams. I used to cry looking for a Mum, I know that, but I distract myself of making Daddy feel better because it was the only way I was happy. It makes me feel… accomplished. You see, Mummy asked that of me.”

“She did?”

Ryujin hummed with a fleeting smile on her face. “She left tons of letters for me. In whatever mood I’m in, I always read one or two of it again.”

That sounds like something Chaeyoung would do. Ryujin was more like her mother than the little girl lets on.

“I never really give credit to how great you are as a child, do I? Junhoe raised you well. You’re a great kid, Ryujin.”

The scowl returned in her face as she lightly hit him in the chest, “Oh, shut up.”

Seriously, this household just _cannot_ deal with compliments.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Ryujin muttered, not even looking at Bobby which made the elder laugh at the awkward attempt at compliments.

“Yeah? What made you think so?”

“Well, for one, you can take a joke. Unlike anyone else in the family,” she rolled her beady little eyes and Bobby couldn’t hold back the laughter. “And you take care of Hanbin-hyung.”

“Everyone seems to think so,” Bobby sighed.

Ryujin scoffed. _Seriously, how old is this child?_ He lost count of how many times he asked himself that. “Hyung, I _know_ so.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow at her, “How do you _know so_?” he mimed her voice and attitude which made the little girl hit him again, this time a bit harder.

“I see things and read between the lines.”

“You read too many novels.”

The offended gasp and grunt was just too dramatic that Bobby laughed at the sight again. “I do _not_ read novels. I have better things to do and read than that. I read about human behaviors in psychology.”

He raised his arms in mock surrender, “Alright, alright. No need to go feisty on me.”

Ryujin was about to retort a reply when Junhoe’s voice came in, “Sweetheart, are you picking at Bobby-hyung again?”

She snorted and crossed her arms, “ _No._ And what do you mean _again?_ And don’t call me sweetheart!”

Junhoe shook his head, “Everyone knows you terrorize him more than the others.”

Bobby nodded, feigning hurt and sadness which Ryujin only reacted with rolling her eyes. “See, one day you’re gonna roll your eyes to oblivion.”

“Oh, shut up. And I only _‘terrorize’_ him,” she raised her fingers to sign air quotes as she emphasized the word, “Because he gets stupid sometimes.”

“Sweetie, you know you’re not supposed to use that word.”

“ _Fine._ He gets ignorant, dense, brainless—,”

“Okay! I get it, I get it. Can we move on from talking about unintelligent self now?”

Bobby sighed in his little office, adjacent to his bedroom, the silence ringing his ears. He stood up from his seat and looked over the window. The garden came into view and Bobby smiled sadly.

“Help me, Chaeng. You always got through to him better than I did,” he said softly.

Somehow, Bobby knew what she’d say. _Just let it happen, Ji. Have faith in him and have faith in yourself._

It was almost midnight when Bobby made his way to Hanbin’s room again to check on him. And just like from his visit yesterday, the man was fast asleep but this time, it was at the chaise lounge. Right where Bobby left him this morning.

Bobby crouched down to stare at him for a while. Hanbin looked so ethereal under the moonlight, looking the most well-rested he had ever seen of the younger in the past what, nine years?

 _Nine years._ Where did the time go? _Did I really let it drag on this long?_ Why didn’t I bother to know you more? Why didn’t I go beyond the surface?

And Bobby remembered why, because he’d been so afraid of crossing any line with the younger. He was selfish and wanted to have him for himself however way he could get him.

He caressed the younger’s cheeks again. _You’ve suffered too much in this lifetime, my love. How do I make it better without losing you?_

As if beckoned by his thoughts, Hanbin’s eyes fluttered open in slight confusion. “J-Jiwon?”

It felt like it had so long since the last time Hanbin called him by his birth name. Today felt like an unspoken truce in respect to Rosé’s memory.

“Hey, you shouldn’t sleep here. You’ll sleep better in the bed.”

Hanbin merely hummed, uncharacteristically undisturbed and unmindful.

He bit his lip. He thought of what to do but he’d never done it before and somehow it terrified him. But, for the first time that night, Bobby took a risk as he raised Hanbin’s head and settled it one arm, tucked his other arm on the latter’s legs and carried him.

There was no response from Hanbin who was dead to the world. _He’s becoming a heavy sleeper,_ Bobby thought. He’d have to look into that and ask the doctor about it.

He settled Hanbin on the bed and tucked him in with the fluffy duvet.

“I’m sorry I never took a risk before, Bin.”

Bobby’s eyes fell on the window again. _Look after us, Chaeng._

Right when Bobby had found a new determination and sense of drive, Hanbin’s phone _pinged_ in notification of a message. He couldn’t help himself but look because it could be really important or an emergency. But when Bobby read it, he couldn’t make sense of the message for what it was and instead sparked new doubts and questions in his head.

_Hoshi:_

_I missed you, too, Hanbin._

Another _ping._

_You may not feel the same way but I’m happy about it._

And another.

_And of course we can talk tomorrow. I’ll come by._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna state their ages when they appear in the chapter since there's so many damn characters (i know, it's my fault dont @ me on that) Hoshi will be in the next chapter and he plays a really important role so


	5. Finding Hoshi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update because I know this won't be as loved as much as Love and Fall but fuck it I'm continuing it even if there's like only or three people reading this.

Chapter 5: Finding Hoshi

The household was quieter than usual when Hanbin joined them for breakfast after having his meals for a few days in bed before that. Everyone was buzzing with worry but couldn’t seem to voice it.

“Hanbinnie-hyung,” Chanwoo called out from his seat.

Everyone froze as they met each other’s eyes, holding their breath.

“Yes, Chan?” Hanbin softly replied, looking his way.

“Do you feel better now?” Chanwoo asked, his eyebrows knitted adorably as he asked what they were all dreading to ask.

“Much better. Don’t worry.”

Bobby could see the collective sagging of shoulders and silent exhales, feeling assured by Hanbin’s words. He couldn’t join in with the relief everyone was feeling because he knew more than everybody did of what was happening with Hanbin, even when he wasn’t so sure about all of it.

“Bobby-hyung can’t seem to relate,” Ryujin quipped from her seat just opposite his.

Okay, so maybe it had become such sleepless nights for him these past few days. How could it not? Hanbin was avoiding him at all costs. When the younger was finally able to get out of bed and went to work—which Bobby was so worried about the entire day—he ignored Bobby, even anything work-related. Just the other night, someone ran his mouth spouting shit about Hanbin and his father’s reputation, pushing the younger to the limit, and when Hanbin finally snapped, he shot the guy multiple times, not even bothered by the blood one bit. Bobby tried to appease and calm Hanbin the way he usually did which was sex— _OKAY, MAYBE THAT WAS A DICK MOVE ON MY PART BUT IT WAS THE ONLY WAY TO CALM DOWN HANBIN ON MURDER MOOD OK—_ but before he could even kiss Hanbin, the younger had pushed him off and shook his head saying, _“Not tonight.”_ Not to mention, he had his head full thinking about who the fuck _Hoshi_ was. Bobby had Minho find some info on the guy and _nothing_ turned up. So _of course_ Bobby would torture himself with scenarios and assumptions in his head.

Everyone’s eyes snapped to Bobby and he couldn’t help the silent hiss he directed to the little girl. But before he could muster up a reply, Lia was quick to comment, “Yeah, you look… distressed, for want of a better word,” the last part being whispered.

_I feel attacked._

“I’m fine,” he bit back. Sounding more defensive than he’d like to admit.

Ryujin snorted, “Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

Bobby decided to just shut his mouth because he knew he’d just dig a deeper hole if he talked further. He tended to do that in this house. And it always begins with these children, he inwardly sighed.

Breakfast was finished and a lot of them had cleared the table so the servants can clean up. Bobby was about to head to the garage when he heard Hanbin.

“I.M, Wonho, I need to speak to you guys for a moment,” he heard the younger say to the two men who were heading to the garage, too.

Something was up, Bobby could tell. And he was sure that, that _Hoshi_ had something to do with it. Or maybe he was just paranoid. But as much as Bobby wanted to march his way to Hanbin’s office and hear what they were gonna talk about, he slumped forwards to the garage.

Bobby needed to overlook some errands in the city which would probably take him the whole day and he wanted to be back before dinner to check on Hanbin and maybe catch up on that sleep. And he knew he couldn’t keep rescheduling meetings and appointments anymore so he begrudgingly fired up the engine.

_This is gonna be a long day._

Before he could drive away though, the shotgun seat to the car was being opened and in came I.M.

Bobby raised an eyebrow in suspicion. He and I.M were rarely assigned to the same errands, even locations. “Need a ride?”

“No, I’m coming with you,” he merely stated as his one eye seared through Bobby’s, the other being covered a black patch but still felt like the two worked into gazing up at him.

I.M was… a lot. The guy was always pretty intense and everything about him exuded iciness and aggressiveness, much like Junhoe’s but where the former was cold, the latter had too much heat. Which was why the two—Junhoe and I.M— were best left not working together as they’d kill far too much and far too lethally than what was necessary.

But Bobby was assigned to the business end of things, not the pick-up, threaten, beat up, kill, and clean up kind of guy unless he went with Hanbin to the compound for special cases that involved important people to kill.

“Why?”

“I honestly do not know. But we both don’t want to spend too much time together so chop fucking _chop._ ”

Bobby sighed. He was already _so_ done with this day.

As soon as the negotiations ended, Bobby stood up from his seat with his drink untouched. I.M followed suit as they made their way out of the private booth in a bar in Gangnam.

“You look like your head’s not in the game right now,” I.M _helpfully_ commented when they got in the car.

Bobby winced at that. He didn’t think he was that obvious. “You could say that.”

I.M chuckled in his seat, the sound held the usual sinister tone. People always reacted to it with a shiver and a step back from the guy but the family knew that’s just how he always was. “I can’t believe you admitted that.”

“Oh, shut up. At least that was the last one.”

“Eager to go home, aren’t we?”

“Kinda. How about you? Need me to drop you off at the compound?”

To Bobby’s surprise, the man shook his head. “Nah, Junhoe’s having his fun there. Besides, I need to go home, too.”

Something was really up. I.M always came home late as he spends most of his time in the compound, either working out or torturing someone just for the hell of it. He was rarely home at six, which was the current time.

“Okay, spill it. Why did Hanbin have you follow me around?”

I.M shrugged, “To make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

_Hoshi._

“Like what? Hunt him down with that Hoshi?”

The guy just chuckled. “What is up with you guys these days anyway? Why am I not privy to the household gossip these days?”

Bobby rolled his eyes at him and started the engine as he said, “Maybe if you come home for dinner more, then you’d have some idea about it.”

I.M gasped as he feigned offence and hurt, “I was at home a week ago.”

“A week ago was Rosé’s death anniversary, you shithead, it doesn’t count.”

Bobby drove out of the parking area and went off to the heavy traffic.

“Oh, boohoo, it’s not like anything interesting ever happens.”

“Maybe something interesting did happen,” Bobby teased. The abrupt reaction of I.M snapping his head to look at him almost made him crash to the car in front of them as he laughed when the younger massaged his neck.

“What happened?”

Bobby threw him a sideways glance and smirked, “I’ll tell you if you tell me what Hanbin assigned Wonho today.”

I.M smirked. “Oh, but, I’m still loving how riled up you are right now.”

“Damn you.”

“I’ve been told worse.”

“Oh, trust me, it’s worse in my head.”

The guy merely laughed at his face. Trust I.M to wanna see people suffer.

“Wait,” I.M abruptly said with a hand on his chest to stop him from walking as he looked at his watch.

Bobby frowned, “What now?”

It took a few seconds before the younger removed his hands. “Okay, let’s go.”

Bobby looked at him confusedly but still followed him inside the mansion. I.M was weird, that he knew so he just shrugged it off. He just really want to get inside and talk to Hanbin.

But it looked like it’ll have to wait.

“I.M. Right on the dot.” Hanbin nodded at the guy.

“Of course. I did what you asked. Can I go now?” I.M asked eagerly, complete with clasped hands.

Hanbin did that thing where the corners of his mouth twitched slightly in an attempt to smile. “You go have your fun now.”

When I.M retreated out of the mansion the way he came in, Hanbin finally faced him whereas Bobby’s eyes stuck to him like glue the minute he saw him.

The house was brighter, with festive food and more wine taken out in the cellar than usual, everyone milling about as they looked like they had finished dinner.

Bobby raised an eyebrow at him, “And what have you asked of him?”

This time, Hanbin did smile more clearly at Bobby’s suspicious gaze. “To make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

“Was that your exact words to I.M? I swear to God that’s what he told me, word for word.”

Hanbin smiled with a shake of his head and was about to drink from his wineglass when Bobby stopped him.

_I don’t know much but I do know he’s not supposed to be drinking._

Bobby was about to take it from the younger’s hand when he said, “It’s grape juice,” and winked at him for good measure.

_Is this an admission that he’s pregnant or am I not seeing something here?_

“Come on, they’re in the parlour.”

Before Bobby could say anything, Hanbin already had his back on him so he had no choice but to follow the younger. Inside the warmly lit parlour, everyone was conversing in a light atmosphere but the kids were nowhere to be seen, probably tucked into bed. Jiyong, Wonho, and Junhoe were by the corner near the window talking whilst smoking. Yunhyeong and Mino were on another corner talking seriously—no doubt Yunhyeong worrying about Mino even when the former was younger, Mino was known for not keeping track with his health and always forgot taking care of the third degree burn he had acquired a year ago on his face. And finally, his eyes landed on Jihoon and Seungcheol who was talking with a blonde guy who had his back on him.

One word came to mind. _Hoshi._

“Hyung,” he heard Hanbin call.

The guy finally faced them and he was exactly _not_ who Bobby imagined Hoshi to be. Hoshi was… blinding. The aura he exuded was a bit too much like the sun as he grinned at them, dressed in a white sweater no less making him shine brighter, his eyes were almost gone when he smiled, and he kind of reminded Bobby of a hamster or a baby tiger. He looked friendly—too friendly for his own good—and harmless.

Bobby hated him already.

“Hanbin-ah,” the hamster said, “oh, this must be Bobby.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow at Hanbin the second time that day. Hoshi knew him?

Hanbin smiled at him. _Smiled._ Just _who_ is this guy? Bobby had his suspicion, none of them appealing and if confirmed he might just rip this guy’s head off and feed it to the dogs in front of Hanbin.

“Hoshi-hyung, this is Bobby. Jiwon, this is Hoshi-hyung.”

 _How come he gets to be called hyung and I’m just Jiwon?_ When Bobby gets petty, it lasts through the whole night.

“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Hoshi said and his hand sticking out to shake his.

Bobby was seething inside but he still shook the guy’s hand and maybe he might’ve gripped it a bit too hard that the guy winced but _what the fuck do I care?_

“I can’t really say the same as I don’t know who the fuck you are,” Bobby said with a smile so fake plastered on his face.

Jihoon looked at him as if saying, _Really? You just had to say that?_

Hoshi’s smile didn’t even waver as he laughed it off, “Oh, I kind of swore to myself to never come back to this life but I just had to come when Hanbin asked me to, bearing good news and all.”

Okay, that’s it, he had to speak to Hanbin who already had his hand on Bobby’s arm as if restraining him.

Bobby was vibrating in what seemed to be anger, like a bomb waiting to explode. Hanbin had never seen him this rude to a visitor—not that they had a lot of them. But still.

He was so excited for Hoshi to meet Bobby and for the elder to act like this made him a bit disappointed.

“What the fuck was that?” he hissed in Bobby’s ear the moment they were out of earshot from Hoshi who was back to conversing with Jihoon and Seungcheol.

“You’re seriously asking me that?” Bobby retorted.

Hanbin was thoroughly confused.

“What is up with you tonight? Did something happen today? Hoshi-hyung was really looking forward to meeting you and you just—,” he was cut off when Bobby harshly pulled out of his hold that was gripping the elder’s arm.

“Underground floor. _Now._ ” Bobby’s tone of voice held finality to it that even Hanbin had no room for any response except to follow the elder out of the parlour who had left bringing along the light atmosphere that considerably dropped from the tension and quiet demand. No one ever demanded anything of Hanbin. No one.

Junhoe stepped forward in confusion and worry but Hanbin shook his head and slightly smiled in reassurance, “I can handle it.”

Of course he can. He handled the entire family before they even became part of it and Jiwon was the least complicated one. But this conversation will be the make or break. No mind games, no negotiations, no conditions, no bribery, and no seduction involved.

This conversation was long overdue, even if it was for a reason, he still felt guilty leaving Jiwon in the dark about all this when he deserved to know. But Hanbin wanted to be able to answer the questions that he knew would eventually follow and he didn’t have it in the beginning. The last step was to think for himself and for his future after he talked with Hoshi. Hanbin knew what he wanted and but as for Jiwon, it remained to be seen.

To say that Hanbin was nervous, was the understatement of the year. For all the times he talked with people, established a persona of being an all-knowing figure, being perceptive and an intellectual, this feeling of having no control of what’s to come didn’t sit right with him. Hanbin lived off of being in control, and this particular scenario was not in his hands, not on anyone’s but in life itself. It was like being sucked back into his past where he didn’t know what was going to happen to him, how he’d feel, how he’d live.

The ear-splitting quiet walk to the elevator was like nails on chalkboard for him. He kept his distance from Jiwon for fear of overwhelming him. And Hanbin realized, there it was again. _Fear._ He hadn’t felt fear for anything apart from the sight of blood, invade his thoughts, creeping up to him gradually over these past few days, and he had just come to see it. But it was different. It was in the form of Kim Jiwon.

He didn’t fear blood like he feared Jiwon. He feared blood due to trauma, but he feared Jiwon because suddenly, without Hanbin realizing it sooner, the man had become an integral part of his life. Jiwon was an anchor. Hanbin needed him, not just for work or his bed, but for his sanity.

As the elevator doors open, and his thoughts hushed in anticipation… he was scared.

His eyes shot up and zeroed in on Jiwon when the elder took off his suit and threw it randomly in the dimly lit room. Bobby looked overrun in his own thoughts as he had a hand clutched on the hair above his nape, gathering the words to speak.

“Ji—,” Before he could even finish, Jiwon had surged forward and claimed his lips like an attempt to delay whatever it was Hanbin wanted to say.

The kiss was laden with… desperation. It was a kiss full of contradiction—harsh attack of chapped lips and teeth and tongue but soft as it carried too many yielding emotions that Hanbin couldn’t begin to process.

Hanbin kissed back with as much fervor because he missed this. Goddamnit, he fucking missed this with every fiber of his being that was attuned to anything involving Jiwon. His hands found their way in Jiwon’s nape, and it felt so familiar and so right. Like it belonged there, to hold on to Jiwon like this. And so he did, in every sense of the word—he held onto Jiwon.

Buttons were sent ricocheting across the marble floor, no doubt leaving scratches on the expensive material, as Jiwon tore Hanbin’s silk shirt, sending it flying probably somewhere near the Jiwon’s own suit.

He was pushed on the wall but Jiwon softened the blow on his head and back with his hands cradling Hanbin’s.

Jiwon was trying to be careful but Hanbin could tell that the elder was bordering on hanging off the edge with the level of dangerous fire he held in his eyes.

In a different day and situation, Hanbin would’ve found it intoxicating and simulating but tonight, he couldn’t let Jiwon go feral on him with what they usually do. He knew that Jiwon had his suspicions with Hanbin’s _current situation_ but they still had to talk and sex was off the table before this much needed conversation.

“Hey, Jiwon, babe, I need you to stop,” he tried to coax as calmly as he could, given that he was also tittering on the edge with how turned on he was right now going _days_ without any form of intimacy with Jiwon.

The elder growled from where his mouth was currently attacking Hanbin’s neck with sensual kisses and bites. Hanbin almost gave in. _Almost._

“We need to talk,” Hanbin managed to say in between pants and moans. But instead of calming the younger down, it did the exact opposite. The grip he had on Hanbin tightened, making the younger, for the first time ever, squirm and not of pleasure.

“Jiwon,” he tried again, sounding as authoritative and steady as he could but it seemed like it fell on deaf ears.

Jiwon was unrelenting as he kissed Hanbin again on his lips, devouring his entire being to shut him up.

 _No._ This was not how Hanbin wanted to be kissed. He didn’t need to be put to place, he didn’t need to be broken down, he didn’t need to be punished. He needed Jiwon. But it was impossible to get through the guy who was trying his utmost in preventing Hanbin to talk.

_“Stop.”_

Hanbin could see it. Him in chains, in blindfolds, him spread open with a spreader bar, him with chained hands to the drop-down gate and hands chained on the floor, him being whipped with the leather floggers… him being pushed to his limits.

He can’t let that happen. His… _his child—_

He’s had enough. With as much force as he could, he pushed Jiwon away from him. The elder looked shell-shocked and confused with what just happened. It wasn’t a playful push in fighting for dominance in sex but a push that screamed _‘get the hell away from me’._

“I SAID STOP!” he cried out. He hated the words, he hated the way he said it, he hated the way his voice cracked. After ten years, Hanbin felt what he hadn’t felt in a very long time. He felt vulnerable.

“WHY?!” Jiwon looked accusatory and challenging. For what, Hanbin couldn’t fathom at the moment. He was very much confused of what’s gotten into the elder.

Various thoughts ran through his head, none of them comforting and only fueled his worry and fear. The scariest thought of all… _Does Jiwon not want it? Did he wanna get rid of it? Is that why he’s been harsh with me?_

Something in Hanbin snapped in anger of the possible reason of why Jiwon was acting the way he was at that moment and he couldn’t help but shout furiously, _“I’m fucking pregnant.”_

Hanbin braced himself for the angry remarks, denial, of being turned away from. But for how many times and way he imagined how this would go down, he couldn’t have been more shocked and confused of Jiwon’s response.

“Oh, I know,” he started menacingly, inching his way back in Hanbin’s space and crowding him once again, “What I’d like to know is who’s the father?” He gritted the last word out as if pained to even question it.

Hanbin’s jaw literally fell, his brows knitting together, as he shook his head as though it could make it work better to try and understand what Jiwon was implying.

“Who _the fuck_ do you think it is? Do you see me going off in the night fucking god knows who from god knows where? Did you think I’d—,” realization dawned on Hanbin then and slowly, as he pieced everything together—the withdrawal from his coaxing, the rough man-handling, the rude comments—he finally understood and with an airy laugh he asked, “Did you think it was Hoshi-hyung?”

Hanbin was laughing now, in relief and in feeling stupid. They were both stupid. _Are we really going to be parents?_

“Are you seriously fucking laughing right now?” Jiwon deadpanned, unimpressed and looking a bit embarrassed now that he was down from his high of aggression and anger, “What was I supposed to think? I visited you one night to tuck you in bed and I see this message from an unknown guy saying he missed you and all that shit. And then you went all secretive on me, distancing yourself from me, turn down my advances. And then I met him and he was all sunshine and rainbows, smiling at me like the happiest fucking man in the world, talking about you like that and—will you stop fucking laughing, I swear to God and all that is holy.”

He wheezed a few laughter out with a little difficulty because _Jesus H. Christ, I think that might’ve been the first time I laughed in years._ After a beat or two, he finally stood up properly and looked over the man who had his arms crossed looking for all the world _offended._ It almost made him fall into another fit of laughter. But he held it in and instead, he walked over to Jiwon, uncrossed the sulking arms, and held his hands as he dragged him to the bed, making him sit on it so Hanbin could straddle him.

First, an apologetic kiss was in order so he landed a soft, fleeting one on the tip of Jiwon’s nose where he could see a blush spreading alarmingly fast across Jiwon’s cheeks. He made Jiwon sit up so they were chest to chest and Hanbin could see him up close.

It was such a huge contrast to what had transpired mere minutes ago and so far so good. _Maybe. I don’t know. Fuck. Now I’m nervous again._

To Hanbin’s surprise, Jiwon made the first move and held his cheek delicately with one hand like he was so fragile, like he was not meant to be touched, like he was gonna leave him. “Tell me,” Jiwon urged.

He looked away for a moment as he let out a slow exhale and when he met Jiwon’s eyes again, he was determined to not let any misunderstandings occur again. “Ji, I’m pregnant,” he started in earnest, “And you’re the father. I can tell you the how and why,” a gulp and he continued, “but I need to know first how you feel about this.”

And slowly, as if intended to make Hanbin see it clearly unravel before his eyes, a tearful smile broke out Jiwon’s face. He couldn’t help but gasp at how raw and beautiful it was. His heart threatened to convulse at the sheer emotion that spoke a hundred different things at once, one emotion outshining everything else and Hanbin could see and feel it, the love coming from Jiwon was palpable.

“I may not deserve it but, I feel like I’m the happiest man in the world,” Jiwon finally said through a few drops of tears, sounding breathless as he couldn’t seem to stop the shit-eating grin he had, “Hoshi can suck it.”

A bubble of joyous laughter came out of Hanbin at that. A lot of things were still unsure but for once after he found out he was pregnant, he could say to himself, _maybe we’ll be alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The explanation will be on the next chapter (if I don't get tempted on doing a smut chapter).


	6. The How

“We shouldn’t,” Jiwon said in between pants as he held Hanbin by the waist.

He couldn’t help the whine that came out of him. “Why the hell not? I’ve been holding back for _days_ , I need you.”

“Okay, come on, settle down first. We haven’t even had the full conversation.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically. He couldn’t believe he was being cock-blocked right when he was vibrating with need. It didn’t help at all that he was being needy and whiny—such a contrast to how he usually acts. But he couldn’t seem to help it and he found himself not wanting to suppress this side when he’s with Jiwon because the elder just tolerates it and seemed to like it.

“Alright, fine. You wanna talk, let’s talk,” he muttered begrudgingly as he sat up properly on Jiwon’s lap.

The elder looked at him and gulped, he looked like he was conflicted over something and Hanbin could tell it had something to do with the bulge he felt almost right on his ass. He smirked at the sight.

“O-Okay, just—,” Jiwon adjusted him to fit snuggly by his side and cocooning him warmly with arms looped around him and legs thrown across his. He settled his head partly on Jiwon’s chest and sighed in contentment. Okay, maybe this was a much needed rest.

“Well, what do you want to talk about first?” Hanbin said, his eyes fluttering shut in comfort.

Jiwon carded a hand through his hair softly for a few seconds before he settled into a response, “Tell me how you found out first.”

He hummed and then groaned at the memory, “I woke up feeling dizzy and went down to get some water because I thought I was just dehydrated or something. And then I smelled Yunhyeong cooking for your hangover soup in the kitchen and I just felt sick. I ran to the nearest bathroom and threw up. The symptoms were slowly showing and I realized what the pattern was, it was familiar. And then I remembered having a conversation about it with Chaeyoung in the garden before. I took five pregnancy tests and that’s how I knew.”

Jiwon nodded along the story and felt guilty that he wasn’t there when Hanbin was feeling sick and was probably worried. “You said you knew _how_ this happened.”

Unconsciously, he started drawing patterns on Jiwon’s chest which he just noticed was still clothed, he frowned at it for a few seconds and then proceeded to answer him, “You see, I—,” and then he realized that he hasn’t told anyone about this, not even his brother but Jiwon needed to know and he trusted the elder, “When our parents died, we were at the care of our Uncle. He was a part of medical advances and pharmaceutical experiments being sold, done, and funded in the underground scene. And while I was there,” he suddenly felt short of breath and could feel cold sweat breaking in his forehead.

It was a sensitive topic and one he never thought he’d tell someone about. He thought he’d carry this to the grave but life tends to fuck you over at times. Although he trusted Jiwon, he couldn’t help but feel conscious and nervous.

He was still struggling to sort his thoughts when he felt Jiwon caress his back with a warm hand to comfort him and kisses landing on his head as the elder whispered, “It’s okay, baby. Take your time.”

Hanbin drew a deep breath and focused on breathing properly. When his breathing evened out, he buried his face on Jiwon’s chest, hugging the latter tighter as if drawing his strength from him.

“Hoshi-hyung and I was part of his little experiments.”

That little confession composed of a few words that bore so many memories of tainted humanity and immoral acts done to him and Hoshi made him do what he stopped doing a decade ago… he cried. The words were so heavy and it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here now. No one’s gonna come after you, baby. You’re safe. You’re both safe with me, I promise. Please don’t cry,” Jiwon kept his voice low and avoided sounding panicked. He knew it’ll only agitate Hanbin more. So he kept caressing the younger in an attempt to help him calm down.

They needed to talk but if Hanbin would go on a downward spiral like this, he couldn’t risk it. Seeing Hanbin cry was alarming in itself. He never wanted Hanbin to cry again like that and he’d go through hell and back to see it through.

The sobs turned into soft sniffles and the death grip the younger had on his back—which he’s sure would leave a bruise or two—loosened. Hanbin’s entire body went lax as he exhaled frustratingly against his neck.

Hanbin retracted his head slowly and proceeded to look up at him with teary eyes, adorably red nose and cheeks, and lips protruded a little into a hardly suppressed pout. He had to fight back the urge to coo at the younger knowing he’d most likely get punched. In the neck.

“I’m sorry,” Hanbin muttered shakily in a near-whisper way that pulled at Jiwon’s heartstrings the only way Hanbin ever could.

_Oh, my God. This is pure torture. Is this part of the hormones? He looks all soft and fluffy in the most unHanbin-like way possible._

“It’s okay, baby,” he assured, nuzzling his nose— _I COULDN’T HELP IT OK—_ which would normally earn him a death glare but at the moment, Hanbin seemed to like it, judging by the small smile gracing his face. “Look, I know today’s been a tiring day and it’s pretty late. You, my love, are in need of some sleep.”

“No, but—,”

“No buts, Bin. Sleep, okay?” he argued softly but his eyes still stern.

“Okay, but—,”

_“No buts,”_

“Oh, hush, will you listen for a sec?” Hanbin snapped at him but it failed to look as intimidating as it would normally look as the younger was fighting the sleep in his eyes and the flush in cheeks making him look like an angry tomato.

Jiwon laughed a little, “Okay, okay, what is it?”

Hanbin seemed a little hesitant, nipping at his lips in nervousness, and his ears had turned pink, too.

“What is it, hm? You can ask me of anything and everything,” he urged. And he realized, no truer words could’ve been said in his entire life. Hanbin could ask him of anything and he’d do absolutely anything and everything to give it to him if it meant it’d make him happy.

“Well…” he started, seemingly avoiding Jiwon’s eyes.

He frowned. Was something bothering him? Was he hurt somewhere? He should call Dr. Lee and—

“Couldyoumaybesleepwithmetonightlikeactuallysleepandiknowwedon’tusuallydothatbutiwashoping—,”

“Baby. Bin, shush,” he put his finger on Hanbin’s lips to stop him from talking, “talk slowly. Like a normal human being.”

There it goes again, Hanbin trying so hard to suppress the pout forming on his lips as he frowned at Jiwon. He thought he’d have to coax the younger again to urge him to talk but Hanbin whispered against his collarbone, “Sleep with me?” and he might’ve died a little inside.

Jiwon hooked a finger on Hanbin’s chin so he could maneuver it to look him in the eyes, “When I said you could ask me of anything and everything, I really meant it in any sense of the word so don’t hesitate, okay?” he waited for Hanbin’s nod before he smiled and kissed him. “Of course I’d love to sleep with you.”

The younger gave Jiwon his signature small smile, “I know we’re really comfortable right now but I kind of want us to sleep in my room.”

“Whatever you want, baby. Come on, then, upsy daisy.”

After he helped the younger up, he picked up the shirt he threw but quickly realized that he had ripped it apart a while ago. _Oops._

“Here,” he unbuttoned his shirt all the way down and took it off for Hanbin to wear.

“No, it’s okay. I can just wear the suit.”

Jiwon frowned, “No, it’ll look weird and tonight’s not about to be the first time you go around half-naked. Honestly, I’d prefer it if that never happens outside of bed.” He said the last part under his breath but the younger seemed to have heard it judging by the eyebrow lift and smirk.

Hanbin was known for _never_ showing too much skin. Nobody else saw him naked, even wearing tank top. He worked out wearing sweaters and sweatpants. _And Jiwon prefers it that way._ But maybe he could do something about the gloves and no-touching-anyone thing. All in good time.

The house was already quiet when they arrived at the first floor. Seemed like everyone retired early.

A swing of a heavily wooden door proved that wrong as it seemed not everyone had rested for the night.

I.M’s wolf whistle just earned him a sleepy glare from the two which only made him laugh at them. “Worked it out?”

“Uh-huh. How about you? You look like you had fun,” he smirked as the grin couldn’t be wiped off of the guy’s face which still had a few specks of blood here and there.

“That’s because unlike you two, I know how to have fun.”

The smirk turned into a full-on grin. They stepped into the elevator the same time Jiwon said, “Well, we have our own ways.”

He could see through his peripheral vision how I.M’s gaze went to the bruises and scratches on his back—some almost healed from the last time they had sex, some still fresh from a while ago.

I.M clutched his chest in a dramatic gasp, “And I am so proud. My parents still knows how to have fun!”

“Get the fuck out, man,” Jiwon replied with a little huff of laughter when the elevator dings indicating it was the floor where I.M’s room was.

The hallway was dimly lit and there were two figures standing just outside of a room. It was Hoshi and Jihoon. The latter raised an eyebrow at them, Hanbin still wearing an indifferent expression even at the state his clothes and hair was in, and Jiwon who standing there beside Hanbin _shirtless_ and sporting an ear-splitting grin. “Should I ask?” Jihoon teased.

Jiwon just winked at them before the elevator closed.

When they were back to being alone, Hanbin leaned on his shoulder and closed his eyes for a while. Jiwon looped an arm on his waist to tuck him by his side so he could lean on him better.

“Tired?” he whispered as he buried his nose Hanbin’s hair. He felt the younger nod. “Almost there.”

When the elevator dinged again, it opened to the last floor. They made their way towards the end of the hallway where Hanbin’s room was located. But Hanbin halted when they were just about to pass Lia’s room. When he was about to ask Hanbin what was wrong, he then heard faint music coming from the room.

Lia was playing piano.

“Our mom used to play the piano,” Hanbin reminisced with a faint smile. “It’s Debussy, Mom’s favourite.”

Jiwon smiled. Hanbin never really mentioned his parents except when needed in business conversations.

“Do you play?”

“I used to,” he said but his head hung low, “But that was many years ago.” Hanbin looked up at him again, this time his smile bore sadness, “Let’s go to bed.”

His heart ached a little but he knew when to talk about it and when not to. So he held Hanbin closely as they walked down the hallway.

“Thank you,” Hanbin slurred, almost half-asleep when they finally settled into bed discarding all their clothes and buried themselves underneath the comfortable and warm duvet.

“Hm? For what?”

Hanbin shrugged and snuggled closer to him, “For being the way that you are.”

“Thank you, too,” he murmured.

“Hm? For what?” the younger parrots.

“For existing. For being in my life.” He kissed both the younger’s eyes so he’d close them. “Sleep.”

It didn’t take long, after a few hair strokes and a warm hug, Hanbin was out like a light. Hanbin seemed to have been exhausted, and now he slept later than usual. He couldn’t help but feel like he was part of the reason of Hanbin’s exhaustion. _He must’ve dreaded my reaction and questions._

And maybe Hanbin would be mad at him for this but he didn’t want the younger to have to relive that pain over and over again just so he would know. So, with a soft kiss on Hanbin’s temple, he let go of Hanbin from his hold and settled him in bed.

He took out his phone and dialed Jihoon’s number.

After two rings, the latter answered the call, _“Bobby.”_

“Jihoon, hey, is Hoshi still with you?”

_“Hoshi? Yeah, we’re at the sitting room in second floor.”_

“Can I talk to him?”

He could hear some muffled conversation and then, _“Sure. Where?”_

He glanced at the sleeping Hanbin in the bed, “Can you take him here in Hanbin’s room? I can’t leave Hanbin, he could wake up.”

_“No problem.”_

Before anything, he scoured the younger’s closet for some clothes and settled into a shirt and sweatpants. He poured two glasses of whisky from the living room adjacent to Hanbin’s room. It was far enough for the younger to be undisturbed in his sleep but close enough so he’d see if Hanbin would wake up.

A faint knock came after a few minutes and when he opened it, Hoshi was already alone.

“Hey,” the man greeted with the same, serene smile.

_He’s not even mad at me?_

“Uh, hey, come on in.” He really hated greetings.

The two of them walked across the carpeted floor towards the living room. He offered the glass to Hoshi and the guy just accepted it, and again, with a smile.

_“Hoshi-hyung and I was part of his little experiments.”_

He shook his head to concentrate. Hoshi was a far contrast from Hanbin and he wondered if the former would also cry at the mention of what they’ve been through. It felt weird now that he knew what was hidden behind those bright smiles.

Looks can really be deceiving.

“Before we talk about other things, I just really want to apologize for how I acted earlier this evening. It was totally uncalled for. I know it’s no excuse but my head wasn’t in the right place,” he began when they settled into the couches. Him in a single couch, and Hoshi on the one opposite his which was an L-shaped couched.

Hoshi nodded in assurance, “I absolutely understand. Hanbin did tell me you haven’t talked yet and I presume you’ve jumped into some conclusions awhile ago?”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry. I’m not usually one who’d be like that but I’ve been in a trance of paranoia these past couple of days,” he said rather guiltily. He really did feel a bit stupid. He knew Hanbin wasn’t _seeing_ anyone, couldn’t and wouldn’t even touch anyone. It felt so wrong to doubt him.

“It’s okay. Now, I can see you’re a bit drained, too, so if you wanted to ask something or anything, go ahead,” Hoshi said knowingly.

“I don’t know if you’d feel comfortable about it but Hanbin couldn’t take talking about it. I saw him cry for the first time since I’ve known him and I didn’t want to stress him out about it. Of course, I want to know but that doesn’t mean I want you both to share even when it’s still uncomfortable talking about it,” he treaded carefully. He didn’t know how the man would react and it could be worse than Hanbin.

But it seemed he was wrong. It looked like he’d been proven wrong in many things these past couple of hours.

“It’s fine. I’ve coped with it through the years and tried to deal with it head-on. I saw a therapist about it but Hanbin never did. And he had it worse than me.”

_He hadn’t gone to a therapist because he wanted Jiyong to believe he was okay after the hypnotist tried to rid him of his memories._

“The first time I saw Hanbin, I was already in the facility since I was a child. I didn’t know anything about the outside world because I’ve been in the facility ever since I could remember. I thought what they were doing to us was what happened to everyone else, so I knew how things worked there and never put up a fight. Kids get eliminated when they do. But Hanbin… Hanbin made me see how wrong it was. When we were put on the care unit after experimentation every day, he told of how it was before he came in the facility, how everything in the facility was anything but normal.”

 _Raised in a facility?_ Child trafficking, he realized. Hanbin saw to it that they wouldn’t be affiliated with anyone who participated in it and when he came across one, he’d lose it and kill everyone. One of Hanbin’s many triggers.

“The chief, as we’d Hanbin’s uncle, one day sorted everyone. We were all boys there and the prettier, lithe, and slender ones were separated to be examined. In the end, Hanbin, another boy named Kihyun, and I were chosen for a new experiment. Male pregnancy. Up to this day, files and journals for that experiment was never retrieved when two scientists fled with it the day the chief died. We’d been injected two times a day and I think it made our hormones and body change for it to be able to carry a child. The experiment itself wasn’t painful, but what came after it… was the trauma.”

His hair prickled in anticipation. Hoshi, on the other hand, seemed to be in a trance, fully concentrated to get through the story calmly. It was a practiced calm, he could tell.

“At first they tried injecting us sperm cells, but it didn’t work. That’s when we were subjected to _rape._ ”

The grip on his glass tightened and he had to let go of it, else it’d break. He glanced towards the bed where he could see a mop of hair peeking out of the duvet he buried Hanbin in to keep him warm.

 _He’s okay. He’s right there,_ he tried to assure himself.

“But at the time, it didn’t work, too. They assumed it was a failure and proceeded to plan on adjustments in the process and further experimentation. Just the day before the second trial of experimentation, Hanbin shot the chief thrice. His dick, a little bit of distance from his heart just so he’d still be awake for a few seconds to feel the pain, and then his head. Hanbin was trained as a child to shoot but there were no weapons allowed inside the facility so how he found one, was beyond me.”

The bastard certainly deserved more pain and suffering than that but it’d have to do. If only Jiwon could kill him over and over again. Even then he wouldn’t be satisfied, he knew.

“Hanbin dragged me out of the facility and threw me in a car with two people I haven’t met before but whom I recognize from Hanbin’s stories. It was Jiyong-hyung and their baby sister Lia, and then Jihoon who was driving.”

“Jihoon?”

Hoshi nodded, “I know he’s a very private person but I think he’d understand if I tell you. The chief was his father. Turns out, they were planning this days before Hanbin turned nineteen, when he was fully legal and could have his hands on their inheritance. Hanbin’s were what they needed as it entailed properties and money whereas Jiyong had shares in international companies and overseas properties.”

Oh, right. He knew Jihoon was there since the beginning, he just didn’t expect he was part of the rise.

“I lived with them for a couple of months here in the mansion but I wanted to explore the world. Hanbin was very supportive of it but he wanted me to undergo training and workout first, for my safety. And ever since I left, he supported me financially even when I found a job, he just insisted on it. But we never met personally after that up until yesterday.”

That would explain a lot since he had no idea who Hoshi was. If he was with them the first few months they’d started the empire, only Junhoe and Jihoon would know about him. And those two never talk about these kinds of things.

“Why not?”

“I was living as a normal citizen, albeit with fake identification and all that. Hanbin didn’t want other people to know about me and make me a target.”

He nodded in understanding. “So if Hanbin wanted to talk to you personally, does that mean… have you…?”

This was hard. It was such a sensitive topic and he’d always had a problem dealing with those.

Hoshi smiled in such a bittersweet way though. And he had a clue of what the answer was just from the look on his face, or at least he had a clue about it. “Yeah, I got pregnant.”

“But how? I thought it didn’t work out.”

Hoshi shrugged, “I think our bodies needed a significant amount of time to adjust but I don’t really know for sure. I’ve been in a few relationships and the third one I was in, I got pregnant. Unlike you, the guy was not father-material, and we’d only been dating a few weeks so I dumped him. But I was so stressed, I couldn’t talk about it to anyone because I’d be a freak show, even Hanbin whom I didn’t know how to contact. My hormones were off the roof and imbalanced. I wasn’t taking care of myself as much as I thought I did and before I knew it I had a miscarriage. I don’t know to what extent, but I can tell that our pregnancies are different. When Hanbin and I talked today, I discovered that Kihyun died from it. Hanbin said he knew just after he contacted me, when he also tried to find Kihyun.”

It felt like cold water was poured from above him and he could feel himself going pale. Hoshi lost his child, and Kihyun died.

“So there had been no successful pregnancies?”

Hoshi shook his head looking defeated, “No. But, I’m really hoping Hanbin’s pregnancy will.”

 _I could lose Hanbin. I could lose our child._ Just from the thought of it alone, he knew he’d lose it if it does happen.

“Look,” Hoshi’s voice pierced through his thoughts, “there’s still a big chance for the pregnancy to be successful. The reason why ours wasn’t was because of too much stress and we were alone. Kihyun and I lived alone and didn’t dare tell anyone about it. We didn’t receive the care and medication needed. Although ours are predictably more fragile and sensitive, I know you’ll both get through it if you’re together.”

“You trust me that much?”

Hoshi nodded, “Hanbin and I talked about you and Jihoon, too. I have faith that you’ll do your best.”

“I will. God, of course, I will. I’d do anything… but what if it’s not enough?”

“Don’t think like that. The moment you do, you’ll miss out the beautiful experience of expecting a child with your partner. It could stress you out and in turn, it’ll stress Hanbin out. So, just try to be as positive as you can and give him whatever he needs and more. Okay?”

He nodded, but he still hasn’t processed everything. But he could do that some other time.

“Thank you. And I’m really sorry for your loss.”

The man smiled and sat up to pat his shoulder consolingly, “Hanbin has suffered enough for this lifetime and the next. Please make it worth it.”

“I’d give up my lifetime to assure that.”

Rays of sunshine flitted through the room due to the curtains being left wide open. Hanbin grimaced at the feeling of his eyes being under the scrutiny of the sun. His eyes fluttered open with a bit of difficulty so Jiwon raised a hand to shield the sunlight from the younger’s eyes.

“Good morning,” he greeted with a kiss on Hanbin’s right eye.

The younger seemed to still be processing where he was and what was happening and when he did, he smiled up at Jiwon and he could’ve sworn it shone brightly than the sun.

“Morning,” Hanbin greeted in turn as he dragged the duvet up to cover their heads, safely cocooning them from the sun.

Jiwon smiled at that but he couldn’t let the younger fall asleep again. It was almost breakfast. “We need to eat breakfast. Is there something you want specifically?”

The smile that crept in Hanbin’s face was suspicious. “Hmmm, I do. Can I have anything I want?”

“Of course. Anything you want. If it’s healthy enough.”

“You.”

“What?”

Hanbin threw the duvet aside and suddenly shot up from the bed. He didn’t even have time to react when the younger straddled him.

“I want you,” Hanbin announced.

If he knew this was what he’d wake up to everyday, he wished he got Hanbin pregnant sooner.

“I thought we were talking about food.”

The younger tilted his head. _Adorably._ But what came out of his mouth after the heart melting display shattered that, “I can eat you.”

“Oh, baby, I’d love for that to happen but you need breakfast and we can’t risk doing anything without seeing a doctor.”

It seemed like being a brat was gonna be one of the many changes as he saw Hanbin rolling his eyes again, “Fine. Kiss me then?”

He immediately rose up from the bed, almost jostling Hanbin but he held the younger securely against his chest. “ _That_ we can.”

And so he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that was my attempt at science. Pft. I know it was too vague but I'm stupid so that'll have to do. Oh, and it's Seventeen's 5th anniversary so I'm happy it coincided with this chapter with Jihoon and Hoshi (I'm just a soft stan but I do have a Carat friend)


	7. The Announcement...s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update's shorter than usual but who am i kidding, every chapter in this fic has varied lengths. (consistency who?) I wanted to update because I've been really happy with all the comments and feedbacks (and also because I can't work on this tomorrow bc im getting a tattoo and get a few drinks after so [is this TMI?])
> 
> Enjoy ❤❤

“From what I can tell, he’s fine. But he needs an OBGYN so he could have proper check-up as well as the prescribed medicine. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d recommend my son, his name’s Jooheon and he’s been practicing for two years,” Dr. Lee said after conducting check-up on Hanbin.

“Does he know?” Hanbin asked. Although the Lee family have been their doctor for three generations, there could be a high chance that his son hasn’t been informed yet.

Dr. Lee nodded, “He’s known ever since high school and went to medical school for it along with his brother who’s a physician like me.”

“Then please have him be Hanbin’s doctor,” Jiwon said as he took a hold of the younger’s shoulder who was seated.

“He’d be honored. Maybe even ecstatic,” the last words were whispered with a sigh. “I can have him here by tonight. From what Bobby-ssi have told me, your pregnancy can be dangerous and sensitive so the sooner we can get you in a check-up, the better.”

The soon-to-be-parents nodded diligently, seeming determined.

“For the meantime, I suggest you take some time off work, even from home. Catch up on some rest and maybe a little exercise in the garden when the sun isn’t too harsh.”

“Thank you, Dr. Lee.” Hanbin and Jiwon shook the doctor’s hand.

“No problem. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go ahead and schedule a meeting for you and my son.”

When the bedroom door shut, Hanbin exhaled heavily, alarming the paranoid Jiwon standing behind him.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurting somewhere? Should I get the doctor—,”

Hanbin held his hands tightly and tugged him so he’d lean down. “Hyung, shut up.” It was almost comical how Jiwon immediately shut his mouth tight like a kicked puppy. “I’m fine. It just dawned on me how real this was. I’m really pregnant.”

His eyes softened when Jiwon kneeled in front of him, sat back on his heels and held his hands. “Are you scared?”

“A little. But your presence calms me down.”

“I’m glad. You should avoid being stressed. I’ll be scared for the both of us.”

He laughed a little, “ _You’re_ scared?”

The elder nodded solemnly. “I’m scared shitless. I don’t want anything to happen to the both of you. I think it’d actually kill me.”

“Shh, we shouldn’t talk of such things. I’m a bit sleepy, sleep with me?”

He could feel his neck and ears turning red at the younger’s choice of words, “Don’t say it like that.”

“Wha—you perv,” Hanbin smacked his shoulder with an airy laugh. It was really a refreshing sight and sound, always beguiling to witness. He couldn’t wait for the entire family to see Hanbin laugh and smile, but for now he could bask in the feeling of being special.

“Okay, come on, let’s get some sleep in you since it’s still too bright out. We’ll have some walk later on.”

“What’s with the sudden _‘emergency family meeting’_?”

“Did we used to do this?”

“Don’t think so.”

“Oh, God, please don’t tell me we’re gonna have a new member.”

“Selfish son of a—“

“Shut up, the kids could hear you guys.”

“I’m gonna be late for a meeting that Hanbin assigned me to and he’s the one who called us here.”

“Yeah, I have a flight to Japan two hours from now.”

“Just use the family jet.”

“Only the guards are in the compound, I have to be there.”

“Why did it have to be lunch anyway? We’re always here by dinner time.”

“Except I.M-hyung.”

“Hey! I try.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Where are they?”

“I thought they were still in a cold war.”

“Cold war, my ass, they’ve locked themselves in Hanbin’s room since the day before yesterday.”

“Are they getting married?”

“What?! How’d you get to that conclusion?”

“I dunno, man.”

“Well—,”

“What’s all the commotion about?” Hanbin’s voice reverberated across the dining hall and everyone froze in their seats, the chatter ceased. Everyone looked at the head of the table where Hanbin sat and Jiwon smirked as he sat by his right-side seeing all the anticipating faces. “Hello, everyone.”

Hanbin looked at everyone. Jihoon, Hoshi, Seungcheol, Yunhyeong, Junhoe, Chanwoo, Ryujin, Lia, Jiyong, Wonho, I.M, Dylan, and Minho. His family. And there’s about to be a new member.

“You both look suspiciously glowing, it’s weird,” Junhoe mused from his seat.

“Shut up,” Hanbin immediately snapped making Junhoe frown. “I’ll make this quick as I know how busy everyone is.”

Suddenly, Hanbin seemed nervous. Jiwon could hear the faint tapping of shoes and see the slight raise of Hanbin’s shoulders, he’s tense. Without a word, he held one of Hanbin’s hand and squeezed it in comfort. He could immediately feel everyone’s eyes following his movement.

“I told you they were getting married!” I.M suddenly exclaimed as he stood up, breaking the ice and tension.

“I.M, sit your ass down!” Wonho reprimanded, tugging the younger’s shoulder to make him sit down.

Jiwon sent a reassuring nod towards Hanbin as if to say, _‘I’ll handle this’_ , the relieved smile was all he needed. He cleared his throat and faced everyone again. “I know this gonna be hard to believe and there’s gonna be a lot to explain, but we really wanted you guys to know as soon as possible because we are a family. Well, Hanbin and I…”

He could swear he could hear the soft intakes of breath as everyone was hanging onto his every word. He looked at each of their faces and no matter how dysfunctional-functional their dynamic was, they really were a family.

“I can’t handle the suspense! Just say it!” Yunhyeong groaned in his seat and Chanwoo immediately hit his hyung’s arm with a hiss, _“Hyung, shut up.”_

Well, here goes nothing. “Hanbin and I are gonna be parents," he announced to the family.

A few seconds of frozen silence as everyone blinked stupidly, confused on what to do with the information.

“You’re adopting someone?” Lia questioned.

It was the rarest of occasions that Hanbin looked her in the eye and it held such a soft gaze. “No, I… I’m pregnant.”

He felt Hanbin’s grip on his hand tighten as the younger held his gaze on his sister who was currently lost for words.

“Y-You’re pregnant?” Jiyong’s voice made Hanbin’s gaze on his sister stray as he looked at his brother.

Hanbin nodded with a hesitant smile. Jiyong, along with everyone else looked stupefied. Some had their eyes bulged, their jaws dropping to the floor, eyebrows shot up, and utensils clattering on the plate.

“Holy shit,” Junhoe gasped which earned a smack from his own daughter.

“Really, Dad? That’s the first thing you gotta say?”

Hanbin bit his lip, now that he was on the other end of the anticipation of everyone’s response, he was doubly nervous. Everyone was still processing the announcement when Yunhyeong spoke up.

“Well, Hanbin…” his eyes softened when he saw Hanbin’s nervous state. It was the first time anyone’s ever seen Hanbin be nervous, so he quickly tried to comfort the younger. “Bobby’s right. There’ll be a lot to explain but the most important thing here is, are you happy?”

And again they witnessed something for the first ever Hanbin’s smile. Honestly, it was such a beautiful look on him. If he looked ethereal before with his icy features, with him smiling, he looked _heavenly._

“I am. I really am,” Hanbin said softly. Jiwon squeezed his hand again in comfort.

Yunhyeong nodded, “Well, then we’re happy, too. Whatever the details are, you can tell us anytime.”

And with that, the atmosphere became warmer. They ate in a comfortable manner, the occasional banter among the elders along with the children comforting Hanbin’s nerves. Jiyong still looked like he wanted to say something as he stole glances looking up at Hanbin and Lia looks like she wanted to explode with happiness but tried to reign it down.

Jiwon smiled inwardly. They weren’t perfect but they were what each other needed. _We’ll be alright._

“Hello, I’m Dr. Lee Jooheon, it’s nice to finally make your acquaintance,” the doctor beamed as soon as they shook hands.

“I’m Kim Hanbin, and this is Kim Jiwon. I apologize for the late appointment. Please, take a seat.” Hanbin gestured to the couch in the living room adjacent his bedroom.

“It’s of no problem, really. But it is already evening and I don’t want to keep you for too long. Shall we begin, then?”

“Sure.”

“Now, I understand that you’d want to have your check-ups done here and not in the clinic?” Hanbin nodded at the doctor. “It’s fine. But I do need to set up some things like the ultrasound machine and measuring devices. Would that be okay?”

“Of course.”

“I have my assistant with me and she have signed a non-disclosure agreement already. We just need to set it up here.”

With the help of Jiwon, it took almost half an hour to set everything up, including an examination bed.

The doctor began rummaging through the small duffel he had and took out some equipment, books, a chart, and blood pressure cuff. “We’ll begin with some standard check-up but I’ll need to take your blood sample to pinpoint how far along you are.” He made a quick work of taking the blood sample, testing his blood pressure, breathing, pulse, height, and weight.

It was a whirlwind of this and that but Hanbin was comforted with constant light touches by Jiwon on his side.

“Okay, now on to my favorite part,” Dr. Jooheon smiled at them, “We’ll get to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.”

Jiwon could hear Hanbin’s small gasp. “Really?”

Dr. Jooheon hummed, “Uh-huh. We’ll check the baby’s heartbeat every check-up and every few months we’ll also conduct an ultrasound. But first, heartbeat.”

Hanbin was then instructed to lie down on the examination table and to raise his shirt. Hanbin was not yet showing any signs of pregnancy physically so his well-maintained physique was still there albeit a bit strained since he stopped working out and had eaten more than his usual diet.

“This is a Doppler ultrasound device that will be used to check the heartbeat. I’ll have to count the beats to check if there are any problems,” the doctor helpfully informed them. It comforted Hanbin as the doctor seemed to try and narrate as much of what he needed to do so Hanbin knew what was going on. “Ready?”

“Jiwon, could you record it?” Hanbin asked as he lightly grabbed Jiwon’s arm.

“Of course, baby.” He fished his phone out of his pocket and once he hit the record button, he nodded to the doctor so he could start.

Gently but surely, the doctor started to probe through Hanbin’s stomach, the device cackling softly every now and then.

“Oh, here it is.”

The parents strained to hear the faint sound coming from the Doppler and the doctor then turned the volume up.

A series _lub-dub_ sound resonated in their ears and Jiwon felt like he’d been sucked into a whole other dimension where time stopped and only the rhythmic sound of the baby— _his_ baby’s heartbeat existed. They say no other human being has the same heartbeat but he could’ve sworn his baby’s heartbeat synchronized his at the moment. He felt like his legs would give up as he took in the steady but with an overlap beats. _My baby._

He was immediately snapped out of his reverie when he felt the soft tug on his arm. On instinct, he leaned down over Hanbin and that’s when he registered the teary-eyed yet smiling Hanbin. His eyes shone so bright with glass tears, and his lips mildly quivered. He didn’t hesitate to kiss those lips the same time Hanbin wiped the tears on his cheeks that he didn’t even know came out of his eyes.

_Our baby._

“Oh,” Dr. Jooheon softly said.

“What is it? Is something wrong?” Jiwon immediately asked, his own heartbeat speeding up when he saw the doctor’s shocked expression.

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just that I may have a surprise for you,” he replied with a soft smile, his eyes shining in mirth.

The reply left them confused but waited patiently.

When the doctor finished checking _their_ baby’s heartbeats, he then proceeded to prepare for an ultrasound.

“This is gonna be cold,” Dr. Jooheon informed as opened the cap of a bottle.

“What’s that?” Jiwon asked.

“It’s a lubricating jell that helps transmit the sound waves,” he said and poured a generous amount on Hanbin’s stomach. “Judging from your body, the baby could still be small. Seeing the ultrasound, I could estimate how far along you are. Here it goes.”

Dr. Jooheon started gliding through Hanbin’s stomach in a light press as he maneuvered it this way and that trying to find the baby.

“Here we are,” the doctor informed as he kept his hand still on Hanbin’s stomach and used his other hand to type something in the computer. After typing something, he pointed to some obscure shape in the monitor. “You see this little tiny thing right here?”

Even in confusion and hesitation, they still nodded to urge the doctor on.

“This is baby number one.”

Jiwon almost dropped the phone that was recording the whole thing on video at what the doctor implied.

“One? Do you mean…?” Hanbin stuttered, looking amazed and on the verge of tears again.

The doctor now full-on beamed at them and nodded. He pointed to another slightly moving shape in the monitor, “And this is baby number two. Congratulations! You’re having twins!" Dr. Jooheon announced to the soon-to-be parents.

 _Twins. Babies._ They’re going to have _babies._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the title understandable or nah? I was trying to be smart pft.
> 
> ps. i really do live off of your comments and kudos 👉👈 (pls keep em coming)


	8. Silver Lining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin's silver lining is Jiwon's existence itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a meeting with my brain, we’ve decided on short updates compared to the previous ones that were up to 4k-5k of words and cut it down now with 2k. The reason? I don’t know. Ask my brain, it left after saying what it needed to say. Is this weird? Yes. Yes it is. So I should just stop typing this and go. Bye. (This was half-drunk me typing sht last night)

The family dinner was as it usually was. Discussions here and there. Hanbin checking on everyone’s matters but still careful not to reveal anything to the children. He could ask about _those_ details later on with daily reports either by file or personal discussions.

“How’s the tutor-hunting going?” Seungcheol asked from his seat. It was him who’d give some entrepreneurial and economic lessons but the kids need lessons from different subjects and that was all he could offer that the kids don’t know yet.

“Well, we’ve scoured from different universities and academies but there aren’t much who are available. If there were, some had past issues we can’t risk getting involved with, especially the kids.” Dylan reported, looking bummed and apologetic.

“It’s okay. I’m sure we’ll find someone. Try international ones we could fly in since the kids speak fluent English, it shouldn’t be of any matter. In the meantime, I’m sure the kids are using their time wisely by studying on their own,” he said as he looked at the kids meaningfully. The three dutifully nodded enthusiastically, obviously delighted being free of tutors.

“Actually, Donghyuk knows someone,” Yunhyeong said after a few seconds the tutor discussion died down.

“Donghyuk? The one from…” he trailed off but he confirmed who it was when Jiwon nodded. They couldn’t actually talk about Donghyuk’s work place with the kids present. They’ll be mature about it but there’d be too many questions.

“Yeah, him. He has a co-worker named Jinhwan, he manages the clu— _establishment’s_ accounts and business affairs with Jinwoo but he graduated top of the class and with impressive records academically. I don’t know much but I think he studied abroad and moved back here to finish. Some things went down with his family and somehow, he couldn’t obtain a job in any company.”

Hanbin thought about it for a while. It seemed the man, _Jinhwan,_ had something to show for but they didn’t know much about him yet and the issue with his family seemed like there were strings attached if they do employ him.

“Isn’t that a bit fishy?” Wonho commented, seeming to have thought about it, too. Wonho was one of the most protective hyung as he adored the kids who were _angels_ in his eyes, how that came about, no one knew. The guy just loved the three smart devils.

He nodded in agreement. “Yeah, but we can run a background check on him. Right, Mino? Who knows, someone might be trying to bring the guy down and needed help.”

“Sure. I’m sure it’d be easy. The guy seemed high-profile.”

They continued with their dinner, now on their dessert. It was panna cotta and he eyed it with distaste. It was so hard to stop the pout that almost formed in his lips. _I kind of want something with chocolate._

He was wallowing in his own sadness at the dessert when Bobby spoke up. “Hey, there’s actually something we want to share with you guys.”

“We do?” He asked distractedly, still half-thinking about chocolate. Well, Dr. Jooheon did say something about trying to avoid sweets and just have it occasionally.

“Yeah, we do. About the doctor’s appointment the other day,” Bobby looked at him, waiting for him to realize something.

It took a few seconds of buffering on Hanbin’s part before he remembered. _The doctor’s appointment._ Right. They were holed up in Hanbin’s room in their own bubble the entire day after that, that they haven’t told everyone yet. It was even Hoshi who explained to everyone how Hanbin became pregnant. At Hanbin’s request, Hoshi agreed to stay for as long as Hanbin wanted.

“Oh, right. Why don’t you tell them,” he urged Jiwon who looked like he was about to bounce off his seat, practically buzzing in excitement.

Jiwon took a hold of his hand before he faced everyone who was waiting almost _not_ patiently but didn’t want to burst their bubble. “Dr. Jooheon checked the baby’s heartbeat and ultrasound. And guess what?”

“Ugh, come on, don’t make us guess! Just say it!” Whiny Yunhyeong was weird to say the least. And everyone could agree to it.

Junhoe rolled his eyes, “What, you’re going to have twins? Triplets?”

They could tell it was Junhoe’s attempt at joking as he looked at them and wasn’t enjoying the guessing game he was subjected to but when the soon-to-be parents didn’t say anything and was trying to hide their smile, Junhoe shot up from his seat as it dawned on him, “Oh, my God and all that is holy! Which is it?! Twins or triplets?!”

He beamed at his bestfriend, “Twins!”

A beat of silence and then the room erupted with cheers and congratulations. Hanbin being pregnant seemed surreal that having twins just added to the celebration.

Speaking of which, when Lia came forward to say her congratulations, she meekly suggested, “How about a baby shower? I-I’d see to everything and I’ll plan it the way you guys want.”

He could feel Jiwon glance his way as if dreading his reaction but he surrendered to the smile making its way to his face and said, “That’d be lovely. Thank you.”

And as rare as it was seeing the Kim brothers smile, it was also rare for the youngest of the Kim siblings. She _grinned._ Hanbin’s heartstrings were tugged painfully at the sight. He should’ve tried harder to make Lia smile. All these years, he’d been trying to distance himself from his sister because he didn’t want to _contaminate_ her with his existence. Instead of protecting his sister from himself so she’d be happy, it took a toll on her.

Jiwon. _I’ll talk to Jiwon about it._ Jiwon made him see and realize things mainly because out of everyone, he was the only one who could get through to him. And it helped that they had different perspectives and Jiwon would lay things out and what was once complicated became simple when he explains it. There were always silver linings with Jiwon.

“I’m happy for you. I’m happy for our family,” Jiyong said when it was his turn.

It had been a very long time since they talked outside of business. Maybe _too_ long. And again, Hanbin thought of Jiwon. _He’ll help me sort out my thoughts._

“I am, too, _hyung._ ”

It was a day to remember for the entire household as they saw the Kim Siblings smile at each other.

“Ji,” Hanbin softly called when they were tucked in bed where he was carding through the younger’s hair to lull him to sleep.

He hummed in answer.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

He patiently waited as the younger built up the courage to say, “Do you think I’m… damaged? I know I’m a vile human being with what I do for a living and all that and I can’t help but feel like I don’t know… _contaminated?”_

He was really trying hard to keep calm and level-headed because any wrong reaction and Hanbin would cave. So, he tried to think objectively and ask what was needed to be asked so he could say what was needed to be said. “What made you think like that?”

“You know what happened to me. I was a lab-rat and on top of that, I was treated like a pig. I’ve been experimented on with various things, raped to the point of no return to being pure, I shot my own uncle and just watched him bleed to death like a psycho, I got out and to do what? Illegal transactions, killing off competition, and even used that dirty money to raise my sister who is still clueless of how much of an animal her brother was and still is.”

Jiwon sighed. Hanbin was so used to thinking of the worst possible scenarios so he wouldn’t get hurt in expecting anything good in himself and everything anymore and it became a defense mechanism. He was so blinded by this hate he had for himself that he made himself believe all these things that aren’t even important.

“Hanbin, look at me,” he asked softly and hooked a finger to the younger’s chin to make him do so. Hanbin looked back at him and he saw the soul and life in the younger’s eyes, bared to him all the demons there that took years to tame and bury only for Jiwon to wake them up.

“All those things—you losing your parents which led you to live with your uncle, got experimented on, got raped, was driven to the point of near-insanity that you had to kill him so you could escape along with your siblings and friends, resorting to doing the only thing you knew to keep your family alive—was that your choice?”

At the question, he could see clearly how Hanbin fought with the demons inside his head as his eyes welled with tears and his lips slightly quivering. Hanbin finally shut his eyes in surrender which made a single tear escape from one of his eyes and he shook his head as an answer.

“What about Hoshi? Do you think less of him because he got experimented and raped? Yunhyeong, did you think less of him when he killed a priest that was abusing him and tried to get his hands on Chanwoo? Wonho, did you think less of him when he killed his best friend who was a drug addict and almost killed his own family? Junhoe, did you think less of him when he chose to live with you in a life of crime because not only was he loyal, it was also the only thing he could do so he could pay for Chaeyoung’s medication and then raising Ryujin? All of the guys in this house, do you think less of these men who became your brother that you saved one way or another from being in the brink of hell before they came here? And me, do you think less of me because I left my family for money we needed?”

Hanbin was full-on sobbing when he finished. He needed to make him understand these things so he could free himself of all this misplaced guilt.

“You are _not_ an animal. As far as we both know, you haven’t killed people who didn’t deserve to get killed. You always chose the lesser of two evil even when you yourself became evil to other people’s eyes,” he wiped the tears streaming down the younger’s cheeks and tried to kiss those tears away so he could reassure the younger. “You see, my love, all those things you found to be dirty in yourself wasn’t your choice. You don’t see less of other people because you understood that they needed to do that to survive or save their family, so why can’t you understand and accept yourself the way you do to other people? You are so much more than your past, Hanbin.”

“Don’t live in your past or you’re going to miss out everything good in your present. Jiyong and Lia… they’re just waiting for their brother to come back to them.”

“I’m not too late?” Hanbin asked in between sniffles and the building hiccup in his throat.

“You’re never too late in family, Bin,” he reassured as he showered the younger in kisses even when he was batted away as Hanbin tried to hide in his neck. “And maybe… maybe, we could start with this.”

He made sure that Hanbin saw what he was trying to do in case the younger would lash out. And when he didn’t, Jiwon proceeded to carefully remove the thin leather gloves Hanbin always wore. He saw and held Hanbin’s hand before at rare occasions when it got in the way of sex but this was the first time he saw and held it outside sex.

He brought Hanbin’s hand to his lips for him to kiss. They were a bit cold so he tried to warm them up in his palms and it actually brought a smile to the younger’s lips.

“Thank you.”

“You’re always welcome, my love.”

After that night, the nightmares came rarely. It was still too hard to get rid of his demons completely but they were working on it and it got better. His sleep was better with Jiwon and whenever he woke up from one, Jiwon made sure to reassure him with answers to his questions and shower him with as much love and kisses.

Jiwon wasn’t perfect but he was what Hanbin needed and _wanted._ Their previous relationship of being just a means to get off was getting blurred as they became parents. They still had a lot to talk about but all in due time. Jiwon was nothing if not patient with Hanbin. He’ll gather all the broken pieces of Hanbin and take care of them all even when he gets cut from the process. It was worth it. Hanbin was worth it. And he’d make Hanbin see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was celebrating my birthday yesterday, got drunk, slept for two hours and woke up just because my head was buzzing with words that needed to be typed. I was afraid all the ideas would be gone if I didn’t write right then and there so I did. I finished it at dawn, but i wanted to proofread it today when my head’s clear. I actually cried writing this for some reason just because I really wanna do that to Hanbin in real life, you know, talk to him and reassure him. Or maybe that was just the alcohol making me emotional.
> 
> STREAM MORE N MORE!!!!


	9. Getting There

A few days passed and without them realizing it, the days were spent in an unconscious pattern. Jiwon had used all of his powers in persuasion so Hanbin would stop all his work being done outside the mansion and allowed him two hours in the morning and four hours in the afternoon for anything work-related, be it paperwork, meetings with the guys, and meetings with people outside his organization only on videocalls.

The overseeing of various businesses were divided among everyone with Jiwon and Seungcheol managing the work distribution and making sure everything was running smoothly as it always was.

They both fell into a pattern of waking up in Hanbin’s bed—that by now was already referred to unofficially as their bedroom, get some breakfast, accompany Hanbin on his morning exercise just by walking through the gardens, Jiwon would leave by nine o’clock right after he walks Hanbin to his office, they would both work—Hanbin from home and Jiwon being the temporary head, and then they’d see each other before dinner as Jiwon would always come by Hanbin’s office to remind him that his four hours was up.

It was generally the same thing every day in everyone’s eyes but to Hanbin and Jiwon, it was always different. One of the biggest changes was Hanbin spending more time with Jiyong and Lia after the two brother talked when Jiwon was in a meeting and couldn’t help Hanbin who was distressed.

But, one issue was Hanbin was getting a bit cranky and clingy. Jiwon could see that the younger was trying to hide it but he’d always encourage the younger to act on how he felt because it could lead to stress. It didn’t help that Hanbin felt guilty with how patient the elder was and then it’d result to him lashing out a little just to see how much longer he’d remain patient.

The first day was a mess—that being the understate of the century. Jiwon had a deal to be closed in Gimpo and Hanbin had paperworks to catch up on. But from the very beginning of that day, it directly went downhill.

Jiwon was woken up by Hanbin pushing himself away from the hug and was followed by sounds of retching and coughing. Hanbin didn’t always have morning sickness but when he did, it was hellfire. Why? Because…

“Don’t touch me!” Hanbin batted his hands away when he tried to hold him.

“Why? Come on, baby, let me help y—,”

“No! I’m all gross and I smell and _ugh_ —just _get out_ , Jiwon!” Hanbin shouted, still not looking his way or moving away from the sink.

Jiwon’s shoulders drooped and couldn’t help but feel like a kicked puppy. Although, he knew the younger was just in one of his moods and he could only imagine the feeling of waking up every other morning feeling sick—he’d probably be snappy, too.

“Okay, but can I get you anything? Water? Food?”

“Oh, fuck, don’t mention food right now!” he snapped and proceeded to dry heave by the sink.

Okay, maybe water. _I’ll get some water._

After the rough start to their morning, Hanbin couldn’t work up an appetite but he needed some food in his system so he could take his vitamins and meds. He _hated_ every food suggested by the chef or Jiwon. And it didn’t help that Hanbin found the milk recommended by the doctor _disgusting_.

Jiwon had to leave early due to the long drive but he didn’t want to leave Hanbin in this state.

“Just go already. I’ll be fine. I’m sure I can get some food in me later. Don’t worry, okay?” Hanbin tried to reassure him when he got them both settled in bed again.

“I can’t help but worry, baby. Maybe I should stay,” Jiwon was so close to pouting that he was thankful Hanbin’s face was buried in his chest.

“No. It took a whole lot of strategic convincing to get Mr. Jang to agree to this meeting.”

“Maybe I could get Seungcheol to go. I’m sure he’d be willing.”

“Did you forget? He went to Japan last night since he rescheduled it the other day when we announced the pregnancy, and now he has to be there for two extra days.”

“Yunhyeong?”

“No can do, he’s tutoring the kids today since Seungcheol can’t be here.”

“Jihoon?”

“Hoshi-hyung and Jihoon has some things to work through personally. It’s a long story.”

“Hey, why do you call Hoshi hyung but not Jihoon? He’s older than the two of you, right?”

“It was so natural calling him hyung because of his caring tendencies. Calling Jihoon hyung is like calling you _Daddy_ in bed. It’s borderline weird.”

Jiwon buried his nose in Hanbin’s hair as he chuckled at that. “Okay, then how about Wonho? He _loves_ the kids. Why can’t he babysit or tutor.”

“One, don’t call it babysitting or Chanwoo will come for your throat. Two, remember the last time Wonho was left alone with the kids?”

“Oh, right, they started a fire.”

“Up to this day, we still don’t know just how they started one in the library. Besides, he’s overseeing shipment details from Germany.”

“Okay, so that leaves… Junhoe, Minho, and I.M.” Jiwon sighed. Junhoe can’t not be in the compound monitoring everything and everyone, Minho was scared of the kids more than the kids were scared of his scarred face and I.M… well, he was just not an option. He’d probably teach the kids how to clean a gun or get rid of blood in the carpet.

“Hey, look at me,” Hanbin coaxed him away from his thoughts and as always, he did everything the younger asked even as menial as looking at him, “I’ll be fine after a short nap. I’ll eat eventually, maybe fruits and all of my meds, even my milk. I’ll update you if anything happens. Don’t worry too much, okay?”

Jiwon nodded in surrender. There really was nothing else he could do if Hanbin says that.

“Kiss me?”

Now that made him smile for the first time that day. He kissed Hanbin softly in his nose and a little longer on his lips, tucked him in bed once he got out of it, and kissed him again this time in his forehead. After he finished dressing up for the day in the walk-in closet they now shared, he came back to kiss Hanbin again only to find the younger fast asleep—he kissed him anyway.

The next morning, however, was pure torture for Jiwon. Normally, Hanbin would reassure him and calm him down so he’d go and start his day. _That_ day, however, he didn’t. He was the exact opposite. To his horror, Hanbin was _clingy._ Okay, maybe not horror but it was such an unusual sight.

Hanbin was never the clingy type. Jiwon knew it was the hormones and that he shouldn’t give in to it so easily. But, _God,_ it was just too tempting to drown them both in bed and never leave it again. But what if Hanbin goes back to being the strict and workaholic Hanbin and strangle him?

“C-Can you just n-not go today? _Please?”_ Hanbin asked while clutching his arms almost painfully.

_Oh, sweet baby Jesus._

Hanbin was almost giving him the puppy dog eyes. His eyes were glassy and wide, his mouth in an adorable, fat pout, and he was _straddling_ Jiwon where the younger’s hands wrung around his neck when he saw Jiwon’s defenses crumbling down.

“Oh, baby, you know I would love to. But there’s a contract signing today and I need to be there for it since I was the one who was in the meeting.” He tried everything. Kisses, hugs, smooches, and lots of cuddling but Hanbin wouldn’t settle. At this point, he was running out of time.

“Can’t I just come with you, then? Please?”

 _Whyyyy? Why, of all days, he had to be adorable and clingy today?_ Jiwon didn’t want to miss this day because who knew when the younger would be like this again? He knew that Hanbin was usually prideful and he had to always slowly coax him to open up and tell him that it’s okay for him to be clingy and sweet—the younger would just scoff and say, _‘I’d be too weird.’_

“I would love for you to come with me, too, but it’s dangerous, my love. All sorts of things happen at these things, you know that. I can’t risk you getting hurt in any way.”

“Where is it going to be held?” Hanbin started to trail kisses down his neck and nipping at his jawline, Jiwon’s eyes almost rolled back at the light touches and gentle grinding. Going a week of no sex was making him sensitive and easy, Hanbin could easily get what he wanted with the elder.

He groaned as he tried so hard to refrain from tightening his grip on the younger’s waist, “I-It’s their home turf, baby, not our territory. I’m telling you it’s dangerous.”

“They benefit more from us than we do to them in this investment, right? With my name affiliated with them, it’s going to bring them more investors. I’m sure they can adjust with what we want.”

“And what do you want?”

The question held so many meaning and the sly grin Hanbin gave him told him that the younger understood the many implications. Hanbin understood very well that he could get what he want.

_“You,”_

He broke into a grin, seductive Hanbin hasn’t appeared in days, these days he was more of the cuddly Bin. Not that he’d complain to the two contrasting moods. He loved any version of Hanbin he could get.

“You have all of me, my love.”

Hanbin raised an eyebrow and smirked. Seemed like he’s on to something again. “Let me borrow your phone,” he said with a hand in between their chests.

And as always, Jiwon complied. Hanbin was calling someone and he had a clue to who it was.

“Hello, this is Kim Hanbin,” the younger greeted on the phone, his voice going back to being professional and stoic.

It’s like anything Hanbin does gets him hard, and the drop of his voice wasn’t an exception to that.

The conversation lasted for barely a minute. Kim Hanbin _never_ wastes time, as always. He was then typing something and as soon as Hanbin finished, he immediately crashed his whole body on Jiwon, their lips meeting almost too aggressively. His hands immediately cradled Hanbin’s head and waist flush against his, which spurred the younger on as he started to feel hands on his chest—specifically, on his necktie and the buttons of his shirt.

Maybe dressing up first wasn’t smart.

He knew he’d get hell for this but he broke the kiss and held Hanbin’s head, he looked so confused and pissed at the sudden halt. “Bin, baby, a-are you sure we should—I-I mean, can we—,”

Hanbin rolled his eyes at him, “See, this is why I told you to read together with me the books Dr. Jooheon gave me. Sex is fine, as long as we’re gentle.”

“Okay, gentle. But how about the—,”

“The meeting will be two hours from now in one of our clubs. It’s still closed so they agreed. I texted Jiyong-hyung to clear it out when we get there. Can we continue now?”

He couldn’t help the breathless laugh that came out of him at the sight of an impatient Hanbin. Looked like it wasn’t just him then.

He was still a bit scared of hurting Hanbin though so he thought of something, “Wanna ride me today?”

The answer to the question was Hanbin throwing his robe off dramatically making him chuckle again, “You don’t know how much.”

In conclusion, yes, Hanbin can and will get what he wants. Jiwon can deal with whoever gets in the way if Hanbin can’t, but he knows the younger can hold up his own.

“I missed this,” he said in between kisses and bites.

“If I didn’t initiate, you wouldn’t have done anything, weren’t you?”

“Sorry, I was just really worried and you were all cuddly and stuff.”

“I’m pregnant but I won’t break.”

“Uh-huh, okay, calm down now. Can I see you prep yourself?”

Hanbin pouted. _Pouted._ He’ll never get used to this. “Won’t you help me?”

“Aww, does my baby actually want to be babied? Okay, c’mere.”

Okay, so maybe letting Hanbin ride him wasn’t the best idea as the younger was a bit too reckless and energetic that morning. Jiwon had to take over so they could do it slowly, Hanbin protested but the agonizingly slow thrusts were driving the younger crazy and Jiwon claiming his lips nonstop made sure there were no protests.

“Oh, God, _please,_ ” Hanbin begged in near whisper. Hanbin begging was rarer in bed, and in general, and boy did that turn him the fuck on that his dick, which was already inside Hanbin snugly, twitched.

“Please what, my love?” Jiwon whispered as he continued to pound him slowly but deeply. He was savoring the moment as Hanbin’s mood swings were unpredictable as hell. _Christ,_ what he’d do just to never leave their bed.

“Anything. Just _anything._ I-I wanna—I wanna—,” Hanbin was mumbling incoherent words of pleading that made him just want to coo at the sight but he couldn’t let the younger suffer.

He kissed Hanbin’s forehead and nodded, “Okay, baby, just relax,” he said and finally thrust in earnest, not to tease but to really pleasure him to put him out of his what seemed to be a pleasurable misery.

_“Fucking hell,”_

“Promise to behave here, yeah?” Jiwon was pushing it with his choice of words but Hanbin seemed unbothered with anything and just nodded.

“I’ll wait for you,” Hanbin replied and rested his head on Jiwon’s chest again.

They were on the way to the contract signing with Minho in a huge ass van following their car and has set up computers upon computers within its confines for surveillance and back-up. Jiwon agreed he’d come along but only if Hanbin stays in the car. The meeting and contract signing will end after two to three hours max.

“You have your phone with you, right?”

Hanbin just hummed and continued to savor the last few minutes of having Jiwon to himself. It really amazed Jiwon how Hanbin could drastically change from prideful and distant to clingy and soft. They spent the entire duration of the ride left with Hanbin drowsily laying almost half on top of him while he ran his hands through the younger’s locks that would occasionally produce a soft purr and appreciative hums.

“We’re almost there, Sir,” said the driver through the partition that separated them so they could have their privacy.

When they arrived, Hanbin was fast asleep in his chest. He couldn’t leave him without a word in case he woke up alone and who knows how he’d react. So he gently laid the younger’s head on the small throw pillow they brought for instances like this and then shook him lightly. When Hanbin opened his eyes, he softly said, “Wait for me, okay? Continue sleeping, you must’ve been exhausted from a while ago.”

He left with a soft press of lips on Hanbin’s temple and finally went out of the car.

Three guards and his secretary walked into place behind him as they went inside the establishment. He looked back and saw the car they were in surrounded by their men.

_He’s safe. He’ll be fine._

He repeated those words in his head the entire time he was inside and believed that maybe if he said it enough, it’d be true.

Jiyong was on his way out of the club when Bobby and the investor finally got settled into the conference room they had. This club was the main club they owned, hence the bigger space and offices. He was shocked, to say the least, when Hanbin messaged him earlier.

He'd been planning to talk to him but couldn’t work his way to do it. It was either he got tongue-tied when they were in the same room or Hanbin would be resting.

When he found out from Hoshi how and why Hanbin got pregnant, it felt like ice cold water came down on him in one fell swoop. His biggest fear was realized when it dawned on him that he was a useless brother. _Useless._ If Hanbin remembered everything that happened before, then that meant that the hypnosis didn’t work and it was highly likely he was still suffering.

Hanbin… hid everything from him. His pain, fear, the demons that remained in his head. He realized why Hanbin withdrew from them. He thought it was just a side-effect to the hypnosis, a coping mechanism. But no, he built up a wall so they wouldn’t know that he was still in pain. Hanbin shouldn’t have to hide that, from him of all people but it was Jiyong’s fault why he did. Jiyong realized that now.

He looked up in the sky, puffing out smoke with a heavy sigh and then hung his head in shame. _Mom, Father… I’m sorry._

It was Hanbin who did everything. He didn’t rest until they were settled in their home again all those years ago, their documents sorted, their identification regained, their reputation had him as the pillar, and their empire back to where it belonged—at the top. It was all Hanbin. He was by his side, sure, but he couldn’t offer much, he couldn’t keep up with Hanbin’s drive especially after the hypnosis.

That must’ve been his distraction. He worked himself up to the bone instead of wallowing in his nightmares that Jiyong thought he’d already removed for him.

He was angry at himself, disappointed and very much ashamed.

He looked towards the sound of shuffling feet and urgent voices being spoken under their breath. It’s their men. They were hovering over the car, it was Hanbin’s. Oh, _right._ He came with Jiwon.

Jiyong couldn’t even form any sentence regarding the hypnosis, how much more the pregnancy. He hadn’t congratulated him in private, hadn’t given him gifts or even talked to him about it.

It seemed like the universe were giving him one last chance to walk up to his younger brother.

“What’s going on?” He asked to one of the guards.

“It’s Mr. Kim Hanbin, he seemed frantic and out of breath but when we opened the door and asked him, he pointed a gun at us. He ordered to close the door.”

“Is it locked?”

“I don’t think so. He didn’t seem to have bothered reaching for the lock button.”

He tried opening the door and fortunately it wasn’t locked. He looked and there Hanbin was, seated in a crouched position with his hands clutching at his skull tightly, he could tell as the veins were clearly showing.

“I said close the fucking door,” the younger growled in gritted teeth. He looked like he was containing himself from blowing up when he didn’t even look to see who it was.

“Okay,” he said and climbed inside before closing the door behind him.

At his reply, Hanbin’s head snapped in his direction, his eyes bulged, his lips pale, and sweat running down his face from his forehead. He was distressed and the only person he knew who could calm Hanbin down was still in a meeting for at least another hour.

“What happened?” he asked, almost frantically, as he no doubt worriedly looked at Hanbin.

“I-I… I—,”

_“The new lab in the blue wing is ready and the new experimentation program has been finalized. All we need is your go-signal, and we’re ready to proceed, Mr. Lee.”_

_“If the Chief Scientist deemed it as ready, then you can proceed immediately.”_

_“Maybe new subjects would work better on this, Sir.”_

_“Add two more, then, but Hanbin, Kihyun, and Hoshi should still be included.”_

_“Yes, Sir.”_

_“When is the estimated time of experimentation? I’ll have my son, Jihoon, come with so he can finally be introduced to everything and start learning.”_

_“Tomorrow at three, Sir. The subjects will have to undergo heavy anesthetics so they’d need some time before the experiment.”_

_“Perfect.”_

_Hanbin slipped away from the door that was left ajar where one of the head scientist and Mr. Lee were having a conversation._

_Tomorrow... under heavy anesthetics… new experiment… new test subjects apart from the three of us. No. It was time to end this. They’d been planning it for weeks and tomorrow will be the perfect opportunity for Jihoon to help him._

_“Hanbin? Are you okay?” Hoshi asked the moment he came back in the room that was for the three of them specifically. He was coming back from spending the one hour per week he had to visit his siblings. Jiyong and him had talked and strategized as much as they could and he kissed Lia good night hoping he wouldn’t have to walk away from them again after tomorrow._

_“Yeah. I’m fine. Where’s Kihyun-hyung?” It was better not to tell Hoshi, he wasn’t equipped to lie. The staff would see right through him and it could fuck up his plans. He’ll just have to drag his hyungs’ ass tomorrow even when he knew they’d be confused and scared as hell._

_“He’s at the infirmary. I think he was spiking up a fever so I got someone to take him there.”_

_Shit. Kihyun was in the infirmary._ How the fuck do I go there from the blue wing and then out of this place with the allotted time I have? It was all already planned out.

_“He’ll be alright by tomorrow, don’t worry.” Hoshi said immediately after worry painted over his face._

_That night, he struggled to go to sleep. He’d need all the energy he could muster._

_Next thing he knew, he was standing defiantly in front of Mr. Lee with Hoshi by his side, both of the boys wearing gas masks and all the scientists and nurses surrounding them already collapsed in different spots in the floor. He threw one more mask at the elder in front of him who was becoming dizzy in his seat._

_Mr. Lee took it and wore it desperately. After three breaths…_

_The gun’s sound reverberated all across the lab but this wing was soundproofed and the surveillance cameras not yet functioning. For all the smart people this pig hired, he still wasn’t the smartest cookie of the bunch._

_One shot in his dick. He was worse than an animal, he deserved that._

_Hanbin could hear Hoshi’s sharp intake of breath but he was empty. No remorse, no fear, no nothing. He wanted this man’s death, and he’ll get it._

_One shot near the horrified man’s heart. He had to confirm the demon he had for an uncle had a heart._

_He stepped near the dying man and stared into his eyes. “Beg,” he said. There was no force in his voice, no anger, and no emotions. But it held a lot of weight. Before the man could even do what was being said, Hanbin jammed a finger on the chest wound making the man bellow in pain._ Pathetic.

_“P-Please… s-spare m-m-my li—“_

_Last shot in his head._

_Hanbin was so near Mr. Lee that some of the blood splattered on his face. Blood._

Blood on his hands.

_“Hanbin!”_

_Hoshi-hyung was screaming his name._

_“Hanbin!”_

_He looked back and his hyung seemed so frantic as he looked in horror at Hanbin’s face._

_“H-Hyung…”_

_No, no, no, he had to explain to his hyung. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was just—_

_“Hanbin, wake up!”_

_“What?”_

_“You’re covered in blood! Wake up! There’s blood! Hanbin, there’s blood! There’s blood on your face! BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS!”_

Hanbin gasped as he immediately shot up from where he was sleeping. He clutched harshly on his chest to get his heart to _slow the fuck_ down. But, he couldn’t. His eyes dimmed and was bathed in red. _Blood?_

No. There’s no blood. His head was spinning from being short of breath, air came down the wrong pipe making him cough as he struggled to breathe. _Why the fuck can’t I breathe?_

He was focusing on getting a grip in reality and not let himself drown in his dreams or else he’ll work himself up in a panic attack. The car door opened and for a minute he swore he would’ve broken down if it was Jiwon. Why? He doesn’t know, but he felt like he would. But no. It was one of the guards. He immediately snapped at the guy and returned to heaving lungful breaths.

It didn’t help his racing heart when he saw that it was Jiyong who opened the door again.

“What happened?” he immediately asked.

“I-I… I—,” he couldn’t get another word out past that. He knew that his hyung knew about the truth but he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed and apologetic. On top of that, he was feeling light-headed and sick now after taking in too much oxygen and working himself up. He felt that he wasn’t going to go into a panic attack but he was still shaking. _“Hyung,”_ he couldn’t help but call out to his hyung.

This was the first time in a very long time that he allowed himself to need Jiyong. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, it was just that he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Come here,” Jiyong said in understanding as he enveloped him in a hug. “Hyung’s here, Binnie.”

His eyes stung as tears began to well. _Ugh, damn hormones._

“C-Can you keep me company until Jiwon comes back? I don’t want to call and worry him.”

“Of course. For as long as you need and want me, I’ll always keep you company.”

He tightened his hold on Jiyong. This felt nice. He had held himself back and built up a wall too high to penetrate that he almost forgot how brotherly love felt. It was nice finally letting himself go in front of someone else other than Jiwon and it felt right that it was his hyung.

“Thank you,” he whispered against Jiyong’s chest, still clutching him in a tight hug.

“You don’t have to thank me, Binnie. You really don’t have to. After everything I’ve done and didn’t.”

“Y-You’re not mad? That I kept this hidden from you? That I avoided you and let you take care of Lia alone?”

“Of course, not. I may not know exactly what was in your head but I understand. At the very least, I understand. And without you, how else would I have taken care of Lia? Yes, she might be a little upset and confused, but I’m sure she’ll understand when you’re ready to talk to her.”

His mind was screaming at him with words of contradiction, that it was too good to be true and that this was only because Jiyong didn’t want to stress him out because he was pregnant but… he was tired. Tired of hiding and hesitating to accept any form of love or affection. So he nodded. He trusted his hyung.

“I love you, okay?” Jiyong said againt the top of his head while squeezing him slightly.

Hanbin nodded again, this time without missing a beat, “I love you, too, hyung.” He sniffed and refused to look at him, "STOP MAKING ME MORE OF AN EMOTIONAL MESS THAN I ALREADY AM."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this was boring, I'm really sorry :< I've has writer's block but I was rushing to finish this since I'll be returning the laptop I've been using tomorrow and I don't know when I'll be able to update again. But I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. I will update whenever I can.
> 
> I'll appreciate the comments and kudos, always! <3
> 
> Edit: It’s June 12 already. A year has flown by since Hanbin finally got his freedom from that sorry excuse of a company (still trying not to be salty). Let’s not be too sad and instead be grateful that this freedom gave Hanbin the rest he deserved after being milked by that company only to be thrown under the bus. But Hanbin taught us not to hate on anyone and the least we could do is listen to him. Please don’t stop waiting for Hanbin, he’s worth it.


	10. Peaches and Kisses

“The babies are healthy, their heartbeats are normal, and there seem to be nothing out of the ordinary.” Dr. Jooheon concluded as he settled back down in the single couch in the living room of their bedroom.

“That’s a relief. I know I’ve been a bit paranoid, calling you almost every other hour. No matter how many books I read, I feel like I’m falling short in taking care of myself and my babies,” he sighed begrudgingly as he, too, settled in the couch opposite the doctor’s after getting off of the examination bed. But a small smile did grace his features when Jiwon immediately curled an arm around him and let his head fall back against the man.

“It’s okay. Remember, your pregnancy is different and something no one has ever studied before so it’s great that you tell me everything that’s going on and what you’re feeling. From what I can tell, your body’s adjustment and reaction to pregnancy is more intense than a female pregnancy. But, don’t worry, morning sickness and sensitivity to smell is normal in the first trimester, if all goes well, it’ll calm down by the second trimester.”

Two weeks ago was the first appointment they had with Dr. Jooheon and when the doctor called to say that he was eight weeks pregnant through lab results, it was decided they’d have an appointment again this week. It turned out, he was already pregnant since the month of August and his due date was around the first week of May—May fifteen of two thousand and twenty.

“I hope it does. I’m tired of constantly getting up just when I feel comfortable, only to throw up and pee every goddamn minute.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see. As long as you’re diligent with your vitamins, milk, and healthy diet, it’ll all be fine.”

“I still hate the milk.”

Dr. Jooheon chuckled a little and smiled in sympathy. “Well, there are other brands that offers different flavors, if that’ll help. I just recommended the one you have now since it was the top recommendation.”

“I want chocolate,” he declared, still with an evident frown in his face that Jiwon immediately soothed with his fingers and whispered, “You’ll get wrinkles,” to which gained the elder a deserved elbow to his ribs.

“I’ll have them sent here, then. Do you have any other concerns?”

“When is the next ultrasound?”

“We could have it at your second trimester. Why?”

“Oh, nothing. I just liked seeing them moving and having their pictures.” Well,  liked  would be an understatement. It was almost a daily morning ritual for him to stare at the framed photo of the ultrasound pictures they had from the first appointment when he relaxes after throwing up. It comforted his doubts and fears whenever he sees the photo and it became part of the morning ritual for Jiwon hugging him from behind as he continued to stare at the photo and they both admire it with wistful gazes.

And, he even caught Jiwon watching the video on his phone of the ultrasound, his smile almost splitting his face. It was absolutely adorable and endearing.

“Oh, if you want, we can have an ultrasound every month.”

“Would it be okay?”

“Don’t worry. Having multiple ultrasound examinations during pregnancy is unlikely to cause any lasting harm to the developing babies. Although, I’d advice we have another one next month.”

“It’s fine. I’m feeling a bit queasy sitting up at this time of the day so I could use some rest.”

“Don’t forget your exercise.”

“Of course, Doc.”

Jiwon saw the doctor out as he remained seated, almost ready to fall into the abyss of sleep. By God and all that is holy, he felt tired and sleepy even when it was barely noon and he hadn’t even done anything apart from the doctor’s appointment and eating breakfast—which he eventually threw up because the aftertaste of the sautéed kale on his sandwich didn’t sit right in his stomach and mouth.

Ugh. I miss liking food.

Just as he was about to nod off, he felt familiar arms around him and he hummed when he felt Jiwon lift jhim up from the couch to their bed.

“Stay,” he said, his voice barely above whisper as he struggled in his grasp of consciousness. It was weekend and Jiwon promised that weekends belongs to him and the babies, and only them.

“I’m here, baby. Sleep,” Jiwon coaxed as he settled against him, spooning him with his hand caressing the baby bump that managed to sneak up on him but the elder always noticed the changes.

“Oh, you’re here, where’s Bobby-oppa?” Lia asked when she let him in her room.

“I wanted peaches,” he answered when he carefully made himself comfortable in the settee not far from the grand piano that was in the younger’s living room adjacent to her bedroom.

“Peaches? I’m sure we could’ve asked one of the servants to procure some.”

Hanbin shrugged, “I wanted him to get it for me personally.”

“What? Poor, Bobby-oppa. And now, what, you can’t settle?” Lia lifted an eyebrow while continuing to sip her afternoon tea, a ghost of a smirk evident.

“Yeah,” he pouted, “Play me something.”

Lia scoffed, “And here I thought you came here to discuss about the baby shower.”

His relationship with his siblings have been making heaps and heaps of development by the day. It was harder with Lia as he felt really awkward at the beginning but Jiyong helped with making the atmosphere more light and comfortable. To his surprise, Lia opened up to him sooner than he thought she would as she was always the reserved type but it seemed that she might’ve been bottling it all up. When they were finally comfortable with being just the two of them, they’ve spent a lot of time together. Hanbin couldn’t fully explain to her how it was possible for him to get pregnant as it would result to telling her more about the situation they faced back then but she understood. She laid a hand on his when she saw him hesitate and said, “It’s okay. There are some scenarios wherein ignorance is truly bliss. You can tell me when the time is right. I trust you.”

He really was lucky that Lia grew up to be how she was and he couldn’t even take any credit for it since he had little influence on her growth. But he was glad that he wasn’t too late. They spent their time with playing their Mom’s piano, gardening, tutoring along with Chanwoo and Ryujin, and even talking to her about some of the legal businesses they owned.

Lia was intelligent and resilient, her eyes held the same sharp gaze the men in their family had but it always softened when they’re out of their lessons; her eyes glowing just like their mother’s. It amazed him seeing their similarities that Jiwon would helpfully point out, and when he talked about it to Jiyong, he realized that even the elder hadn’t noticed some of them.

If anything, Lia was much more advanced, competent, and capable than they were when they were her age. It made him really proud to see that their sister could hold her own and was much more a Kim than some of their blood relatives were. Okay, maybe that made her a little scary but she was his sister and everything she did made his heart swell, other people’s opinions be damned.

“We don’t even know their genders yet. Can we hold the baby shower without knowing?”

“Oh, wait, that’s perfect! When will you know the genders?”

“I think by the next appointment? Why?”

“Don’t let Dr. Jooheon tell you the genders! The results will be for my ears and my ears only. It’s going to be a surprise for your baby shower! What do you think?”

“What?” He gasped, appalled. “Is that necessary?”

“I’ve been looking up baby shower ideas and having a gender reveal would be really beautiful. It’ll be the highlight of the day!”

Hanbin pouted and slumped back, “I’ve been looking forward to finding out though.”

Lia immediately stood up from her seat and walked towards him, her determined gaze shifting to something akin to worried and amused, “Then we’ll have the baby shower the day after the appointment so you wouldn’t have to wait for longer. I’m sure the event organizer can pull it off.”

He sniffed, feeling a little emotional he didn’t even know why, “Why are you so capable at thirteen? You’re thirteen, right? I didn’t skip a birthday?”

Lia scrunched her nose and giggled, “You never miss birthdays, oppa. Yes, I am thirteen but I’m also a Kim so this is a piece of cake for me.”

“Ugh, now that you mentioned food, I’m itching for those peaches.”

He took out his phone and was about to dial Jiwon’s number when Lia took his phone from him. “I’m sure Bobby-oppa is doing his best,. If you call him, it’ll only make him nervous and guilty, you know how much you have him wrapped around your finger.”

“Hey! Don’t say it like that!”

“Like what? It’s true, though. Even before you became pregnant.”

He scoffed, “Oh yeah? What made you think that?”

Lia smirked and booped his nose, “I’m your sister, of course I’m observant. You, on the other hand, need to brush up your skills. My gut feeling is telling me you’re becoming rusty.”

He gasped dramatically, “How could you?”

“Am I wrong?” she then taunted, her voice teasing and her eyes held such suspicious mirth.

“I’m always observant!”

“Uh-huh, right. Have you even observed Bobby-oppa holding back?”

His brows creased at that. “What do you mean?”

“Well... I don’t know exactly but I often catch him looking at you and wanting to say something but just shuts his mouth.”

“What? When?”

“The last time would be...” she raised her chin and looked up a little trying to remember, “when I was playing you a song here. You and Bobby-oppa were seated there. You looked all peaceful snuggled up to him and I simply caught him looking at you with such a conflicted look.”

Hanbin felt cold sweat forming in his forehead. He hadn’t noticed that. When their eyes met, Jiwon always looked so serene and happy.  Was he having second thoughts? Was he regretting it now? Does he want out? Or maybe—

“Hey, hey, hey! Snap out of it! I’m not done yet,” Lia immediately stopped his warring thoughts. “Why are you so negative all the time, geez.”

“Well, I can’t help but think that way.”

Lia rolled her eyes, “I don’t think it’s something relatively negative. I think he just wants to say something and he’s scared of how you’ll react.”

“What could it possibly be? I mean, he’s always encouraging me to voice my thoughts, emotions, and all that so why won’t he do the same?”

“Lord, give me patience,” Lia groaned as she looked up at the ceiling, “how could you be this clueless?”

“Just get on with it, Li. Stop making me anxious,” he whined. Yes, he was a whiner now and yes, he glared at everyone who’d react to it in any way.

“I don’t know  exactly,  but isn’t it weird that you guys have been in a relationship for God knows how long and he still can’t voice his thoughts?”

He swallowed thickly, “Actually, Li...”

“What?”

“We’re not in a relationship.”

“What do you mean? You guys literally made babies.”

“Forget it. You’re too young for this. Just please play me something.” Obviously, he can’t tell his sister that the only relationship he and Jiwon had were only limited in bed and was only a means to get off. Jiwon just helped him calm down... through whips, ball gags, chains, and ramming his dick into Hanbin’s ass. No. He can’t damn well say that.

“Okay, okay, not going to ask the details of that but you do love each other, right? I mean, I see it in your eyes and actions.”

Well wasn’t that the million dollar question.  Are we in love with each other?  Was he himself even capable of that kind of love? He cares for Jiwon, yeah. And always misses him, but that could be the hormones. He feels safe with the elder, he flourishes when he gets Jiwon’s attention, he absolutely loved it when Jiwon showers with affection but...  _Do I love him?_

It was easy to love Jiwon. But, it isn’t easy for him. Loves means surrender and vulnerability for Hanbin. It isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows. Deep down he knew his feeling for what it was but flat-out admit it? It was scary and daunting, more than any illegal activities he participated in.

_Does Jiwon even love me?_ Like yeah, he’s always said it once in an outburst and always used the term “I would love to”  whenever he asked for something. But, he never said it without anything that would prompt him to and Hanbin couldn’t blame him because he didn’t even respond to him with those three words. Well, now he felt shitty.

He heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head, “I don’t know, Li. It’s complicated.”

Lia tutted and wagged her index finger in his face like a mother reprimanding her stupid child, “That’s what all you adults say. It’s a lame excuse, really.”

“Well, what do you suggest? I already feel like sh—a terrible person. He looks out for me a lot and does everything for me, I don’t like thinking that he’s troubled in way because of me.”

“Is it really so hard to say you love him?”

He looked at her, “Is saying it really necessary?”

Lia shrugged, “I suppose not but it helps assure a person. I mean, I knew you loved me but hearing you say it made me feel more at ease and loved.”

“Awww, do you love me that much?” He gushed and lightly slapped his hands on her cheeks, making her look like a puffer fish.

She immediately slapped his hands away, “Ugh, shut up. Focus, oppa.”

“Oh, right, right, so what now?”

“Well, I guess if you can’t say it like the coward that you are—“

“Hey!”

“Then show it.”

He scratched his neck at a loss, “Show it? How? You know how awkward I am.”

“Look, oppa, as much I’d love to help you with this, I DON’T HOLD THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING,” she looked at him all defeated and tired of his clueless ass.

_This family is so hot-headed, geez._

“Alright, alright, I’ll figure it out myself. Play me something already, you just gave a headache.”

“You’re a walking headache,” she deadpanned mercilessly.

“Hey, I thought you love me!”

“That doesn’t make you less annoying. All you adults do is give us problems.”

Before he could even clap back, she silenced him with a stern gaze and hiss. Lia then made him lie down on the settee.

“Try to relax, oppa. I’m sure you can think of something when your mind is at ease,” she said and kissed his forehead sweetly. Such a vast contrast to the screaming and irritated sister from earlier.

Lia gracefully sat down on the seat by the piano and moved her fingers along the keys. It was Chopin’s  _Nocturne No. 2._

He tried to let his mind rest and just let the music flow through his mind. It relaxed him, it always does but he can’t keep it buried in the back of his head. He’ll think of something eventually. Jiwon was nothing if not patient with him.

Jiwon knocked on the door in front of him, the door to Lia’s room. When he came back with the peaches and dropped them off to the chef to have it prepared, he couldn’t find Hanbin in their room and when that happened it was usually Lia’s room or his office. He doubted Hanbin would step into his office on a weekend though so there he was.

“Bobby-oppa, he’s asleep,” Lia opened the door and whispered softly while pointing to the sleeping Hanbin on the settee.

He immediately smiled at the sight. Hanbin’s hair that was a little longer than usual gorgeously fell on his face, he had an adorable little frown between his brows as if concentrating really hard to sleep, his lips puckering a little looking plump and red like his cheeks, and his hands laid atop his growing belly clad in one of Jiwon’s office button down shirts. Really, it was a sight worth to be titled as the eight wonder of the world but reserved just for him.

He forced himself to tear his eyes away from Hanbin to look at Lia who was looking at him both fondly and teasingly, “Could you have the made get the peaches sent up when it’s ready while I take Hanbin back to our room?”

“No problem. Go on, I think he missed you to the point of sleeping it off.”

He ruffled her hair just a little to annoy her and approached Hanbin. Carefully, he settled the younger in his arms and carried him out of Lia’s room. He felt Hanbin tighten his hold on him, buried his face against Jiwon’s neck and sighed contentedly.  _God, I love him._

When he settled Hanbin in bed, the younger fluttered his eyes open slowly and tried to process where he was and what was happening. It was adorable, really.

“Hi,” he whispered and kissed Hanbin’s nose.

“Hi,” he replied softly with his signature small smile, “I missed you.” Sleepy Hanbin was always honest and vocal with absolutely no filter, and Jiwon was very thankful for that. It was rare for Hanbin to admit something like that out of the blue.

“Yeah? Want me lie down beside you? The peaches should be here in a little while, we could rest—“

_“I want you in me,”_

Jiwon choked on his own saliva at the younger’s words, “W-What?”

“I said I missed you and I want you inside me,”

“B-But baby the—“

A soft little sob tore through his heart and it came from Hanbin whose eyes were starting to well with tears. Uh-oh.

“Do y-you not want me anymore?”

“No, baby, that’s not—“

“Do I look fat and ugly now? Am I—“

Okay, he had to stop this nonsense now. Fat? Ugly? Where did those even come from?

“Shh, baby, stop. No, that’s not even close to the truth. You’re fucking ethereal, you know that? Don’t even think for a second you’re anything less than that or I’ll be offended, okay?”

Hanbin sniffed and stared at him all pouty with unshed tears as if assessing his words but eventually nodded.

“I was a little caught off-guard with your words. It’s not because I don’t want to do it with you. You rarely say stuff like that ever since the pregnancy and it’s not like we can do it all the time. We still have to be careful,” he said earnestly. It’s not that he was complaining but ever since they found out he was pregnant, they’ve only had sex at least once a week and was strictly vanilla.

“But...” Hanbin trailed off and suddenly wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“But what, baby?” he coaxed with his hand caressing the younger’s cheeks so he’d look at him.

Hanbin met his eyes and said determinedly, “I really want you in me.”

“Okay, okay, calm down—“

“Now.”

Jiwon sighed and couldn’t stop the smile from his face at the demanding Hanbin before him. The hormones changed him from sexy to adorable.

Before Hanbin could even get another word of demand out, Jiwon claimed his lips to shut him up effectively. Ever since the development of Hanbin’s pregnancy, the younger has become more plump, fresh, glowing, and soft around the edges. Just when he thought Hanbin couldn’t look more beautiful in the confines of their underground floor shenanigans in chains and whips, he goes and gets pregnant looking a million times more beautiful. He proceeded to drown Hanbin in kisses and compliments that just made the younger laugh even more than he was turned on.

“Okay, okay, you win!” Hanbin said, all the while laughing breathlessly as he made exaggerated kissing noises on the Hanbin’s neck.

“Hanbin, I...” he gulped. The words were stuck in his throat and he couldn’t seem to get it out but he really wanted to. “I lo—,”

The knock on the door nearly made him explode. Great. Just great.

“The peaches are here, Sir,” the maid announced.

He sighed and hung his head. When would he ever have the courage to say those words again? The timing and atmosphere was already ruined. But maybe it was for the better. He didn’t want to pressure Hanbin into saying it back just because he was pregnant with Jiwon’s children.

“I’ll get it,” he said instead and made a move to get the door.

“Ji, um...”

Jiwon hummed, afraid to even say something.

“N-Nothing. I’m hungry,”

He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath and it felt like something pierced through his whole being.  I’m fine. It’s fine. We’re fine.

He opened the door and took the tray from the maid before she bowed and left.

“It was supposed to be pears poached in red wine but I got the chef to make a healthier alternative. Here,” he offered Hanbin a bite-sized piece and he smiled as soon as Hanbin moaned in delight, chewing the fruit softly. “Good?”

Hanbin nodded, “Want to taste it?”

“Hm? Oh it’s o—,” he was cut off when Hanbin popped another piece in his own mouth with some sauce dribbling down his chin and kissed him right then and there. The perfect balance of sweet, spice, and fruity flavors with Hanbin’s lips was enough to make him go crazy.

To say that Hanbin was skillful with his mouth was an understatement. Jiwon could surrender his everything at the feeling of soft to harsh tugs and sucks along with the sinful noises he made.

“Good?” Hanbin said between pants, an evident smirk painting his face.

“Hmmm, not sure, do it again,” he teased but the younger didn’t seem to mind doing so.

“Feed me, then,”

“As you wish, your Highness,” he gave one last kiss and continued to feed him. All the while waiting for every make out session in between spoonfuls.

So maybe they suck at stating their feelings verbally but hey, at least they try to make up for it through actions. Jiwon wasn’t in a rush and there was no need to be. He still has his doubts but whenever Hanbin smiled and kissed him, he’s reassured again. It would have to be enough. He wished to hear those three words but if Hanbin didn’t want to commit that much into their relationship yet, he understood. Hanbin went through a lot and he was nothing if not understanding about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally got to update! I’m sorry if it took so long and yet I dont even know how many words this chapter consisted of. And im sorry if it isnt as detailed as how i normally write. Writing with a phone vs a laptop makes a huge difference for me. And yall should be proud of me, I finished this in the middle of a searing headache and fever because i was so guilty going days without an update. I hope you guys enjoyed it ❤️


	11. Little Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s bound to be some typos in here or something but im too lazy to proofread when im using my phone 😪 still saving up for that laptop but I did my best!

Hanbin was almost convinced that for all of his achievements as a child and as an adult, he was a dumbass.

“Woah, did you cremate someone in here?” he heard Yunhyeong say when he came inside the kitchen. The guy seemed to have just come back from the business trip in Germany.

He sighed in surrender and sat down on the kitchen island as the maid cleaned up after him. “I was trying to cook.”

“Were you hungry? Is the chef not here for some reason? I could easily whip up something for you if you just wait for a minute,” Yunhyeong offered and asked the maid to get him an apron.

“No, no, no,” he tried to appease the worried man, “the chef’s here and I’m not hungry.”

“Oh? Then why...?”

“Promise you won’t laugh at me?” he asked like a child. Hanbin was way past being stern and prideful, he was either demanding or soft these days.

He saw Yunhyeong trying to stop the smile creeping up his face and schooled his expression, “Promise.”

“I wanted to cook something for Jiwon.”

“Awww,” Yunhyeong gushed and Hanbin threw him a glare but the other only proceeded to snort and laugh. “That’s sweet and all but you shouldn’t have to unnecessarily do everything alone. You can still cook for him AND ask for help. You’re pregnant and a first-timer so it’s fine.”

“You think so?” Hanbin asked, still unsure and wary. It relieved him that Yunhyeong didn’t pry about his sudden act of sweetness towards Jiwon since they weren’t in a real relationship but Hanbin was working on it.

He wanted to cook for Jiwon and take care of him just as much as the elder took care of Hanbin despite his moods and cravings. Saying those three words still haunted him and still felt like a huge step he can’t seem to take so he was showing his feelings and gratitude through gestures like this. And as he sat there with the burnt food and messy kitchen being cleaned up, he felt foolish and his feet hurt.

“I know so,” Yunhyeong said confidently and smiled at him. “So what do you say? Want me to help you?”

“You wouldn’t mind?” he couldn’t help the high-pitched, hopeful tone in his voice but caught himself and tried to regain a neutral expression, “But, you just came back from Germany, no? You must be exhausted.”

“Nah, I arrived yesterday and spent the night at Donghyuk’s,” he confessed trying to say it lightly like it’s not a big deal.

Hanbin raised an eyebrow and looked at him with suspicious eyes. Donghyuk was a stripper-performer in a club Hanbin invested in as a small favor to a friend he and Junhoe knew from the orphanage, the very same club he met Jiwon, but he wasn’t just any stripper. The man was reserved for the creme de la creme and was very popular for his face and body. He knew Yunhyeong had an eye for Donghyuk but he didn’t think it’d be serious. Was it though?

“Don’t look at me like that, I know what you’re thinking and no, we’re not in a relationship.” Yunhyeong assured but Hanbin didn’t mind. Why the hell would he? He was just curious.

“But you fuck?”

Yunhyeong gasped dramatically, “Kim Hanbin, I never took you for a crude person. What a vulgar thing to say.”

He rolled his eyes and threw an oven mitt on his face. “Shut up. Just tell me.”

“Okay, okay, but tell me what you were planning on cooking first so we can do that while we gossip.”

“Ew. Don’t say gossip. And I was going to make steak and pasta.”

“How ambitious for a person who hasn’t even lifted a knife his whole life.”

“I did. It was just a different kind and for a whole different reason.” Hanbin had a variety of knives he had collected as a hobby. A fucked up one but who’d judge in this household?

“Of course it was. Now, come on then,” Yunhyeong beckoned and he did.

“Well?” he prompted when Yunhyeong seemed to have forgotten that they were talking about his relationship with Donghyuk—or lack thereof.  _Is it normal for people like us to have weird relationships?_

“Chop these up,” Yunhyeong said and gave him the vegetables that he just washed. “Okay, first of all, we don’t fuck. Donghyuk is very traditional when it comes to that,” that caused his eyebrows to fly up and felt bad for stereotyping, “and I don’t want to force him to.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yes. Very much so,” Yunhyeong said without even blinking. For a minute, Hanbin was jealous of how easy it was for the other man to admit it and be upfront about it. He lowkey wished he was like that, too. But he was a coward.

“Does he like you?”

Yunhyeong shrugged and smiled, “I told I liked him two years ago but that it doesn’t mean he had to reciprocate. Having his company was enough and it still is.”

“Two years ago? What have you guys been doing whenever you’re together? And trust me, I know you’re almost always together when you’re both not working.”

“Stalker. We just hang out and travel. He’s a psychology student, too, so we talk a lot when something is bothering me.”

“He is?”

“Yeah, took him a while since he was the one supporting his sister because their mom was sick. When he had enough money for both his sister and his own education, he went back to university.”

“Be his sugar daddy then and pay for everything.”

“What the—no. He’d hate me if I offer him that.”

Hanbin shrugged, “Donghyuk seems like a smart guy who just resorted to stripping so he could earn enough. I’m sure if he can get a way out, he would.”

“He’d be offended.”

“Butter him up to the idea then and gradually make him agree. I thought you were charming, geez. Tell him that he can pay you back in the future or something since I’m sure you’re not going to ask anything of him in exchange for some money.”

“But he doesn’t have to.”

Hanbin groaned in frustration, “I know, man, but he doesn’t have to know that so that he’d agree without his conscience beating him up. And think about it, if he stopped stripping, he’ll have more time to study and graduate faster, AND spend more time with you. Then you’ll have lots of opportunities to sweep him off his feet, wife him up, and live happily ever after.”

“That sounds too good to be true.”

“Of course it is but it’s do-able.”

“I don’t think I can do it.”

“Yun, you’ve closed hundreds of deals and agreements in the confines of a meeting room. Just make it sound like a business proposal or a friend lending a hand.”

“Ugh, you’re going to pester me about this until I do it, aren’t you?”

Hanbin grinned, “Of course I am.”

“Do that but first accept his co-worker Jinhwan as a tutor.”

“Oh, yeah. Minho already finished the background check and I was going to ask Junhoe to contact the guy and interview him.”

“Why Junhoe?”

“I wanted to be the one to interview him but I’m pregnant as hell and I didn’t want to be the guy’s reason for premature heart attack. If the interview goes smoothly, Junhoe will have Jinhwan sign the NDA and then tell him about my current situation. We can’t risk information leaking out.”

“Where to, Sir?” the chauffeur asked as he opened the door for Jiwon.

“Home,” he replied with a tired smile.

It was starting to dawn on him how much work Hanbin had to do and how efficient he was compared to Jiwon. No wonder Hanbin had the tendency to be uptight and hot-headed. He ran a tight ship with a tight schedule. Jiwon had only been with Hanbin half of the time so he didn’t know the extent of the workload. And yet he always managed to get home for dinner. This gave him a new reason to love and respect Hanbin even more than he already did.

“Itching to go home?” came Dylan’s snide comment even when he was finishing up the adjustments in Jiwon’s schedule.

“Shut up,” he bit back but still said in a low voice, almost whining, “of course I am.”

Dylan chuckled and patted him consolingly, “You two are the busiest ones and yet you guys still managed to have a love life. This is unfair.”

“Who told you to live like a saint?”

“Screw you. It’s almost just as tiring to be Hanbin’s secretary as it is to be him. I don’t even have time to get laid.”

“Thanks, that just made me feel better.”

“That was the last thing I wanted. Damn it.”

When the car finally pulled over in the entrance of the house, he didn’t even wait for the chauffeur to open the door for him and bolted out. He could still hear Dylan’s laughter when he opened the doors.

He was about to make his way towards the elevator but stopped when he heard Hanbin’s voice. “Jiwon?”

He turned his head this way and that as he tried to find the owner of the voice and there he was, lo and behold, by the corner, his head peeking out from the kitchen.

“Hey, don’t run! Geez,” Hanbin tried to reprimand him but ended up laughing when he stood before the younger with a dopey grin.

“Hi,” he greeted and kissed him square on the lips.

“Please consider that everyone here besides you guys are single!” Dylan shouted and then bolted to the elevator when Hanbin glared at him.

“Dylan’s right,” Yunhyeong sighed from the kitchen and removed his apron.

“Oh, shut up, don’t think I don’t know you were in Dong’s place last night,” he retorted and shamelessly back-hugged Hanbin which caused the only single person left to roll his eyes.

“Yeah and you know that it ain’t the same thing.”

Jiwon shrugged, “Not my fault you’re a coward.”

Yunhyeong scoffed dramatically, “The disrespect after all the help I’ve given to your Hanbin in making you dinner.”

He almost snapped his neck when he tore his eyes away from Yunhyeong and turn to the man he was hugging, “You made dinner?”

Hanbin nodded and smiled up at him sweetly, “Yeah, I finished up paperwork early and wanted to surprise you.”

“Oh, baby, you didn’t have to but thank you,” he beamed and showered him obnoxiously loud smooches.

“Ugh, I’m out of here. I’m going out and I’m using your favorite car as a token of your appreciation,” Yunhyeong announced.

“Where are you going?” he asked as he laughed at Yunhyeong’s disgusted yet jealous face.

“I don’t fucking know. Find a way to get Donghyuk pregnant or something,” Yunhyeong grumbled and got out, not once looking back.

“Well, that got rid of him.”

“You’re mean. He did seventy percent of the work while I interrogated him about his lovelife,” Hanbin chastised but still laughed and pinched his side, “Come on, let’s eat.”

He felt heat rise up from his neck up to ears when Hanbin slid his hands and clasped it with Jiwon’s before dragging him through the kitchen and out into garden. They stopped by the one of the patios where there were food laid out.

“It’s steak and ravioli. You loved them for dinner so I got Yun to help me prepare them since I almost burned down the kitchen at my first attempt.”

“You, what?” Jiwon almost shouted but watched his tone. Hanbin was still very much sensitive and it wouldn’t do anyone good in raising their voices to Hanbin, especially Jiwon.

“Yeah but it wasn’t that bad.”

Jiwon sighed and cupped Hanbin’s cheeks, “But, baby, you need to be extra careful. I love that you thoughtfully made me dinner but I don’t want you to risk your safety.”

“Ji, relax, the maids were with me. I immediately stopped when the disaster began.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t be annoying as long as you promise me to be really, really careful.”

Not treating it as a big issue was definitely worth it when he saw the beaming grin and nose scrunch Hanbin gave him along with, “I promise. Kiss me then?”

He wasted no time in heeding the sweet request. It wasn’t rare anymore these days and it made Jiwon lowkey wish that Hanbin was pregnant forever so he could always have him in his arms like this but that was selfish and he knew the struggle the younger always went through because of the pregnancy. He just had to savor every moment of it.

Hanbin’s hands inched up to his hair and pulled him closer, making the kiss deeper and more sensual than how it started. His hands groped the swell of Hanbin’s butt and squeezed them with a low growl. This just got him all worked up and heated. But before they could take it further, Hanbin pulled back with a sly grin.

He pouted at the loss of soft lips against his, “I want more. Baby, please, I was so tired today and I really only ever thought of kissing you all day.”

“You’ll have your kisses later, as much as you want. But let’s have dinner first, okay?”

He nodded dutifully and pushed back a chair for the younger, carefully assisting him in sitting down. One can never be too careful. After that, he sat down across from Hanbin.

The table was prepared beautifully with a white tablecloth, candles in iron candelabra shed some light for their dimming surroundings, and their food laden along with their dinner set up but not too fancy. It was perfect for them.

They ate in silence and talked about this and that. They had fun in talking about remotely anything, even work-related. Jiwon told him of recent developments, offers, deals, and even about the new trainees in the compound. Hanbin would offer some help by giving suggestions on how to do things more efficiently so he wouldn’t tire himself out.

“Anything new happened today at home?”

Hanbin hummed, “Not really. I’m trying not to get bored or else I’ll lose my mind. I like working in the office but I knew you’d nag at me so I try and find something else to do. We painted today, the kids and I, before I went to the kitchen.”

“I’d love to see you paint,” he mused and didn’t miss the slight glimmer in Hanbin’s eyes when he said the word ‘love’. He doubted himself if he was hallucinating or not.

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t love seeing what happened to one of your shirts that I wore today.”

“It’s covered in paint, isn’t it?”

Hanbin snickered, not an ounce of remorse showing, “Maybe.”

“Well maybe I’ll cover you up with something else tonight,” he clearly saw Hanbin froze and a shiver run up from the younger’s spine when he lowered his voice more than usual. The use of his voice always elicited different reactions from Hanbin and boy was Jiwon glad about that.

“I actually didn’t make any dessert,” Hanbin said and leaned forward with a hand on his chin, looking straight in his eyes.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” If this led up to what he thought this would lead to, then this would be his second favorite surprise from Hanbin. The first one was the pregnancy, of course.

“I was craving for something else all week and I was kind of hoping you were, too,” Hanbin stood up from his chair and went around the table. He couldn’t help the low moan when the younger sat right down sideways with his ass square on his crotch. “It’s weekend tomorrow, no work.”

“Uh-huh. What did you have in mind, baby?” he ran his hands slowly in Hanbin’s side, effectively making the the latter arch at the sensual touches.

“Well, since I’m not going to get any more pregnant than I already am, why don’t we make the most of it?”

“Your wish is my command, my love. Say it and I’ll do it.” It was like Jiwon’s purpose in life and it felt so natural for him say it.

Hanbin inched closer and had his mouth by Jiwon’s ear and whispered, “If we’re playing genie, I want to use up my three wishes tonight. One, I want to use my blindfold and ropes again. Two, I want to suck you off. Three, I want you to fuck me,” a chuckle and followed by, “From the way I just felt your dick twitch against my ass, I’m guessing you’re going to grant me every single thing.”

Jiwon groaned in surrender, “You’re driving me crazy, you know that?” Hanbin just softly giggled and sat up from his lap, he held out his hand for Jiwon to take but not before the latter kissed them, “Thank you for dinner, though. It was the best dinner I’ve had.”

Hanbin smiled and scrunched his nose, “thank me with dessert then.”

“It’d be my pleasure.”

When they went back inside, the maids then went to clean up everything for them. The kitchen wasn’t all that busy as everyone else seemed to be having their dinner already, too. The mild chatter and laughter proved that and soon they saw them all gathered at the dining table.

“Did you really have to pass by here and rub it in all of our faces that you had your cute little date while all of us are single?” I.M scoffed from his seat, pouting and glaring at the grinning soon-to-be parents.

“Well, why’d you pick tonight out of all nights to be home for dinner?” Hanbin clapped back just because he could.

“I was hoping to see that doctor again,” the man grumbled.

“Doctor? Please don’t tell you’re hitting on Hanbin’s doctor.” Dylan complained for some reason. It seemed like Hanbin was holding his breath for I.M’s answer, too.

“No,” I.M answered but then grinned and said, “Not yet.”

When Hanbin was about to react, he quickly but gently turned him to the door, “Okay, you don’t need the details for that, baby. Come on, evening greetings are over.” He glanced back at everyone else, “Have a lovely dinner, everyone.”

“Hanbin, I already set up a meeting with Mr. Kim Jinhwan!” they heard Junhoe scream to which Hanbin replied with a loud enough, “okay!”

When the elevators closed, he couldn’t help but turn Hanbin towards him and cradle his head so he could kiss him. Hanbin sighed in content and looped his hands behind Jiwon’s neck. The kiss was soft and slow with the promise of more to come when they’re in the confines of their room. But this was great, too.

He laid a hand gently on Hanbin’s stomach and caressed the growing bump, “God, you’re beautiful,” he said against the younger’s lips. Because he really was. His hair got longer now, like a cherub, his face fuller and healthier—void of any dark bags, exhaustion, frown lines, and cold eyes. “Pregnancy becomes you, my love.”

Hanbin lightly pulled his hair and hid his face in Jiwon’s neck, “I’m literally wearing pajamas all the time!”

The elevator dinged and opened to their floor. He had an arm around Hanbin’s waist as they walked towards their room, and the latter had his head leaned in Jiwon’s shoulder. “You look amazing in anything you wear.”

When the doors closed, Hanbin kissed him on his temple and patted his chest, “Take a shower first. I know you’re going to be lazy later on to do so.”

“Shower with me, then.”

“I would but I already showered before you came home.”

Jiwon wrapped him up in a hug and buried his face in Hanbin’s neck, leaving loud smooches, “so that’s why you smelled so good.”

“Uh huh, now go already. I’ll wait here,” Hanbin winked at him before pushing him towards the bathroom, avoiding Jiwon’s smooches while laughing.

“Okay, okay, I’m going.”

Jiwon showered quickly but thoroughly as he didn’t want to keep Hanbin waiting. When he stepped out of the shower, he debated over putting on pajamas, a robe, or just a towel but he shrugged and just picked the towel.

He came out of the bathroom while drying his hair with another bath towel as he looked around the humungous room for Hanbin. He headed for the bedroom area and saw him standing over the bedside table, holding the single picture frame they had in the room— it was the ultrasound pictures, they had three for now but the doctor said they could have more printed out the next time. Hanbin was distractedly admiring the photos, caressing them gently like he was on his own bubble that he didn’t even notice when Jiwon was already behind him. He wrapped Hanbin up in a backhug and admired the photos with him.

“We’re going to have new photos tomorrow. Are you excited?” He asked with a kiss on Hanbin’s temple.

Hanbin hummed, “I can’t wait to see them again. I’m sure they’re going to be more visible tomorrow. I hope they’re fine.”

“You’ve done a good job taking care of yourself and our babies, I’m sure they’ll be fine. Don’t worry, okay?”

He felt rather than saw Hanbin nod for he, too, had his eyes transfixed on the pictures. Sometimes, he still couldn’t believe that he was going to be a father, all the more with Hanbin, and with twins no less!

With a kiss goodnight on the photo frame, Hanbin set it down for the night and finally faced him. “Hi,” he said with a small, rather shy smile.

Jiwon thought he’d drop dead then and there with the smile Hanbin gave him. It made his heart ache with so much love that he felt like he’d explode but instead, he brought a hand up to caress Hanbin’s rosy cheeks and said, “Hi.”

“I have a little surprise for you,” Hanbin suddenly couldn’t look him in the eyes.

“Surprise? What is it? Why are you spoiling me today, I didn’t miss something, right?”

“What? No,” Hanbin let out an airy, carefree laugh, “I just thought it’d be nice to do things for you instead of the other way around. I know I’m a handful so I wanted to make it up to you.”

He buried Hanbin in his chest so that he wouldn’t see the blushing mess he caused in Jiwon’s face.

“I can’t see you but I can hear your heart thumping really, really fast! Wow,” Hanbin said in a muffled voice and chuckled.

“I can’t help it with you saying stuff like that! Being all sweet, and thoughtful, and ugh come on, let me calm down first.” He tightened his hug on Hanbin so he wouldn’t let go and look at his still red face and twinkling eyes.

Hanbin couldn’t see but he could still laugh, which was what he did, “You’re cute.”

“Shut uuup!” he couldn’t help but whine. He didn’t expect such words and gestures today, he was caught off guard, can Hanbin give him a break?

“Okay, okay, I need you to calm down because my legs are about to give,”

Jiwon panicked a little at that, “What? What do you mean? Are you tired? Does your legs hurts? Are you—,”

“My God and all that is holy, Ji! Just kiss me already!” Hanbin sounded frustrated and when Hanbin was frustrated, Jiwon goes all puppy and scared.

“W-What?”

Hanbin gave him an unimpressed look, “You’re deciding to be all virgin and stutter now?”

“No, it’s just—,”

And Hanbin kissed him. Okay, correction, Hanbin knocked the air out of him in a kiss. He was feisty tonight, he put a lot of pressure on the kiss but still went slowly, just like how they both like it. It took him a second but he kissed back with as much fervor like it was second nature to him. And when he did, the moan Hanbin let out went straight to his hardening dick.

He almost jumped out of his skin when Hanbin’s cold fingers went to the knot on the towel that was the only thing that covered him. The younger didn’t even hesitate in taking it off and let it fall to the floor. Without breaking the kiss, he guided and settled Hanbin on the bed.

Something was different though. Jiwon hadn’t even touched him that much but he was already a whimpering mess. Hanbin was already sweaty and sensitive, his eyes was already clouded with lust and had a death grip on Jiwon’s arms.

“Baby, are you okay? You seem more sensitive than usual,” he couldn’t help but worry and yet Hanbin only grinned up at him.

“Oh, I am. More than okay.”

That made him raise an eyebrow but carried on anyway. He took his time stripping Hanbin of his clothes, really enjoying the responses he got just with soft and slight touches. By the time he took off Hanbin’s pajama pants, he felt it. A slightly muffled sound of vibration.

He looked at Hanbin suspiciously but the latter wouldn’t meet his eyes and was blushing positively. He smirked, “Baby, open your legs for me, please.”

Hanbin covered his face as he hesitantly did as he was told. And there he saw with a slight twinkle when the light hit its hilt— it was glass butt plug with a dainty pink rose inside of it. It was one of the newer toys they had but haven’t used yet due to the pregnancy. They haven’t been down there in weeks but apparently, it was different for the younger.

“Surprise...?” Hanbin peaked from the hands he had covered in his face.

“Oh, baby,” he chuckled and kissed Hanbin’s inner thigh.

“It’s just, it takes much longer to prep ever since I got pregnant because we don’t have sex as much as we usually did so I thought I’d save you the trouble.”

“So, you fingered yourself and put on this vibrating butt plug?”

Hanbin nodded, “The butt plug was in before you came home but I just turned it on when you were in the shower.”

“What I’d give to see you fingering yourself, though. Did you cum?” He had a hand on the hilt while talking, tugging it slightly making Hanbin whimper and bite his lip. “Did you cum without my permission, baby?” he lowered his voice deeper and started putting marks on Hanbin’s inner thigh, not quite touching him where he really wanted to be touched.

“N-No. I-I...” Hanbin was already panting and gripping the sheet. Looked like someone really missed this. Maybe they’ve gone on too vanilla and that’s why Hanbin was getting easily worked up, Jiwon thought.

“Why not?” He glided his hands fleetingly along Hanbin’s skin, by his thighs, stomach, and his nipples. He rose up from where he had his head in between the younger’s legs and loomed over him, “Look me in the eyes and tell me why.”

Hanbin opened his eyes from shutting it so fiercely and looked at me, his eyes were hazy, full of list, and pleading, and surrenders. It was such a sight to behold. “You know I could never cum without you. You’ve ruined me for life and will never be satisfied unless it’s you.”

Maybe it was a bit fucked up to be delighted at Hanbin’s words but it gave him a sense of security and satisfaction to know that Hanbin was his—body and soul. Never to be replaced. “Good.”

He got out of the bed and walked over to the bedside table to open up the first drawer where the lube and condoms were. The ropes were there, too but there wasn’t any blindfolds. Hanbin must’ve thought it was here. _Oh, well, time to improvise, then._

He walked over to the walk in closet and opened one of the drawers from his side of the room where his neckties were. He took the most expensive silk tie to make up for his incompetence of being unprepared and it was black, close to Hanbin’s favorite.

“Here, raise your head a little bit for me, baby,” he got Hanbin to obey but the younger’s eyes were still closed from panting. “Legs up and spread. Arms under your knees and hands outside your ankles. I’m just going to tie your hands and ankles, nothing more, okay?”

Hanbin nodded, half-whimper and half-moan coming out.

“Come on, baby, you know I need you to use your words.”

Hanbin tried to exhale calmly and said, “Yes. Yes, it’s fine,” but he was still a little bit more breathless.

“Good.” He did a simple knot that was easy to take off if Hanbin couldn’t take it. He proceeded to softly and lightly caress Hanbin’s entire body as it provoked more reactions from him more than anything, and was highly stimulating. He knew Hanbin’s body like the back of his hand.

“More, please,” Hanbin pleaded.

“What? What do you want, baby?”

“To-touch me more, please. Just do s-something.”

“Hmmm, how about here,” he skimmed his finger across Hanbin’s hole, tugging on the butt plug a little to get more reaction and react he did, “d’you like that?”

Hanbin keened and moaned as he arched his back, “I need— I need you inside me. Fuck, please, Ji...”

“Language, baby. If you weren’t pregnant, you’d be whipped by now. We’ll just have to make it up to when after you’ve recovered from birth,” he talked all the while playfully tugging on the butt plug but he suddenly removed it making Hanbin gasp and he didn’t give the younger time to recover from the pleasure and thrusted his dick in. “That butt plug was too small, babe.”

“Oh, God,” Hanbin just said and continued panting and moaning. “Ta-Take off the ropes... wanna... want to touch you...”

He stayed inside Hanbin to get the younger get used to it while he took off the ropes. He was relieved to see that there were no marks, just a little red but nothing too harsh. He kissed Hanbin to get him to calm down and coaxed him to stop clenching his ass or this’ll end quicker than they wanted it to be.

They stayed like that until Hanbin took off the blindfold and dazedly looked up at him, heavy-lidded and lustful, “Move.”

He slowly thrusted in and out to savor the moment. They found a rhythm and drove through it, exchanging kisses, breath, pants, moans, and occasional grunts and shouts.

“I’m going to fill you up, you want that?” He said right against Hanbin’s ears as he proceeded to thrust in him faster and stronger while leaving kisses and licks on Hanbin’s face and neck.

“Yes. I want you. All of you,”

“You’ll always have all of me, baby.”

Jiwon didn’t want to risk overdoing it so after one round, he insisted they retire for the night even when Hanbin wanted to go at it again. “Baby, I missed you, too. Every goddamned second. But we can’t do everything we want during your pregnancy, we have to think about the twins’ and your health. Okay?”

Hanbin nodded, bummed but he understood, and let Jiwon be his big spoon to cuddle behind him and keep him warm. He placed his free hand atop the baby bump and caressed it.

“Goodnight,” he said but there was no reply from the younger. He peeked on his face and saw that Hanbin had already fallen asleep, he smiled at the sight. He slept well that night, as he always did ever since they started actually sleeping together. It felt really nice having Hanbin wait for him everyday, cook for him, and spontaneously surprising him even when he was pregnant. He was falling way too hard and way too deep for the guy and there was no stopping it, he didn’t want to anyway. He kissed him one last time at the crown of his head and whispered, “I love you, Hanbin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not plan for this smut! Must’ve been my alter ego or smth. It was because of the smut that it took me so long to finish this. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it though! Maybe a few more fluff and smut before climax?? I don’t know, I didn’t make an outline for this im sorry 😂😂 but I am trying my best here, you guys!
> 
> But can someone talk abt YunDong bc 👀 but no I’m not go into detail about them in this fic as this will be a series. JunHwan is going to meet each other for the first time too! AHHHH ok im hyping myself up bye 
> 
> Leave comments and kudos or dm me on twt ❤️


	12. Pinks and Blues

“We’re at the twelfth week. They should be around the size of a plum. Still small but significantly more visible than our last ultrasound. Should we have the ultrasound now?” Dr. Jooheon suggested after they finished the standard check-up. According to the doctor, he looked healthy and upon their check-up he concluded that Hanbin was doing a good job with his health.

“Okay,” he replied and smiled back at the doctor. He was already lying down from checking the babies’ heartbeat where the doctor wiped the remaining gel. He squeezed the elder’s hand in a nervous yet excited gesture. It’s not the first time but he felt giddy like it was. Even when he knew that the babies haven’t fully developed yet, he was still excited to see how they look and how they were doing.

“You good?” Jiwon asked he laid down on the table. He nodded with a grin which Jiwon immediately mirrored.

“I’m going to rub the gel now. Raise your shirt up again, please.” The doctor proceeded to gently rub the gel across his growing bump. “Okay, let’s meet them again, shall we?”

Hanbin exhaled deeply to let out his nerves before he looked at the monitor. It was hard to determine with all the movement the doctor was doing as he navigated his way in finding a clear angle to see the twins.

“Oh, here we are! This way we can see the both of them,” he held his hand steady as he pressed buttons to capture the images in slightly different angles. “Okay, look here, it’s Baby Number One and Baby Number Two. I’ve been instructed by your sister, Ms Kim, that you are not to be informed of the babies’ genders yet.”

Hanbin nodded, still staring at the monitor, “She’s organizing a baby shower after this. I do hope you’ll stay for it, it’s just lunch and the gender reveal. No other kerfuffle, I have zero patience these days for stuff like that.”

“I’d be delighted. It is the weekend, after all, no other patients for me. How many pictures do you want printed today?”

He hummed and said, “Five pictures. We’ll ask for more for every session.”

“That’s fine,” he affirmed and wiped the gel from his tummy. Jiwon covered him up again and helped him up. The doctor talked briefly with his assistant before the latter made his way out of the bedroom. “My assistant will be informing your sister of the genders,” Dr. Jooheon said to which they only nodded and smiled.

When they settled back on the couches, the doctor scribbled some notes on his chart. “I have already received and reviewed your personal medical history apart from your mental health history. Father said it’s a sensitive topic for you and I fully respect that. But I do want to remind you that mental health makes a huge impact on your pregnancy.” Dr. Jooheon looked at him determinedly and solemnly but when Hanbin couldn’t come up with a response he just nodded in understanding and gave him a warm smile, “It’s okay, I understand. But if you do need help— referrals or guidance— in that aspect, feel free to call me or my father.”

He couldn’t get a word out so he just nodded as he felt Jiwon’s hand caressing his back and hand softly to remind him that he’s not alone and this made him smile at Jiwon in appreciation. “I’ll think about it, for sure.”

“That’s great. Now, tell me about how you’re feeling these days.”

“Well, the morning sickness has calmed down a bit and only happens every few days. I don’t get easily dizzy anymore, too. It’s great but now it’s been replaced with cravings and I get easily irritated. I’m more impatient and emotional even when I was already more emotional than normal since the beginning of the pregnancy.”

Dr. Jooheon nodded along and offered him a reassuring smile, “You’ve read the books I’ve given you, right?” He nodded with a sigh, “And what did the books say?”

“That it’s normal and common,” he said in surrender. Okay, maybe he was too paranoid.

“And it is. You shouldn’t worry about that and one way to avoid conflicts is to make everyone in the house aware and informed of your tendencies so they’d know how best to react or respond. I’m sure they’d be understanding considering your current state.”

“Yeah. I guess I’m just really worried that I get stressed easily. And on top of that, I constantly want Jiwon beside me. Which is bizarre and annoying and clingy…” he was so close to getting whiny and he was already full-on blushing at that point.

“No, baby, you know I don’t mind, right? It’s not annoying for me and it never will be. You know I’d drop everything if you need me,” Jiwon tried to assure him.

“I know that. And it’s because of that, that I feel like such a burden. There’s so much work to do and not a lot of us to do it. With me gone and staying at home, it created a huge impact. You’re already handling so much and it just doesn’t sit right with me that I have clingy tendencies.”

“Hanbin, stop. Don’t think that way. Work and personal life will always be different. That’s my problem to handle and I will handle it without neglecting any of my responsibilities. You already have a lot to worry about with your current situation, worrying about something like this is unnecessary.”

“As your doctor, I agree with him, Mr. Kim. It’s natural and unavoidable. You shouldn’t have to worry about it. Work is important, I understand that as a professional myself but pregnancy, especially in your case, is special and should be spent together as much as possible because before you know it, it’s already over and you’ll realize you don’t have as much great memories of it as you thought you did. Your family is very successful and I get that you have a reputation to uphold but a blessing like this doesn’t happen as often as you think it does,” Dr. Jooheon said, his voice calming and soothing, which actually convinced Hanbin to listen to them.

Hanbin sighed, “You guys are right. I just can’t help but think that way as I get a little bit paranoid.”

“That’s fine. It’s important to talk about these things so it can addressed immediately. Are there other things I should know about?”

“None I could of at the moment. I’ll contact you if anything changes.”

“Great. How about we wrap this up and get you to your baby shower?” The doctor beamed at them both.

“I’ll just change my clothes. Why don’t you go ahead, doctor?” Hanbin offered. He didn’t really feel comfortable having someone he wasn’t close with, wait for him to change or anything like that.

“Okay. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be taking my leave and meet you downstairs.”

Jiwon showed the doctor out as he made his way to their walk-in closet to try and find something to wear other than pajamas.

He was browsing through his side of the closet when a pair of hands wrapped itself around him in a warm hug, “Hi.”

Jiwon’s soft _Hi_ s will always be his favorite thing in the world, and for damn good reasons. He knew how much the elder hated greetings and was always awkward with it but whenever he came up to Hanbin with his signature _“Hi”_ , it always sounded so soft and warm like a cool breeze in summer air only meant for him to hear.

“Hi,” he softly greeted back and leaned his head back on the elder’s shoulder as he held the arms still wrapped around him.

“You know that I love spending time with you, right? And that you being clingy and soft is the best thing that’s ever happened to me apart from the pregnancy? You know that feeling needed by you gets rid of all my stress from work, right? That you’re the best cure for my migraine? You know all of that, right? Right? Riiight?” Jiwon whined against his ears with smooches in every skin he could get his lips to land. It was so annoyingly cute that he couldn’t stop himself from laughing and trying to get away from the childish kisses and whines.

“Yes! Okay, yes, I do! I know all of that! Now, stop before I fall on my butt,” he said in between laughs as he tried to get away from the elder but still basking in the attention and love.

“You know I’d catch you _when_ you fall, right?” Jiwon whispered against his ear again, this time it was said in a such serious and no-bullshit tone. Shivers ran up to his spine when Jiwon emphasized the word “when” and he may or may not have sucked in a breath.

“Y-Yes,” he just answered even when he was still a little hesitant and in-denial. _Was that a double meaning or am I assuming things?_

“Good. Now, come on, choose something to wear so we can go already,” the elder said, his voice back to normal like he hadn’t made him freeze in his place just seconds ago, and kissed his temple before walking towards one of the cushioned chairs inside the closet. “I’ll just wait here and answer some emails.”

“Okay,” he managed to say despite feeling like his throat was closing up.

“Hey, there you guys are,” Hoshi greeted when he caught sight of them stepping out of the elevator.

“Where’s everyone?” Jiwon asked when it was suspiciously quiet within the halls of first floor.

“Oh, the lunch is served outside since the weather permits a great venue for today. I just came in to fetch Jihoon myself.”

“Why? Where is he?”

Hoshi sighed, “The office in his room, finishing up some work. He gets side tracked and ignore his phone.”

Hanbin nodded, “Okay. You should go so you can come back in time for the start of lunch.”

Jiwon had a hand on the small of his back to guide and look out for him without crowding him too much. They walked together towards the garden where the butler, Woohyuk, led them to where everyone was.

It was a small and quaint gathering with the long table set in earth tones—Hanbin’s favorite. Flowers from their own garden were decorated along the middle in a simple manner. Lights were hung up above them, hooked on the branches of the trees that lined up on this section of the garden that served as their protection from the sun.

“Hey, you’re here!” Lia approached them rather excitingly, her long hair in a half-ponytail with a huge ribbon bouncing through the wind.

“You look like you’re more excited about this than we are,” he chuckled as he hugged her with one arm.

“Of course, I am! I organized this,” she said, puffing her chest proudly.

“Uh-huh. And I’m so proud and thankful for that.”

Lia beamed at the acknowledgement, “Well, Lia Kim never disappoints,” and blew her non-existent fake nails.

“Okay, I’m starving. Come on,” Jiwon cut in with a teasing ruffle of Lia’s hair.

Lia guided them to the head of the table where instead of a chair, like the others, there was a settee for the both of them. Everyone— which consisted of his men, Jiyong, Hoshi, Dr. Jooheon and his father, the Kids, and to his surprise, Donghyuk too—greeted them with hugs and handshakes. It was awkward with the guys but they just laughed it off.

“Okay, so we’ll have lunch first before the gender reveal. If there are still some people—ahem, Junhoe-oppa— who still hasn’t placed their gifts to the table over there,” Lia pointed to the table not too far from theirs which contained boxes and boxes of gifts.

Ryujin lightly punched Junhoe’s side and whispered rather furiously, “Dad! The gift,” she looked pointedly at him.

“Oh, right. Sorry,” Junhoe chuckled and had one of the maids put the gift in the table for him which he thanked and finally settled in his seat.

“The chef has prepared a five-course michelin star meals for everyone. If anything isn’t up to your taste, kindly just inform one of the servants so we can have something else for you. Please enjoy,” Lia smiled at them daintily, looking more and more mature. It took him a moment as he gazed upon his sister with pride and adoration but when the claps interrupted his thoughts, he immediately clapped, too. She really was growing up so well and Hanbin couldn’t be prouder.

The lunch started out a bit awkward starting with his men being awkward themselves, Hoshi hyung still a bit shy with the others, Donghyuk who looked like a meerkat— too cautious of everyone and everything while Yunhyeong kept stealing glances his way, and the Lee doctors, but the kids, ever their saviors, filled the table with questions towards the doctor, Hoshi, and Donghyuk. He was smiling the whole time and only spoke occasionally while Jiwon only talked when he got teased—which was almost always. It felt great. Everything and everyone being here like this just talking and laughing gave Hanbin a sense of peace and normality which wasn’t often for him considering his line of work.

The scenario laid out before him made him think of how it would be if they weren’t in the underground scene, if Hanbin hadn’t amassed this much power that felt more like a burden and just lived peacefully with the money their parents left for them, or if they go clean. But after a few seconds that thought popped into his head, it vanished immediately as he thought that he didn’t regret going this path because then he wouldn’t have met all these people, secured them financially and physically from any harm of the outside world, and maybe he wouldn’t have his babies with Jiwon.

Although the thought about going clean did linger but he didn’t want to think into it too deeply or else he’ll fall into a fit of stress and doubt again. Which was the last thing he needed then. So he shook his head and focused on the different conversation going on across the table.

“Donghyuk-hyung,” Ryujin called from her seat making the said male widen his eyes and cocked his head to the side in confusion of the honorific used but Yunhyeong whispered to him, maybe to explain that that’s just how Ryujin was and Donghyuk just nodded. “Are you really a dancer?”

Donghyuk almost choked and glanced to Yunhyeong and then Hanbin but he just smiled in encouragement, “Uh, yeah.”

“What kind of dance do you usually do?”

“Modern and contemporary. Why? Do you like dancing?”

Ryujin hummed, picking at her food, “I like watching the stuff, I just never got around to actually learn it.”

“Oh? You never told me you wanted to?” Junhoe perked in his seat, looking down softly at his daughter, “We could’ve had a trainer or maybe make a studio for you.”

Hanbin fought the urge to cackle at Donghyuk’s eyebrows flying up.

“Yeah but what if you make all that effort and I actually suck,” Ryujin slumped in her seat. Which was unladylike, earning a glare from Lia but Hanbin just shook his head. They’d never seen Ryujin like this— she was always confident and headstrong. This was definitely new.

“Hey, don’t say that. You’re my daughter, it’d be impossible for you to suck at anything,” Junhoe chuckled and squished his daughter’s cheeks.

“Dumbass, you’re not supposed to say it like that or she’ll be pressured,” Wonho reprimanded but was also reprimanded by I.M, “Language.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Junhoe scratched his head like the dumbass he was and looked at Ryujin again, “Sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just wanted you to know that I got your back and you can do anything you want… at a certain degree of course.”

“Of course,” Ryujin agreed but sighed and lightly slapped her Dad’s arm in an attempt to lighten up the mood, “And don’t call me sweetheart, it’s making me cringe.”

“Seriously, stop rejecting my affections! Why are you like this?” Junhoe whined, making everyone else who were listening laugh at the cute display of affection between the two.

Junhoe was _never_ like this with anyone. With Chaeyoung, sure, but it was always in private or in silent actions, words weren’t really his thing. When Ryujin grew up and had an understanding in the world, it was a routine for them hearing the two’s playful banter which consisted of Junhoe being all loving and Ryujin flat out rejecting her Dad like a boss. It was so adorable that it was something they always looked forward to when everyone sat down for dinner everyday. It was especially astonishing for them to see Junhoe like that because, well, the guy was notorious to have a bad temper. He had anger management issues, to be exact. Junhoe’s been seeing a doctor for that ever since Chaeyoung suggested it. But it always reared its horns every now and then. It was either Hanbin, Jihoon, or Ryujin who could make him see reason when Chaeyoung had passed.

A sudden thought came, _would I change that much when the twins are born? I’m already changing as I got pregnant, what would it be like if the twins were here already?_

Silently, within himself, he vowed that he’d do right by them— the twins _and Jiwon._ He knows he wouldn’t be perfect and that he was far from it but, he wanted to be what they needed and wanted and wouldn’t ask for anyone else.

“You’re embarrassing me,” Ryujin shrugged in a teasing manner but a small smile still lingered in the corners of her lips.

While Ryujin tried to get rid of Junhoe trying to hug her (the little girl almost gouged her father’s eyes out and choked him), Donghyuk spoke up in a rather nostalgic smile and soft eyes, “I can teach you if you want.”

“Really?” Both the father and daughter perked up and said at the same time. “Jinx,” they said at the same time again making everyone laugh and Ryujin rolled rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” and yet again, they both said it at the same time.

The two glared at each other and motioned to each other to shut up. They looked at Donghyuk, who was laughing softly, “Yeah, no problem.”

Hanbin glanced at Yunhyeong urging him to talk. The latter shrugged, trying to look stoic and indifferent but they all knew it was just a façade—it was a bit funny, really—and said, “From now on, he’s staying here.”

It was Hanbin’s turn to raise both his eyebrows in shock, the guys also quieted down and one of them—namely, I.M—gasped dramatically. “Whoa, whoa, so you’re saying there’s not going to be one but two couples in this household?”

Donghyuk looked like a deer caught in headlights while Yunhyeong smirked, unfazed and unbothered, “Mind your own business, I.M.”

“Ugh, more reasons not to come home for dinner.”

“You only come home when there’s gossip, you karen,” Jiwon teased.

“I am _not_ a karen! And I don’t come home just for gossips, right, Minho?” he asked Minho, who was just observing everyone silently like he always does.

I.M thought Minho would just agree with him to get him off his back but the guy outright said, “It’s true though.”

The guys laughed at I.M’s betrayed expression, “I do not deserve this slander. Y’all are just mean.”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, hyung,” Chanwoo muttered, eating his dessert nonchalantly.

I.M was about to clap back when Wonho shushed him, “Why do you never learn when to shut up?”

“Okay, back to the topic at hand,” Ryujin spoke up.

“Which one, Donghyuk-ssi teaching you or Donghyuk-ssi living here?” Junhoe said, looking utterly clueless and genuinely asking.

Ryujin slapped his arm again, “Stop asking invasive questions. That’s not right, isn’t it, Hanbin-hyung?” She looked at him expectantly to which he nodded in agreement.

“That is absolutely right. Junhoe, where are your manners?” Hanbin said as he sipped his water.

“He had manners?” Jiwon gasped sarcastically, making the guys laugh until Hanbin pinched his side.

“Shut up! Why are I.M and I attacked today?” Junhoe complained in crossed arms. His daughter really was more mature than he’ll ever be.

“Hear, hear!” I.M shouted with his wineglass aloft.

“Jesus, can the annoying guys just be quiet for, like, thirty minutes? Dessert’s almost done and we haven’t finished the remaining discussion in this table,” Lia scolded the two said annoying guys with a piercing glare that actually got them to shut up.

“That’s my girl,” Hanbin teased, half-proud and half in the mood to be annoying.

“You too, I love you but shut up, oppa. I want to have the gender reveal already! Okay, Ryujin, you were saying?”

“Finally! Okay, Donghyuk-hyung, will you really teach me?” Ryujin asked with sparkles her eyes, it was a sight they _rarely_ ever see.

Donghyuk, who was just observing everyone with cautious eyes and his jaw open, nodded and said almost absent-mindedly, “Yeah, of course. Granted, my skills and knowledge are limited but it can get you started.”

Hanbin smirked as he saw Yunhyeong trying to hide a fond smile. He definitely had to talk to the guy. And again, he wasn’t mad, merely confused. He knew that Yunhyeong would be smart about this so he didn’t have anything to worry about. Plus, Donghyuk was also Jiwon’s friend. The guy knew what this family was into and what their business was, and he was smart— maybe needed specific information of how things run here but he’s sure Yunhyeong already briefed him or at least planning to. This was definitely going to be entertaining for him.

He nodded at Donghyuk and the guy just nodded back with a meek smile.

“Okay, lunch is officially over and if everyone could please stand and follow me to the main fountain area, the babies’ gender reveal shall commence,” Lia announced as she stood from her seat after one of the organizers signaled.

“Ooh, fancy schmancy,” I.M quipped and earned another glare from Lia. The former held his hands up in surrender.

Hanbin only smiled when Jiwon chuckled at the two. And again, Jiwon had a hand at the small of Hanbin’s back while the other gripped his hand gently but firmly, “Excited?”

“Very much. Are you?”

“I’m sweating everywhere,” Jiwon chuckled in a nervous laugh. He squeezed the elder’s hand in comfort and Jiwon kissed his temple in return. He hummed in contentment as they started walking towards the main fountain area, as Lia instructed.

When they arrived, a mixture of blue and pink gigantic balloons with confettis inside were everywhere. White ones hung above the seats for everyone, looking like pristine and clear clouds. The lights they saw from where they had lunch, were here, too and there was a beautiful arch with wildflowers, two life-sized stuffed toys on each side.

Dylan whistled, “Lia has better and more efficient organizational skills and time management than most of our staff. Do you think it’s too early to train her?”

He smacked him, “She’s thirteen.”

“Almost fourteen!” The man emphasized, protecting his head now and continued, “And she’s accelerated.”

“I know. Now, shut up,” he said and glared.

“Wow, you’re really siblings,” he gasped sarcastically before he made a run for it.

“You’re more sociable when pregnant,” Jiwon mumbled but groaned in silent pain as he pinched the elder’s side again.

“Don’t join in on the teasing or I swear to God!”

Jiwon chuckled and held up his hands in mock surrender, and tried to kiss him but he batted him away. “Oh, c’mon. It was just a mere observation, babe. Don’t be mad,” he whined and kissed his cheeks—more like squishing it with his hand and lips.

He rolled his eyes and confessed under his breath, “I can never be mad at you.”

“Awww, what was that? Can you say it again?”

“Nope! Not a chance!”

“Please?”

“Shut up! Where’s Lia? Why aren’t we starting yet? Your face is starting to annoy the heck out of me,” he looked for Lia in the crowd but the little girl was still talking with the staff— okay, maybe she’s not that little anymore seeing as how she’s almost the same height as the woman she was speaking to but she was still their baby so.

“But you just said you could never get mad at me!”

“Mad, no. Annoyed, heck yeah. I want to take a nap.”

Jiwon hugged him and patted the back of his head tenderly, “Okay, you’ll have your nap after this, don’t worry. Are you tired? Should we sit?”

“You’re not going to take a nap with me?” He snapped a little, and stepped away from the hug.

“Wha—? You just said my face is annoying, baby. I’m confused.”

“At least be smart and hug me so I wouldn’t have to see your annoying face, then!” He was fuming, _just a little bit_ and hoped that no one heard his little outburst. The garden was huge, there was music in the background, food and wine to keep them entertained so maybe, _just maybe_ they didn’t.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I was stupid, baby. Can I hug you right now? Please?” Jiwon tried to approach him, his eyes full of mischief, and his smile so _fucking_ annoying—just because it was a little too beautiful.

He huffed and puffed but still gave up to it and let the elder hug and kiss him so he’d calm down. And he did. A little. He really was sleepy.

“Hey, I’m sorry to keep you waiting but it’s ready now!” Lia exclaimed happily, almost vibrating in her lithe frame.

“What exactly is _it_?” Jiwon asked.

Lia offered a tiny remote control to which Jiwon accepted, “This! Press the middle button when I tell you to, okay?”

“Okay,” he said before Lia took off towards the fountain. Jiwon glanced at Hanbin, “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Hanbin never knew it’d be this nerve-racking to find out your babies’ genders. But, he was excited to finally imagine how they’d look as either boys or girl or both.

“If I can have everyone’s attention, please,” Lia spoke up making everyone shush down and listen. “Earlier today, we received the information from Dr. Lee Jooheon about the twins’ gender. This fountain have been installed with lights that’ll reflect on the water which will tell us whether they are girls, boys, or both. Now, are you ready, oppa?” Lia beamed at him excitedly. He couldn’t help but mirror it, too.

Jiwon took his hand and placed it beside his in the remote control. “Together, yeah?”

He nodded and his smile all but widened, “One, two, three!”

They both pressed it and the lights travelled from the base of the fountain to the top, the waters illuminating both pink and blue. He gasped along with everyone else but he couldn’t seem to get over it as fast as everyone dis and was only able to snap out of his state of shock when the boisterous claps and howls registered in his head.

It was then that he realized, _we’re having a boy and a girl._

Jiwon enveloped him in a hug in glee and kissed his head nonstop, “I can’t believe it! We’re having a boy _and_ a girl! Oh, God, I love you so much!”

That got Hanbin like, _what? Who? God or me? Who are you saying I love you to? Should I say it back? What if he wasn’t referring to me?_ He groaned inwardly and just hugged Jiwon as tight as he could as his own little revenge. _Why the fuck do you have to be so confusing? When will the timing ever be right? Why can’t I just say it as naturally as Jiwon?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so if you guys like this fic, can you please help me decide whether or not I should include JunHwan and YunDong here or should I just make into a series just like the other ships in this fic from different groups? Please help me decide by commenting or DM-ing me! I have your best interests at heart, always ❤️ I hope you enjoyed this chapter ❤️


	13. Stupid Ass Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is relatively shorter than the others just bc 🤷🏼♀️ (Ok im inconsistent, there I said it) but I hope you enjoy it, it was fun writing this.

After signing the letter, Hanbin let the ink dry, folded it and placed it in a vermillion-colored envelope. His favorite part was always the most satisfying thing in the world—and that is pouring the melted black liquid wax and stamping on their family emblem. Rich people can be dramatic and unnecessarily fancy like that but this one Hanbin actually enjoys this so he doesn’t complain.

“Who is that for?” Lia asked from where she was reading up a book Hanbin suggested, _The Art of War_ by _Sun Tzu._ He always quoted lines from the book to her growing up when he helped discipline her from time to time but he wanted her to read it for herself and give him her own understanding and interpretation of it.

“It’s for an Earl.”

“An earl? You know someone who’s an Earl?” She asked, her eyes blown wide.

“I know a lot of people, Li,” he chuckled and booped her nose.

“I figured you did but I wouldn’t have thought you knew royal people.”

“It’s only for business purposes.”

Lia retracted from her excited posture and it made Hanbin look up from his work. Her next words sent chills down his spine though, “Yeah? Which side of work is it?”

But Hanbin remained neutral and unfazed. He’s been a proficient liar for years that it was nothing for him at this point, except that this actually scared him. “We have multiple businesses we are the head of Kim Group of Companies. The Earl of Kent specifically, we are service and merchandising business associates.”

“May I ask another question?” she asked as she closed her book and placed it daintily on her lap where she rested her hands gracefully but her face was cold.

“You may,” he allowed and set his quill down to show her that she has his full attention. He could play this easily if it were someone else but knowing that this was his sister—his thirteen-year old sister—it felt heavier and harder.

“I don’t want to worry you or stress you out so you can stop me anytime and rest assured, I won’t feel bad about it nor will I do anything about it that would cause you any panic or anything of the sort,” she looked at him meaningfully and he nodded to encourage her to continue, “There aren’t a lot of information out there about our family. Or none that I would know of as you or Minho hyung may have blocked it from the internet or our phones. Even when I figured we aren’t the typical family. But remember the box you and Jiyong-oppa gave me when I was seven?”

He and Lia didn’t have a lot of interactions in the past so of course he would remember. It was a box of possessions their mother had. It had Lia and her twin brother’s name engraved on it. The will their mother had said that the box was only allowed to be opened by whoever’s name was written. Jiyong and him had one too.

He could remember the music sheets for all the music she had composed for him and their favorite ones from different composers. There was also a ring she owned from when she was a teenager and a letter for him which also said that she would want Hanbin’s wife or daughter to have it. It was all cushioned by the dried flowers Hanbin got for her all throughout the years they had together. And he could also remember the time he got to open it when he came home after years of being in their uncle’s custody. He cried so hard that night and he never cried again.

“Yes,” he just said. The wave of memories and emotions made him lose his touch in playing it cool and he was starting to show his dread.

“You guys said it was from Mom. Did you guys have yours, too?” Hanbin nodded and she smiled, looking so much like their mother. “She mentioned that in her letter. I had both Leo and I’s keepsakes so I thought it’d be fine to open his and I did. His letter wasn’t just from Mom, though. He had Dad’s. It was a fun letter to read with witty remarks and I could almost imagine him saying those words with such a strong but comforting voice. But…”

Hanbin gulped but otherwise said, “Go on.”

“Another letter was attached to it and it was folded with a note that said, _open when you turn thirteen,_ and I heeded his instructions. When our family dinner was over that night, I rushed to my room and read it. He said that I—no, just Leo—have come of age befitting of proper training and introduction to our business. Our _other_ businesses.” Lia looked at him straight in the eyes and he could tell she’d hold her ground until she gets or hears what she wants.

“Have you talked to Jiyong-hyung about this?” Hanbin was so unsure on how to go about this situation. He hadn’t prepared anything at all because he never wanted this life for Lia but he knew she’d find out one day. He just wasn’t quite ready.

“No. I haven’t spoken to anybody.”

“Why now? Why me?” He really was close to whining.

“Because I know you’d be fair, open-minded, and unbiased. Jiyong-oppa has emotional tendencies and he’d want to _‘protect’_ me,” she explained with air quotes.

“And what do you _exactly_ want, Lia?”

“As a Kim, I want fair judgement and opportunities as the men in our family. I know my capabilities and I want them to be acknowledged, broadened, and honed. Just like you guys when our parents were still alive, just like how Leo would’ve if we grew up together.”

Hanbin gritted and clenched his teeth, not in anger but in fear. _She knows just how to play this._ “You do know the implications of that, right? What you’d be subjected to? Physically, emotionally, mentally, and _morally._ Did the letter even specify what our actual businesses are?”

“It was vague and I had to read between the lines but I understood it.”

“Tell me what _you think_ our family has power over.”

“The government. The country’s economy. And everything beneath and in between it all. Of course, I do remember that we lost all of that for a period of time when Mum and Dad died. But I’ve observed the amount of work you do here when you invite me over. I mean, yeah, you’re discreet but I’ve seen enough files, shipment forms, and _merchandise_ proposals and prototypes. And, wow, I didn’t know we had that much property. A specifically huge one, a headquarters with a compound that measures up to how many square feet. And under construction for extensions? Wow,” Lia smile turned sinister.

_Ugh. She really is a Kim._

“So you’ve known this whole time since you turned thirteen that the people around you—your brothers, your parents, and the guys—are all criminals?”

She nodded her head with a satisfied smile, “Yeah, pretty much.”

“You’re not mad? Scared? Wronged? Anything at all besides the annoying smile you have right now?”

“Well,” she tilted her head and had a finger tapping her chin as if thinking deeply, “I think I had a clue about what was going on around me and just needed confirmation. I am observant, as you may well know,” she said matter-of-factly. “To answer that, I felt betrayed just because everyone is all sunshine and rainbows at home— _ahem, except you—_ and to find out you guys ship out illegal deadly weapons, manipulate the masses, cross out enemies, fund illegal underground businesses, and affiliate with other criminals was disappointing.”

_What the hell? That’s it? She’s disappointed?_

“But at the end of the day, I can still see that how you are outside our home is a persona you put on and not who you really are. You’re still painfully awkward, Bobby-oppa’s still a dork, Junhoe-oppa is still desperate for Ryujin’s love and affection, Yunhyeong-oppa is still lame, Wonho-oppa is still the sweetest cinnamon roll, Minho-oppa is still adorably naïve, Jihoon-oppa… well, he’s still small, and I.M-oppa is still the most annoying person ever.”

“I don’t know whether to be offended or relieved with the way you think.”

Lia grinned, “Either way, I want the _real_ education only _you_ can give me.”

Hanbin shrugged, “Well, you can’t get everything you want.”

Lia stood up gracefully, “Oh, I can. Women always get what they want if they know how to even the playing field. That’s what Mom said. Although, I don’t plan on evening out the playing field, I’m planning on turning it upside down and work it in my favor.”

“Bold words.”

“For normal people, yes. For a Kim…”

He smiled and nodded, “An impressive start.”

Lia curtsied, “Thank you, I know,” she replied cheekily.

“Okay, sit back down,” he waited for her to do before he continued, “But Lia I have to warn you. I don’t remember exactly how I felt and reacted when I was your age but the level of violence and danger here is no joke.”

“Yes, I know, and you know I don’t take or make jokes.”

“Good. We’ll take it step by step, then. You’re still starting out and although I respect your driven attitude, we still need to take this in my pace. _For Jiyong and I’s sake_. I don’t even know how he’ll react,” he sighed and shook his head. It’d take a _lot_ of convincing for Jiyong to agree to this. _I think he’d faint even with the discovery that Lia knows we’re criminals._

“I can talk to him,” she suggested but he shook his head again.

“No, there’s bound to be some heated argument or words exchanged not fit for your ears.”

She snorted, “That’s the least of your concern.”

“This is—,”

A knock cut him off but normally, Woohyuk wouldn’t allow anyone to disturb him when he’s working but this seemed urgent.

“Come in,” he called out.

“My apologies for the disturbance, Sir, but I came to inform you that Sir Jiwon has come home,” he informed while his head still bowed slightly. The man seemed a bit tense and worried which, of course, made him suspicious.

“Jiwon?” He checked his watch, “it’s still two o’clock.”

“I think he needed some rest, Sir.”

Hanbin gulped. _Rest._ Woohyuk was filtering his words because of Lia’s presence and that word could only imply that something had gone down today.

He looked at Lia’s confused face, “You want to be in the family business?” She hesitantly nodded, “Then come with me.”

The butler was rather startled but opened the door for the siblings nonetheless.

The short walk towards their bedroom felt like walking on cold and fiery path at the same time as he dreaded how bad it was this time. It didn’t happen as often as it did when they were still starting, there were scars to remember it by though, so when it happened these days when they’ve grown into this much power and still encounter attacks, it was a big deal. Especially for a higher-up like Jiwon. They had a huge problem developing before with the police and government trying to eliminate them but now, no one in the country could even touch them because they were _needed._ This has got to be a rival family or company, more likely to be foreigners. But they made too many enemies that it’d be hard to narrow the list down.

Woohyuk once again opened the door for them and it took a second before he snapped out of it and just step inside the threshold.

He saw Jiwon sat upright in his side of the bed, barely awake but still tried to smile for him. Tears threatened to spill but he reigned it in. His hormones could fucking wait. Jiwon immediately frowned when he saw that Lia was with him and brought the duvet up to cover his abdomen even when he was wearing his robe.

“Put down the robe and let her see it, Jiwon,” he commanded rather than asked. It’d been a while since the last time he used such a tone as he had, along with everyone else, tried to maintain his mood and emotions in check and tried to make him happy and comfortable.

Jiwon blinked up at him, his mouth slightly hanging in shock, and he glanced at Lia worriedly. “B-But…”

“Don’t make me say it again.”

The man shook his head slightly but did as he was told. Hanbin pierced a glare when Jiwon hissed and grunted in pain but immediately shut up. _He better knows he fucked up._

Jiwon’s entire upper body was in full display where bruises and cuts were present but they were obviously already treated, and a huge gauze by the side of his ribs was plastered. “Recite your injuries.”

“Two broken bones, four serious bruises and a few small ones, two knife cuts, one gun shot by the shoulder, and one shot I barely deflected causing a small injury by my ribs,” Jiwon recited dutifully, his eyes looking straight ahead.

Hanbin looked at Lia whose face showed zero emotions. “Reflect on that, its implication, and what you felt about it. _Honestly._ We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Lia bowed and walked out calmly but he could see that her shoulders had tensed and her hands had a slight tremor. Even when she was intelligent enough to have expected this, she was still a child and seeing rather than just knowing made a huge difference.”

As the doors closed, Jiwon covered himself up again. “Bin—,”

“Shut up. Don’t talk to me right now like that,” Hanbin snapped as he frustratingly paced back and forth.

“Like what?”

“Like that! All calm and loving as if nothing happened and you just came home after a day’s work without a scratch! Because you came home with anything _but_ a scratch!”

“We’ve gone through worse than this, baby. I just need a little rest and I’ll be fine. Don’t worry—,”

“You think I’m _worried?_ Babe, NO! I’m fucking pissed! Yes, we’ve been through worse but that was just when we were starting. That I inderstood but shit going down like this _isn’t_ supposed to happen anymore! Who were you with anyway? This impacts not just you and your health, but this could cause an uproar and people will start— _what the fuck are you smiling about right now?!”_

Jiwon’s grin grew wider, “It’s just that, it’s the first time you called me _babe.”_

“Really? _Really?!_ Not the time for that, Jiwon! Who were you with today? And which division was with you? Who managed and prepared the transaction?”

“If I tell you, will you calm down and lie down with me? I still didn’t get my kiss and I’m dying here,” he said, the last bit was more of a whisper that Hanbin still heard so clearly.

“Depends.”

Jiwon shrugged, “Well, you did say you could never stay mad at me. Okay, sit down here and I’ll tell you, your pacing is making me dizzy and I think that was already enough for your daily walk,” he said and patted on Hanbin’s side of the bed.

For all his frustrations, he still did as he was told and climbed up the bed, sat down and faced him.

“That’s better. So, as always, there’s going to be a lengthy report about this and I personally overlooked every detail for today so it was no one’s fault and negligence. It was just a well-organized, strategic ambush. I was with Jihoon, he’s fine now but he got, I think, four gunshots and was more critical so he had to be monitored. Junhoe came as back-up. The division I was with was the Bravo Team. No casualties, and there are two uninjured. Other details will be in the report, Dylan’s working on checking everyone and everything.”

Hanbin sighed but furrowed his eyebrows again, “Which family was it from?”

“You’re not going to want to know,” Jiwon winced as he glared at him.

“Oh but I would,” he said menacingly, daring the elder to tell him otherwise.

“Fine. It was the González family. Told you they wouldn’t be happy with the little artwork you did on his men.”

“What? But, how? We cut off all ties with them.”

“Turns out they were affiliated with the Go Corporation.”

“Well, how could—,”

“Kitten,” Jiwon interrupted with a hand holding his, the elder looked at him with tired and puppy dog eyes, “I’m really tired. Can I rest first?”

This time, he just sighed in surrender. This’ll have to wait. “Okay, come here, you big baby.” He opened his arms so Jiwon could snuggle up to him in a position he was comfortable with. Good thing his left side was relatively alright.

“Still love my stupid ass?”

“Always.”

He felt rather than saw Jiwon’s smile against him which made him smile, too. When Jiwon felt heavier and his breathing had evened meaning he was asleep already, it was then that it sunk in to him… _did I just confess I love him?_ The thought it made him tighten his hold on the elder a little tighter and kissed the top of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s gonna be a second part for Stupid Ass since this bit is cute and funny HAHAHAHA I love scary Hanbin. And scary Lia 👀
> 
> As always, pls leave kudos and comments 🥺❤️ I was wondering if i should open a cc acc so readers could say what they wanna say but still remain anonymous if they’re shy but im scared just bc i saw a lot of authors being insulted and deactivated their accounts bc they couldn’t take it anymore


	14. Stupid Ass Part 2

“Who led the team?” Hanbin asked through the monitor as he held a video conference meeting with the men who were recovering at the compound, as well as those who were uninjured.

“I did, Sir,” a man with his left arm arm encased in a cast, stood from his seat.

“Name.”

“Lee Seunghoon,” he responded dutifully.

“Sit down,” he instructed and the man did so.

He scanned through the report Dylan prepared for him overnight and although it was a highly strategic ambush, it still could’ve been avoided.

“Any captives?”

The man, Seunghoon, nodded. “Sir Junhoe and his men for backup captured three of Go’s men. They’re currently held here in the compound.”

“I will come by tomorrow evening. We’ll continue the meeting there as well as have someone prepare the three captives as I’ll personally grill them tomorrow. In the meantime, I.M and Junhoe can have their fun. After tomorrow, you have a week off.”

The men stood up and bowed, “Yes, Sir.”

When the call ended, he leaned on his swivel chair with a heavy sigh of frustration.

“Are you really going there tomorrow?” Dylan asked across from him.

“There’s hell to pay,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I know but wouldn’t it be risky and dangerous? You’re already showing, too. Are you going to let our men see you?”

“It can still be covered with a coat. I can deal with this. You should go get some sleep, I know you rushed into making this report.”

“You should rest, too. And I’m sure Bobby would heal faster with you in bed with him,” Dylan sing-songs as he rushed out of Hanbin’s office before he could throw the nearest possible object to his face.

“Dylan-oppa is right, you should rest or look after Bobby-oppa,” Lia spoke up from one of the couches as she sipped her morning tea.

Hanbin scoffed, “He was stupid enough to play superhero, he can take care of himself. And I believe we have a scheduled talk today.”

Lia hummed. “If you’re not yet tired or stressed, then sure we can talk right now.” She stood up to walk towards the chair across from his but he stopped her.

“Let’s just talk there. Pour me some tea.” She sat back down and poured some lemon balm tea in another teacup which she settled in front of Hanbin’s seat. “Thank you.”

They sat in silence for awhile as they sipped their tea. He wanted Lia to speak up in her own time, without rush or command. This was still a sensitive topic so it was best for them to tread carefully.

After she poured tea for the both of them again, she sighed. “I admit, it was pretty scary. I think what made it so was because it’s someone I know and is considered family. It took a while to calm myself down but I think I did a good job. I’m not sure if I’m ready to witness it again—seeing someone I know getting hurt like that—so maybe taking things in your pace is the right decision. Maybe talking and learning more on the business side of things rather than the violence is something more right up on my alley. I understand that I should take both the good and the bad with what I want and there’s no way to avoid it but I want to approach it gradually, you know? I’m not the most physical person but I can be in time.”

“The last thing I’d want you to be is to be _that_ kind of physical. What I’d want—for my and Jiyong-hyung’s peace of mind—is for you to learn how to _defend_ yourself just in case. This line of work demands it. Heck, Mom could work the sword better than me.”

“Really? She liked swords?”

Hanbin hummed, “She did. And was pretty damn swift with it. I was more into shooting. Jiyong-hyung was more into hand-to-hand combat. And Dad excelled at everything.”

“Is it weird that I’m proud of you guys?”she murmured a bit unsure, her voice raising a pitch higher.

He chuckled, “It’s twisted.”

“All the Kims are twisted. And _that’s_ the tea,” she winked and sipped her tea.

“I’m not even tired because of all this—you being annoying and then Jiwon being injured. You know what I’m really dreading? Talking to Jiyong.”

“Well, I did suggest that I talk to him with you. Maybe that way, he’ll be more calm and reasonable.”

“You joining the family circus will never be reasonable.”

Lia gasped dramatically, “I’m offended. I thought you believed in me.”

“It’s not because of your gender, Li, it’s because of your age. And I didn’t even want this life for another person! It’s not living. It’s inhumane and strips you of what’s left of your morality. When we tried to build the empire back to how it was back then and more, I admit it was for prideful and power-hungry reasons. It’s not that I’m regretting having done it as I’ve done worse or would still do something equally bad even if I didn’t go down this path. _But_ there are times where I wish it was all just different and that I could breathe without keeping secrets from you or avoiding the world.”

“I get that. I really do. I’m not just doing this because I want to claim my right in this family or something self-righteous. Maybe I am still clueless, maybe I wouldn’t be able to handle it, or that I’m not cut out for it but I have something that you guys didn’t have back then—a choice to back out. If it’s not for me, I’ll take it and shake it and leave it to you guys. But I wouldn’t know unless you let me see and experience it, right? It’d tamper my decision if I just hear about it and not actually see it for myself.”

Hanbin nodded solemnly. “Yet again, you prove to be a Kim. I’m proud of you, you know that, right?”

She nodded and fought back a smile. “I know. I promise not to push myself too hard as long as you promise me the chance to explore my choices.”

“You have my word. Jiyong-hyung’s remains to be seen, though.”

“I’m not in a hurry. You still have some things going on at the moment so my training can wait. You should talk to Jiyong-hyung when the dust settles.”

They continued with a lighter conversation and sipping their tea when his phone vibrated from the table. He settled the teacup back to the saucer and answered the phone. It was Dylan.

_“You have a meeting with Mr. Kim Jinhwan, the new tutor. He passed the interview with Junhoe and signed the NDA two days ago. Are you up for it or should I re-schedule?”_

“Is he here? Was he already briefed?”

_“He’s currently in the right wing, yes. He needed some time to settle his business in the city to work full-time here. And, yes, he was briefed earlier today.”_

“No point re-scheduling, then. The sooner I talk to him, the sooner he can get settled here.”

_“Should I send him up there, now?”_

“Yes.”

The call ended and Lia settled her cup down. “Who’s coming up? Should I leave?”

“The new tutor, Mr. Kim Jinhwan. And, yeah, maybe it’d be better if you do.”

“Is this Mr. Kim Jinhwan a petite, fairy-looking guy?”

He hummed, “I’ve seen his face in the club he used to work in and I think he is. Why?”

“Hmmm, interesting.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What are you on about?”

When Lia was about to speak, a knock came on the door, “Sir Junhoe and Mr. Kim Jinhwan are here, Sir,” the butler said.

“We’ll talk at the gardens later,” Lia winked at him and opened the door to greet the two men. “Good morning. Please come in, I was just about to leave.”

Hanbin stood to greet them, too. He was rather shocked that Junhoe came with but paid no more attention to it when the latter presented a folder to him, “I came to deliver this.”

“Personally?” he asked, a little baffled. It’s not that Junhoe isn’t allowed to or hasn’t done it before but the man was busy, to say the least.

Junhoe avoided his eyes, “Yeah. Promised a lunch date with Ryujin so I just thought to drop this off myself.”

He glanced at Kim Jinhwan who was trying to keep a formal posture but his eyes seemed to travel the entire room. And then he glanced back at Junhoe who also seemed to be looking down at Jinhwan but snapped out of it when he saw Hanbin looking back at him. _Strange._

“Um, Hanbin, this is Mr. Kim Jinhwan. Jinhwan, this is Kim Hanbin. The head of the household, soon-to-parent, and CEO of Kim Group of Companies,” Junhoe lamely introduced. Not that Hanbin expected much from the guy, he inwardly rolled his eyes.

“Please, just call me Jinhwan. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Sir.” Jinhwan greeted, his tone was well-modulated, his movements was evidence enough that he was clearly brought up in a sophisticated and high-class environment, and his posture were similar to that of the Kim siblings. The contrast between the two—Jinhwan and Junhoe—was stark, the former poised and collected while the latter looked barbaric with the huge build, scars visible neck up, and his scowl always in place whenever his daughter isn’t around.

“The pleasure is all mine. Come in,” Hanbin ushered the petite man in while Junhoe bid his adieu.

They sat among the couches rather than his desk area so it wouldn’t appear too intimidating and formal. He was just going to welcome the man in the house, nothing else.

Pleasantries were exchanged. So far, Hanbin rather liked the guy. He was sophisticated and educated but didn’t come off as a snob or any of the sort. The way he congratulated him with his pregnancy looked genuine and he had a nice, warm smile. Hanbin took it as the guy having experienced a lot in life which made him click with him faster. Their conversation was relaxed and overall pleasant. Having a fresh face and a complete opposite of the guys’ rowdy and rough manner made him feel comfortable with Jinhwan.

“I’ve been briefed with the house rules and such but I haven’t been informed of where the children’s capacity is at right now.”

“Oh, I’ll have Seungcheol discuss those things with you. Although he only taught Entrepreneurship as it is his field of expertise but nothing outside of that. When I’m with the kids, I just let them self-study topics they want to learn and come to me for questions and guidance. They are very intuitive and will take initiative so you wouldn’t have to worry about that, they can tell you where they’re at. They’re keen on learning _but,”_ It was almost comical how Jinhwan swallowed and waited for the inevitable catch, “they’re rather prideful and sensitive. They like being informed but they don’t like orders when a tutor teaches them. They love studying but in their own unique way, which I’m sure you’ll pick up on. Just be careful with how you phrase things and _don’t ever_ make them feel like you see them as immature children or even call them _children_. They hate that even when it’s true. But, they do apologize and give gratitude to where it’s due.”

Jinhwan exhaled, trying to digest the information and then nodded, “I took a few psychology classes so I think I can manifest how to approach them without offending them to a certain degree that they’ll see me as someone respectable.”

“Don’t worry. From what I can tell, your mannerisms and character are much like theirs. If I am not wrong to assume, you grew up in the same environment, right?” He made sure to not sound too invasive so as to not fluster the man.

Jinhwan nodded meekly, “I guess you can say that.”

“If you start off at the right foot, the kids become more sensitive and respectful. I think they’ll like you.”

“I really hope so. I really adore kids.”

“Oh, you do? That’s a change. The guys here aren’t really that fond of children but scared of ours,” Hanbin chuckled and so did Jinhwan.

“I really do. I didn’t grow up with friends my age because I was home-schooled and when I went to an actual school, I was accelerated and had grown-ups for classmates.”

Hanbin sighed, “I want our kids here to be able to socialize, too, but I guess you can imagine how dangerous that would be.”

“Yeah. But they do have each other. Sometimes, that’s enough.”

That made him smile. “I guess you’re right.”

They talked some more about the kids— their tendencies, their hobbies, their likes and dislikes. He didn’t notice how fond he sounded until Jinhwan pointed it out which made him snort, “Right. Just because they make more sense than half the guys here. Speaking of, have you met any of the others?”

The man shook his head, “I’ve only met Mr. Junhoe and Mr. Dylan—oh wait he said to just call him Dylan,” he said the last bit in a little whisper as he just remembered, “but Dylan did warn me that there’s a lot of people living here.”

“Yep, all guys. Which have their pros and cons but I think it’s what is expected.”

“None of the others are married?”

Hanbin smiled absent-mindedly, “Junhoe was.”

“Was?” He nodded and looked at Jinhwan meaningfully, _“Oh.”_

“His wife died of leukemia. The pregnancy was a bit of a miracle as the medications she underwent would’ve made her infertile but she wasn’t diagnosed until later which was maybe why. She knew it’d be dangerous but she went through with it. Although she survived, she still died four days after she gave birth.”

The silence that followed was somber but Jinhwan broke the silence as he softly said, “She sounds like an amazing person.”

“She really was.”

“It’s always the beautiful flowers getting picked first.”

Hanbin smiled and nodded, “She loved flowers and was definitely like one. Although, I must warn you, never speak of her unless they speak of it first. It’s a very sensitive topic.”

“Of course, I understand. Can I ask what her name was?”

“Chaeyoung but a lot of people call or know her as _Rosé.”_

Jinhwan was about to say something when a knock reverberated. “Well, you’ll meet another one right now. Caution, this one’s painfully awkward,” he said before saying, “Come in!”

The said awkward man came barreling in shouting, looking disheveled from having just woke up, “I can’t believe you left me in bed for work! I panicked and knocked my head on the damned headboard! You should kiss i—,”

“Jiwon!” He chastised as Jinhwan looked like a deer in headlights.

“Now you’re back to calling me Jiwon?! Baby, I’m hurt! Was yesterday too good to be true? I knew it! Why—,”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, _babe_ , can you please _shut the fuck up?_ Jinhwan’s here.”

“Jinhwan? Who’s Jinhwan? Are you cheating on me? Is it because I didn’t really ask you to be my boyfriend? Baby, why—,”

Hanbin sighed and shouted, “If you don’t shut the fuck up, I will never have sex with you ever again!”

“Yes, sir.”

He shook his head in embarrassment. It’s too early for Jinhwan to see these kinds of things. Some of the guys haven’t even seen them like this. He’s gonna have a bone to pick with Jiwon later.

“This is Mr. Kim Jinhwan, _the tutor,”_ He emphasized and let the elder sink in the information and the situation he’s gonna be in later.

Jinhwan stood up and bowed, his eyes still looking like it’s about to pop out of his skull, “I-I’m Kim Jinhwan, it’s nice to meet you.”

Jiwon slowly faced the petite man and Hanbin almost, _almost_ laughed at how they both looked like they were scared of each other. Nonetheless, Jiwon waved awkwardly on his good arm and bowed back, “H-Hi, I’m Kim Jiwon.”

“Jinhwan, you can go and rest for awhile before lunch starts.”

The man bowed and bid his farewell before leaving, Hanbin could see through the tuft of blonde hair the blaring red ears Jinhwan sported before scurrying out.

When the door closed, he faced Jiwon who looked like he was about to shit his pants and cocked an eyebrow as he crossed his arms, “Well? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Still love my stupid ass?” Jiwon said, his voice raised two octaves higher. He winced when Hanbin raised a fist to punch him but decided against it.

Instead, Hanbin sighed in defeat, “Come here,” he beckoned softly but snorted when Jiwon’s eyes literally sparkled and rushed to hug Hanbin, still cautious of his stomach. “I can’t believe this is how you react to waking up without me in bed.”

He felt Jiwon bury his head deeper Hanbin’s neck and left a fleeting kiss. “I went berserk, didn’t I?”

That made him chuckle, “Understatement but, yeah.”

“So don’t do it again!” The thirty-one year old man whined in his arms.

“Oh, boohoo! My back hurts from lying down so much now that I’m used to taking walks and your medicine-induced ass won’t wake up.”

Jiwon just huffed and said pettily, “You love this ass.”

“Stupid ass but yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished this chapter because I was too happy with today’s events 😂 I’ve been on a slump because of my period but HSH going to jail party made this happen. Hope you guys enjoyed the little crack and fluff


	15. Our Thing

Hanbin sighed for the nth time that morning as he sat in one of the chairs in their closet and gazed upon his reflection in the mirror absentmindedly. He’s been standing up, scanning through his and Jiwon’s side of the closet, and sitting down with a sigh for who knows how long that it could count as his afternoon exercise.

“Hey, baby, what’s wrong? You’ve been in here longer than usual. I miss you,” said Jiwon as he padded across the walk-in closet and bent down to kiss the top of his head.

He merely hummed and smiled a little. Apparently, it caused a bit of a concern for the elder as his forehead creased and kneeled down in front of him so Hanbin couldn’t avoid his eyes.

“Talk to me, baby. What is it? Is something bothering you?” Jiwon coaxed softly as if he’s talking to a wounded animal. And maybe Hanbin was one.

“Just the occasional anxiety. Don’t worry too much. I’ll be fine,” he tried for a faint smile but it seemed to have been too fake as Jiwon shook his head a little.

“You don’t have to say that, it isn’t me who needs comfort right now. Why don’t we go back to bed and I’ll cuddle you through it? I don’t know if that’ll help but I wanna do something for you.”

That produced a genuine smile out of him. “It helps a lot,” he said and hugged the man before him, “Somehow, you’re the cure for everything that’s wrong with me.”

“Baby, there’s nothing wrong with you. And you can’t argue with me on that. Everything’s wrong with the world, it isn’t you. Okay?” Jiwon’s hug tightened around him in a reassuring squeeze.

“Okay.”

Jiwon stood up and guided Hanbin back to bed but the younger was only wearing his robe. “Wait here,” he said and let Hanbin sit down in bed.

A few seconds passed and Jiwon came back from the closet clutching what looked like one of his own shirts.

“I do have my own shirts, you know that, right?” He chuckled as he let Jiwon dress him.

“You have more shirts than anyone in this household _but_ we have different scents. You seem to like wearing ones that smell like me,” he said as he buttoned the shirt on, leaving a tiny kiss on his tummy.

“You have a point,” he conceded. They crawled underneath the covers again with Jiwon spooning him. “I think it’s time for your meds, though.” He reached for the intercom just above their bedside table, mounted on the wall, and pressed it.

 _“Yes, Sir?”_ The intercom cackled a little as the response came through.

“Have someone bring in Jiwon’s meds, Woohyuk.”

_“Will do, Sire.”_

He settled back in bed and Jiwon wrapped him in limbs again as if he’d disappear. _I will, but only for a while, my love._

“Who’s with him right now?” Junhoe asked beside him in the car.

“Lia and Hoshi.”

He saw Junhoe shaking his head from his peripheral view, “That’s suspicious. He’ll know the second he wakes up.”

“He won’t for awhile. He dozed from the medicine and took a morphine shot. I have time.”

“I don’t like this, Bin. It’s fucking dangerous.”

“It won’t be if everyone does their job right. That fucking ambush was _not_ supposed to happen, Junhoe,” he gritted out. His hormones were all over the place and he _could not_ and _would not_ rest until he does something about this.

“Is this about the ambush itself or Bobby getting hurt?” Junhoe was not one to beat under the bush and he knew more than anyone what was going on between him and Jiwon and what wasn’t, even when he doesn’t say anything to the guy.

“Both. This hurts my pride, my ego, and someone dares to lay a hand on my second-in-command? They shouldn’t have expected this to go down without them paying for it.”

“If word got out that he’s your lover, they would’ve made sure he was dead or in their hands.”

“No, you’re—,”

“Right. I’m right.”

“Junhoe!” He finally looked at the guy in frustration. Now was not the time to rile him up with a driver and a guard in presence.

“What? There’s a partition, they ain’t hearing squat in our conversation. Calm down, man. I’m just worried about my future godchildren.”

“Oh, shut up. As if I’d make you the godfather.”

“Wha—? Hey! You’re Ryujin’s godfather, why can’t I be the twins’?”

“Because you’re fucking annoying, that’s why!”

The car came to a halt and they didn’t even notice that they had arrived in the compound as they were busy bickering through the ride.

Junhoe’s face turned rigid and serious, no bullshit demeanor, and on guard. “Make sure to not let the coat slip. There’s two guns and three knives in each secret compartment just like yours in case of emergency. Got it?”

He nodded determinedly and stepped out of the car once it was opened for him. He ended up wearing Junhoe’s coat since it was bigger, with a NIJ level IV body armor as a protection wrapped around him not as tight since his stomach could be hurt.

His in-ear cackled and Minho’s voice cut through, “Guards are in position and the cameras are monitored one by one.”

They had to swap the guards here with the guards that were assigned in the mansion as they were more elite, loyal, and longer in their service.

An entire team surrounded them as they entered through the compound. The doors opened with Wonho and I.M joining them. The first floor of the compound were more of the desks, conference rooms, office stalls, and departments for each section.

Three spacious elevator were concealed within the walls and was activated by Minho. Hanbin, I.M, Junhoe, and Wonho along with three guards entered the middle one as the rest of the guards entered the other two elevators.

As they passed by the guards once they arrived at the underground floor of the compound, he felt his eyes dimmed and his teeth clenched. He didn’t think he would last long when he enters their investigation room. Or rather, the three captives wouldn’t last long once he sees them.

The door was opened for them and the three—Junhoe, Wonho, and I.M— came in with him.

“My knife, I.M,” he ordered. The man handed him the wooden box where his knife was kept. His very own, customized Jagdkommando Tri-Dagger. Its hilt had a blood-red colored dahlia, and streaks of red running along the dagger caught the lights, making it look more sinister. The most deadly knife in the world, and was definitely illegal in war.

He looked upon the three faces in various forms of kneeling, struggling to stay upright and conscious. Junhoe and I.M clearly had their fun. It was now Hanbin’s turn.

“The Go’s are pretty religious, right? Your hypocrisy and self-contradicting beliefs and actions are so famous in the underground that even local news caught a whiff of it,” he laughed without humor as disgust laced his words for the men before him, “…how pathetic. _But_ who am I to judge, right? Although, today would be a great test-run for your beliefs. Maybe one of you will actually have your prayers answered.”

The Kim empire that Hanbin built was the epitome of illegal and dirty work. What made his generation’s legacy more pronounced than his predecessors though, was that he was famous for his own trait—the Lucifer among the humans who punishes those who’ve sinned. Lucifer was just that though, Hanbin _wanted_ to punish them for having sinned _more than he did._

Junhoe stepped out of the confined room as he felt his phone vibrating nonstop. Turned out, Hanbin didn’t have a lot of time as he though he did because the man was taking his time with his knife. He understood, though.

Living recklessly and heartlessly for years and suddenly his rough exterior cracks as he found his weakness. _Bobby was Hanbin’s weakness._ The level of significance Jiwon was at now was a huge step up from being one of the powerful man in Asia’s second-in-command. It’s always the loved ones. Hanbin went by _years_ with nothing as his weakness apart from his siblings but it was different because Jiyong was influential and powerful in his own right and Lia’s existence was relatively non-existent for people outside the family.

It was a dangerous game but Hanbin has a lot of control. Junhoe believes in him and would always have his back.

“Hey, man,” Junhoe greeted when he picked up the call.

 _“Is he safe?”_ He could hear Bobby trying to rein in his anger.

“Rest assured, he is. We’ll be back in an hour.”

_“Fuck that, bring him back now.”_

“You and I both know we don’t have that much power against an angry Hanbin. He needs to let it out.”

_“It’s fucking dangerous, Junhoe. This isn’t necessary.”_

“No one can get through to him, Bobby.”

He heard Jiwon’s sigh of resignation, _“Tell him if he doesn’t stop_ now, _I’ll go there.”_

“He’s going to kill me.”

_“Just do it, please. Bring me back my family, Junhoe.”_

Junhoe was taken aback with Jiwon’s words. The man never said _please_ lightly. He sounded desperate and weak that it reminded Junhoe of how it felt like to be having his person be hurting and couldn’t do anything.

He shook his head to get the depressing thoughts out of his head. _Not the time for that._ He swallowed and exhaled determinedly, “Okay. Just—just rest, Bobby. It wouldn’t do any good for anyone if Hanbin comes back seeing you even worse than your current health.”

_“I-I’ll try.”_

Jiwon felt so dizzy, lightheaded, groggy, and most of all… _he felt weak._ This is all his fault. If he hadn’t gone out and got himself almost killed, Hanbin wouldn’t have risked drug him out with morphine, leave him, and kill those bastards personally.

“Bobby-oppa, just please get back in bed. We’re all worried with him already, if you won’t rest, it’ll just add up. Please, oppa,” Lia fretted around him

Lia’s voice on the background was the last thing he heard before everything dimmed and he was swallowed in pitch black darkness.

His head rung with a raging headache, making him wake up from it groggily. _What…?_

He tried to get up but a hand touched his face and made him settle back in his pillow. With little difficulty, he opened his eyes and saw Hanbin by his side wearing what he usually wears and looking how he usually does when he’s sleeping with him. But at the same time, he could feel something was slightly different this time.

And it hit him the same time Hanbin opened his eyes. They were bloodshot with unshed tears, his lips were quivering as he waited for Jiwon’s reaction, his breathing was unstable, and his hands were cold and slightly shaking.

“I’m sorry,” Hanbin said after Jiwon didn’t say anything.

Jiwon stared at him square in eyes, “Did you know how worried I was? I was so close to breaking down and fight my way out even when my injuries were killing me, even when I couldn’t stand properly, even when I was dizzy, and even when I—,” his voice cracked and so was his stoic face, he knew he looked like a mess right then and there, “Are you really sorry?”

It broke his heart when Hanbin sniffled a little and hugged Jiwon as much as he could, “For worrying you and making you pass out? Yes, I really am. For killing those guys? No. And I’d do it again. I just—,”

“You just, what?” He didn’t sound mad and he wasn’t but he was evidently upset and disappointed at the younger.

“I just wish you didn’t have to know so you wouldn’t worry and get hurt more than you already did.”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t?”

Hanbin shrugged and wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“I would know, Hanbin,” the man whined a little for calling him by his name, “but not because of someone telling me, baby. It’s because you have telltale signs.”

“No, I don’t.”

“At a glance, it’s unnoticeable. But when you’re near me, I can feel when you’re feeling genuinely happy, worried, angry, pissed, sleepy, or in this case, lying. Because of work, you never lied to me before. But now…”

“I don’t like lying to you any more than you hating it, too.”

Jiwon sighed again and held Hanbin’s hand that was settled in his cheek, “Your hands get cold and clammy, your jaw clenches, you rub your hand in circular motion against your heart, you exhale determinedly, and you can’t meet my eyes.”

“What?”

“Those are some of your telltale signs. But only to limited people. People whose opinions and reactions you actually care.”

Hanbin bit his lip and this time, a tear managed to escape his eyes and Jiwon couldn’t bare it anymore. How could he be mad then?

“Look, what you did will never be okay for me. You didn’t just put yourself in danger but our twins, too. It wasn’t worth it. Who knows what could’ve happened. The stress and anxiety you’d have to endure after doing what you did like it always does, kicks in and I can’t bare seeing you struggle in any way. But I’m not mad. There’s no reason to be anymore and it’d be pointless making you feel worse than you already do. I just don’t want you to do it again, okay? Not even for me. Pregnant or not. Never risk your life for mine, okay? I could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you, baby.”

“Promises are meant to be broken, love. But, I’ll try. For you.”

“You Kims just don’t back down, do you? You can’t end things without negotiating your way in,” he chuckled and it finally made Hanbin smile. “You are okay, right?”

Hanbin kissed him softly, “With you, I am. Just don’t leave me for a while, okay?”

“I’ll never leave. Even if you want me to. Even if the stars, planets, and moons align for it, I’d never leave you if I could.”

Hanbin nodded solemnly and just buried his face against Jiwon’s chest, avoiding the injuries carefully. Jiwon being understanding, patient, and sweet towards him just makes him think, _I don’t deserve any of this._

But he said nothing and slept his worries away.

…he should’ve known the demons lurking in his own head will _never_ go away and will always be ten times more haunting than his worries when he’s awake and conscious.

That night, Hanbin remembered Jiwon waking him up in the middle of the night as he struggled to breathe and couldn’t take a firm grip of what was real and what was his dream.

His dreams were never _just_ dreams. They were memories. And it was almost never about _his_ suffering… _it was always the suffering he himself induced upon hundreds of human beings._ His head knows him more than anyone, and it knows how to really tear him apart, leaving him nothing and breathless.

No matter how much Hanbin tried, Jiwon knows. He notices everything. But he knows when to comment and when not to. So he did what he always does in situations like these, be with him.

In the past, it’d be in the form of sexual acts, domination, tiring him out, or letting him vent through various ways in bed. This time, whether fortunately or not, they couldn’t do those things safely as Hanbin was pregnant. And this was considered progress. Although he enjoyed being all the things they do, it still pains him to see Hanbin crave for pain as his pleasure. But he still did it because he didn’t want Hanbin to do it with anyone else.

Fortunately, Jiwon didn’t have to work for two weeks due to his injuries so he could look out for Hanbin and make him as happy as he could.

They went on picnics behind the mansion’s giant hedges, Hanbin taught him how to paint—which he kind of sucked, they would read books in the library but Jiwon never picks up the serious ones and just read stories to their twins.

“I want to read this,” he announced one afternoon when he saw a row of books filled with storybooks for children and picked up Hansel and Gretel.

Hanbin smiled from his seat as he looked up from his own book, “Read it aloud so the babies know your voice.”

“That’s a thing?”

“See, this is why I wanted you to read the guide about pregnancy, babe,” Hanbin rolled his eyes at him and returned to his book.

“I did!”

“You successfully read _one_ page.”

Jiwon slumped back to the seat with his new book in hand. “It made me sleep.”

“Whatever. Just call the kitchen and have someone bring up my afternoon snacks.” Hanbin continued to glare at him but stopped when Jiwon immediately did as he was told.

“What do you want to have, baby? Coffee, tea, or me?” Jiwon grinned at him sweetly and Hanbin almost threw the hard-bound book on his sickeningly sweet face.

“I want macarons and chocolate shake. And green peppers.”

Jiwon’s nose scrunched, “Green peppers? That’s spicy, you don’t even like spicy food.”

“Well, I want it now,” Hanbin hissed and Jiwon jumped in his seat.

“Okay, okay, how many do you want?”

“LOTS! SO I COULD ANNOY YOU WITH IT!” Hanbin _screamed_.

“Maybe you should have his milk prepared, too, in case it gets too spicy and he kills you right here in annoyance,” Lia commented, not even fazed.

He should really be used to this by now but Hanbin never ceases to surprise him one way or another. Pregnant Hanbin was scarier than any version of Hanbin combined.

But even when Hanbin was annoyed by Jiwon’s face, the afternoon was still full of laughter with him and Lia.

That night, however, Hanbin still slept fretfully and was dripping down with beads of sweat. Jiwon woke him up not as urgently in case the younger punched him in his sleep.

When Hanbin finished drinking some water and was calmly munching on his green peppers, Jiwon sighed in worry and sat beside him.

“Baby,” he called softly and hugged the younger’s side. Hanbin hummed and leaned his head on Jiwon’s shoulder as he continued eating the damn peppers, “I know you don’t like it and I’d never do anything you’re uncomfortable with but if you’re up for it, maybe we should try talking about it?”

Hanbin burrowed deeper in his neck an kept eating his peppers sulkily.

“Dr. Jooheon did suggest a doctor but I know you’re not ready for that yet so how about just start talking to me?”

“Okay. But under some conditions.”

Jiwon nodded, he understood that Hanbin would have some reservations and conditions but there was no way to do this other than the younger’s way and he’d have anything over nothing. “Okay.”

“Don’t talk unless I tell you to. Just listen. Don’t overreact or worry or fret—I know you’ll do this but just don’t because it makes me more anxious. And trust that I can handle this but if I ever feel the need to ask your help, I will. Can I count on you with that?”

Jiwon gulped but ultimately nodded. “Yes.”

It took a few seconds as Hanbin continued to eat his peppers but he did start rather hesitatingly. “My dreams consists of me doing Satan’s work. At the moment, when I lose control, I don’t feel anything. No remorse, guilt, or fear. In my dreams, it becomes more twisted and sick and I could see it all too clearly. The blood pooling in my hands and feet, the organs scattered around the room, heads torn from their bodies, the smell of gun powder, the shells of every bullet I fired, and the eyes looking up at me as if I was the Death Reaper.”

“I don’t regret it even when my dream haunts me. Even when my anxiety and paranoia acts up. I know they deserve it. I kill people who kills. I kill people with sins heavier than my own. Because somehow, I don’t like it. I don’t want anyone surpassing mine. It’s like my own sick version of power.”

“I never dream about all the shit I’ve been through. Maybe once but that was it. It was always of people dying in my hands. A reminder of the monster I’ve become. It’s like I don’t deserve to count what happened to me as compensation for all the sins I continue to make. That even if I did went through some shit, it doesn’t mean I could do it, too. Joke’s on my head though, I’ll never stop. _Never._ I’m tainted for life, so what’s stopping me now? I should wish for it to be gone but as what I always say, you take the bad with the good. But it does keep me on my toes so I don’t rest easy at night. Maybe I’m just fucked up like that. I don’t even know if I’m making sense.”

“Must’ve betrayed my country in my past life, huh?”

Jiwon shook his head and sighed. He settled a hand to cup the younger’s jaw and made him look at him. “Hi.”

Somehow, Hanbin always smiles at his _Hi_ s and he finds it really cute. It became one of Hanbin’s cute weaknesses.

“Hi.”

“Will you let me talk or should we just cuddle and then sleep?”

Hanbin’s smile became brighter and more sincere, “You can talk to me while we cuddle? I’m not sleepy yet and I always love your rants and monologues.”

They settled in nicely underneath the duvet and Hanbin almost immediately fell lax against his body. He couldn’t actually wrap Hanbin up as much as he used to because of the wound so he just let Hanbin bury himself as much as he wanted. “Comfy?”

A few more squirms and then he hummed, “Yeah.”

“Hmm, okay. Remember, this is just my opinion and understanding. I’m not saying I’m right or that you should do what I say but I can shed some light.”

“Are you saying that in case you fuck up my life?”

Jiwon chuckled and kissed his forehead, “Maybe. Can’t be too sure.”

Hanbin giggled, _fucking giggled_ , he could never get used to Hanbin giggling, and then huffed a reply, “Not a chance. I fucked it up already.”

“Well, then I’m here to unfuck-up your life.”

“That’s not a word.”

“Hush, smartypants, it’s my spotlight already.”

“Okay, okay, go on.”

“This is going to get heavy real fucking quick, so stay level-headed for me,” he waited for Hanbin’s nod before he continued. “I think you’re still trapped with your past. You never made amends with yourself, what you did, and what you have become. You buried it instead of confronting it so it always winds up coming back to haunt you. Maybe you could tie loose ends? Maybe not everything. I know there are a lot of things that happened in our life we simply can’t let go of. But maybe begin slowly? Little steps. You’ve experienced a lot of what this cruel world could offer and somehow you survived all that shit. But no one could ever come out of things like that unscathed, baby. Everybody has scars. Yours run deep and are already too many. You’re human and it gets too much for us, you know? When you feel like your past is interrupting with how you deal with your present, rewind that shit and find the root cause, and do something about it before it ruins your future.”

It was quiet for awhile after he stopped talking, him catching his breath and wondering if he made sense at all, and Hanbin considering everything Jiwon had to say.“Where do you suggest I start?”

“With yourself.”

“You said start small. I hate myself. That’s fucking huge, if you ask me.”

“It’s as big as how you perceive it. If you don’t let it intimidate you, it shouldn’t be _that_ big of a problem. You _want_ to believe that it is because you’re avoiding yourself,” Jiwon caressed Hanbin’s cheek as feather-light as he could. “Baby, you owe this to yourself.”

“I don’t like thinking. I don’t like being left alone with my thoughts. I just drown and it gets draining pulling myself out of it.”

“There’s a lot going on inside there and right here,” he tapped Hanbin’s chest. “And you don’t hear it out. It’s going to be messy but it’s a start. You always think of other unnecessary things just to avoid having time for yourself.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“I have your best interest at heart, but it doesn’t mean I’m right. There are professionals for this and what I’m telling you now is what I think could help. There could be many ways to do this, but I always think of things simply and start from there rather than nowhere.”

Hanbin looked up at him. His mouth gaped, closed, and clenched a few times before he whimpered and seemed to have given up on responding.

“Baby,” he called but the younger wouldn’t look at him anymore. “Hey, kitten, look at me.” At that, he looked up. _Kitten_ was a rare nickname, usually heard in the confines of the underground floor but Jiwon says it to catch Hanbin off-guard making him hot and bothered.

“What?” Hanbin whined and proceeded to nip at Jiwon’s jaw to distract himself.

“You can’t love someone else truly unless you love yourself first.” That sentence held a lot of meaning. The word _love_ was somewhat a sensitive topic for them. Jiwon knew he loved Hanbin and he felt that the younger reciprocated but don’t actually know what to do the with it.

“I—,”

“You don’t have to say something, baby. I just want you to know that so you’d have a better understanding about it.” He gently laid his head atop Hanbin’s and kissed him anywhere he could. “Not sleepy yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you did that day at the compound without me?”

“Are you sure about that? What if you pull a Jiwon?”

“Pull a Jiwon? That’s a thing now?”

Hanbin chuckled and settled a hand on Jiwon’s chest. “You do it so often so yeah. The guys uses the phrase, and then the kids caught up with it.

“Do what so often?”

“Getting worried, paranoid, and panicky.”

“That’s only natural, baby. Of course I’d get worried about you. You’re pretty impulsive. And mean. And has a thin layer of patience.”

“Shut up!”

“See?” It was Jiwon’s turn to chuckle and struggled to keep Hanbin against his chest as the younger attempted to get away from him to probably sulk. “Okay, come on. I’m sorry. I won’t pull a _Jiwon_ , promise.”

“You’re not allowed to overreact anymore, okay? I’m safe now so all you have to do is be proud!”

“I’m always proud of you. A little scared but, yeah, proud.”

Hanbin rose his head just to glare at him but Jiwon just kissed his frown away. “Fine. It was actually messy and sloppy.”

“Messy and sloppy does not suit you, baby.”

There was a ghost of a pout in Hanbin’s face but struggled to suppress it, Jiwon could only laugh internally. _Cute._

“Exactly! I lost control much sooner than I expected.”

“Hmm? Why? You like taking your time.”

“I saw red the moment I stepped inside the room. Didn’t even talk to them. Just flat-out gutted them.”

Jiwon’s eyebrows rose. This kind of Hanbin pops out much rarer. If Hanbin’s mad he’d just shoot someone. His knives were reserved for special occasions. Betrayals, mostly.

“Was it fun in the moment, at least?”

“Yeah, they were conscious through most of it so their screams just spurred me on.”

Jiwon gulped, _yeah, maybe I shouldn’t get myself hurt again, I actually feel bad for those guys._ But some sick part of him was a bit _giddy?_ Hanbin lost control because of him. _You know what? Fuck those guys._ At least, Jiwon could feel Hanbin caring for him. It was Hanbin’s own form of twisted show of caring. _Yep._ That or Jiwon was delusional.

“You didn’t even leave one for me.”

“Nope. Sorry.” He did _not_ look sorry at all.

“If I didn’t know how scary you actually are gutting humans, I would say it was sweet of you.”

“It _was_ sweet of me. How could you?”

They both snickered at Hanbin’s words. They knew how twisted they both sounded but it was them and dark humor was becoming _their_ thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if it’s getting boring for some but i wanted ppl to understand that there’s a catch with everything in life. If too much details, bore u guys, dm me or hit up my cc. I just like long FFs because it really draws in the readers and get them attached. Anyway, i hope u had fun!
> 
> I’m sorry if my updates r longer than usual, it’s because i started a twt au. But i’d never leave ao2. ❤️


	16. Little Bunny and Little Quail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who dont follow me on twitter please be informed that Iris will be updated once a week, every sunday since I’ve also begun a TWT AU. It’s double b and i hope u give it some love too (it’s NSFW tho [not that u arent used to that here in ao3 but twt is sensitive] and i went on private but i still accept follow requests)

The past ten weeks were spent productively in the Kim household, especially for the parents-to-be. Since the kids were getting comfortable with Jinhwan, it took a load out of the group of men’s chest as they assumed they’d have to deal with grumpy kids again, and no one had to take turns looking out for them personally since Chanwoo and Ryujin seemed to prefer the new tutor’s company now. Lia, on the other hand, managed to balance her academic studies as well as business and economic lessons from Hanbin himself.

Although the conversation with Jiyong was lengthy, messy, complicated, and frustrating, the two younger siblings were able to convince the eldest under strict conditions that Lia would have to follow until the two elders deemed it fit. Lia didn’t argue much because she knew she’d have her way when wanted to, so she just said yes to all of the conditions.

Since the guys were _freaked_ with all the nerve racking experience that was Kim Hanbin _leaving the mansion, exposed to the outside world, and killed three men with his bulging stomach,_ they’ve each decided to take most of Jiwon’s work so the man could stay with Hanbin.

It worked out well as Jiwon was reading up on psychological studies on how best to help Hanbin through everything as best he could.

“How about nicknames?” Jiwon asked in the middle of feeding Hanbin with carrots.

“Nicknames? For the twins? Right now?”

“Yeah, we’re still so undecided with their names so maybe we should start with cute nicknames.”

They’ve been throwing name suggestions in the dinner table since the gender reveal but Hanbin still hasn’t found ones he liked.

Hanbin chuckled after he gulped down his orange juice. “That’s easy.”

“What’d you have in mind?” Jiwon brushed a section of hair that fell on Hanbin’s forehead.

“Remember how baby girl was relentlessly moving for two days straight and we managed to see her in action during the ultrasound?”

Jiwon hummed and chuckled as he nuzzled Hanbin’s stomach adoringly, “You were so happy in the beginning because she was moving so much but then you got pissed because you couldn’t sleep in any position.”

“Yeah, well, she reminded me of a rabbit. And you kind of resemble one, you know? It’s cute.” Jiwon was definitely a rabbit. Not just his buck teeth but because he was such a softie and jumps around everywhere anytime in any emotions he’s under. Even when Hanbin’s screaming at him, he bounces in his seat even when he saw it coming and shouldn’t even be shocked.

“Okay, so how about Baby Bunny and Baby Quail?” Jiwon raised his index finger like he came up with best names in the world.

“Quail?” And of course, Hanbin was about to shatter that.

“Yeah, you look like one especially when you don’t get what you want. And you waddle, too,” Jiwon snickered unbeknownst to him that Hanbin’s eyes bulged in offence.

Hanbin threw the empty picnic basket they had straight into Jiwon’s face with no remorse at all. “What did you just say?!”

“No, baby, don’t be upset!” Jiwon cooed as soon as he got rid of the basket. “It’s cute!”

“Shut up!”

Jiwon learned best when to shut up and it was at these moments. Like what they have learned, Pregnant Hanbin was the scariest Hanbin of all. He’d kiss Hanbin’s temple to cool him down and keep quiet. _I’ll just have to wait to rile him up with teasing after he gives birth._

But then Jiwon thought of the postpartum depression he read about in one of the books Hanbin’s been berating him to read and a shiver ran up his spine. Hanbin’s mental stability is complicated already, Jiwon should make sure they avoid that from happening.

“I kind of like the _baby_ nickname for myself, though. It’s fucking generic _but_ it’s refreshing to hear it compared to the names you called me before.” Hanbin whispered as he munched on the carrots again and laid his head on Jiwon’s thighs.

The names he called Hanbin before was definitely only appropriate within the confines of the underground floor and the underground floor only. Jiwon gulped remembering them and thought, _I don’t think could never get away with calling Hanbin anything even remotely close to those words these days without a punch or two._

Jiwon immediately snapped out of his worrying thoughts and focused on what Hanbin just said.

“How about little?” Hanbin spoke again and it just sunk in on Jiwon what the younger meant.

The realization made him feel like he was on cloud nine. For Hanbin to tolerate his sappy ass, it’s pretty rare, and would immediately melt his insides from so much joy.

“I like it. Little Bunny and Little Quail.”

Hanbin hummed looking up at him, “Me too.”

“BABE!” Hanbin’s voice echoed around the bathroom all the way to where their bed was.

Jiwon jumped up in his half-asleep state. He woke just a few minutes ago when Hanbin got out of bed saying his cramps were starting again but he had to go to the bathroom.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Jiwon asked when he was by the bathroom door. “Can I come in?”

“Call Dr. Jooheon first.” He could hear Hanbin’s frantic and breathless voice, making him cold with dread.

Any sign of sleepiness evaporated within Jiwon as he began to worry.

“What’s the matter? Open the door, baby,” he said urgently as he tried to open the door.

“Get the fucking phone first!”

Jiwon scrambled to reach their bedside table and pressed the intercom. “Get Dr. Jooheon.”

The response was immediate, _“Yes, sir.”_

He then ran back to the bathroom door and knocked relentlessly.

“It’s open now.”

Jiwon fumbled to get the door open and his eyes darted across the huge bathroom searching for the pregnant Hanbin. The said pregnant man was seated on the corner of the jacuzzi and was breathing heavily.

“Baby, what is it? What do you feel? Where does it hurt?”

“Shhh, your voice is annoying.” Hanbin didn’t even bother looking up at him. His face was all scrunched up and beads of sweat were forming across his face.

“Wha—? B-But—,”

“I think my cramping is going from normal to bad. And I’m bleeding.”

 _“What?!”_ He bellowed and his voice echoed across the marble floor making the younger flinch in shock.

 _“Are you shouting at me?!”_ Jiwon’s knees felt weak when the anger passed the younger’s eyes after he yelled and was now filled with unshed tears. Sure enough, his knees gave up and he knelt in front of Hanbin.

“No, no, no. I’m sorry. I was just shocked, my love.” He tried to appease the younger but he looked really shaken.

Hanbin was crying now and he didn’t know what he could do to calm the younger down. _“This is all your fault! You and your goddamn dick!_ I swear to God, I’m going to chop that off as soon as I give birth!”

He winced at that but just let the man vent his frustrations.

“I’m sorry, love. I’m really sorry,” he kept murmuring this against Hanbin’s stomach as he continued to kneel in front of the sobbing pregnant man.

“It’s all your fault! Look at me now! I can’t stand, walk, or sit properly, my eyes hurt from crying ever since my pregnancy started, and now—,” Hanbin wailed and cried and slapped his arm, his cries only getting louder, “—and now I look like a fucking whale! This is all your fault!”

Jiwon rose from his position and wrapped Hanbin in his arms. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, baby. You’re so amazing and I love you. Please stop crying.”

“Can I talk to Hanbin alone for awhile?” Dr. Jooheon asked kindly after conducting a check up and interviewing them of what happened.

Hanbin could feel Jiwon glance his way but he couldn’t and wouldn’t look at him. He just couldn’t. So he kept his head low and waited for the man’s reply.

“Sure. Call me if you need me, I’ll be in the library,” he heard him say and he didn’t quite know if Jiwon was talking to him or to the doctor. But he did kiss the top of Hanbin’s head before making his way out which made his heart clench.

After the doors of their bedroom closed, Hanbin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“This can be as vague or as personal as you want but please answer honestly for the sake of your health along with your babies’… Hanbin, are you okay?” Dr. Jooheon asked. He sounded more like a friend who was genuinely concerned and Hanbin couldn’t help but feel ashamed for worrying so many people.

Nonetheless, he answered as honestly as he could, “I thought I was.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jiwon’s been nothing but perfect. I still can’t get myself to see a professional but he tries to be what I need. And he is what I need. He’s perfect. Too perfect.”

“And you don’t want perfect.” Jooheon said rather than asked.

“I can’t deal with perfection because it’s the only thing I could never attain.”

“Maybe you’ve attained it when you had him in your life.”

Hanbin shook his head. “It’s an overused line but I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him.”

“Do you want to be?”

“Of course I do.”

“Did he ever make you feel like you’re undeserving?”

“No. But that’s it. That’s one of the things that makes him perfect.”

Jooheon sighed, “I think this is it. You’ve been under a different sort of stress. One that you aren’t used to. One you don’t know how to address. You know what I’m about to advice to you but I don’t think you’d do it. For the sake of it though, I’m saying it… talk to him. No filter. No nothing. It’ll get a load off of your chest.”

Hanbin hummed. He knew what he needed but he’s not sure if it was what he wanted yet.

  
  


Lia came in and was a bit startled to see her brother there. Hanbin was sitting in one of the settee and didn’t even notice that she came in.

“Hanbin-oppa? Are you okay? I heard Dr. Jooheon came in today.”

“I’m fine. My cramps were pretty bad and I had spotting this morning,” he answered without looking at her and seemed to be preoccupied.

“Where’s Bobby-oppa? Did you send him to get some weird food agai—?”

“Li, do I make you feel that I love you?”

She blinked once at being cut off with a such a serious question compared to hers but she answered in a heartbeat, “Yes.”

Her brother’s eyebrows twitched as if not expecting her answer.

“I do?” He asked absent-mindedly.

“You’re not a talker, oppa. I don’t think anyone in our family is. But you definitely show it.”

Hanbin finally looked at her but his eyes were unreadable. “How could you say that after I’ve ignored you for years?”

“As I’ve said, you’re not a talker. You’re more of doer,” she said as she sat down on one of the chairs facing Hanbin but the elder wasn’t looking at her again.

“I didn’t even so much as looked at you.”

“No, but you sacrificed a lot for me. I didn’t know that before but I could tell. I knew we were different than the siblings from other families. I’m not gonna lie, I used to get frustrated trying to find some reaction from you but it made me a tough cookie.”

“You shouldn’t have to be tough at such a young age.”

“True. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way. And it’s moot now. That was the past and you’ve been giving me everything I could ever need and want from you. Why should I get hung up on things we can never change?”

Lia smiled. “Sometimes you just need a new perspective. Grown ups complicate things way too much, it’s the only thing I’m not envious of with you guys.”

“That’s true.”

“So what is it? What are you so glum about?

“Do you think we’d be great parents as a couple or just individuals?”

“One can never really tell exactly but from what I see, your personalities complement each other. It’s a push-and-pull kind of thing. He brings out a lot of things from you other people couldn’t. He seems like the type you need.”

Hanbin shook and then hung his head looking so disappointed. To whom, Lia was yet to know. “I can’t even say I love you to him. I did what you said, to just show him. But somehow some way I f—mess it up. I throw tantrums, I give an attitude, and he’s always the target for everything.”

“But do you? Love him, I mean.”

“I didn’t know I was capable of it but then again I never knew I was capable of most things til I did it so,”

“Then there you go.”

“Well, what do I do?”

“Say it when the right time comes so don’t force yourself. When you finally started talking to me more, it made me treasure and appreciate the words we exchange because I know you mean it. Bobby-oppa deserves to have it the same way, if not then more special.”

“Well, what do I do? I always snap at him and he never complained even once. It’s making me feel really bad.”

“As it should,” Lia cuts through without remorse for the pregnant man.

“Lia! Don’t make me feel worse!”

“You know you genuinely care for him when you get this sad over hurting him. You don’t even feel bad liquidating businesses.” The last bit was whispered but Hanbin still caught it and glared at her. “There are many ways to make him feel better without telling him you actually love him. You could apologize, be sweet to him, shower him with compliments, hug him, kiss him—all those weird, gross stuff grown-ups do.”

Hanbin laughed at that, “You’re gonna want to experience that in the future, Li.”

“Let’s focus on the present, then.”

“Hi,” Hanbin said as soon as he closed the door to the library. Jiwon was in the midst of reading some book before he noticed him come in and closed it in favor of greeting him with a smile.

And again, Hanbin’s heart clenched.

“Hi, are you okay?” Jiwon asked and made his way to meet Hanbin halfway with a warm hug.

_No. I feel bad._

Instead of saying that, he hummed with a faint smile and hugged Jiwon back, “The cramps have calmed down now.”

“You haven’t had your breakfast yet. Should we just get someone to bring it the bedroom? You should get some more rest.”

Hanbin couldn’t do anything but nod as he let Jiwon fuss over him again.

“Can you hug me for five more minutes, though?” he asked in an unusually tiny voice as if unsure.

“Of course, baby,” Jiwon tightened his hug and made good with his word, he did continue to hug for five minutes with occasional light kisses and smooth caresses down his back.

Hanbin broke the hug and looked down at his feet, he still couldn’t look at Jiwon. “Let’s go back.”

Jiwon didn’t answer in words but he took hand and held it tightly as they walked hand in hand.

On the way to their bedroom, Jiwon was on the phone with the butler, Woohyuk, to discuss Hanbin’s breakfast. Turned out, Dr. Jooheon suggested some healthy menu for him and he only had to choose from the variety of options.

They crawled under the covers but Jiwon guided him towards his lap and made him sit there sideways as he looped his hands around Hanbin.

“Hi,” Jiwon said and as always, it produced his favorite small smile from Hanbin even when he wouldn’t look at the elder.

“Hi,” Hanbin greeted back and leaned down on the crook of Jiwon’s neck, sighing contentedly.

“Please don’t be so sad. I’ll always be here for you, you know that, right? We only have, I think, twelve weeks. Please endure it, baby. I’m so sorry you have to but please do.”

Hanbin hid his face in Bobby’s neck. His face was burning up from guilt and pent up anger for himself. “Please stop saying sorry.”

Jiwon seemed to be alarmed with Hanbin’s voice seeming to be pained. “What? Baby, what do you mean? Are you crying? Are you okay?”

And he was sobbing. _Great._ Which made it harder for him to actually speak. “I should be the one saying sorry. I’m sorry for snapping at you, screaming at you, always whining at you, being an emotional wreck, and then blaming you for everything. It’s not your fault! It really isn’t. And me being pregnant shouldn’t be something you should apologize for! I’m really happy. I really am. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise and made you worry. And that it made you feel like you should apologize. I’m sorry I can’t say those words back. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me and it’s been in my head for a long time now but I still can’t. I’m sorry you had to settle for someone like me when you have so much love to offer. I’m really sorry. Please don’t leave me.”

Hanbin was rambling on and on despite having hiccups, despite his throat almost always closing up, despite his tears streaming down as he cried like a kid being left in the middle of the supermarket.

And Jiwon let him let it all out with soft caresses on his heaving chest.

Jiwon was definitely caught off guard. Yes, it did hurt him whenever Hanbin would throw some hurtful words at him but he always understood. These kinds of things were normal, especially for a person like Hanbin who’s bad at handling emotions.

He felt like it was the least he could do for him. Jiwon would never be mad at him, he didn’t think he was capable of it because he loved Hanbin too much for that.

And for Hanbin to think that he’d actually leave him? Now _that_ broke his heart.

“Ever since we met at the dungy alleyway at the back of the bar and you hired me to be part of this world, I never once and never will leave you, Kim Hanbin. I will always be by your side, in any role, any position, in any way you want or need me to be. If it’s you, you don’t even have to ask because with me, I’ll do anything for you to have anything you could possibly want or need. For as long as you want me, I’ll be here. And if a time comes that you don’t, I’ll fight for it until my last breath. Love me or not, you have me. I don’t need you to say or do anything you’re not ready to say or do. My _I-love-you_ isn’t a question that needs a response. It’s my way of assuring you that I’m here no matter what. I love you, Hanbin. Always.”

Their relationship may have developed in the unconventional way but they can make it work. Jiwon will make sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I teared up a little writing this. I just know how it feels to be held back by your own insecurities and demons so I hope you guys won’t be too mad or impatient with people who’re always second-guessing, hesitant, and afraid of taking risks because those pepople are already mad at themselves.
> 
> Hanbin’s also near his due date! Who’s excited? I sure as hell am! Tell me your thoughts on the comments or dm me or if u wanna remain anonymous, just drop smth on my cc. TALK TO MEEEEEE


	17. Surprises

"Hanbin’s due date is inching closer and closer and as I’ve told you before, it may or may not be on the exact day but somewhere close to it. Now, you’ve been experiencing cramps and irregular contractions. The spotting have stopped, thankfully. These symptoms are normal. You just have to monitor whether the contractions are getting constant, or beginning to have a pattern and remember to always time it. As planned, we will proceed with caesarean section. Exercise is still vital, okay?”

Dr. Jooheon continued to list the things they needed to do, observe, prepare, and remember. Hanbin’s due date would be the week after and the whole house is buzzing with excitement.

Hanbin’s discomfort was increasing day by day and Jiwon refused to leave his side even for just a few seconds. The younger’s physical as well as emotional and mental state was fragile to say the least and he’d been trying to at least lessen Hanbin’s worries and fears.

There were more and more guards being assigned in the entire estate who underwent training conducted personally by Junhoe and I.M. Contingency plans were handled by Minho along with setting up emergency evacuations in every form whether aerial or on land. They were starting to be as paranoid as Jiwon but Hanbin couldn’t blame them, he was just bitchy since the pregnancy.

“Everything is already set up on the makeshift operating room in the second floor. I have a team of specialists and skilled medical staff with me, and they’ve already signed the agreement as well as briefed by Mr. Choi Seungcheol. According to our latest check-up and ultrasound, the babies are in great health and have developed accordingly,” the doctor smiled at them both sincerely, “You’ve done a great job with this pregnancy and I’m positive you’ll do a great job with parenting in the future.”

“Thank you, Jooheon. For everything. We owe Hanbin’s health as well as the twins’ to you. You’re a very diligent doctor, we really appreciate all that you’ve done for us,” Jiwon said as they shook hands.

“It is my honor to serve this family like what the doctors before me in our family did. After the pregnancy, I’d recommend my brother, Dr. Lee Seokmin, as the twins’ physician if you’d want. You can see his records as well as his achievements.”

Hanbin nodded, “That would be great.”

“I am only a floor down if you need me.” Dr. Jooheon bid his goodbye to the soon-to-be parents and as usual, Bobby showed him out while Hanbin remained seated.

Hanbin has come to trust the doctor and have confided in him, too as he got a bit more comfortable sharing. The man had been patient and understanding, even offering a lot of advices. And when Hanbin’s due date neared, he had temporarily moved here for convenience and in case of emergencies which really comforted Hanbin’s nerves.

“Hi, baby, are you tired? Wanna walk along the garden? We’ll just be by the shade,” Jiwon said as he came back in and hugged Hanbin from the back behind the couch.

He hummed in agreement, “Yeah, that sounds good. I feel better today so it should be okay. Can you refill my tumbler with water as well as bring that portable fan?”

Jiwon kissed his temple, “Of course. Wait for a minute, ‘kay?” and proceeded to do as he asked.

Their bedroom was filled with stuff they could possibly need without calling for someone or going down—part of Jiwon’s paranoia of leaving Hanbin alone—so it was convenient. But it can wait.” Jiwon said as they walked down a path with perfect shade so Hanbin wouldn’t be exposed to too much heat.

He leaned his head on Jiwon’s shoulder as the latter looped an arm around his waist for support and said, “We’ll see later, babe. The sun feels nice today. I’m not fond of surprises though.”

“Not the glamorous or loud type. Just us,” Jiwon reassured with a kiss on his temple.

Hanbin hummed, “Just us.”

While they were on their stroll, they passed by the elderly gardener, In Sung, and talked about the garden’s state, even picked some flowers for the table since they’ll be having lunch after an hour or two if Hanbin’s not tired yet—else they’ll have to have lunch in their bedroom.

“Thank you. These are lovely,” Hanbin bid adieu as he had variations of hydrangeas in his hands now. Jiwon was by the bench waiting for him and approached him with a hug.

“Hungry?” Jiwon smiled at the tired smile Hanbin was sporting.

He sobbed dramatically, “I’m always hungry.”

Jiwon chuckled and kissed the top of his head, “C’mon then. Let’s have some food in you now. In the dining table or in the bedroom?”

“Table. I want to talk with Jinhwan and the kids. I felt too nauseous yesterday and the day before that so I want to know what they’ve been up to.”

“You say it like Jinhwan’s a kid, too.”

“Well, he’s short and gullible. Chanwoo easily manipulates the poor guy and Jinhwan just laughs it off and even compliment the kid for being smart.”

“He has a soft spot for kids, it’s fine. We always get them in check anyway so Jinhwan doesn’t have to be the bad cop to them.”

“I guess you’re right. But maybe I’ll talk to him privately. About Junhoe.”

Jinhwan and Junhoe. The lines were starting to blur with those two, Hanbin would know as he’d gone through it with Jiwon, too. But theirs is a whole other story although complicated still. Hanbin can help but the last thing he’d rather do is _interfere_ , that wouldn’t do any good with Junhoe. They were best friends after all, takes one to know one—they’re both untamed beasts.

Even when Hanbin’s more sane and pliant these days, there were still underlying demons lurking in him. The same goes with Junhoe. He may have a sense of responsibility and affection for Ryujin and the guys, there was no denying that he was still an enigma, someone unpredictable.

And Jinhwan… Jinhwan grew on Hanbin. The man slayed enough demons to be able to still live with his humanity intact. It awed Hanbin. People like Jinhwan, Hoshi, and Jiwon were rare in their world. Hanbin did not want the remaining light in their eyes to dim. Jinhwan and Junhoe could be a sort of catalyst in their individual lives, a positive change but could also wind up as something that could wreck it.

He snapped out of his thoughts when Jiwon spoke. “Are you up for that? What if you get stressed?”

“I’ll get even more stressed if I know Jinhwan’s struggling without anyone to talk to. He’s still a bit wary of talking about his sentiments towards Junhoe and vice versa but the man only has me to talk to about this because he isn’t comfortable with everyone yet. Of all people, he had to be comfortable with me.” Hanbin sighed, “And Junhoe’s stubborn and difficult and narrow-minded. He doesn’t notice when he’s already hurting someone so I want to be there for Jinhwan when the idiot fucks up.”

Bobby snorted at the back-handed comment and shook his head, “Okay. I guess you’re right. But don’t stress yourself too much about it. They’re adults, they should be able to handle it.”

“I’m an adult and I can barely handle you,” he said, glaring daggers at the elder.

“Why did this suddenly turn to me? I smother you with all the love and affection—,”

“Your face is annoying. So is your dick.”

“Aww, you just miss my dick.”

Hanbin couldn’t and didn’t even try to rebut the statement because it was too true. For safety precautions, they’ve decided to halt sexual intercourse for the remaining weeks of Hanbin’s pregnancy and ever since then, the younger’s been antsy and had too much pent up sexual frustrations.

Jooheon also warned them to be extra careful with having sex after pregnancy, maybe wait it out after a few months as Hanbin could easily get pregnant again, as was the common case with female pregnancy. They could try birth control pills and shots _but_ they had no assurance that it would have an effect on Hanbin.

“Fuck you,” Hanbin just said after a while and Jiwon merely laughed light-heartedly.

They stepped into the house and was greeted by the butler with some water. Which was a good timing since Hanbin finished the water on his tumbler off during their walk.

When Hanbin finished setting up the hydrangeas in the vase, he stepped back to admire the pretty setting. “You have a way with flowers, you know that?” Jiwon creeped up behind him in an embrace.

“No, it’s because they’re pretty.”

“You’re prettier.”

“Shut up,” Hanbin whined with a slap on the elder’s arms. “That’s fucking cheesy.”

“You love it.” Jiwon kissed his cheek but Hanbin batted his face away in favor of actually facing him so he could kiss him properly.

Hanbin checked with a servant on how lunch preparations were proceeding and it looked like they had another hour to wait.

“Come on, we have another hour,” Bobby whispered to him and softly tugged his wrist with a warm smile. It’s in these flashes of moments that Hanbin wanted to commemorate with a declaration of _I love you_ so it would be imprinted in his mind but he was starting to learn that he didn’t have to force or pressure himself in verbally saying it. Somehow, some way Jiwon assures him that he feels it even when he doesn’t necessarily say anything.

“We’re heading down?” he asked confusedly when Jiwon guided him towards the elevator and pressed the button for the underground floor.

Jiwon looked at him and winked, to which he replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Okay, I know you hate the cliché stuff and all that _but_ I’d really appreciate it if you let me cover your eyes,” Jiwon said the same time he made Hanbin face him with his back facing the doors of the elevator. He rolled his eyes again but sighed in resignation and nodded to let Jiwon know that he decided to amuse him.

“You better make sure I don’t kick you in the balls for this.”

“Why? Still want more after the twins?” Jiwon chuckled and proceeded to cover his eyes with his hands, redirecting his body again to face the elevator doors.

“God, no. Atleast not after maybe three years. This is fucking tiring,” Hanbin groaned. He loved their unborn twins to bits, more than anything and anyone in the world but _goddamn did it hurt._ Everything hurt and was overall exhausting. He couldn’t wait to give birth. All the nerves and hesitations of being on the operation table and being opened up was gone. He just wanted it to be over at this point.

“I know, I’m sorry. If I could bear the pain for you, you damn well know I would,” Jiwon left a kiss on his shoulder as a means of saying _sorry_ and _thank you_ without actually saying anything.

Just then the elevator dinged as they arrived. Jiwon guided him to the doors and he could hear him open both doors with just one hand, albeit struggling a little which made Hanbin chuckle.

“See, if you stopped with the dramatics, you could’ve opened the doors easily.”

“I admit it. I didn’t think this through and should’ve brought a blindfold but this was spontaneous, okay? I’m trying to be spontaneous, maybe then they wouldn’t say we’re boring.”

“Who said we’re boring?”

A moment of silence, “Okay, no one said that but still. You get my point.”

“Okay, okay, chill. I do. Now, come on, my feet are killing me already.”

He heard Jiwon exhale with force as he counted down, “One, two, and three. Here you go, I hope you like it.” The hands left his eyes and he squinted to see.

“Ji…” was the only syllable that left his mouth as it hung in surprise, looking around the once dimly lit and sparsely decorated room. Now it was in shades of earth tones with pops of blue and pink on one side, and an accented wall full of painted animals and flowers. There were cribs, toys, changing tables, cabinets of supplies, a rocking chair, shelves of books, cameras, monitors, and everything, just everything.

He walked around and saw that the room was divided into two now with a wall and door. “Is this…?” Hanbin spun around to look at Jiwon who smiled warmly at him.

“Where we’re in right now is going to be the twins’ room. This door leads to _our_ bedroom,” Jiwon said at the same time he opened said door. It was pristine white with neutral shades of grey, black, and again, earth tones of green, brown, and light touches of orange and red. It wasn’t heavy with furniture so the space looked so wide and made the room have a sense of freedom even when they were literally underground.

“I didn’t want to overdo everything because I wanted your input. You can change, replace, add or take out anything you don’t like. It’s up to you, you know I have no specific taste for things like this so I’m giving you free rein. On both rooms.”

Hanbin looked back and walked towards him.

“Baby, are you crying?” Jiwon cooed and hugged him, cradling his head carefully.

 _“You_ made me cry. You know how I easily cry these days and then you go and pull shit like this. Ugh, why are you like this?” Hanbin continued to wail but hugged Jiwon through it, his head settling on the crook of his neck, fitting perfectly against him even with the bump. They’ve worked through it and didn’t even bother them anymore when they hug or kiss as they adjust almost naturally.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing!”

“What do you want me to do, then?” Jiwon softly asked as he settled his head on Hanbin’s.

“Kiss me, love me, just be with me and continue being you, being this patient, and understanding. Just this. Continue this,” Hanbin murmured on his neck, small noises of sniffles still interrupting his response but Jiwon heard everything crystal clear.

“I will. Even if you don’t ask me to or want me to, I will. You know that already, right?”

Hanbin nodded, “How could I forget? You remind me of it every single morning.”

“Because it’s the only way to get through that thick head of yours.”

“Still love me?”

Jiwon kissed the top his head and whispered against his ears, “More than you’ll ever know.”

Unable to hide the smile creeping on his face, Hanbin hid deeply on the elder’s neck, effectively tightening his hold on him. A silent response of, _me too._

“How did you do this without me noticing? You’re _always_ with me.”

“Yeah, well, half the time you’re sleeping or reading. And Lia,” Jiwon whispered the last bit as if someone would overhear them here.

“Lia. Of course. That kid, really…”

“She has a thing for organizing things. She’s very resilient and efficient. And actually knows how to keep a secret more than anyone in this house,” Jiwon said sounding like a proud father.

“Yeah, I noticed. I think she’s a little OC. She likes handling stuff or learning how to handle stuff, she likes having tasks where she can arrange everything, and she finishes it in a swift manner that proves she’s really capable. I’m a liitle scared. And threatened.”

Jiwon chuckled, “Don’t worry too much. By the time she comes of age where she’ll take her post in this grand empire of yours, you’ll be old and tired. Maybe then I can really have you all to myself with no work.”

He shook his head at that, nuzzling the neck in front of him as he did so, “The kids. You still can’t have me all to yourself.”

“I don’t mind sharing if it’s with the kids. They’re bound to sleep anyway. Then I’ll have my way with you.”

“You’re planning to work me to the bone as a father _and_ your, I don’t know, husband?” before he knew it, the word came out of his mouth.

He felt Jiwon froze, a beat of silence that felt like a millennium, and then again with the tightening of his hug, “Husband. I like the sound of that.”

Hanbin snorted, “It’s not even legal in our country.”

“Since when has that fact ever stopped you?”

“Touché.”

“In the future. No rush, yeah?”

Hanbin nodded against him and kissed his neck, “Yeah.”

After a few minutes of just standing there and hugging each other, Hanbin spoke up again, “Well, what do we do about the room upstairs?”

“I’m sure we can come up with something. Let’s wait until you give birth.”

“Okay.”

The lunch went by peacefully with just him, Jiwon, Jinhwan, Jooheon and the kids present. Donghyuk was… they weren’t sure what happened with Donghyuk but Yunhyeong said he may not come out today. Said he was _tired._

Hoshi had started working, assisting Dylan and sometimes served as an overseas assistant for whoever was flying out—mostly Jihoon and Seungcheol.

Chanwoo and Ryujin were actively bickering on the unfinished debate they had before lunch break while Jinhwan looked on amusedly. The two would look at Hanbin to see his reaction, ask for his input, and ultimately choose who he favors, not necessarily dictating which one was indefinitely correct as they both made some convincing points.

“How about you Lia?” Hanbin asked as his sister was just silently judging them and snickering whenever they break into a full-blown argument.

“Oh, I’m in-charge of the topics they debate over. I prepared at least twenty-six issues and Jinhwan-oppa approved eleven of them.”

“Quality over quantity.” Jinhwan winked, “But those I chose were top-tier debate topics. You did a great job researching about those.”

“Uh-huh, she was busy with other stuff, too,” Hanbin narrowed his eyes on his sister who blinked at him confusedly before a flicker of recognition passed through her eyes.

“Oh, you know already?” she asked giddily.

“Know what?” Chanwoo asked.

“The nursery and bedroom we set up on the underground floor.”

Jinhwan cocked his head to the side, “So that’s why you’re always on the phone talking all business-like.”

Lia just giggled and nodded. It was nice seeing her giggle freely and not looking so cautious about it anymore.

“Yeah, I showed him before lunch,” Jiwon said with a relieved smile.

“That’s great! Bobby-oppa hesitated for days showing it to you since your moods were always shifting.”

Hanbin raised an eyebrow at Jiwon who just shrugged, “It’s scary. You’re scary.”

“Yeah, well, it comes with the whole package that is me.”

“And I love every bit of it. Even the scary parts.”

“Right… we’ll see about that,” Hanbin continued to glare but there was a ghost of smile in his face.

“Please don’t go all lovey-dovey in front of me. I’ve seen enough in our floor,” Ryujin piped up, covering her eyes but was still busy munching on her food.

“Oh?” Hanbin’s eyes momentarily glanced over Jinhwan whose eyes were like those of a deer caught on headlights.

Ryujin peeked through her fingers and saw that the “lovey-dovey scenes” have stopped in favour of everyone waiting for her response. “Well, yeah. I.M-hyung keeps coming over our floor pestering Jooheon-hyung,” she said while pointing to Jooheon who went pale.

“I-I…” Jooheon stuttered, beyond stunned. His professional aura went to the dust.

“And Daddy and Nani-hyung looking at each other. They don’t talk much but their eyes,” Ryujin visibly shivered, not knowing the effect of her words.

Jiwon snickered, “Anyone else?”

“I sometimes see Jihoon and Hoshi-hyung. But I think everyone knows about them now at this point,” Chanwoo spoke up this time to which Ryujin and Lia nodded.

The grown-ups just looked at each other, confused over how to react.

“Interesting,” Hanbin just commented.

“Not really,” Chanwoo shrugged and replied, bored of their topic. He wasn’t interested much on people.

Jinhwan and Jooheon, however, were beet red and had since ceased eating, in favour of staring into space.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Hanbin whispered to the two. He was careful not to sound angry or anything because he really wasn’t. This household went on for _years_ without any talk of “romantic stuff” or any of the sort. And they’re not getting any younger either.

The two just nodded and the kids were back to bickering, spurred on by Lia who keeps pitching them both.

“Maybe we should do this, um, individually? I think there’s a different approach to this…?” Hanbin said, a little unsure and well, uncomfortable. They were in his office right now and Jiwon was by the couch “minding his own business”. _Yeah, right._

“It’s okay, Hanbin. I think we both understand,” Jooheon glanced at Jinhwan and waited for the a-little-panicked nod of his head to continue, “Jinhwan can go first,” he said and stepped back.

“Eh? M-Me? Okay then, I-I guess…”Jinhwan muttered.

“I’ll be, um, outside. Or like somewhere,” Jooheon bid his farewell and dashed out of the door.

Hanbin sat down on his chair and gestured for Jinhwan to do the same, which he did. He could see Jiwon peeking from his book but quickly evaded Hanbin’s eyes.

“Okay, so…”

Jinhwan sighed, “I know it’s unethical and I’ve never been this unprofessional. Maybe because I’m comfortable here and sometimes work doesn’t feel like work, I don’t exactly know—,”

“Do you like him?” Hanbin asked promptly. He just needed to know one thing and that’s Jinhwan’s intention.

“I-I…”

Hanbin’s eyes softened at Jinhwan’s alarmed face. “Yes or no, Nani.”

“Yes,” Jinhwan said in an almost whisper, in one breath, as if saying it pulled all the breath out of his system.

The room was dead silent save for the laboured yet quiet breaths Jinhwan let out. Hanbin let him think about his response and gave him time to either take it back or not.

A full two minutes passed and it seemed that Jinhwan had no plan to take his words back. Hanbin was relieved but also a bit scared. This was not gonna go down easily, he just knew it.

“Okay,” Hanbin finally said.

Jinhwan’s head rose and his eyebrows scrunched, “Okay?”

“I have another question. Answer it as truthfully as you can,” Hanbin said carefully to which Jinhwan nodded solemnly. “Do you think Junhoe likes you?”

Taken aback, Jinhwan stared at him stupefied, his eyes unblinking until he shook his head, “How… How am I supposed to know that?”

Hanbin looked at him meaningfully but Jinhwan continued to shake his head. Unsure how to go about it, he looked at Jiwon whose book was sat atop the table already forgotten. Jiwon met his eyes and somehow Hanbin had the answer, “You just know. Or not. Even a gut feeling. Even when you’re not confident or you wonder why but at the back of your head, you have a feeling that maybe. Just maybe, he does.”

Jiwon looked at him with such warm and loving eyes and it was hard for Hanbin to tear his eyes off the man but he had to. This was about Jinhwan.

“Well?”

Jinhwan hung his head low but ultimately nodded. “It feels very conceited to say it, but yeah I think he does.”

“And Ryujin?” Hanbin asked. This was the most important part. Whatever happens between these two, he needed to make sure with how he viewed Ryujin. But he didn’t really expect any less of the man, considering his characteristic.

“Even my dad likes her. She’s snarky and smart, who wouldn’t like her?” Jinhwan was back to being his bubbly self saying that, clear as a day that he was getting fond of the little girl.

“Her past tutors,” Jiwon snorted from his seat but immediately shut up when Hanbin glared at him.

Right. Jinhwan’s father had started living and working with them, too. He wasn’t assigned to that much field jobs as the man was getting older but he worked well with Seungcheol and Jiyong in business tactics. He could see where Jinhwan got his brains from. And he saw that he was rather softer on the edges and very affectionate. That was how Jinhwan’s mother controlled their family until she broke them.

“Somehow, you tamed both of them.”

Jinhwan smiled, “Did I? I think it’s just pretty evident that I love them differently from what they’re used to.”

“That’s true. They can’t handle sweet people. They feel cornered and confused how to treat them. Even Ryujin avoids her dad when he’s being sweet to her.”

“Sounds like someone I know,” Jiwon stood from the couch he was lounging about and came to stand behind his chair, where also leaned, “Look, Jinhwan. It takes guts, patience, and a tough emotional grip to like, date, or love anyone in this household. Each one for different reasons but everyone here has the same weakness. And that’s unconditional, irritating, and obvious affection. They can’t take a hint and would almost never initiate things. Not because of pride but because they’re… threatened by it. Me, Hoshi, and Donghyuk, do you see it?”

Jinhwan nodded along every word Jiwon said while Hanbin raised an eyebrow. _I hate that he’s right._

“Take it from me. I’m annoying as hell. Even when he tried to hurt me with his words, pushed me away, or tried to convince me to leave, I never listened.” Jiwon shrugged, “If you really like him, don’t be intimidated by the rough exterior, façade, and his sharp words. Read between the lines. These best friends are hard-headed and suspicious of anyone showing them affection but over time they just let you, right, baby?”

The two of them looked at him in expectation, Jiwon with his knowing smirk and Jinhwan with his hopeful yet questioning and hesitating eyes. “I feel like I’m throwing myself under the bus for this but yeah, I agree. Maybe not too pushy or annoying because Junhoe has anger management issues and it could be pretty messy.”

Jinhwan thought it through and nodded, “Thanks. To the both of you. I thought I was gonna get fired and kicked out,” he said and laughed awkwardly.

“Are you kidding us? Who else could stomach teaching those kids every damn day in every damn subject? Plus, they like you. Which is a first. This is a separate matter. Just don’t let it interfere your work, okay?” Hanbin assured him to which Jinhwan smiled, looking relieved.

“I won’t. I don’t think the kids would even let me, the horror. Plus, I still don’t know what to do about it so maybe now’s not the right time. I’m still working up the courage.”

“Hey, with everything Jiwon said, it doesn’t mean you have to put all the effort. If Junhoe’s consistently being a dick, I’ll kick his balls for you, okay?”

Again, Jinhwan nodded. “Okay. Thanks, Hanbin.”

“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> m'sorry been awhile since i updates ik. but my laptop's here so it'd be easier for me to update now. BUT my online classes are starting this weeks so I don't know how I'll go about with the updates since I'm updating both Iris and my twt au Take Me To Church. But I'll fix my schedule and update as much as I can!
> 
> This was supposed to be longer but my freshmen orientation was cancelled and i had to wait around all day and wasted my time instead of working on the update. I'll make it up next update!
> 
> Some kudos, comments, DMs or CCs would be deeply appreciated! I'm going to sleep now im exhausted


	18. Love and Heaven

In all his three decades of existence, he could count in his one hand the moments he was glad to be alive and wanted to continue to live. The sense of empty, numb, broken, and just plain tired were more prevalent.

So to feel so determined to live was overwhelming and fear-inducing for him at the same time when nurses around him seemed to blur with how fast they were moving, the doctors’ bark of orders and discussion that he couldn’t even understand a word of, the voices he remembered as he went past the halls of the second floor belonging to the guys who came rushing home when Jiyong messaged them all, and the pain. _Oh, gods, the pain._

Jiwon. _Jiwon_ was the sole reason why he hasn’t lost his shit and fainted yet. _Always my safe haven and anchor._

“Hanbin? We’re going to inject you with the anaesthesia for the caesarean section, alright? Can you still answer me?”

It was hard but somehow through the haze of drowsiness and pain, he managed to distinguish that the voice was from Dr. Jooheon. He couldn’t get a word out but he nodded.

He didn’t know how many seconds or minutes passed but eventually he felt the searing yet fleeting pain of the anaesthetic spreading in his lower back side.

“Breathe. Just breathe, baby. I’m right here,” Jiwon kept whispering words of comfort and praise in his ears even before they got to the operating room. Even when Hanbin couldn’t understand most of it, he still felt grateful and at peace when he hears Jiwon’s voice through everything. The low, comforting, and familiar rumble that he knew could only belong to one person. _His_ person. He squeezed a hand as a form of thanks and a silent, _don’t leave me,_ which Jiwon mirrored with kiss on his forehead.

A few seconds or maybe minutes, he still wasn’t sure, his vision cleared a little bit and when he attempted to groan in exhaustion, that was when he felt his lower body being numb. _It’s okay, you’re okay, Jooheon already told you about this._

There was a cloth and screen partition over his stomach so he couldn’t look down to see what was happening. He knew the doctors were doing something but he couldn’t distinguish what. Giving up on making sense of what was currently happening, he looked up and saw that there was a mirror above where he could see what was going on.

They were prepping him.

Jooheon walked up to him and was trying to catch his full attention, which was surprisingly hard, “Hanbin, can you hear me? How you do feel?”

“Tired. But I’m okay.”

“That’s good. You’re coming down from the labor pain. This is important, the one we talked about with the anaesthetic and what will happen, you remember that, right?” He waited for Hanbin to nod and continued, “Does you lower body feel numb now?”

Another nod, “Yeah, I can’t feel or move anything.”

“Okay, then we will proceed. This should take less than ten minutes. If you want to watch your stomach, there’s a mirror. It’s fine if you don’t or it makes you feel queasy, rest assured this will be successful.”

Jooheon went back to where the he came from, around the area of his stomach.

He looked to the side, and Jiwon had his eyes closed and muttering what seemed to be a quick prayer. That made him smile. Hanbin wasn’t a believer, he had no religion, but he did appreciate catching Jiwon pray from time to time.

Jiwon opened his eyes and looked down at him again. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been run over by at least ten cars. How about you?”

“With you squeezing my hand and possibly breaking it? I’m dandy. I feel like the happiest man alive,” He said it with all seriousness and fondness in his eyes that it made Hanbin feel lighter.

“You know what? Maybe two is enough, yeah? This hurts like hell and Jooheon told me it’ll be a bitch to treat right after.”

Jiwon broke into a grin, “Two or a hundred, it’s fine by me. As long as it’s you and I.”

“Talk more. Distract me. Blood everywhere, two human beings coming out of my stomach. Feel weird,” talking made Hanbin breathless even when he wasn’t in pain anymore. He was just so fucking sleepy.

That made Jiwon chuckle, his voice deep and gravelly, “Should’ve brought a chair.”

“You were kind of pre-occupied a while ago, huh?”

“I was having the time of my life.”

“Talk goddamnit.”

“Alright, alright, geez. And to think I thought you were too drained to be mean,” Jiwon laughed at Hanbin’s attempt to glare at him, “Okay, well, what should I talk about?”

“Family.”

“Family?”

“Yeah. Tell me what it’s like to have a normal family.”

“Normal’s boring, baby. But, okay. So, family. These days it’s harder for normal citizens to get a house, and would rather rent an apartment.”

“How about your family?”

“We lived in a gated Christian neighbourhood village, we were well-endowed at the time. You knew about that, right?” Hanbin nodded solemnly, but Jiwon just shook his head and assured, “It’s fine. I’ve moved on from that life. After I faked my death and joined you guys, my brother had our mother, his new wife, and new baby move to an apartment. It’s for their well-being and it’s more convenient. I see them from time to time.”

“But they don’t see you,” Hanbin whispered.

“Jiun does. But we haven’t talked, I couldn’t risk it. I don’t know if his wife knows but she never looked my way when Jiun does so, yeah,” Jiwon sighed and exhaled determinedly as he looked at Hanbin with a soft yet sad smile, “And the last time I went to the area, I finally saw my mom.”

“How is she?” he asked cautiously. Talking about his family was rare. Hanbin was scared Jiwon would miss them too much and leave. _I’m being selfish._

“Well, before that, I saw her getting out of the hospital. And then to my fake funeral with an empty urn. And then one time on a window, I think she was getting some sun as it was the early morning. The most recent one, she was walking out of the building with my brother and nephew. She still aged beautifully despite her sickness and I think she’s healthier now, her cheeks are rosy and her lips are no longer chapped and pale. She—she was, no, _is_ beautiful. It made me think that maybe giving her another heartbreak of losing her son after losing her husband was worth it.”

“Is it weird that I’m glad and relieved but still kind of sad?”

Jiwon shook his head with sad, small smile, “I feel that way, too.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Always. But I have you. And you’re more than enough or what I deserve. And now I’m having twins?” Jiwon cheekily smiled at him then. It was both annoying and endearing.

“Excuse me, _we’re_ having twins. We both made it _and_ you’re not the one carrying and delivering it.”

“Ah, yes, I’m sorry. My bad, _our twins,_ ” Jiwon grinned, “It feels really good to say that.”

“Hanbin, Jiwon,” Jooheon called, “Here’s your baby boy. It’s Little Quail!” Jooheon lifted the baby as soon as the umbilical cord was cut. Little Quail was still drenched in blood and goo, and was definitely upset about the disturbance.

“Oh, my god, we’re _dads_ ,” Jiwon gasped and gaped at the baby who was now on the hands of another doctor while Jooheon went back to delivering Little Bunny.

“That just sunk in to you?” Hanbin wanted to laugh at Jiwon’s nervous yet giddy eyes, almost jumping and vibrating.

“Want to help wash the baby?” the elder nurse asked, her smile evident under the mask as she looked at the excited father.

Jiwon immediately snapped his head back down to Hanbin and asked in the most annoying way he could possibly do, “Can I? _Can I?”_ Even two nurses were quietly laughing.

“Yes. Go, get away from my face before I waste my last energy in punching your teeth out.”

Jiwon did not waste any more time though and kissed his nose before following the nurse.

“You’re baby girl’s a tough one. Is this a family thing?” Jooheon asked after he successfully got Little Bunny out.

“I think my mom started it,” Hanbin grinned but it softened when he laid eyes on his baby girl. _Yes, even when she was screaming her little lungs out literally all her life._

“It’s gonna take a little while to stitch you back up. The anaesthesia will wear off maybe another two hours or three, the stitches after thirty so you should be okay by then. You can hold your baby after they wash up and have a little bit of milk from the lactation consultants.”

Hanbin nodded and closed his eyes after his daughter was taken for cleaning and breastfeeding. He wasn’t worried since Jiwon was watching over the two. But he was tired. And yet he couldn’t sleep. Even when he was tired and groggy, he was thrumming with excitement having their twins now.

He slipped in and out of consciousness for a few minutes though, due to lack of sleep from experiencing three hours of labor. They didn’t have to wait long since he was having caesarean anyway.

“Bin? Baby?” Jiwon whispered and his eyes opened at that. The man he loved was sitting beside his bed with the new loves of his life bundled up warmly, snuggled against his chest. “Do you think you can hold one?”

Hanbin nodded, a little choked up.

The nurse helped Jiwon in giving what he assumed to be Little Quail as the little guy was wrapped in blue cloth.

“Jiwon,” Hanbin called, still looking at the baby boy. He heard Jiwon hum, also staring at the baby girl in his arms, “How about Ae-Ra and Haneul?”

The two names were on the top candidates of the babies’ names and right up until then, Hanbin couldn’t decide on what to finally name them. Until he finally saw them. Until he finally held them—well, _Haneul._

Ae-Ra meant _love_ and Haneul meant _heaven._ _Love_ for their family, the biggest Hanbin’s lineage ever had—yes, counting all the guys and kids, and _Heaven_ for the family they had that weren’t with them here anymore. Even when Hanbin was an Atheist and a Nihilist, it was still a gesture he considered to give, naming their child bearing the meaning _heaven._

Jiwon seemed to agree with him as the man smiled at him before snuggling _Ae-Ra_ and cooing at her still-disturbed face, “It suits them.”

The babies were safely sleeping on their crib that was transferred to their upstairs bedroom. It was easier and more convenient to stay there for the time being. When the time comes that Hanbin’s all healed up, they’ll officially transfer to the underground floor.

By nightfall, Jiwon herded everyone out of the room. He was tired after Hanbin’s operation but everyone was buzzing with excitement so he decided to give them a little peek of the twins whose cribs were not that far from where Hanbin was dozing off.

The lactation consultants had also retired for the night but they were staying just one floor below them just in case the babies wake up. Jooheon said it was better for the babies to actually be nursed with breasts rather than a bottle so that was that.

He finally washed and changed into his pajamas, whispered his _goodnights_ to the twins and _God,_ he wished he could kiss them but Hanbin was _very strict_ about that and said that no kisses on the face until the babies are old enough. And Jiwon couldn’t say he disagreed, Hanbin scared him of Mommy stories from the internet about babies catching diseases and such from kissing, even the others were warned. Jooheon was amazed at that.

Just as he was gonna walk away from the twins’ cribs, Jiwon heard Hanbin groan from the bed and his head snapped so fast he thought he broke it.

“J-Ji…” Hanbin called out and Jiwon quickly went to his side.

The younger’s face were all scrunched up, beads of sweat were beginning to break in his face, and his hands were colder, “Baby, what’s wrong? How are you feeling?”

“I think,” Hanbin cleared his throat and he realized that the former’s throat and mouth might feel dry so he poured a glass of water and made Hanbin sip, good thing the bed was reclined for this, “I think the anaesthesia wore off.”

Jiwon looked at the time and saw that it had been roughly four hours since the operation, “Yeah, I think so, too. It’s pretty late.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s nine, baby.”

“The twins?” Hanbin asked, he could see that his eyes were still hazy and disoriented.

“They’re right there. They’re safe and sleeping,” Jiwon assured Hanbin and pointed to the said safe and sleeping twins.

“Aren’t you tired? You should sleep, too.”

“I was about to and then you woke up. How do you feel?”

“Like shit. Do I look like one, too?”

“No, baby, you look gorgeous and glowing—,”

“Oh, shut up. Why did I even ask you?” Atleast that made Hanbin smile. “Come on, lie down with me, let’s go to sleep. Or in my case, try to go to sleep.”

Jiwon settled beneath the duvet beside Hanbin who was lying down straight as a stick with a hand settled on his now-stitched up stomach. “I’m sorry you had to go through this,” he mumbled.

“Give me your arm,” Hanbin slurred, his eyes closed, and his head rising up from the pillow a little which made Jiwon understand what he meant. When he slid an arm beneath Hanbin’s head, he carefully side-hugged him and dropped a kiss on his head. “You don’t have to apologize. I know I always scream at you and blame your dick but that’s just my frustrations being all over the place. Besides, now we have our twins. I would never regret going through all that pain if it’s for them.”

“Thank you,” Jiwon whispered against his head.

“For what?”

“For giving me the one thing I thought I’d never have, a family.”

Hanbin smiled up at him, his eyes open now that held a lot of pure emotions that Jiwon was so proud being one of the reason for it. “A family,” he repeated with a soft voice.

“You’re mine and I’m yours and those two little beans,” he pointed at the sleeping babies in their cribs, “Will be our new reason to live.”

“A new reason to live,” Hanbin hummed after he said it, “I love the sound of that.”

“Sleep, baby. You need it,” he said as he settled Hanbin more firmly against his arms, careful of jostling him too much.

“Goodnight,” he drawled out with yawn.

“Goodnight. I love you, Hanbin. _So much._ ” And with that he closed his eyes.

The fifteenth of May marked as the best day of their lives. For the first time, Hanbin felt pain that he went through with a genuine smile on his face, a clear contrast of his past suffering, and Jiwon felt boundless and guilt-free happiness. Truly Jiwon’s favourite moment—

“I love you, too, Jiwon.”

It was a whisper, probably should’ve been or meant to be spoken in his dreams, probably not meant for Jiwon’s ears just yet but for the first time… Hanbin said it. Those three words that Jiwon waited for silently and patiently. Albeit hearing it from Hanbin in a semi-conscious state, he still heard it.

A new favourite moment he added the fifteenth day of May, hearing Hanbin say _I love you._

Life is full of shit and probably worse than hell itself but Jiwon would live through hell and back if it meant spending it with Hanbin. However chaotic, bloody, and dangerous it is, he’d rather have the chaos than the dull, normal life with an average love. Hanbin was anything but an average love. _And he’s finally mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update because my prof decided to send THREE reading materials and i havent even started with one yet so idk when i'll be able to continue updating which is why i updated at least this part. I hope you enjoyed it. I went through a LOT of names and researched about cesarean operation a lot which is why it took me so long, I still think it lacks a lot of stuff but notwithstanding my incapability, I hope you guys enjoy this. I'll update as soon as I can, I won't set a date, I'm scared I won't be able to keep my promise. fck uni


	19. How We Started

From all the books Hanbin read and the discussion he had with Jooheon, he knew it’d take at least six weeks to recover. That doesn’t make it less of a bitch to deal with though. It didn’t help that his mood swings seemed to have worsened instead of disappearing after pregnancy.

Jooheon had warned him about post-partum depression and how to avoid it but, _how does a parent even avoid post-partum depression when you’ve had depression more than half of your life among all other mental health issues, which I don’t even want to know about, that I’m possibly experiencing but is too much of a coward to be diagnosed and talk to a psychologist? Just—just how?_

He had all this time and space to heal both physically and mentally but there’s always something that bothered him, made him wake up wee hours of the night, and just shut people out.

_“Hey, it is your time to heal and there won’t be a set time and date limited. No pressure whatsoever. Real healing, my love, hm? Don’t mind other people. Ae-Ra, Haneul, and I are always here for you.”_

His _family_ was what kept him sane though. Pulls him back up every time he falls into a pit of numbness and emptiness. Maybe he really was meant for a patient person but he didn’t want to take advantage of Jiwon’s patience. He could only wish he was worth it just like how Jiwon says.

“I’m sick of lying down but when I stand up all I want to do is lie back down again,” Hanbin explained to his baby girl. Ae-Ra was looking at him, not giving a fuck and living her best life being hugged by his Papa while Haneul was taken out to their bedroom’s veranda to bask in a little bit of sun by his Dad.

They agreed that Hanbin was _Papa_ and Jiwon was _Daddy._ The names felt natural and was what suited them.

“What a princess you are, hm?” he continued to talk to the now-sleepy baby. “And you’ll stay that way. I’ll make sure of it,” a promise he intended to keep whether he lives long enough or not. He caressed Ae-Ra’s cheek gently, “I’m not going to expect you to love me because that’s a parent’s job but I hope you grow up as a nice person, at least. Don’t be like Papa or else Papa will have a heart attack and die.”

“Are you threatening our one-week old daughter so she’d grow up nice? Is this what happens when I leave one of them to you or…?” Jiwon asked.

This is where Hanbin became disappointed in himself. He used to be so keen and observant of his surroundings and his senses were always active but now, his skills seemed to have disappeared.

“It was an innocent threat, s’all,” Hanbin muttered against the baby’s tummy making Ae-Ra squirm with a delighted coo, “That is such a dangerous sound, sweetheart. Papa’s heart is going to melt completely!”

Jiwon chuckled and sat down on the bed beside Hanbin, “They’re going to love you, Bin. I’m sure of it. It’s hard not to love you.”

Hanbin snorted and looked at Jiwon with an eyebrow raised, “Tell that to the people of Korea _and_ the opposing families of the Kims.”

“That’s not fair. They know your exterior, not your whole history. They’re gonna love you despite your past and I’m gonna love you until you grow tired of it.”

That made him roll his eyes, “You always annoy me.”

“Hey!”

“So much so that it became one of the reasons why I love you. Ish.” He teased with a wink.

“You didn’t have to add the _ish._ But I’ll take it, I guess.”

Hanbin sighed, “Are we really going to be good parents?’

“Of course, we’re gonna be the cool parents! Children love them! Right, Haneul?” Jiwon said, cooing at their sleeping son who couldn’t care less.

“What cool parent says they’re a cool parent? That makes them sound… lame.”

“Are you saying I’m lame?” Jiwon squawked making Ae-Ra whine which in turn made Hanbin glare at the man.

Ae-Ra had always been the sensitive to everything and everyone type and Haneul was the too adamant in sleeping type. Ae-Ra was the charmer and princess-y while Haneul was the ‘don’t know, don’t care, I’m snorlax’. All of which were I.M’s description of them when he hadn’t even held them because he was “gonna drop them or bash their head in the wall accidentally and then Hanbin would torture him before Jiwon dumps his body in the ocean with his face peeled, his nails and teeth taken out so no clue would be left to recognize his face’.

_“That’s too… specific. And violent. Don’t say such horrid things when my children are awake, you barbarian,” Hanbin reprimanded with the signature Kim glare making I.M distance himself at least five feet away from him._

_“See?” I.M pointed out making the guys chuckle and shake their heads._

“Yes,” Hanbin deadpanned in all seriousness as he looked at Jiwon, unamused.

“You’re so mean,” Jiwon grumbled, turning his attention to the now-very awake princess in Hanbin’s arm.

Hanbin merely chuckled. This was too good to be true. Every single moment of that morning felt so surreal. Jiwon couldn’t believe just a year ago they were merely just fucking in between conducting illegal, underground business, and they didn’t even talk that much. Well, Hanbin didn’t talk much and Jiwon was always cautious around his “boss”. A year later and they’re parents to _twins!_ And in love.

_How the fuck did this happen?_

_5 years ago._

_Jiwon had been an employee for more than three years and has come a long way in proving himself. It was rather hard to fit in with all the passive-aggressive men he was living and working with and recognition as well as acknowledgement of his skills took two years. Hanbin was merciless in pressuring, honing, and training him personally whereas new recruits were supposed to be under Junhoe’s supervision and training._

_But he pulled through it. He hadn’t seen his family since he walked away from their life and worked for Hanbin. As promised, Hanbin paid for everything—hospital bills, his Mom’s therapy, a new apartment in one of the buildings he owned, for his brother’s wedding, and his nephew’s birth._

_After that, he promised himself that he’ll only let himself see them once he’s proven himself and have worked as sufficiently as he could in return for all the money and effort Hanbin did for his family._

_So there he was, in a coffee shop outside the apartment building his family was currently living._ I earned this, _he thought to himself. He had earned the organization’s respect now and proved himself useful as he became Hanbin’s second-in-command._

_He looked at his watch and saw that it was almost dinner time and Hanbin wants everyone present in the dining table, the only exceptions were the ones who were out travelling. He had to get going, he knew he had to but he was glued to his seat._

Please. Just one of them. My brother, my nephew, my sister-in-law, or if God blessed him, his mom. _He didn’t even know his sister-in-law’s face and the last time Dylan updated him, his Mom was still on physical therapy so there were low chances of seeing her._

_Just as he stood from his seat, a light flickered in one of the windows, a person with a familiar build walked out of a balcony carrying a baby._

“The baby’s name is Kim Raon,” Dylan told him with a grin after his sister-in-law gave birth as he was the one who went to the hospital and paid for it while Jiwon was training his ass off.

 _Raon-ah. Jiun-hyung. All Jiwon could do was look up with tears threatening to spill from his eyes behind the glasses he had on._ He’s already two years old and I haven’t even carried him ever since.

_He snapped out of his emotional turmoil when he felt his phone vibrate._

_“Hello?” Jiwon immediately answered. No one but the organization knew his number and was inaccessible outside of it so he knew it was from someone at work._

_“Hey, man, I know you’re out to check on your family but there’s an emergency,” Yunhyeong said, he was panting and he was talking so fast. Something must’ve gone down and then he remembered that the Switzerland exchange was conducted today at one of the port the organization owned._

_“What happened?”_

_“Head to the compound. Everyone’s fucking busy cleaning up after the mess in the harbour and ship port as well as chasing down Burkhalter’s men.”_

_Jiwon was immediately in his car and drove off to head to the compound. Burkhalter was supposed to be a potential business alliance._

_“Turned out they decided to form ties with the Lim Mafia, instead of our organization. The shipment was a sabotage.”_

_“Why am I heading to the compound?”_

_“Hanbin.”_

_Jiwon had a feeling but for Yunhyeong to confirm it, goosebumps arose from his arms. The Lims were one of the top rivals they had and the feud they had with the Kims dates back to their grandfather’s grandfather or something. They knew the best way to rile each other up and it seemed like Hanbin bit into it today. Today out of all days when I wasn’t there_. If he sees me just arriving, he’s going to spin my head like a spinning top.

_“I’m on my way. How long has it been?”_

_“An hour, I think. The more of Lim’s men is sent there, the more feral and murderous he’ll be. It’s going to take a whole fucking lot to pull him back up from that.”_

_Jiwon sighed, “Believe me, I know.” Being Hanbin’s mentee meant being with the man almost round the clock and he’d seen all sorts of evil and torture from him that Jiwon could never have imagined in his lifetime. It was haunting, really. Seeing Hanbin lose control was something he’d never get used to handle but it was his job to handle it._

_Each and every night as he prays before his sleep, he includes Hanbin in his prayers. Redemption. He prayed for Hanbin’s soul to be redeemed._

_That day was especially harder since it was day time. And it was almost dinner. Hanbin didn’t want any suspicion to rise from the kids, especially his sister, of what they were busy for._

_Jiwon arrived at the compound and immediately made his way to the investigation room—which was more of a torture room for Hanbin than an investigation room, really. Their men were carrying body bugs and cleaning supplies everywhere, it was so fucking noisy with barks of order and at least five guys hauling their ass to carry dead bodies._

_There was blood everywhere. Which meant Hanbin was in the stage where he’s blinded by rage completely and the sight and smell of blood doesn’t even faze him._

_He took off his suit, tie, and sunglasses, unbuttoned his shirt, and rolled his sleeves up._

_“Here,” Dylan offered a mask._

_“That bad?”_

_“That bad. It smells like the plague in there. And he’s covered in blood.”_

_“Is the room and bath ready?”_

_“Yep. Are_ you _ready?”_

_Jiwon shook his head, “I don’t think I’ll ever be but someone has to do it.”_

_“You can take his attacks well and memorized his movements. If it were someone else, or worse me, we’d be dead along all those Lim guards.”_

_“I’ll take care of it.”_

_“Did you just call Hanbin ‘it’?”_

_“I meant the situation, man.”_

_Dylan chuckled but grimaced when the door opened to reveal another dead body thrown outside. Hanbin’s shouts and grunts were heard until the door closed again. “I think Hanbin needs to get laid. All that pent-up frustration, energy, and sexual depravity is making him wilder.”_

_“Yeah, right. Where can we find a girl willing to be fucked by him?” he asked with a snort, already ready to get in._

_“Wait, you didn’t know?” Dylan stopped him from getting in._

_“Didn’t know what?”_

_“Hanbin’s gay.”_

_Jiwon blinked repeatedly, “That—that guy’s gay? He looks like he hates the entire male species including himself.”_

_“Oh, he does. But he’s still sexually attracted to ‘em. Did you really think he only went to the club where you used to work at just to visit the owner? He enjoys the show.”_

_“But he never got laid?”_

_“Nope. He just watches and then leaves.”_

_“I don’t know what to do with this information, man.”_

_Dylan winked at him, “Do with it as you will,” he said and pushed him towards the door one of the men already held open._

_“Mr. Kim,” Jiwon greeted and bowed to the man who was busy tearing the guts out of another of Lim Mafia’s men._

_Hanbin’s head whipped around and Jiwon’s shoulders drooped at the sight of him. He was_ drenched _in blood._ That’s going to be a bitch to remove. _“Get the fuck out of here unless you wanna be next.” the man merely hissed._

_“Sir, we’ve done this time and time again, time and time again you say the same things, and time and time again you only listen when you’ve beaten me to a pulp.”_

_He heard a low, sadistic laugh before Hanbin threw off the body that looked like it was going to be torn in two. “Wanna go at it then, newbie? You think you’re in that level already? Don’t get so cocky—,”_

_“Sir,” he cut through, in normal circumstances this could result to his death but Hanbin won’t even remember their conversation after this, “With all due respect, it’s almost dinner time. It’d be in your best interest to have this over and done with as soon as possible—,”_

_Jiwon should’ve seen it coming, really. He could cut him off but he couldn’t get away with it unscathed but he had no time to wince at the sting of his new wound caused by the knife Hanbin threw at him. Although he managed to evade it, the knife still cut through his left cheek._

_“You dare dictate me?” Hanbin walked—no, it looked and felt like he was prowling towards Jiwon. “The things I could do to you, Bobby.”_

_Jiwon inwardly swallowed but his eyes didn’t waver as he looked at Hanbin straight in the eyes._

_“How about an alternative then?” Hanbin asked with a smirk, his eyes glinting with predatory mischief, gone were the murderous haze. But evil, nonetheless._

_The change in Hanbin’s eyes didn’t last though as another man was thrown from the other door. Foolish guy actually attempted to attack Hanbin who had his back on him. Jiwon was about to shoot the man but Hanbin beat him to as strikes head on with a knife with just a fleeting glance to the side. Jiwon sighed both in relief and frustration as the knife dug deep right between the man’s eyes, just above the bridge of his nose._

_“Well?” Hanbin smirked before he crouched down to retrieve the knife and proceeded to tear the man’s dishevelled clothes._

_“What alternative?” he dared ask as he gulped._

_Hanbin looked at him and smiled that wicked smile of his, some blood even running down his mouth. But he looked down at the man beneath him again and started to slice his chest open and after that, he opened the ribcage._

_Jiwon sighed inwardly as he thought to himself,_ I’m gonna have to tell someone to bring the extra pair of gloves Hanbin had.

_“Kim Jiwon,” Hanbin called looking up at him with the unknown guy’s heart that the former took out, smiled at Jiwon licked the blood remaining on his lips, “How about a bargain?”_

_“Will it make you stop doing all these unnecessary things?” Jiwon asked, bewildered but he knew he had to play his cards right. This could be his ticket to a more peaceful work. Well, okay, maybe not that peaceful but everything would be so much easier if these tendencies of Hanbin would decrease or even stop altogether._

_Diversion tactics. Let him use another outlet._ It looks like I’m about to be the outlet.

_“That depends…”_

_“On what?”_

_“On how well you do your part.”_

_“Give me some more context to work with here,_ Sir, _”_

_Hanbin stabbed the heart on his gloved hands, “I’ll play with your heart and you can play with my ass. Win-win.”_

_He was stupefied beyond words. And like he always hear or read on situations like this, he felt like the moth dancing nearer and nearer, gravitating towards Hanbin’s fire._

_Hanbin woke up with a pounding headache the next day, still too lazy to comprehend the shit that had gone down yesterday. He looked around and there was breakfast already laid out by his bed side. The clock on the wall made it known to him that it was ten in the morning._

Ah, must’ve lost control last night again. How the fuck did they bring me home though?

 _He made to sit up so he could wash his face and get ready since he was late already but noticed that he was in pyjamas._ Who the hell put me on pyjamas? _He brushed it off and sat up but groaned and laid back down as an electric-like searing pain shot up from his ass up to his spine._ What the fuck?

What the hell happened yesterday?

 _He rubbed his eyes and figured that he couldn’t avoid it this time as he ought to know what happened last night._ There’s no way someone could’ve landed even a punch on me, Bobby would— _Bobby._

_Flashes of the events that transpired last night hit Hanbin. The sabotage, the attack, the compound, all the men he murdered, blood—so much blood. On his face. His body. His hands. And… And Bobby._

_Right._ Bobby’s usually the one who handles the situation and get me to— _holy shit._

_He couldn’t help but clutch his head as he remembered hands grabbing and pushing each other to the room, fumbling the knob, no time to even turn on the lights, clothes being torn apart, and blood—this time from scratches to bites and to choking with nails digging the skin._

_Hanbin shook his head._ What? How? How did it lead to that?

“Give me some more context to work with here, Sir,”

“I’ll play with your heart and you can play with my ass. Win-win.”

 _He initiated it. Hanbin initiated it. He just asked his second-in-command to fuck him._ How many times did we even do it? _In the bathtub, by the door, the floor when they tried to go to the bed, in the actual bed._ Jesus.

 _But all that aside, Hanbin then realized his current state,_ I can’t get up. The man actually took my proposition to heart and pounded the fuck out of me.

 _Peeking inside his pyjamas, he closed his eyes in frustration as it just further drove away the last few doubts he had in his own memory that Bobby and he actually fucked last night._ Not only does my ass hurt, but my entire body, I can’t even almost feel my lips.

_“What the fuck is with the sexual tension?” Dylan whispered to Bobby who just glared at the man._

_They were in the middle of a meeting and he was seated at Hanbin’s right. He felt like he was going to blow up in his seat, he couldn’t even focus on the meeting. Just half an hour ago, Hanbin’s men came in for a meeting and Hanbin was already seated there and he saw that both of them were sporting turtlenecks._ This is gonna be so obvious.

_“How many of Lim’s men are left alive in the compound?” he heard Hanbin ask. It was the first time he heard the man speak that day and his voice were the most hoarse he’s ever heard from him._

Was that from the screaming or… gagging? Oh, what the fuck am I even thinking of right now.

_“Four, sir,” Wonho answered._

_“Interrogated?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“Then dispose of them,” Hanbin dismissed. “If this happens again, it’s all of your asses in that interrogation room chair. Am I clear?”_

_“Yes, sir,” everyone said collectively._

_“How much did we lose in this setback?”_

_“By eight percent,” Seungcheol answered followed by Yunhyeong, “But we have acquired the Burkhalter’s shipment in time before they escaped, it should make up for it more than enough.”_

_Hanbin nodded but still looked unsatisfied. “Dylan, schedule a flight to Switzerland. Along with Seungcheol, Junhoe, Minho, and,” Bobby felt a chill at his nape when Hanbin looked at him, “Bobby.”_

_Everyone nodded like Hanbin’s words were a gospel._

_Bobby reminded himself that it was only natural as he was the second-in-command. Right._

_Two days later found Bobby in the Kim’s private jet with Hanbin who was working, Junhoe and Minho were discussing security measures, and Seungcheol and Dylan discussing something about paperwork. Bobby finished up any of his work at home due to having no sleep and in need of distraction—obviously still fazed by the fact that he and his boss actually fucked._

_In the meantime, he was cleaning his guns and knives as well as checking his holster. He heard the captain announce that a stopover was needed for a gas-refill._

_When the plane descended, their phones simultaneously went off with notifications. At that point, they’ve been on air for seven hours and this amount of notifications were still a little bit too much. Worried, he retrieved his phone from his pocket but even before he could read the messages, he heard glass shattering._

_Bobby went on full-alert and immediately had his eyes on Hanbin but it turned out it was the man himself who hurled the glass._

_“Jesus fucking—why does everyone keep fucking up?!” Hanbin’s voice bellowed across the jet, scaring the flight attendants._

_“S-Sir, please sit down, the p-plane hasn’t finished la—,”_

_Bobby shot up from his seat to stop Hanbin who took out his gun and aimed it at the flight attendant._

_“Shut up or I’ll make you,” Hanbin seethed._

_“Sir, calm down,” Bobby tried to reason as he had one hand on Hanbin’s chest and the other on one of the seats to steady himself._

_Yunhyeong ordered the flight attendant who was threatened to leave and had another clean up the mess._

_When the jet had fully descended and was about to land, he guided Hanbin to the bedroom the jet had to cool his head._

_Hanbin was still seething in anger, for what Bobby had no fucking idea still because he had no chance to see through the messages._ Another bad news _. Smoke was almost coming out of Hanbin’s ears and nose, balancing himself on the bedside table whispering to himself who he was going to kill and upon instinct or maybe as Bobby’s last resort, he spiralled on without a second thought and kissed Hanbin._

_There was no time for regrets as Hanbin struggled in his hold. He clamped a hand around Hanbin’s nape and tugged on a handful of hair as hard as he could but still had his mouth on Hanbin’s making the younger moan._

_The surrender was fleeting though as the plane shook and Hanbin using it to his advantage when Bobby lost balance therefore giving him leverage and effectively pushing Bobby down on the bed and constrained his hands_

_“What the fuck was that, newbie?”_

_“You know, I’m getting really sick of that nickname,” Bobby gritted through clenched teeth and shocked Hanbin as he flipped their position._

_“What are you doing?” Hanbin questioned, appalled by the nerve of his second-in-command._

_Jiwon smirked down at him, which he never dared to do before, “You’re not one who forgets a bargain, Mr. Kim.”_

_“I was out of my mind,” he argues but his eyes held a mixture of panic and embarrassment._

_“Yeah? Much like what happened out there?” Jiwon challenged. He didn’t know what was reported to Hanbin and it took a lot to make the man go berserk so it had to be seriously damaging to the business. Which is why the risk of Hanbin going on a rampage in a foreign country was highly possible and Jiwon absolutely cannot let that happen or it will result to more problems and not to mention, more work._

_“Get off of me, Bobby, or else—“_

_“Or else what? You’ll fire me? I know too much about you. You’ll kill me? Did you forget you were the one who personally trained me? I am a carbon copy of you and more. Look, I have no desire to betray you, you know damn well how grateful I am of you and I know what you’re capable of. If you can’t touch me, you’ll get rid of my family and that’s the last thing I want. I don’t intend to have you beneath me… except when we’re in a bedroom.”_

_Hanbin’s eyes were bulged and the vein by his temples were about to pop in frustration and anger, “I can end you, right here, right now.”_

_Jiwon shrugged, “You could. But what does that give you? Momentary satisfaction? Compared to what I can offer you? Admit it, Hanbin,” the use of his boss’ first name clearly irked the younger but Jiwon couldn’t care less at that point, “you need me. You need someone who can dominate you. You need someone to break you apart when you’ve let your inner demons control you. And you need someone to piece you back together when you’re inching closer to the edge by breaking yourself too much. You need a middle ground. You need_ me. _”_

_This time, his eyes were glazed over and there he saw something he has never seen on Hanbin, not even when the man was on the brink of death—for the very first time, he saw vulnerability. Hanbin’s humanity, his soul, the face beneath the mask. Jiwon thought that he finally had Hanbin, he finally cracked him but the younger had a habit of proving him wrong and he did, with a hiss he said, “I do not need anyone.”_

_“Submit,” Jiwon snarled._

_“No.”_

_Jiwon let go of Hanbin’s had that he had pinned down and instead gripped the latter’s jaw, “The moment I step out of this room, you can never make that bargain again like I’m some toy you only use when you see fit. If you get out of control, I will no longer struggle for hours on end in calming you down. And if you try to play with me again, I will quit. Don’t mistake my obedience for fear.”_

_And with that, Jiwon let go of him completely and stood up from the bed. The jet has already landed and it’ll take at least half an hour to fly again so it was safe to walk. And walk he did. This was Hanbin’s choice to make. Jiwon didn’t mind going back to how it was before they fucked, all the more if he didn’t have to deal with Hanbin whenever he goes on a rampage. That was going to be someone else’s job._

_He tried to set his clothes to rights and combed through his hair with his hand. He didn’t risk looking at Hanbin who seemed lost in his thoughts as he was being silent._

Well, maybe that’s my cue. _Jiwon thought and started to walk out. Honestly, he didn’t know what he wanted but he found that he didn’t mind any of the outcome. If he had to fuck Hanbin until he snapped out of it, then sure. If he had to go back to being nothing more than a second-in-command, sure. Both options resulted to him not having to deal with serial killer Hanbin which means less work._

_“Cutting it too close, aren’t we?” Jiwon said when he felt a hand tugging him to come back in right when he was about to close the door. He came back in, smiling reassuringly to Yunhyeong’s confused face and close the door._

_As soon as he faced Hanbin, he saw the man doing something he never thought he’d be able to see. The man had hung his head in full surrender._

_“Do I have your consent?” Jiwon asked, just to be clear._

_“Yes,” Hanbin croaked out._

_“Submit.” Jiwon ordered. And Hanbin did submit._

Jiwon smiled at the memories. Until then, especially when they’re together, Jiwon kept his word. He didn’t want or need Hanbin to be beneath him except in bed.

“Hanbin,” Jiwon called and Hanbin took his eyes away from their daughter too look at him. “I love you.”

Hanbin smiled sweetly at him, “I love you, too. All of you,” he replied and booped their babies’ nose making them squirm and coo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it isn't much but I hope you guys liked it. I think I'm losing motivation for this because I'm associating my using the laptop for updates with school works and online classes have really taken a toll on me. Maybe I'll go back to making updates on my phone, I feel like I was more productive when I was typing there instead of the laptop. I'm sorry you guys, I'll try to make it up to you


	20. Now Live In It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s short but sweet :) no jk it’s short bc i didnt wanna include the side characters for now and focused on them because...

“We should probably go back inside now,” Jiwon suggested. He was walking behind Hanbin carrying Haneul who was, as always, asleep.

Hanbin was finally felt able enough to walk through the garden ever since the operation with only a little pain fleeting every few minutes or so. It was also early morning so they were having the twins under the sun to give them their vitamins.

“Just a few more minutes. Ae-Ra’s still enjoying. Look at her,” Hanbin stopped walking and faced Jiwon who smiled at them, “When we’re indoors she’s always frowning and crying. And now, look, she’s smiling and cooing happily.”

Jiwon looked at them softly and smiled, “Okay, okay. How can I say no to that face? But let’s at least sit down, you’ve been walking for thirty minutes straight after weeks of laying down and only walking to and from the bathroom. Your body could not handle it,” he said worriedly and gently guided him to a wooden bench they had near the fountain with one hand on the small of his back and the other still holding Haneul.

They sat down and Jiwon called for the maids to bring the strollers so they can put the babies down.

“Oh, so now you’re awake?” Jiwon deadpanned. Haneul merely groaned grumpily and kept opening and closing his mouth.

“I think our son’s teasing you,” Hanbin laughed as he told him.

Jiwon snorted and continued to make faces in front of Haneul.

“Stop it! He’s going to cry!”

“He still can’t see properly, right?”

“Yeah but you sound weird!” Hanbin just pulled Jiwon back so he’d stop and he did, in favor of side hugging the former and kissed his temples.

“I will never get used to this,” Jiwon spoke, his voice full of giddiness which in turn then made Hanbin smile.

“Me too. I never imagined myself with my own family, much less twins. I never imagined I’d truly be happy and content.”

Jiwon hummed and hugged him tighter, “Baby? Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Can we leave everything and raise the twins far away? Somewhere safe? Somewhere peaceful? Would you ever consider that?” Jiwon said with bated breath.

Hanbin felt a little guilty for still making Jiwon nervous or cautious with him just because he could get mad. He didn’t like it. He wanted Jiwon to be comfortable with him just as he is with the elder. But then he remembered their last conversation about this—about them going clean and leaving the underground business.  I was already pregnant then and I didn’t know, I even almost drove Jiwon away because of my pride.

“A lot has changed, that’s for sure. I have more people to protect and you three are the most important people in my life. At night, I whisper apologies to the twins that I’ve brought them in a dangerous world, that their Papa was and still is a dangerous man. I wanna give them the best life I could offer...” Hanbin broke away from Jiwon’s hug to face him and gave him a smile, a sad and apologetic one, “But I can’t risk it. We can run and hide but we’ve made enemies all over the world. Walking away here means being vulnerable and susceptible to more danger.”

Jiwon nodded in understanding but his face still clearly showed dejection. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. I’m sorry for bringing it up.”

“It’s fine. I know you just want what’s best for our family.”

As they stepped inside with the twins in each of their arms, the guys immediately swarmed in. The kids even pushed their hyungs away to get closer and the sight made Hanbin chuckle.

“Slowly, you guys. You act as if the babies will do a magic trick when they don’t even do much yet,” Hanbin chastised and made them all sit down in their respective seats for breakfast.

“Can I hold Haneul at least? He doesn’t squirm or cry as much as Ae-Ra so I won’t drop him or anything like that, I swear! Please?” Lia asked, her graceful and poised image thrown out the window in favor of holding her baby nephew, begging her brother complete with clasped hands and puppy eyes.

Hanbin smiled nodded, “Okay,  but,” Lia was about to jump in excitement until Hanbin said the last word, “after breakfast.”

Lia nodded dutifully, happy to know that she could later on.

Everyone proceeded to eat breakfast as usual. The twins were in their strollers just beside their parents while they eat, they were having their breakfast too in the form of pumped breast milk put in a bottle.

The guys were talking about business, of course still filtered since it was only Lia among the children who knew so far about the illegal parts. Ryujin was happily chatting with Donghyuk about dance routines while Chanwoo was discussing about politics with Jinhwan and his father, Lia on the other hand was making cooing sounds to the twins while Hanbin told her cute stories of little things that happened with the twins in the bath or just some random moments.

After breakfast was over, everyone bid their goodbyes for the day to get on with their businesses— the kids to the library, the guys to wherever they were assigned, Hanbin and Jiwon were still working from home so they were going back to their bedroom. 

They were scheduled to officially move to the underground floor the week after since they had some renovations for an office adjoining the twins’ nursery.

Before they could enter the elevator, they were approached by I.M though so they made the children, Jinhwan, Donghyuk, and Papa Kim— Jinhwan’s father— go first.

“Hey, is something wrong?” Hanbin asked he rubbed soothing circles on Ae-Ra’s back to make her burp just like what Jiwon was doing with Haneul.

“Not really but I just want to ask if I can be moved to Minho’s team? My kidney’s still fucking killing me and I don’t wanna inconvenience Junhoe.”

“Oh yeah, didn’t you have a check-up? How was it? What did the doctor say?” Jiwon asked, coming nearer to where they were since he was distancing himself with a sleepy Haneul.

I.M sighed, “Acute Kidney Injury.”

“Wait, won’t you need more rest? That sounds serious,” Hanbin frowned. Aside from affecting his work, it’s gonna affects his health and prevention was better than cure.

“No, I’m fine. I just need to lay off on the action for awhile. You know me, I fear boredom. Being transferred to Minho’s team arranging security details and layouts is already rest for me.”

Hanbin glanced at Jiwon to see if the man had something to say but he just shrugged his shoulders so he faced I.M again. “Okay, but be careful. Make sure you can handle it.”

“Yeah, of course.”

A knock came which made Hanbin stop from signing a bunch of paperworks he had already reviewed, “Come in.”

“Sir,” A man in his early twenties came in. Hanbin recognized him as one of the younger ones, one of three Japanese trainees, that had just finished undergoing training from Junhoe and I.M.

“Kanemoto Yoshinori, am I right?”

“Yes, sir,” the man affirmed.

“What’s your business here?”

Yoshinori bowed before handing a folder to him, it was their signature black folder with the family emblem embossed on the front. “An official request from one of our partners in Afghanistan.”

“Request for what?” Hanbin asked as he opened the file and skimmed through the words. “Oh, they want to negotiate with either the head or second-in-command? This is unnecessary. We’ve done business with them multiple times.”

“Seems like they’re planning expansion in their territory and needs your alliance.”

Hanbin frowned, “That’s gonna be hard with the rift they have going on in America.”

“Sir Yunhyeong deduced it to them needing not just alliance, but also your strategic points and influence.”

This made Hanbin sigh, this wasn’t their usual business ventures as it’s risky but they’d lose a lot if they cut ties with them.

“It’s alright, baby. I can go,” Jiwon appeared behind him carrying a moody Ae-Ra.

When they went back to working, they decided to have both their offices be in Hanbin’s and had two cribs too so they can have the twins with them— part of Hanbin’s paranoia.

After a minute of thinking, Hanbin nodded and stood up to take Ae-Ra. “Okay. Call me if anything happens. Tell them that we won’t make a decision without conducting a meeting first.”

Jiwon smiled and kissed his cheek, “Don’t worry too much, I can handle it. And Ae-Ra calms down faster when you carry her, too.”

The words made Hanbin smile. Ae-Ra really was becoming a Papa’s girl. “Okay, go now.”

Before heading out, Jiwon made sure to smooch Ae-Ra’s tummy to make her laugh, “Bye, Princess. Daddy’s gonna be back as soon as possible,” and checked on the sleeping Haneul in his crib. Yoshinori bowed and followed Jiwon out.

“Sweetheart, would you mind growing up in a farm? I mean, I want you to grow up like a princess and live in a castle but Papa’s getting suffocated by demanding businessmen, mountains of paperwork, and stuffy offices.”

Ae-Ra made an indignant sound that made Hanbin chuckle, “A princess it is, then.”

It seemed like the Papa's girl wasn't going to sleep anytime soon so Hanbin hurriedly signed the remaining few papers from one folder and set it aside so he can focus on his daughter and sat on the rocker they had on one corner.

"Papa's going to make a paradise just for you and your brother. I hope you don't hate us too much, darling. We just never thought we'd have you guys in our messy lives," Hanbin droned on and softly rubbed Ae-Ra's cheek with the back of his finger making the soothing movements, touches, and Hanbin's voice calm her down and was almost sleeping. "But don't worry, everything gonna be alright. Papa will make it so."

After Ae-Ra had gone to sleep for more than a few minutes, Hanbin stood up and placed her carefully to her crib and looked at both of his beautiful babies.

_I would die if anything happens to either of you but I’d make sure to bring the whole world with me._

That night in their bedroom, as soon as Hanbin had the twins settled in their crib after feeding them their milk, he pressed the intercom and called for Dylan who was in his office in the first floor.

It was already way too late and Jiwon hasn't come back yet. They had dinner almost two hours ago and Jiwon along with I.M and Junhoe still hasn't come home. Dylan was with them before coming home early so he wanted to talk to him as the guys weren't answering their phone-- understandable since they don't use it during meetings.

Hanbin was about to open his phone when Dylan knocked softly on the door, just as what Hanbin instructed in case the twins wake up.

He opened the door and had Dylan come in. They sat on the couches, a little further from the twins so there'd be less chance to disturb them.

"What's taking them so long? I'd understand missing dinner but this is too much," Hanbin immediately asked.

Dylan nodded, "I thought so, too. I checked every thirty minutes with the security detail and they've reported back that everything's good. Why it's taking them so long specifically, I have no idea. Khan's men didn't hold back with their security. Understandably so considering their purpose of meeting."

"The meeting's in Itaewon, right?"

"Yeah," Dylan affirmed.

Hanbin sighed. He wanted to go but he couldn't and wouldn't leave the twins in here.

"Something's going on, I don't care what happens but I want all of our men back in their places in an hour. Tell Khan it's an order from me."

Dylan stood and bowed, "Will do."

Hanbin sat up and paced around the room frustratedly. This was concerning as hell, something had to be going on and what he dreads the most is that he couldn’t go out and do anything about it himself.

_Something’s going down._

With a shake of his head, he determinedly went to their closet. The first section contained a concealed cabinet for guns, kevlar bulletproof vests, ammunition, and his knives. He geared himself up, his heart uncharacteristically pounding out of his chest. He’s never been nervous. The idea of Jiwon being in any sort of danger was making him apprehensive.

When he was geared up, he went out of his room and his eyes bulged after being stabbed in the gut.

“Bulletproof. But you’re not the only one who has an affinity for knives,” an unknown mansaid after twisting the knife that was buried in his stomach.  His newly healed stomach.

His eyes frantically scanned the room for the twins despite the agonizing pain but they were safely sleeping in their cribs, however when his eyes darted to the door he saw Lia being choked and held at gunpoint.

Hanbin didn’t even have time to react with his own weapons as he was struck in the head with the butt of the man’s gun.

The words he last heard made him just want to die, “Playing house is over, Mr. Kim. It’s time for you to go back to hell that is the streets of Seoul. You made it hell, remember? Now live in it. If you don’t mind, we’ll make a guinea pig out of your husband. Maybe your twins, too.”

Everything was black and Hanbin wished it just stayed that way or wake up and go back to nine months ago when Jiwon told him to go clean.

_I’m so sorry, my love. In the end, paradise wasn’t for us._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u can shout (to a certain degree only, not too much or anything disrespectful) at me in the comments, on twt or in my cc. Wuvyu


	21. Law of Retaliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be updated last night bUT MY LAPTOP DECIDED TO UPDATE ITSELF SO. im sorry mehehe enjoy

“I-I can’t, shit…” Jooheon muttered who, for the first time in his life as a doctor, was shaking so badly. “Yunhyeong, can you please have someone get my phone and call my father and my brother? I’m gonna—gonna clean him up but I can’t operate on him like this. P-Please, I j-just can’t.”

Yunhyeong nodded and asked the butler to call Jooheon’s father and brother before he gripped the doctor’s shoulder, “Calm down, Jooheon. You need to get your shit together, the twins’ life as well as Jiwon, Junhoe, Minho, and I.M’s life depends on Hanbin’s recovery.” And of course, the mention of I.M made the doctor freeze and shook himself.

“You’re right, I-I’m sorry. Please wait outside while I do my best here,” Jooheon tried to smile. He was acting so unprofessional because the thought of I.M in danger fazed him more than he ever thought it would. For Christ’s sake, the man was literally working as an underground henchman of sorts, he was bound to be caught up in situations like these.

There were two remaining nurses on the residence left for emergency purposes and yet this wasn’t the emergency they were expecting. Hanbin had become Jooheon’s friend as the months passed by during the former’s pregnancy, he grew fond of the guy’s nihilistic yet affectionate nature.

And when he was woken up by a bloodied Yunhyeong and was led to Hanbin’s more bloodied up state, he was at sixes and sevens, found himself not functioning altogether. This was why doctors shouldn’t operate on families or in this case, friends—their emotions get in the way of their medical judgement.

Then Yunhyeong told him about I.M, the guy whom he constantly turned his back on whenever the latter appeared with flowers, came at him with cringe-worthy pick-up lines, and whom he’s known as someone who has a lot of anger in him but just needed a little affection so he’d soften up. The guy who had one remaining eye but shone brighter than the stars.

Looking at Hanbin while the nurses prepare for the operation, he was determined to save not just one friend but all of them. And the twins…

_Dear God, why did it have to involve those innocent babies?_

Yunhyeong paced back and forth on the hallway but was stopped with a warm hand on his chest. He didn’t even realize that Donghyuk was back. Donghyuk went to tend to a grim Ryujin but it seemed like the kid was unmoving and wouldn’t sleep.

He tried to smile at Donghyuk and then looked at Ryujin, “You should get some sleep, kid. Your dad—,”

“My dad isn’t here. Your hands are stained with blood. Hanbin-hyung is in there. Again. After just a few weeks of being operated on, he’s in there again. Lia’s not here. Jiyong-hyung is not here. A lot of people aren’t home and it’s bedtime.” Ryujin droned on like a dead robot.

Yunhyeong internally punched himself as he realized that the kid was right—his hands still had a few remnant of blood, as well as his shirt.

“Hey, come here, let’s sit down,” Donghyuk calmly said and softly made them sit on either side of him. Everything about Donghyuk was soft and angelic but it was starting to dawn on Yunhyeong that he may have been the one who stained his angel. _My guardian angel have quite possibly given up on me but somehow, someone from up above still thought I deserved one._

“Are you worried about your Hanbin-hyung? Do you want to stay here with us and wait?” he hears his angel ask the young lady beside him.

Ryujin nodded and then looked up at the two of them, “Lia isn’t here,” she said and the crack in her voice felt like a harsh claw on Yunhyeong and Donghyuk’s heart. “My dad isn’t here. I-I wanted to wake up Nani-hyung so he could hug me but he cries easily. I don’t like seeing him cry, hyung,” Ryujin tearfully said as she herself cried.

It was rare for Ryujin to cry and it was enough for Yunhyeong to look away and bite his inner cheek.

“Everything’s going to be fine, sweetheart. Donghyuk and Yunhyeong-hyung will make sure of it,” Donghyuk reassured as he guided Ryujin’s head to the crook of his neck and cried once the kid wasn’t able to see.

 _This is going to be such a mess_. Hanbin lost a lot of blood because there was nothing to stop the bleeding. It took a while to get to him as the helicopter that landed on the estate was what alerted them and almost half of their men were taken down. There was no news of Jiwon, Junhoe, Minho and I.M yet and it was already dawn. The twins were taken along with Lia. Jiyong, Seungcheol and Dylan were headed to the compound while Wonho and Jihoon were barking out orders in the house to newly arrived men. Hoshi volunteered to oversee the clean-up on Hanbin’s room as well as take photos of evidences. And Yunhyeong? Yunhyeong was close to losing his shit.

Jooheon’s father and brother arrived to assist Jooheon and after an hour or so, the elder came outside and Donghyuk immediately took Ryujin away so she didn’t have to listen, “Mr. Kim’s stable now. He lost a lot blood and his caesarean wound opened up, too. It would seem that the attacker knew of his condition and struck him where he was most vulnerable.”

“Is he awake?” Yunhyeong immediately asked.

“It’s going to take a while as he is on heavy medication for his wounds. He’ll probably wake up tomorrow evening or so.”

Yunhyeong nodded, “Thank you, Dr. Lee, it’s—,”

“Yunhyeong!”

He was interrupted by the sound JInhwan shouting as he ran towards them, “Ju-Junhoe called, he’s hurt, Yun. I-he—.” The elder was sputtering inaudible words and Yunhyeong had to calm him down. “Junhoe called me.”

“What did he say? Where is he?!”

Jinhwan was breaking down after the adrenaline rush passed and was close to hyperventilating, “All he said was _Gangseo District_ and _I.M._ ”

“What about I.M?” Jooheon immediately asked as he overheard when he got out of the operating room but Jinhwan just shook his head.

“I-I don’t know. He just said those specifically.”

Yunhyeong immediately dialled Dylan’s number to relay the message and did the same to Wonho.

“What’s happening, Yun? Why are they in scrubs? Is Junhoe in trouble? Is someone hurt?” Jinhwan frantically asked with his father trying to coax him to calm down.

The sight of Jinhwan’s desperate expression that were filled with fear and distress dried up Yunhyeong’s throat and he wasn’t sure what to say.

Ryujin took him out of his misery, though, as she softly held on Jinhwan’s hand. The elder looked like he just realized that the little girl was there. “I’ll you about it in your room, hyung. Come on,” she said as she softly tugged on his hand to walk with her.

She was just like his father, someone who had a sense of responsibility and duty to make others feel safe. They have a better hold of their emotions when they have someone they want to comfort and protect, Jinhwan was definitely perfect for them.

“Is there something I can help with?” Papa Kim, Jinhwan’s father, offered when the two were out of ear shot.

“Actually, yes, sir. You’ve worked with Seungcheol before, right?” Yunhyeong asked and the elder nodded, “We actually need extra help tonight since a lot of our men from the compound were assigned here.”

“I’ll head there now,” Papa Kim nodded reassuringly, “Don’t forget to take care of yourselves, too, alright?”

Yunhyeong smiled and nodded just as the elder man was accompanied by the butler.

“Jinhwan, hyung, are you comfy?” Ryujin softly asked when they settled on Jinhwan’s bed.

It has never failed to warm Jinhwan’s heart whenever Ryujin was being soft to him as the little girl was known for her standoffish and had a mean persona. Junhoe had once complained that Ryujin was only “nice” to him thrice a year. When Jinhwan asked when, the man looked at him cautiously and only proceeded when Jinhwan encouraged him to continue. Just as he thought, it was during his late wife’s birthday, death anniversary, and their wedding anniversary.

Jinhwan hummed as he patted the pillow beside his so Ryujin would settle down.

“Do you still want me to tell you?” the little girl asked, her cautious expression was a spitting image of her father’s.

“Only if you’re comfortable, sweetie.”

Ryujin nodded but it took her almost a full minute before talking, “I’ve always caught Daddy having a hard time scrubbing off blood stains on his hands and face. Sometimes, I see him treating his own wounds. Daddy doesn’t like it when other people touch him. One time, I got so frustrated because his hands were shaking so much so I stopped pretending I was asleep and I helped him. I know I should be curious but when he tried to explain, I told him I didn’t want to know.”

“Why not? I’m relieved but why not?” Jinhwan asked softly ran his fingers across the child’s hair to make her relax because he noticed how her shoulders tensed and raised. He also did it to Junhoe once but that was when the man was asleep and seemed to be agitated in his dreams so he tried to calm him down.

“Because what if… what if Daddy’s a bad guy?”

Jinhwan smiled. Every child’s problem seemed so simple to hear but the answers grown-ups could offer were complex. It was hard explaining stuff to children and actually make them understand and guilt would eat him up if he left her under the shadows. He didn’t want her to feel left out but it wasn’t also his place to tell her.

An idea popped into Jinhwan’s head and reached back to his bedside table. He took out his wallet and got a single coin. Ryujin looked on with curiosity, but her eyes droopy and there were tear tracks present and it tugged his heart strings.

“Ryujin-ah, do you see this coin?” he asked once he settled back in bed, the coin in between their faces.

The little girl nodded her head silently.

“What do you notice with its appearance?”

This made her ask for the coin to observe on it like the smart girl that she was, taking everything seriously, “It’s old and rusty. There are dents, too. And of course, the head and the tail.”

“Exactly. You see, sweetheart, in life there are always two sides of everything. Two opposites. We’ve discussed about Creationism, right?” again, he waited for Ryujin to respond and she nodded, “God created light and dark, heaven and hell. Symmetry. It’s true in science, and it’s true in religion. There two sides everything. Including a person. Outwardly, one can be dark and brooding, but on the inside they could be genuine, loving, and affectionate. Do you get my point?”

Ryujin hummed and tried to think about it, “So, you’re saying, a person can both be good and bad?”

“A person is bound to sin, yes. We aren’t perfect beings. We aren’t dealt the same cards. What a person choose to do with his life, how they came to be, has a reason… a history. So, Ryujin, promise me, never judge a person without knowing their history.”

“I promise,” Ryujin smiled sweetly while nodding her head to assure him that she understood.

“So can you tell me what happened?”

Ryujin gripped at Jinhwan’s ring and pinky finger, “Daddy hasn’t come home yet and I think he was with Jiwon-hyung. Lia and the twins are gone. Hanbin-hyung was being operated on again. The other hyungs left in a hurry and Wonho-hyung was shouting at men outside.”

The tremble in Ryujin’s voice as each name she mentioned made her voice crack made Jinhwan hug the child, “Oh, Lord, sweetheart…”

“I saw Hanbin-hyung’s blood in Yun-hyung’s shirt and hands. I think he’s having a hard time, too,” Ryujin mumbled on against his chest.

“I’m sorry this happened. I’m sorry you had to see it. I’m sorry that you had to grow up like this…”

“It’s gonna be okay, right?”

Ryujin tiny voice as she asked that question made Jinhwan want to be mad at the world. _Why do children have to grow up with something going wrong, if not for family problems then it’s safety and stability._

Jinhwan took a deep breath and reminded himself of his own statement, _two sides of a coin._

“Lia always reminded me that a lot of other people has it tougher. That at least we’re lucky we’re loved, fed, and clothed. It’s just that… sometimes, I don’t know…”

“Hey, Ryujin, remember this, okay? You’re still a child. It’s not your responsibility to worry over grown-ups which is why I apologized that you felt the need to be worried. If you feel scared or you think that life’s unfair, then it’s okay. Life is unfair, it has always been like that. You don’t have to grow up so fast, sweetheart. It’s better if you say what you’re feeling, okay? You can complain, or rant, or even cry to me anytime.”

Ryujin sniffed and nodded her head but still didn’t let go, instead she hugged him even tighter.

Jiyong paced around the office they were in while Seungcheol and Dylan tried to process the information that the remaining team of Minho told them.

“I.M…? B-But why?” Dylan muttered as he gripped his head.

“You can’t trust anyone in this business. You can’t even trust me,” Seungcheol replied like a slap of reality. Because that was reality in the world they live in.

With a heavy sigh, Jiyong took out his phone, “We can’t waste time. One of you call Wonho, it’s not gonna be easy but he needs to know,” he told them before dialling Yunhyeong’s number.

Wonho was I.M’s long-time friend and was the only one who could tame him during work. They trained together, used to be partners on joint missions, roommates when they were trainees, and as huge as Wonho was physically, the guy was extremely soft. This would really faze him and could affects his judgements.

 _“Jiyong?”_ Yunhyeong answered.

“Yunhyeong, how’s the surgery?”

_“It went as good as it could be. It’s done but Hanbin’s still unconscious. How about the situation there? Any news? Did the information Jinhwan had from Junhoe help?”_

“Yeah, Jinhwan’s phone is connected to Minho’s equipment so we easily tracked down Junhoe as soon as he turned on his phone.”

_“And? Is someone assigned already to head there? Whose team is going? I want to go, I can—,”_

“Yunhyeong, it’s I.M.”

_“What…? What do you m-mean? Is he hurt? Did something happen to him? He had problems with his kidney yesterday that’s why he got assigned to Minho’s team. Did he—,”_

“No, far from it, actually. I.M—um, I.M was behind it. He got into Minho’s team to manipulate data on the security so we had zero negative update from the security team when something went down during their meeting. We still don’t know why or who he’s doing this with but we can’t underestimate him. He knows our systems like the back of his hand.”

_It was quiet for a few seconds as he let Yunhyeong take in the information. “I-I.M had someone stab Hanbin’s pregnancy wound, the twins and Lia kidnapped, possibly killed Jiwon, Junhoe, and Minho? Are… are you kidding me?”_

“I wish I was…”

_1959, Rumor has it that in order for South Korea’s economy to rise from poverty, the government allied with the underground businesses. Of course, the first family they ran to was the Kim Family._

_1974, A whole building from Cheongnam-dong was set on fire in broad daylight. The cause of which were suspected to be an underground business deal gone wrong._

_1982, Shipment from Incheon’s sea port became a battle ground as families near the vicinities suffered deaths and injuries from mafia families and organizations that have still remained unknown._

_2000, The family that died on that bridge was said to be from the Kim Family. It’s their karma. They say there was a baby in the car. Why won’t they put this on the news?_

_2007, There is suspected corruption amidst the government as officials were discovered to be in close ties with an illegal organization._

_2010, They say Kim Family’s immune to imprisonment or any type of punishment._

_2015, It’s rumoured that Kim Family doesn’t have “family members” anymore. Just men using the name for power._

_2018, Underground organizations aren’t needed by the government anymore. It’s only going to be a matter of time before that family will be finished off._

_There were too many voices from town folks, newspaper journalists, news reporters, police, and even teenagers. Too many mentions of his family. Some true, some twisted, some lies. Hanbin didn’t know what to believe in that he felt like he was drowning in them._

_Family? Do I not have a family? But I have my brother, my sister, my trusted men..._

_“You are okay, right?”  
“With you, I am. Just don’t leave for a while, okay?”  
“I’ll never leave. Even if you want me to. Even if the stars, planets, and moons align for it, I’d never leave you if I could.”_

_Jiwon. I have Jiwon. He won’t leave me. And I can’t leave him. But why can’t I leave this dark room of voices filling up my head and space._

_“I kill people who kills. I kill people with sins heavier than my own. Because somehow, I don’t like it. I don’t want anyone surpassing mine. It’s like my own sick version of power.”_

_Oh, right. I was, still am, sick in the head. Maybe I’ve gone totally mad._

_“Hi.”_

_Jiwon’s little_ Hi _s and smiles have always been Hanbin’s little source of happiness. It reminded him of what was good in life. Jiwon made Hanbin giggle—something short of miraculous._

_“Mr. Kim what can I do for you?”  
“Bobby, am I right? Or should I address you formally, Mr. Kim Jiwon?”_

_First time they met. Jiwon’s cautious eyes meeting Hanbin’s curious and intimidating ones._

_“Ji, I’m pregnant. And you’re the father. I can tell you the how and why but I need to know how you feel about this.”  
“I may not deserve it but I feel like I’m the happiest man in the world.”_

_A few years later and they’ve become parents. It all seemed so fast._

_“Dr. Jooheon checked the baby’s heartbeat and ultrasound. And guess what?”  
“Ugh come on, don’t make us guess! Just say it!”  
“What? You’re gonna have twins? Triplets?”  
“Oh my God and all that is holy! Which is it?! Twins or triplets!  
“Twins!”_

_Everyone was so happy for us. My babies…_

_Flahes of memory. Isn’t this what people say happens when you’re about to die?_

_And then he saw random faces. Some he remembered, some he didn’t. He came to realize that they were people he had killed over the years and they’ve stacked up to form a mountain. That many, huh? He could hear people moaning in pain, shouting in fear, screaming for mercy but Hanbin was relentless may it be reality or in his dreams._

_“Playing house is over, Mr. Kim. It’s time for you to go back to hell that is the streets of Seoul. You made it hell, remember? Now live in it. If you don’t mind, we’ll make a guinea pig out of your husband. Maybe your twins, too.”_

_On top of the mountain of dead bodies lay his family—Jiwon, Haneul, Ae-Ra, and Lia._

_The sight made him scream but there was no voice that came out of him. He felt restrained and his throat being stepped on. He couldn’t get to his family. He couldn’t because, to his horror, he realized that it was him who murdered them. Their blood was in his hands. Their death certificates were signed the moment that they were associated with Hanbin. He should’ve known._

_Hanbin was not meant for happiness. That he knew. But they do. He had no soul therefore nothing of greater value he could offer so he can have them back. My life. Satan, God, or whoever the hell existed that controlled the mortals’ life, he was prepared to lay down his own life in exchange for theirs._

_He mourned and cried in silence, the same way he did when he woke up from his nightmares. He got so used to hiding his pain that it surmounted to this. This was too much pain, though. It hurt more that his nightmares now included his family._

_It felt like his heart was ripped out of his body when Jiwon opened his eyes and looked at him as he was trying to say something. Hanbin struggled to calm himself down so he can focus on what Jiwon was trying to say._

_“W-Wake up…”_

_Huh?_

_“Wake u-up. You have t-to wake up, b-baby. Please…”_

_Hanbin nodded vigorously as he tried to say that he loved him. But somehow he couldn’t form words and no sound came out of him._

_“I love you, please. I’m sorry, please forgive me. I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it enough. I love you, please come back to me. I love y—,”_

“Hanbin! You’re awake!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i miss the happy days, too.


	22. Family

It was blurry and the lights were blinding but after a while of adjusting his eyes, Hanbin could see Hoshi beside him, eyes teary with a bittersweet smile.

“J-Joo—Jooheon,” he managed to croak out. Hoshi nodded and went for the intercom.

Hanbin closed his eyes again as the pain kept piercing through his body with every little movement he does. He felt a dip in the bed and saw that Jinhwan came with a glass of water. “Here, your throat must be dry,” the elder said softly with an equally soft smile.

He wanted to return the genuine smile, he really did, but he just couldn’t. Not in that state, not in that situation, and definitely not that day. But he knows when to listen so he tried to raise his body only to groan in pain as his wound protested with his attempt in movement.

“Wait. Here, let me…” Jinhwan placed the glass down on the bedside table so he could prop another pillow for Hanbin’s head.

“Where’s everyone?”

“Jooheon had doctors and nurses ready, Jihoon and Yunhyeong are overlooking the security all over the house, Seungcheol and Jiyong are at the headquarters, but your brother said he wanted to be informed once you wake up so he can tell you about everything in detail,” Jinhwan relayed, his voice remained soothing like he was just reading him a book.

“The kids?”

“In the library with Wonho.”

Hanbin just nodded but Jinhwan had something more to say, “And Ryujin knew you were being operated on last night. That her Dad hasn’t come home and her other hyungs. I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with something. In the end, she was the one comforting me…”

“It’s fine, Jinan. Junhoe and Ryujin feels better about themselves when they’re comforting or protecting someone, makes them feel useful and grounded. They just like being needed. And Ryujin’s a smart girl, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“How do you feel?”

He sighed and closed his eyes again but he kept seeing flashes of his dream whenever he closes his eyes so he opened them again to stare up at the ceiling aimlessly, “Like I’m back to zero.”

A hand squeezed his own in comfort, “I know you’re not the optimistic type but I also know you’re strong, and your family needs you to be strong right now. I’ll help however I can, so will the guys, and you know that. You’ve done so much for us, Hanbin.”

“Thanks, Jinan.”

Hanbin did not have the luxury to wallow in sorrow, be angry, or be in hysterics. There are things needed to be done so he had no choice but to shove his emotions far back in his mind so it doesn’t interfere, or much worse, swallow him whole.

Everyone gathered around Hanbin’s bed when the doctors were done checking his wounds and general state. Hanbin was deathly quiet and calm, making everyone tense. This was Kim Hanbin, a wounded one at that—physically and emotionally.

“Tell me what happened,” he said after some time. He was staring at the ceiling like he was burning a hole through it.

Jiyong cleared his throat.

“It was I.M.”

Now that caught Hanbin’s attention, his neck immediately snapping to Jiyong’s direction. “Everything. Tell me everything.”

Wonho hung his head in shame, feeling useless and oblivious. It was his closest friend. And he never knew. Never noticed. On top of that, he felt genuinely hurt. He knew better than to trust anyone in this business, but the guys here were more than an acquaintance to him. They were the family he never had. His body completely froze though, when Hanbin’s voice boomed across the room, “Wonho, hold your head high.” He didn’t shout but he was definitely not being subtle. And Wonho did as he was told.

“Yes, sir,” he responded.

Hanbin went back to looking at Jiyong, waiting for him to speak.

“Reasons are still unclear of what his motives are but we’ve confirmed it through Junhoe as he was able to call last night during your operation. His exact words were _Gangseo District_ and _I.M._ We’ve inspected every detail of their supposed meeting and found out that I.M hacked into the system and found out everything about the security structure so they knew how they could get inside here unnoticed and how to escape. The security team when they got there was entirely taken over and our men were forced to report back positively in the compound even when it was getting suspicious. We’ve just acquired and confirmed the location two hours ago and out strategy team are discussing everything.”

Hanbin sighed, ignoring the rapid shaking of his hands and sharp pains in his chest. “No news of their current state?”

“Nothing.”

“No calls for negotiations?”

“Nope. Our suspicion is that they know you’re still unconscious. We’ve amped up the technical security but Minho designed the system which I.M’s men managed to fuck up. Takes time.”

Hanbin ignored the severe pain from his wound and stood up from his bed, his men reacting quickly but he held up a hand to keep them in their place. “Stop every transaction, business deals, or meetings. Prepare everything for this one operation. Down to the last detail. I’ll give you one hour for that and then we’ll have a meeting in my office. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” everyone responded solemnly.

“Jooheon,” Hanbin called and the doctor stepped up with an expectant face, “Prepare the strongest pain killers. Injectable. Prepare at least five.”

Jooheon nodded dutifully but then hesitated, “B-But, they can only be injected once every four hours.”

“Just prepare them as I asked.” He didn’t wait for the doctor to respond and instead said, “Everyone can go.”

He heard footsteps retreating out of his room as he heads for the closet, clutching at his wound. But Yunhyeong stayed and followed him. “Hanbin,” he heard him call out.

“I have to change, Yun. And I need you to brief the kids, Donghyuk, and Jinhwan,” he dismissed, not even facing the man.

“Hanbin, this is suicide. You can’t go there like that. You shouldn’t even be out of the bed. Please, you’re just gonna—,”

“Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?!” Hanbin’s calm façade had finally cracked. And he hated it. He was already physically vulnerable, being emotionally vulnerable too was too much for him. But he couldn’t suppress it. It physically hurts more than the knife wound.

He flung his shirt across the closet and faced Yunhyeong, “Tell me, Yunhyeong,” he started, the shake in his voice bordering on both anger and emotional pain, “What the fuck do you think I should do? My family is out there. Being held captive by someone I thought I could trust. I’ve only been a brother to Lia for a few months. I’ve held my children for eight weeks. Eight weeks, Yunhyeong! Jiwon? I can only count in my one hand the number of times I told him I love him while he looks at me patiently, not even expecting anything in return whenever he says those words. I was allowed a few months of loving him. I swore to myself, my dead parents and brother, that I’d protect them. That they wouldn’t be in the same situation as them. And it fucking hurts!” he screamed as he flung a row of perfume bottles and sent them flying across the floor.

“It fucking hurts that they’re in there _because_ of me. And I can’t do anything about it. I’d go through any torture, hell, pain—anything! I just want my family safe at home. I won’t ask for anything.” He knelt in pain, both from his wound and his chest pain. “I don’t need forgiveness for everything I did. I don’t need money. Please, I just… I just want my family back. I don’t deserve them but, for the last time out of greediness, I want them back. Here. Safe. Even if I won’t be with them, I just need them to be safe.”

Yunhyeong’s jaw hurt from clenching it too much, his eyes red from unshed tears, and his nose stung. He looked up to gather himself together before he walked over to Hanbin and stood in front of him. With a sigh, he knelt down, “I got your back, Hanbin. We’ll get them back, I know we will.”

From trainees to colleagues and business partners, Yunhyeong heard everyone whispering that Hanbin was the strongest person they knew. Everyone in their household would easily say the same. Heck, even Yunhyeong would say the same thing. Hanbin was a force to be reckoned with.

But he’s human. Sometimes, people forget that villains are humans, too. Some villains are even other people’s hero—and that was Hanbin to them. His own heart was breaking for the man in front him praying to every god there is that his family be safe even when he hasn’t prayed once in his life. Hanbin was the pillar of the organization.

Hanbin was his children’s hero, their Papa. Hanbin was Jiwon’s saving grace. Hanbin was Lia’s paragon. And they were Hanbin’s redemption, the people saving him from complete ruin. Without them, Hanbin was an empty shell. Yunhyeong could see it, Hanbin was half of that at that moment already.

“He… he asked me two times—Jiwon asked me two goddamn times to get out of here. Out of this business. Out of this life. And I never—I never listened to him. I was a fucking know-it-all,” Hanbin laughed with no humor, his voice hoarse and hollow, “It’s all my fault.”

“Hanbin-ah,” Yunhyeong held him firmly by the shoulder, “If you truly love them, focus on the present. They’re alive and they’re waiting for you. You’re the one who’s already killing them inside your head.”

Hanbin hung his head only for Yunhyeong to stop it midway and tilting it upwards, “Like you told Wonho, hold your head high. What’s gonna become of your family if you lose your confidence? You’re the devil? Then fucking own it. Wreak havoc, unleash fucking hell. The more evil the person, the more passionate they are, so fucking prove it.”

Yunhyeong stood up and offered a hand while Hanbin looked up at him, looking sobered up and snapped out of his vulnerability as he took his hand and stood up.

The meeting went by in both a clear blur, it was mechanical, efficient, and fast. They went through everything, every possible outcome, scenario, contingency plans, and escape routes. Jiyong called up the country’s general and had them send them elite soldiers to fight alongside their men, trusted policemen near the area, and had the air traffic help them if and when I.M uses helicopters again. The first priority was having everyone safe and then they could hunt down I.M.

They pulled all the strings. And no one could deny them of anything as the Kim Family was the biggest contributor to the rise of economy in the country as well as the government’s last resort to anything when they needed help.

Buildings near the area were slowly emptied and snipers were placed. Undercover policemen in civilian’s clothing were the ones reporting to them as they couldn’t risk sending their own in case I.M recognizes them. An ambulance and fire truck were also in call just in case, as well as a helicopter with a pilot ready.

Everything and everyone was ready. Hanbin was geared up from head to toe, his painkillers and extra bandages were tucked everywhere on his body for easy access, and his weapons were cleaned and ready. Junhoe and Jiwon were the strongest men he had, Wonho was up to par but the guy requested to pull out and admitted that he was afraid his judgement would be clouded considering how I.M knew him and could endanger the whole mission.

In the middle of the meeting, as expected, they called.

“Kim Hanbin.” From what Hanbin could tell, it was an old man. He expected it would be I.M but it was also a big possibility that he wasn’t alone in this.

“Who are you?”

 _“Changkyun, oh—,”_ the man laughed, _“I forgot you didn’t know his real name. I.M. I am I.M’s father.”_

Hanbin looked up to Jihoon, they were the ones who found I.M in an abandoned research facility and he was all bones, half-dying with no memory and had an infected eye. “Father? He’s an orphan.”

_“Ah, no, I planted him there. He’s my personal walking and ticking time bomb. And I’ve waited so long for this.”_

“I don’t care. What do you want? Name it.”

_“Your dead body. Beside your equally dead family.”_

“Let me guess? New to the underground scene? You’re shit at negotiations.”

_“I’m not one of you people. I don’t go around killing just about everyone, exporting drugs and money-hungry. The only thing I want is for you to die.”_

“Your first request I can grant you easily, I’d personally go there unarmed with a red fucking ribbon on my head. The second? Well, you’d have to kill me first.”

_“How are you so sure that I haven’t killed them yet?”_

“Because you know I’d kill you so, so easily if they’re so much as touched. You do know that, don’t you? The only thing that’s keeping you alive and not bombed is because they’re alive.”

 _“If I were you, I wouldn’t act so confident. Their lives are still in my hands,”_ the old man boldly replied but there was an evident shake and tenseness in his voice.

One thing Hanbin was sure about, this man only has money and no experience. His motive was definitely personal and not just trying to make a name in the industry. But Hanbin made so many enemies that it’d be hard to pinpoint who it could possibly have been and there were no records of I.M’s existence before they found him.

“So is yours,” Hanbin said unfazed.

_“I’ll be waiting for you, Kim Hanbin. Then you can all have a nice family reunion before I send you to hell, where the rest of your family is.”_

“We have eyes on every target, sir. All clear,” the head of the surveillance team that the government assigned to assist them reported.

It was useless to try and come in stealthily when the old man knew he was coming. There was no need to creep about and so he entered at the front door of what seemed to be a massage business building serving as a front for the illegal transactions being done on the inside.

Jihoon and Yunhyeong was at his side but they were blocked by two unnecessarily bulky guys who by the looks of it was only meat and no strength or skills.

Hanbin raised an eyebrow and one of the men, a bald and bearded guy, cleared his throat, “Only Mr. Kim is allowed in.”

“Do you think we’re stupid?” Yunhyeong replied, unamused.

Impatient, Hanbin raised a hand to stop them from arguing any further, “I’ll go. The sooner I finish the old geezer off, the sooner we return home.”

It was fairly obvious that the two men in front of them recognized Hanbin, his reputation, but they still took the job offered—at that moment when they saw Hanbin in their own eyes, in the flesh, his mere presence was already intimidating. The man radiated instant death.

“Top floor. Last door to the right,” the other man just said.

As soon as Hanbin came in the office, he took out his gun and shot the man’s hand reaching for a button.

“If I were you, I’d fucking behave,” Hanbin warned and lowered his gun.

“How did you…?”

“He has eyes and ears everywhere. He knows where you’re currently positioned even before he came in. We’re surrounded,” a very familiar voice answered for Hanbin.

Hanbin decided to ignore his traitor of a brother and focused on the older man. He looked to be in his mid-fifties, gray-haired with a growing bald-spot, and in a distinct lab coat.

“You’re one of the scientists.” Hanbin said instead of asked. There was no question about it.

“I am,” the old man confirmed, too proud for his own good.

Hanbin snorted, “And what, pray tell, is your reason for all of this clownery?”

The older man surged forward in anger but Hanbin easily dodged and took a hold of his injured hand, squeezing it so much that it looked like Hanbin had his own hand wound with the blood splattered on his hand.

“I will not be made a mockery by you! You are nothing but a guinea pig! My guinea pig! You are no longer human, you are an abomination—!”

Hanbin’s other hand reached out to choke the man to stop him from talking, “Well, doctor, ever heard of Frankenstein? Victor Frankenstein made his own monster and do you know what happened to him? Killed by his own creation. I am a guinea pig, but not _just_ one. You, however, are nothing but a pathetic sore loser. Who even are you?”

“I am Dr. Baek Jung Hoon. The one who made it possible for you to bear a child. You selfish brat! I was supposed to—,”

“What in the world are you talking about?” Hanbin laughed humourlessly as he threw the old man to the floor. The force making Hanbin suck in a breath in pain. He was trying to move less but he was prickly that day.

I.M stood up from the old couch he was sitting on and Hanbin immediately pointed a gun at him, the former raised both hands.

“The reason they started that experiment was because of him. He had an affair with your uncle. And I am their son through a surrogate mother. They weren’t content and he,” I.M looked down at his father writhing on the floor in visible pain, “Was crazy.”

“I am not crazy, you insolent child!”

“I am no longer a child. He wanted to develop male pregnancy.”

Hanbin shook his head and smiled menacingly, “I don’t care about his life’s story anymore,” he said before he punched I.M. “I’m more interested in yours.”

However, I.M did not reply and wilfully took Hanbin’s punches.

“You saw those kids!” Hanbin gritted out with another punch, ignoring the pain in his stomach, “You saw them in sonograms! You heard their heartbeats! You fucking cheered at the news of their genders! You came home in a fucking rush when I gave birth! You teased them! You made me fucking laugh when I was in pain walking after the surgery! You made me think we were brothers!”

No matter how many times Hanbin had it engraved in his own mind that he could not, should not, and will not trust anyone in this business, he still did. He trusted the guys and I.M was one of them.

“You fought alongside me, Jiwon, the guys! Despite everything, I trusted you! Because I saw myself in you but no, you just—,” Hanbin grunted in pain as he was thrown to the side and their positions flipped.

It happened too fast but he could and would always remember I.M smiling down at him saying, “We’re brothers,” before he coughed up blood and collapsed over him.

He heard windows breaking and gunshots firing, his eyes flicked to the side and saw the scientist falling down face first. Hanbin swallowed a lump on his throat before he looked at his left and saw the back of I.M’s head, which was laying down on his chest, was a knife buried to the hilt.

Hanbin didn’t know what hurt more to him at the moment. Was it the betrayal? Was it his wound? Was it his head hitting the floor? Or was it losing a brother? The fact that they were fighting? The fact that he accused him of being a fake? The fact that he was beating him up because I.M also thought he deserved it? The fact that he questioned their brotherhood?

Hanbin didn’t know. Or maybe he did and he was on denial.

 _“Sir, we’ve acquired the location of Kim Jiwon and Koo Junhoe. It’s on the third floor, below the one you’re currently at.”_ Someone reported on his in-ear making him snap back to the reality of things.

“C-Call a paramedic.”

 _“Hanbin, he’s dead,”_ came Jiyong’s voice.

“No,” he whispered, more to himself than to anyone else, trying to convince himself that _no, I’m not losing anyone again. Let it not be that. Why do I always lose people?_

Hanbin probably cried that day more than he’s ever cried since years ago.

 _“Hanbin, remember what we talked about? Focus on the present. Your family needs you. They’re still there, held captive. Probably in more danger due to the firing,”_ that was Yunhyeong. _“We’ve taken down every guard on the first floor, Jihoon’s on reconnaissance, and I’m on my way to the second floor. I’ll meet you there.”_

Yunhyeong was right. Of course he was, ever the voice of reason among all of them.

Hanbin closed his eyes and nodded to himself before opening them again. He knew I.M was dead, the information already sinking in on him but he didn’t want to see any more blood coming out of his brother. And so he reached for some bandages and gauze, took out the knife and immediately wrapped his head with the dressing.

He slowly pushed I.M body to lay it down beside his and tapped his chest lightly, _“Brothers,”_ he whispered.

The searing pain on his stomach wound was distracting so he took out his one of the pain killers and injected himself with it as he hissed. _That was probably not the exact way to do it._ But his hands were shaking and the time was ticking.

“I want I.M’s body to be respectfully brought back to the house,” he spoke to anyone listening through the in-ear.

As fast as he could, he replaced the dressing on his own wound with new ones and bolted out of that office. He had to find his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i cried at this chapter. still hits closer to home, hanbin losing people, "brothers". And I.M and Wonho losing each other (familiar? ofc it is :<) and also Jooheon. I am: cri. idk if it'll make the non-monbebes or readers who arent familiar of monsta x cry tho. anyway, pls comment down, dm, or cc me your reactions! I wuv u guys always and stay safe!


	23. You win some and you lose some

At that moment, Hanbin knew he’d remember for years to come how the back of his head pounded so much, his own blood was drying up in his hands, his eyes were stung by his own sweat, and despite replacing his wound dressing, he could feel trickles of blood running down on his abdomen. The only thing that prevented him from passing out was the adrenaline rush.

Unlike the third floor, the second floor where everyone was held captive in was heavily covered and guarded. There was no chance for the snipers to see anything inside so they had to go there themselves blindly. They did not know what to expect.

With a nod, Yunhyeong and Hanbin stealthily walked across the halls of the second floor, looking for the room they were in. On their third turn, Hanbin saw at least five guards in front of a double door.

In careful positioning, the two of them shot them square in the head but the heavy drop of bodies seemed to have caused a ruckus to the guards inside the room.

 _“I’m on my way to the second floor,”_ Jihoon reported. _“And there are five more soldiers with me.”_

Guards came out and Hanbin roughly counted nine of them. _Nine versus eight._

The nine guards separated on each corridors. Four were heading to their current position.

“Cover for me,” Yunhyeong said before charging towards the men, shooting as much as he could until he resorted to close combat—something that wasn’t an option for Hanbin considering his current state.

Hanbin successfully killed the remaining two alive while Yunhyeong shot one and stabbed the other. Shots were fired across the hall and it was the three other guards who seemed to have heard their fighting.

 _Shit._ Yunhyeong was hit and Hanbin was becoming more and more easily fazed as flashes of I.M’s bleeding head kept coming back to him. It wasn’t even just because his fear of blood, _no,_ it was a whole new trauma. Hanbin expected that with the lifestyle he had, he knew he’d lose people which was one of the reasons why he was adamant on putting an invisible wall so he wouldn’t be too attached and the others wouldn’t be attached to him, too.

Fortunately, Jihoon had arrived just in time with the soldiers to finish off the three as he tried to help Yunhyeong up. Hanbin remained frozen in his feet and Yunhyeong seemed to have seen how tensed up he got.

“Hey, it’s—,” Yunhyeong grunted in pain as he settled down on the floor to sit before looking up at him with a dopey smile, “It’s just my arm. I’ll live. Go—Go save your family.”

Two soldiers immediately tended to Yunhyeong and reported that he’ll be taken down to the ambulance waiting outside. Hanbin nodded to the guards before nodding in thanks to Yunhyeong who waved at him with a relaxed smile like his other arm didn’t have a bullet buried in it.

“Hanbin, they’re here,” Jihoon called out, “And it’s not pretty.”

Hanbin immediately ran to the double doors as fast as his wounded self could allow him and prepared himself mentally for what was going to greet him once he gets inside. The series of events were fucking up his mental capabilities in combat and even that alone could endanger not just him but also his family’s lives if he doesn’t get his shit together.

“Hanbin, these people…” Jihoon’s words faded out as a moment of high-pitched ringing interrupted his train of thought and comprehension skills. Because surely this wasn’t right.

And then it was quiet as he stepped inside, the squeak of his boots giving up on stealth as the guards had all been finished off. _This isn’t right. It’s impossible._ Inside the dimly lit room were his family all on individual mattresses, laying down with clothes they were last seen in but all rugged and stained. Junhoe was in the far corner, the only one who wasn’t in a mattress but he figured the empty one had to be his, and he was curled up in a ball, gripping at his head.

Jihoon ran to Junhoe as soon as he caught sight of him.

There his family was. The twins were separated a few feet away from Jiwon and were in a crib. But it wasn’t just them. Just a few inches from Jiwon’s mattress were four people he always imagined he’d meet but thought better of it as he didn’t want anything to do with them in fear. An old lady, a middle-aged woman, a middle-aged man, and their son—Haneul and Ae-Ra’s cousin.

“Hanbin, snap out of it,” Jihoon reminded him as paramedics had arrived after Jihoon gave them the go-signal. They were alone, there were no more enemies.

_But why does it feel like I’m just facing the Big Boss of the game?_

Paramedics came pouring in as they carried his family members down to the first floor and on to the waiting ambulances. Everyone except for his babies whom he carried himself.

“Are you sure you want to carry them yourself? You can’t even walk straight,” Jihoon asked, worry clearly etched on his face, and Hanbin could sense that he wanted to offer help but was anxious of his response.

Hanbin was about to respond when Jiyong came running in. The sight of the elder made his defences crumble. It started with a wobble of his lips, his jaw clenching, his nose stinging, and his eyes watering. Jiyong huffed a breath to calm himself as he pushed himself up from gripping his knees. Jihoon left wordlessly knowing he wasn’t needed anymore and he knew Hanbin didn’t like showing vulnerability.

“It’s okay. They’re okay, Binnie.” Jiyong reassured as he enveloped Hanbin in a warm hug.

The younger shook his head and couldn’t stop the whimper that came out of him, “Th-they’re not… Hyung, they—Oh, God—,” Hanbin sobbed just thinking about it.

“They must be dehydrated or something, that’s why they’re unconscious. But they’ll be okay. We’ll make sure of it, okay?”

In truth, he couldn’t exactly feel the warm hug as he was cold to the bone the moment he stepped foot inside the room. But he had no choice but to nod, he felt like he had to nod or else his brain will go haywire.

“Let me carry the twins, Binnie. They need medical care as soon as possible so we have to go down as fast as we can.”

At the request, Hanbin instinctively tightened his hold on the twins but eventually came to his senses that Jiyong was right so he left a kiss on each mop of hair of the sleeping babies and gave them to Jiyong.

“Now, hold on to my shoulder so you can walk better.”

Hanbin woke up in a déjà vu sense, his mind hazy, his eyes unfocused, and _fuck_ , his entire body was aching, every limb felt like it was going to fall off at the slightest movement.

“Don’t move too much, Hanbin,” came Jooheon’s voice whom he recognized more from his throaty voice than his face as he still felt disoriented. “I’m going to adjust the bed so stay still.”

He felt the bed’s upper half moving forward so Hanbin wouldn’t have to get up but even without moving himself, the motion still made him groan not just because of his injuries but also because it worsened his dizziness.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like an elephant sat on me for twenty-hours.”

Jooheon sighed, “This is what I was scared of. You haven’t fully recovered and you went there head-first with just painkillers and extra dressing. You’re lucky you came out with a few wounds apart from your stomach stitches, some fractures, and bruises. I was—I was so worried.”

Hanbin’s eyes shot up and looked at Jooheon alarmingly. The doctor was crying and it just dawned on him that he may have been crying for longer.

_What…? But— I.M._

“I’m sorry,” Hanbin whispered, his head bent low, felt ashamed and disappointed with himself.

“No, it wasn’t your fault. It was his choice. I knew he was shit at decision-making skills when it comes to life choices and his brain only works in combat but… I didn’t think he’d do that,” Jooheon shook his head in despair as tears continued to trickle down his face, each one making Hanbin’s heart heavier.

“He saved me. And I don’t know if I deserve that, if I ever will deserve that.”

“He must’ve felt like he owed you. And he did. I understand his sacrifice.”

“Please remember him as a good person. Because in spite of what happened with us, and with his past, I know he is a good person. This lifetime just wasn’t meant for him but I’m sure he’ll have a better one. I still and always will consider him as my brother, he will always be the twins’ uncle. I want him to rest in peace and for that to happen, we have to forgive him. Will you forgive him? For endangering me, your patient and friend? Do you think you can forgive him for choosing to let you go?”

Jooheon was sobbing uncontrollably, his shoulders shook from the force of it, his whole body wracked with spasms as he tried to gather himself but only managed to cry harder.

“He gave his biological father a chance. I don’t know exactly what happened and what the story behind it was but if I were in the same position, I would, too. He had issues he wanted to resolve and maybe he thought he could resolve it if he reconnected with his father. But I know, in the last moments of his life, we were the family he needed, we were the people he considered as family. I felt it and I know it couldn’t have been me being delusional. And… and I hope you forgive me, too.”

“No, no, no. You don’t have to ask me of that. There’s nothing to forgive. But can I have one favour to ask?”

Hanbin blinked at him blankly for a second before he nodded in haste, “Yeah, anything, just tell me what you need.”

The doctor smiled for the first time and it was genuine, a mix of sad and hopeful, “Please make his sacrifice worth it. Live happily. I know I.M would want that.”

The request was so selfless, so hopeful, so… so not something that Hanbin deserved in this lifetime or the next but a request was a request and it seemed like it was the only thing he could do to comfort Jooheon’s heart. But at the same time, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy. He knew what Jooheon meant. This could be his final push to go clean and leave this industry. It was huge risk but he’ll do his utmost so his family wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.

“I will, Jooheon. Thank you. I don’t know how many times I have to thank and apologize to you for it to be enough but please know that I am always grateful.”

Jooheon sniffed and sighed deeply, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have cried to you like this right now. You must be itching to see your family by now.”

“It’s fine. Where are they?”

With a final wipe of his tears and adjustment in his coat, the doctor stood up and moved the curtain that Hanbin had just noticed. His eye sight was still hazy but he could see one bed like his in one corner and two pediatric medical cribs.

“There’s something I have to talk to you about, Hanbin,” Jooheon said, his face serious and professional now.

“Oh, God, please tell me they’re fine.”

“The twins are fine,” Jooheon tried to smile and went back to the seat beside Hanbin’s bed.

“How about Jiwon? Junhoe?” Hanbin asked, panic in his voice now evident, and suddenly one thought occurred to him that he almost forgot, “Ji… Jiwon’s family. They were in there. They were brought here, right? I-I collapsed and when I woke up I was already here. Is his family okay?”

Jooheon held Hanbin’s frantic hands and tried to calm him down. “Don’t panic. For now, they’re stable. The thing is, they were injected with what we suspected as some kind of poison. Fortunately, the guys managed to retrieve a case full of vials which worked as an antidote. Don’t worry, my father called a toxicologist for this and consulted as many experts as possible. The twins, Lia, and Jiwon’s nephew are fine but…”

“But? Jooheon, please just tell me in one go. I can’t take this…”

“We are one antidote short. The chemical construction would take long to figure out and by the time we manage to copy the formula and make one, they’d be dead.”

“What are you saying, Jooheon? Are you… Do you want me to— _oh, shit…”_

“It’s the best option we have. The doctors are working on it, they have been since yesterday but I.M’s father was a crazy scientist. Crazy scientists are almost always unbelievably smart and cunning. He’s been experimenting for a very long time, right?”

Hanbin nodded and looked at his family with a heavy heart.

“We are in no place to choose whom to give those antidotes to, and I know it isn’t right to give you the responsibility of making the decision but we just really don’t know what to do now. Each of them wakes up an hour at best but then goes unconscious again. We need to make a decision as soon as possible.”

“Hyung what do I do? I can’t be selfish, lives are at stake and I—,” Hanbin choked in his own sob he held his brother’s arm so tight but the elder didn’t complain and continued to comfort him.

“Bin, please don’t cry. It breaks my heart and it could make your condition worse, please…”

Hanbin looked at Jiyong with pleading eyes, “Then what do I do? Tell me what to do, hyung, please,” he asked desperately. “When will it end, hyung? Why are they suffering because of me? This is all my fault and yet I’m the one who came out safe. It’s so unfair. If some god or the universe is trying to punish me, then why did it have to be like this? They didn’t do anything, hyung.”

Jiyong closed his eyes or else he will cry, too. He’s become weak when it came to his brother because he wasn’t capable taking the pain away from the younger and bear it himself, he wasn’t a useful brother—he realized that he never has been.

“I’m sorry, Binnie, I wish I could—,” he was cut off when a soft knock interrupted. “Could be the doctor, wait.”

Jiyong stood up from his seat and opened the door.

“Yunhyeong-ah,” Hanbin acknowledged and Yunhyeong smiled at him.

“Hey, I came here because someone asked for you.”

Hanbin blinked up at him and wiped his tears, “Who is it?”

Jiyong came back inside, and to Hanbin’s surprise was pushing a wheelchair.

“Hello, Hanbin-ssi. It’s nice to finally meet you,” the woman in the wheelchair greeted.

Hanbin’s heart felt like it was gonna beat out of his chest, he felt so nervous and self-conscious in the presence of the woman who gave birth to the man he loved. This was definitely not how he imagined they’d meet, he didn’t think they’d possibly ever meet.

“M-Mrs. Kim,” Hanbin hastily bowed but the sudden action made him groan in pain. _Ah, shit._

“It’s fine. Please, don’t move too much. I heard you just gave birth and risked your life to save all of us,” the woman said as she laid a warm, albeit shaking hand, on top of Hanbin’s arm.

_She’s shaking. She must be afraid of me. She knows of me._

“Ah, please don’t be bothered by my hand. It’s a sign of old age, you see,” she reassured as she realized that Hanbin kept his head low and was staring at her hand cautiously.

“Ma’am, are you sure you’re okay? I could’ve come to you if you wanted to talk. You didn’t have to come all the way here, you need rest,” he said as he fretted at the elder’s condition.

“I came here because I have a special request,” she explain briefly and smiled, and then her eyes flickered over to Jiwon’s sleeping form as well as the twins. “And I wanted to see them. I couldn’t see them properly in that place, it was dark and Jiwon was unconscious. The twins were far in the corner in cribs with their own two guards.”

Hanbin smiled bittersweetly. _Definitely not what he imagined it to be if the twins ever did have a chance to meet their only grandparent alive._ “I’m sorry you had to meet them this way. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect them and I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you like how I promised Jiwon.”

“I know little to know information of what happened, Hanbin-ssi but from how you’re hurting now, I know you’re not the who one should apologize. It seemed that the man who had us kidnapped hated families, he had so much bitterness in his words that it almost made me pity him. How could a person be like that?”

“Honestly, ma’am, I am no better.”

Mrs. Kim looked away from her son to look at Hanbin making the younger be flustered again, “You love your family, that I am sure of.”

“We’ll be right outside, just call us if you need anything,” Jiyong said and excused themselves.

When Jiyong and Yunhyeong were out the door, Mrs. Kim held his hand, “Hanbin-ssi, I don’t have much time so please listen to me.”

“Please call me Hanbin and of course, you can ask anything of me.”

“Hanbin-ah,” the elder warmly called, “It is such a shame that we didn’t have much time to spend together. I wanted to know the person my son loves but unfortunately, time isn’t on our side. I have one wish and that is let my son live, along with his brother, friend, and sister-in-law.”

“M-Ma’am—,”

“Call me Eomma, at least I get to hear it from you even for just a short time. I’ve always wanted my sons to be as happily married as my husband and I was, and I’ve been looking forward to meeting you as soon as Jiun told me about you.”

“He—He told you about us? You know me?”

“An old lady has her crazy and wild days. I was crying and mourning so much that I was brought to the hospital again and again. Jiun couldn’t take it so he told me that Jiwon was alive. He told me that Jiwon faked his own death so he wouldn’t endanger us when he went to work for you. I know you paid for my hospital bills, Jeeyoung’s delivery, and even sent Jiun allowances for us even when he had a stable job already. Apparently, you bought that apartment building and had us move there to protect us. South Korea knows you Kim Hanbin, but an old person has no time for anger or resentment. I trust my son and if he trusts and loves you, and even has a family with you, then you must be someone I’d adore. Jiwon always had a good sense of character when choosing people to be with ever since he was little. And I trust that you’d grant this old lady her last wish in life,” she said with such warm eyes but somehow it made Hanbin all the more nervous.

“Eo—Eomma, don’t tell me…”

“Please let them live.”

“But—,”

“Hanbin-ah, listen to me, the only reason I fought for my life is because I felt like I still had a purpose and that is to see my son again. You can’t imagine how happy I was when I did, despite the circumstances, I was crying with relief and contentment. I would’ve loved to spend more time with you and my twin grandchildren but sadly, we don’t have much time.”

“We can still find a way, I _will_ find a way. Just wait a little longer, please, I can—,”

“I am sure you can do a lot of things as a man of power, Hanbin-ah, but this is beyond that power and it’s a much bigger risk. I am old and tired, truthfully, I want to rest. One of the doctors said that it would be a painless death when I asked him. There’s no better way to go. I got to meet you and my grandkids when I never thought I’d live to see the day my youngest son has a family of his own, I got to see my Jiwon again, it’s more than enough. I know that he’ll have you three so he won’t miss me that much.”

“B-But… Eomma, I lost a lot of people, I can’t lose another one, please. There’s too many. I just met you and the twins haven’t even seen you. How—how could I—,”

Like they knew they were being talked about, Haneul woke up and immediately cried which in turn woke up Ae-Ra so she cried, too.

Jiyong came rushing inside and Hanbin asked him to pick them up and bring them to him.

“Can I hold them?” Mrs. Kim asked and Hanbin immediately nodded.

“Who would you like to hold first? This baby boy right here who screamed first is Haneul, it’s out of character for him to cry as soon as he wakes up but I imagine he must’ve been scared. And this frowning baby girl is Ae-Ra, she cries and is angry most of the time but she gives the brightest smile once in a blue moon.”

Mrs. Kim amusedly chuckled, “They look perfect. And healthy. You did a great job, Hanbin-ah.”

Since Ae-Ra was in her usual bratty mode and only wanted to be held by her Papa, he carefully laid Haneul into Mrs. Kim’s arms.

“Haneul-ah. Kim Haneul, this is your grandmother. Hello, beautiful boy. I’m sorry grandmother can’t wait for you to grow up and chase after you with a towel. Grandmother has to go first but promise that you’ll protect your Papa and Daddy when you grow up, okay? Just like how they protected grandma, too,” she said to the curious baby staring up at her, not crying but not smiling either.

Mrs. Kim carefully stroked his cheek with her index finger which the baby immediately held on to and smiled happily.

“Oh, my, what a lovely smile and strong grip, too! You’re going to grow up strong, I see. That’s good. Protect your sister at all costs, hm?”

“Eomma, are you really sure about this?”

“Yes,” she said as she smiled up at him, “Please give them the antidote now. It doesn’t feel like I’ll die right now anyway, maybe I still have a few hours. Maybe I can talk to Jiwon, too,” she looked at Jiwon who was still fast asleep.

“If he doesn’t wake up yet, I can take a video of you and make him watch it, Eomma. It will always hurt to lose someone but it hurts more if they left without goodbyes.”

“That’s a great idea.”

They continued to silently hold the twins and eventually fed them their milk. Jiyong came in to check on them and Hanbin told him to inform Jooheon of the final decision. Hanbin wouldn’t know but that was the biggest smile Mrs Kim ever had ever since she lost her husband and son. He did a great job, indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry there weren't any Double B contents but I promise to shower you guys with lighter, fluffier, and sweeter updates after this. Like the title, you win some and you lose some. Have a great rest of your day, everyone. Comment or CC me any message, reactions, or opinions. Your CCs have been motivating me so much, thank you for that <3


	24. Iris: To the one who saw me when the world didn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's bound to be errors, I apologize in advance it's midnight where I'm from and I'm really sleepy. I'll just proofread this tomorrow. This chapter/work is a gift to Nat or @/hanbingaygod for always cheering me on and constantly reassured me even when I tease her a lot hehe

“Are you full now, hm?” Hanbin asked Haneul who cooed and yawned as he cuddled closer to his Papa’s warmth. “Good boy,” he said and climbed out of the bed to place the sleepy infant to his crib.

He turned to the other crib when he was sure that Haneul was asleep, “How about you, Princess?”

Ae-Ra blinked up at him and then her chin wobbled as an impending cry was about to happen but before that could happen, he quickly picked her up and brought her to his bed. He tried feeding the little girl but she pushed it away, “What? So you just wanted to be picked up? A princess, indeed.”

Hanbin sighed as he leaned back on his pillows while staring at Ae-Ra who also stared back which made him chuckle a little.

A day had passed after the talk he had with Mrs Kim and a few hours after Jiwon and the others were given the antidote. Jiwon woke up thirty minutes ago in a panic but Hanbin effectively calmed him down with reassurances that he was fine and their twins are, too.

He glanced up to the curtained section of the room where he let Jiwon and his mother talk in private. The first few minutes were full of Jiwon’s cries and was followed by a series of protests, probably about his mom’s decision but soon quieted down. Hanbin was worried, this kind of situation was rare and he didn’t know what to expect with Jiwon’s reaction and how this would affect him.

_He always took care of me, looked after me, made sure I was comfortable, understood my mood swings, and have helped me with my mental health. Maybe it’s time that I take care of him after this._

A hand drew the curtains aside and when he looked up to see, Mrs Kim’s smiling face greeted him. She wasn’t crying anymore but Hanbin could tell that she did as there were tear tracks on her cheeks and there was a lovely pink flush across her face. Despite having undergone surgery and had battled with sickness that came with growing old, she had aged beautifully.

“Hanbin-ah,” she called and beckoned him over.

Jiwon had one arm across his eyes and was still visibly shaking from crying so much.

The sight of the person he loved crying so much made him hurry over. Mrs Kim offered to hold Ae-Ra and much to their surprise, the usually bratty baby actually let her with no fuss.

“Hey,” he softly called Jiwon as he sat beside him in the little space the elder had provided even when he had his eyes still covered. He could tell that Jiwon was trying to stop himself from crying but he settled a hand on his chest and softly rubbed circles, “It’s okay, love. You can let it out, I’m here.”

Jiwon eventually took his arms away from his face in favour of hugging Hanbin sideways.

Mrs Kim looked on with a soft and content smile.

_Eleven years later…_

“Papa, papa, wake up!”

“Daddy, wake up!”

The couple groaned as their daily alarm clock came rushing to their rooms, voice loud and high-pitched in their young age, and the sound of their feet barrelling in before climbing up to their bed to shake their fathers awake.

Hanbin opened his eyes, meeting Jiwon’s own and they groaned again in unison.

“This is all your fault,” Hanbin grumbled like he always did in the past couple of years.

“You’re the one who likes getting pregnant,” Jiwon grumbled back as he pulled his husband closer to him and gave him his morning kiss on his forehead effectively making the kids groan in disgust at their parents’ show of affection.

“I didn’t exactly say that we should have half a dozen kids. It feels like we’re forming an army except less disciplined and can’t understand the word ‘privacy’.”

“Papa, stop talking to each other like we aren’t here,” Sam, their third child whined as let himself fall on his Dad’s back making the elder groan in pain this time.

“Ouch?” Jiwon said but the kids ignored him making him frown.

“Come on, even Areum’s awake,” Ae-Ra said as she showered her Papa with morning kisses.

Jiwon rose up from the bed to look around for their youngest who was currently sitting on the floor with her favourite pillow. When she saw her Daddy, she immediately got up and ran towards him with a laughing squeal. “Did you guys wake her up again? I told you to let her sleep, it’s not good for a baby to be woken up,” he said with a disapproving look toward his five older children as he picked up Areum and settled her on top of his stomach, “Good morning, sweetheart,” he greeted her with a loud kiss on her cheek making her giggle.

“We didn’t, Daddy! She slapped me with her toy. She was the one who woke me up!” Nabi indignantly exclaimed from where she was sitting on the bed.

“She’s still three years old, baby. Don’t be mad,” Hanbin got up to comfort his frowning daughter.

“Don’t baby her, Papa. She pulled me out of my bed!” Eun-hye, their fourth child, scoffed and rolled her pretty eyes, most likely the influence of her oldest sister.

Hanbin looked down at Nabi who hid her face on his neck, “She was snoring! It made me wake up too early.”

Haneul shook his head, “Girls are so catty and loud.”

“And boys are so messy and annoying! You don’t even clean your room until Papa gets really mad!” Ae-Ra was quick to defend her sisters as the girls’ rooms were interconnected.

Jiwon sighed. It was during these moments that he gets confused as realization dawns on him that they have way too many children, definitely not helping the overpopulation, and definitely not good for his libido—a huge factor of why they have so many children in the first place.

“Alright, calm down, everyone. No fighting. Tell the butler to prepare breakfast outside since the weather’s nice. Will you do that for Papa?” Hanbin asked and Jiwon didn’t know whether to laugh or frown in jealousy at their kids looking at their Papa like they were enthralled. _Well, he does look exceptionally gorgeous this morning, not to mention glowing._ Or maybe that was just him.

The kids nodded like they were bewitched, making Hanbin beam and kissed them all individually. “What do you guys want for breakfast?”

“Donuts!” Sam shouted first making his siblings shout, too.

“Smayetti!” Areum shouted in delight as she hugged her Daddy.

“Cookies!” Nabi said as she looked up at her Papa with pleading eyes.

“Pancakes!” Ae-Ra ordered as she laid down where her Papa laid down just a minute ago.

“Pizza!” Eun-Hye screamed in the most unlady-like manner making Jiwon laugh as the two bonds over pizza almost all the time.

“Barbeque!” Haneul shouted with his fist in the air.

The mention of _barbeque_ made Hanbin shot up from the bed and rush to their bathroom with one thing on his mind, _Oh no. Not again._ He heaved uncontrollably as he threw up some more, the image and taste of barbeque stuck on his mind making his stomach turn upside down. But he really should’ve seen it coming as he’d had sleepless nights, nausea, and mood swings these past few days. One would think he’d gotten used to it already but he still feels like hell every time but at the same time, Jiwon always said he glowed differently when he was pregnant, hence the bittersweet feeling.

“Darling,” Jiwon tried to say it as comforting as he could and set the glass of water on the sink before rubbing soothing circles on his back, their six children peeking their heads inside the bathroom.

“Papa sick?” Areum asked, her lips wobbling as tears started to fall from her face. The kids were always sensitive when it came to their Papa since Jiwon had imprinted it on their mind over and over again that they must look after their Papa and make sure he’s okay. Coughing his guts out was definitely _not_ okay, the children could see and understand it as worry etched over their adorable faces. Except for Haneul who tilted his head with an accusing smirk on his Dad.

“No, Dad put another baby on Papa,” their eldest son concluded.

Eun-hye gasped dramatically, “Oh, yay! Another baby!”

“I hope it’s a boy. I’m sick of Haneul-hyung’s face,” Sam grumbled as he came inside to hug his Papa’s leg.

Hanbin, on the other hand, had his hands gripping on the sink as he tried to calm himself. He washed and brushed his teeth before drinking the water with the help of Jiwon.

“Well, it’s time to call Jooheon again,” Hanbin tiredly grinned at his husband who enveloped him in a hug.

“Contraception really don’t work, huh?” Jiwon asked even when they had six children from many failed contraceptive methods.

Hanbin lightly punched Jiwon’s arm and fiercely whispered, “Condoms would but you refuse to wear it!”

“You complain as much as I do!”

“Ugh, whatever. Eat breakfast with the kids, I feel like sh—,” he stopped and glanced at his innocent children looking up at them and continued, “I feel sick.”

Nabi whimpered and tugged at his Papa’s pajama pants, “But, Papa, aren’t we going to Safe Haven today?”

 _Oh._ Safe Haven was what they named the forest reserve and removed the _Kim Cemetery_ since not just Kims were laid to rest there.

“That’s right. It’s Grandma’s anniversary,” Ae-Ra said quietly. Their eldest daughter said through the years how she always dreamt of her grandma carrying her even she was only a baby then, she noticed that it comes around the time of her death anniversary and it always made her sad. Haneul was the one she held more since Ae-Ra was a bratty baby, but she was the last grandchild she held apart from Raon.

“I bet Aunt Jeeyoung cooked delicious food for the picnic today,” Sam quipped, ever the foodie.

“Haneul was daydreaming looking at Ryujin-unnie yesterday picking flowers for today,” Ae-Ra said with a smirk. Haneul immediately flushed red and looked away.

“Alright, you guys go down for breakfast. I’m sure the others are already there, too. I’ll rest a little bit more. Don’t worry, I’ll still go with you guys to Safe Haven,” Hanbin mediated since their children would go on and on if he won’t stop them and he was getting dizzy standing up for longer.

Haneul looked up again to him, “But, Papa, who’s going to look after you here? Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I’ll eat when we go on a picnic, baby. And I don’t need anyone to look after me sleeping. I’ll be alright,” he reassured them. Sometimes, he reprimands Jiwon for raising the kids this way, always so paranoid over him, they’re like a carbon copy of his husband. But it’s endearing and sweet, so he just lets them.

“I’ll stay, Papa! I’m not hungry! I’ll just eat with you later when you feel better!” Sam immediately volunteers.

“Sam, you’re always hungry, who are you kidding?” Hanbin chuckled as he bent down to kiss his son.

“Daddy will stay here and take care of your Papa so promise us that you’ll behave there and not cause trouble for you uncles and aunt, alright?” Jiwon said to end all other volunteer that will undoubtedly follow Sam’s. He was proud, really, of how he raised his kids even when he gets an earful from Hanbin sometimes. The kids are often dubbed as _Papa Hanbin’s protection squad._

Each and every one of them nodded determinedly making their parents smile.

“Now, go on. I’ll take care of Papa. Haneul, Aera please watch over your siblings, okay?” Jiwon asked of them as they herded them out of their bedroom.

Come afternoon, everyone had gathered in their mansion’s entrance hall. The current estate was definitely larger than the previous one since they had three mansions—one for Hanbin, Jiwon, and their kids, one for Jinhwan, Junhoe, and their three kids, including Ryujin, one for the single guys—and four large houses—one for Yunhyeong and Donghyuk, another for Jiyong, his wife Chaelin, and Lia, one for Jihoon, Hoshi, and their daughter, and one for Jiun and Jeeyoung. Each house were constructed surrounding a huge garden with no nearby houses and strategically engineered to be harder to spot as it was mainly infused with the environment.

They were way far from their previous home which Hanbin already sold and even further from Safe Haven but they make it a point to visit when someone’s anniversary comes.

“Hanbin, do you feel better?” Yunhyeong immediately asked when they turned around to meet Jiwon and Hanbin who had just come down from the stairs.

Hanbin smiled reassuringly, “Jooheon did the usual check-up and will let me know the results later.”

“You guys really are a force to be reckoned with,” Jiun mused from where he stood carrying Areum.

“Ah, of course—,”

Jiwon could not continue his airy boasting when Hanbin piched the former’s back to stop him. The man can be overly proud of himself whenever he got Hanbin pregnant. Too proud. Or maybe that was just Hanbin’s hormones talking, seemingly annoyed with anything Jiwon does that does not include giving him attention.

“The cars are probably prepared. Let’s go?” Hanbin said instead to avoid the topic of their sex life much to everyone’s amusement

“Jiyong will just follow since he had urgent business to take care of in the factory,” Chaelin replied when Hanbin noticed that Jiyong wasn’t with her and their son and asked about it.

“He couldn’t have someone do it instead?”

“Apparently not.”

A hand settled on Hanbin’s waist and caressed him there to hopefully lighten his mood. It was Jiwon, of course. Hanbin’s anchor. “Jiyong-hyung’s been pretty hands-on with this project. Remember how he felt really bad with the declining sales from the last one? Besides, he’s only going to be late. I’m sure he’ll be here any moment now, hm?”

As always, Jiwon managed to calm him down with just the right words to say. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right.”

Chaelin smiled at him, “You shouldn’t stress yourself, Bin-ah. You could be pregnant, right?”

“We’re still not sure but yeah. I’m sorry, noona.”

The elder woman assured him and they went on to where the others were setting up their long table and preparing to arrange their food.

“Hyung,” Ryujin ran up to him with a bouquet of white peonies, “Picked these up this morning. They smelled wonderful and the scent felt calming, thought you’d love it.”

“Thank you, Ryujin-ah,” he smiled as he inhaled the sweet scent of the peonies. She was right, they really were calming.

Hanbin realized that was having an attitude, more than the usual and even more than when he was pregnant. If he really was pregnant again, which he is ninety-five percent sure of, then he can already tell that this would be a difficult one.

So far out of his pregnancy with his six kids, it was surprisingly Nabi’s that was the most difficult, proof of that was gaining a lot of weight due to nausea and vomiting even when he was on the third trimester so he was forced to lay on the bed almost all the time. He had felt so insecure and self-conscious to the point that he always drove Jiwon and the kids away. When he gave birth, Nabi grew up to be super clingy towards Hanbin, she was always sensitive and cried a _lot._ But it did change for the better when she shared a connected room with Ae-Ra and later on, Eunhye.

He looked back to Jiwon, who was back-hugging him, and saw his soft smile, the one reserved for Hanbin and Hanbin only. If it weren’t for his husband, he wouldn’t be able to pull through.

“Hey, guys!” Jooheon greeted with a huge smile as he ran up to them as soon as he got out of the car.

“Glad you could make it! Your seat is at the usual, come on!” Jeeyoung smiled at him.

When Jooheon sat down, Jiwon immediately asked him, “Do you have the result?”

“Yep. We’ll talk about it privately later on,” Jooheon answered vaguely, his smile professional. Hanbin immediately knew something was up so he just nodded.

Jiwon placed a comforting a hand on Hanbin’s leg. Somehow, he always knew. “You should eat, baby. You didn’t have breakfast,” the elder said, to which he just responded with a little smile and nod.

“Daddy, want milk,” Areum said as she tugged at Jiwon’s shirt while rubbing her eyes.

“Are you sleepy, baby?” Hanbin asked, picking up Areum from her seat and putting her in his lap while Jiwon fetches her milk.

Areum laid her head on Hanbin’s chest and sucked on her thumb, “Uh-huh,” she said sleepily.

“Baby, I told you that’s not a good habit,” he chastised and pulled out her thumb, “Daddy’s gonna be here any second now with your milk so don’t suck on your fingers.”

Jiwon came back with the bottle of milk and handed it to the sleepy baby, “Want me to carry her?”

“No, I rested earlier so I feel fine,” he assured. The milk didn’t last long with Areum and soon, she tugged on Hanbin’s collar, “I’m just gonna walk a little bit to lull her to sleep,” he said and excused himself from the others.

Hanbin set off to walk along the trees while humming random melodies to Areum who had laid her pretty little head on Hanbin shoulder and her arms clutching around her Papa, already dozing off to sleep. When he heard soft snoring, he sat down on the bench near Mr. Kim’s—Jinhwan’s father—tree.

“Appa, it’s a great afternoon, isn’t it?” he greeted to the tree. It’s been three years since the elder had passed. Over the years, he’d come to rely a lot on the elder, his warm presence always comforting, his advices grounding, he treated all of them like their own son, and he had always encourage Hanbin to call him _Appa._ He became every child in the household’s grandpa. He died due to cardiac arrest in the middle of the night three years ago but he could still feel his presence sometimes.

His eyes wandered around the peaceful forest, he could see everyone’s trees clearly, I.M’s just a few meters away from Mr. Kim’s, his tree slightly taller.

“Is I.M a great company, Appa? I hope he is. He teases a lot but he means well most of the time,” he chuckled as he remembered I.M’s antics that mostly occurred at dinner time. He kept talking to Mr. Kim’s tree, updating him about everyone, how the current business was growing steadily.

Ten years ago, after what happened with I.M, they finally left the underground business. All of their money were donated to any charity they could find. They sold their buildings, the mansion, and properties overseas and used the money to start new businesses. A lot of them ventured in different businesses and hoped at least one worked out and it did, most of their businesses did great and in turn, they helped the others’ business to do well. Mr. Kim and Chaelin were a huge help, still is.

Hanbin never stepped foot outside their estate though and had developed PTSD, but he’d been seeing a therapist for four years so he was better.

The others offered for them not to work too much since Hanbin did most of the work in their previous illegal ventures and instead focus on their never-ending growing family. Hanbin became the kids’ teacher and Jiwon worked from home.

Ryujin, Chanwoo, and Lia attended college at the same time three years ago in Yale and graduated a year ago. There were offers of recognition awards and interviews as they were some of Korea’s brightest but they refused even when the grown-ups assured them that they could accept it. They said, “We’re content with our family’s recognition. The whole world doesn’t have to know.” After that, they started to work on the family’s business.

“Is Areum asleep?” Jiwon asked, snapping Hanbin out of his thoughts. He tuned his head to look at his husband who was accompanied by Jooheon and nodded.

The two newly arrived men sat down each on Hanbin’s side.

“Hanbin-ah, how do you feel these days?” Jooheong started.

“I feel mostly snappy, my patience became thinner, my neck and chest feels oddly warm, I have trouble sleeping, sometimes, and just this morning, I felt nauseous,” he tried his best to recall any and all of his changes. Some were already familiar to him but some were definitely new. But he didn’t worry too much since in every pregnancy of his, he had different changes and experiences.

Jooheon nodded to himself, then fished something his coat pocket and handed it to him. It was an envelope with the hospital’s symbol he was working in on the back of it and its address. “Here’s the result of your blood samples.”

“Could you open it for me, love?” he asked Jiwon who smiled and nodded.

Areum squirmed which made Hanbin tighten his hold on his daughter and hummed a little more to calm her down.

“Here,” Jiwon said and handed the letter with lab results to Hanbin.

“Read it.”

Jiwon nodded and scanned through the results with his hand on finding its way on Hanbin’s leg, lightly caressing him there to calm his nerves even when he himself was probably nervous, too. “It’s negative,” he said after a few seconds, confusion lacing his words.

With a hum, Jooheon nodded, “Hanbin-ah, you symptoms were not of pregnancy.”

“Then what? Is he okay?” Jiwon asked a little frantically that Hanbin had to hush him and reminded him of Areum’s presence.

Jooheon was quick to raise his hand to calm them down, “He’s okay. He’s not sick or anything. The symptoms he’s experiencing is menopause.”

“M-Menopause?” Jiwon stuttered, his eyes wide and cautious.

“Yes. It’s perfectly normal for someone who reproduces. Symptoms can continue for four to five years. But, don’t worry there are treatments that can relieve menopausal hot flashes—that’s the warm feeling you have in your upper body—depending on your personal and medical history, you can undergo hormone therapy. Estrogen therapy is the most effective one but we still have to be careful about each process we take since Hanbin’s case is rare.”

 _Well, that did make sense,_ Hanbin thought. All the foreign symptoms he hadn’t read about before in his pregnancy book and his worsening mood swings. “Oh… okay.”

“Papa, will we have lessons today?” Haneul asked when they came home and was on their way up the stairs.

“No lessons for today, Han. Your papa needs to rest,” Jiwon interjected when Hanbin wasn’t able to formulate a response. The children looked at him with evident worry in their faces and he wanted to reassure them but he wasn’t so sure what to say.

Physically, Hanbin felt better compared to how he felt that morning but mentally, he was absent-minded.

Jiwon called for the nannies and said, “Please get them ready for bed,” and then looked down at the kids again, “Behave, okay? I’ll check up on you later once Papa is rested.”

“Okay, daddy,” the kids said simultaneously, still worried but had no choice as their dad seemed to have made the final decision.

Each one of them bid their goodnights and gave their kisses to their father, and each one making Hanbin feel better and lighter.

“Take care of Papa, okay?” Eun-hye asked just to make sure before they really walk away to the opposite hall with the nannies.

“Of course, princess. Don’t worry,” Jiwon assured them and waved them goodnight.

Hanbin settled in bed after they both took an uneventful shower, mostly just Jiwon doing stuff for him. Hanbin learned over the years to just let his husband be because it was in these little things that makes him feel useful and overall made him feel better as a husband and father. And it also made his heart flutter like a teenager, which he would never admit out of embarrassment, but it felt really good.

“I’m just going to check up on the kids, hm? I’ll be back,” Jiwon said when he got Hanbin to lay down under the duvet comfortably and got up to leave but not before leaving a soft kiss on the latter’s nose.

It still makes Hanbin feel anxious when Jiwon or the kids were out of sight due to his PTSD, worse if he wasn’t doing anything to distract him from his internal panic. The idea of Haneul and Ae-Ra having their own room caused a panic attack because ever since the incident occurred, the twins had their beds adjacent to their room with only a door to separate them. It took awhile before Hanbin came to terms with it, especially since he was pregnant with Sam at the time, his hormones were definitely not helping.

In some occasions or situations, there are times where Jiwon and Hanbin would complain to one another how they had so many kids as it meant lesser time with each other and on each child. But then Jiwon would remind him how Hanbin used to talk fondly about having a big family and how fun it would be with the kids growing up all rowdy and happy with just them as a family. He’d also have this endearing monologues where he would just rant about how Hanbin looked so ethereal whenever he was pregnant, how much he absolutely adored the baby bump slowly growing, and how excited they get whenever the new baby arrives.

They were beautiful. Each pregnancy was special for him in different ways and then at that moment, all alone in their huge bedroom, the lights dimmed, and the house quiet, he realized just how old he was. _I’ll be forty-one by October._

Menopausal during this age was normal but he just forgot about it because he was too in love with the thought of having kids. It was tough raising them with just one to two years age gap with each other, there were times he got so stressed to the point he was losing hair, he had post-partum depression, he felt insecure, and anxious but had no choice but to suck it in and continue on because he had kids to take care of. It was _a lot_ , but it felt great and fulfilling.

“Baby,”

Jiwon’s voice cut through his train of thought making him look up. He hadn’t noticed that the elder had come in. Admittedly, he had lost most of his skills as a killer but he was okay about it now. It actually somehow comforted him that he got so far from his past to the point that his habits died.

“Hi,” Hanbin just said as he opened his arms wide and beckoned his husband over. They had been married for eight years but it still felt so short and he wanted to be selfish. Forever does not exist, for sure. They’ll die eventually but Hanbin couldn’t help but ask for more and more years with Jiwon.

“Am I the little spoon tonight?” Jiwon chuckled against Hanbin’s chest as he hugged him tight by the waist, “Why does the soap always smell better on you? We literally use the same thing.”

That actually produced an airy laugh from Hanbin, “Don’t make it so obvious that you’re head over heels for me.”

“It’s not even a secret. Everyone knows I’m madly in love with you,” he said as he snuggled closer, still continuing to sniff along Hanbin pajama top.

“You’re still really in love with me?” he smiled when he felt Jiwon nod, “Even when we’re getting old?” another nod, “Even when I can’t give you another child?”

Jiwon looked up at him and booped his noise, much to the annoyance of Hanbin. _Way to ruin the sentimental mood._ “You’re my husband, not my personal babymaker. I love you for you, not for what you can do or can’t do or for how you look or don’t look anymore. Do you get my point?”

“Y-Yeah,” he said, still a little uneasy.

“But…?” Jiwon asked. The way Hanbin responded meant there was something he was holding up and he wouldn’t allow him to bottle it up and sleep with a restless mind.

Hanbin sighed as he couldn’t seem to find the words for his thoughts and instead combed through Jiwon’s fluffy, free-of-wax hair. Each stroke gave off a sweet fragrant of their shampoo which made him smile. _He smells nice, too._

“Well, you always talk about how you love it whenever you get me pregnant. The reason why I love getting pregnant is because you seem really happy at the prospect of a new baby. Everyone always talks about how you look like you fall in love with me even deeper whenever we have a new child. And I—uh, I don’t want that to stop yet.”

“Oh, baby,” Jiwon sighed and planted a small kiss on the exposed part of Hanbin’s chest near his clavicle. “Come here,” he said as he got up from Hanbin’s hug to lean against their headboard and patted his lap.

Uncertain but in need for some reassurance and love, Hanbin climbed up on his husband’s lap and sat there. He couldn’t actually look at Jiwon so instead, he laid his head on the latter’s chest while hugging him tightly.

“Hanbin, my love, you know why I fall in love with you even more when you’re pregnant? Because I see your happiness. I see your big, big smile. When our baby comes, I get to see you take of our child with so much love and care that it just—just look so beautiful. You look so beautiful carrying our child and taking care of each one of them. It is not the pregnancy that makes me fall in love with you even more, although it does warm my heart so much,” Jiwon’s finger’s tilted his head up to look at him, “It’s your smile, your happiness, your dedication, your love, and just you as a whole that makes me fall deeper in love. I just stop and stare, and suddenly I fall in love you more each day.”

 _“R-Really?”_ was all that Hanbin could say after the sudden love confession. His hormones were definitely all over the place. If he wasn’t annoyed, then he was emotional. And so just a few seconds later, he was sniffling and his eyes were watering.

Jiwon chuckled and caressed his cheek, “Really. Besides, we have six children already. They are more than enough. I love them all, and I love you. We’re one big, happy family. So, please don’t be sad. The kids will kill me if you wake up with tear tracks on your face and your eyes swollen from crying.”

“Wow,” he mock-gasped and punched Jiwon’s chest in retaliation, “You’re just afraid of the kids! That’s why you said all those things! Love, my ass.”

“No, no, no,” Jiwon could not stop from chuckling at his upset husband’s adorable face and disbelieving conclusions. “Baby, I love you. So, so much. You have no idea!”

Hanbin sat up on Jiwon’s lap and crossed his arms, “You do?” he asked with one raised eyebrow.

Something shifted in Jiwon’s eyes as he looked at him and then raking those same loving eyes to a predatory gaze travel down his body. It suddenly made Hanbin blush and unconsciously covered himself instead of crossing his arms, however it did not last as Jiwon flipped their position all of a sudden.

“Can’t you a little more gentle?!” Hanbin snapped at the man on top of him, unsuccessfully glaring as he couldn’t stop himself from biting his lip looking up at Jiwon.

Jiwon raised an eyebrow. That little move alone was disarming. “I could but you wouldn’t want it.”

“W-What?”

“You always,” he said with suspense as he popped open one of Hanbin’s pajama top’s buttons, “always,” another button, “always,” another one, “complained,” he whispered as he delve down to lick a strip across Hanbin’s exposed chest, “when I don’t go rough on you.”

“Jiwon,” was all that came out of his mouth as a response. His mind goes haywire, all of his limbs goes putty, and his whole body reacts violently whenever Jiwon has his hands on him like this.

“And do you know,” Jiwon rose up from Hanbin’s chest and settled temporarily against the latter’s ear, “how unfair that is?” he asked as he bit down on the shell of his husband’s ear.

Hanbin lightly gasped and unconsciously tugged at Jiwon’s shirt, his legs unconsciously spreading apart to accommodate Jiwon more.

“Even when you’re pregnant, you demand roughness. How am I supposed to do that, huh? But now…” Jiwon licked his from his husban’s ear to his cheek, and down to his neck where he attacked with full force with bites and sucks. “Now, you can’t be pregnant anymore. I don’t have to be scared of hurting you anymore. I can do whatever I want again.”

The actions of his body and the voices in his mind were at par and apparently his body won as he clutched desperately on Jiwon’s neck to get him to stay in place and nodded furiously, “Whatever you want.”

Jiwon left a kiss before facing Hanbin properly, the latter complaining at the back of his tongue with a whine at the loss of pleasure on his neck, “But not tonight?”

“Huh?” he asked, a little stricken and confused.

“I don’t to go rough on you tonight. Not yet. Just let me love you slowly tonight, hm? The way _I_ like it.”

Well, how could he even say to that? As he looked up at Jiwon endearingly, he nodded, “Okay.”

“I love you, baby. Always. No conditions, exceptions, or whatever you might think of. I love you.”

Once again, he nodded, “I know. I love you, too. So much.”

Jiwon dipped down to kiss him. It was slow, firm, and full of so much love that it actually made Hanbin emotional again. His husband took his time kissing him, caressing him everywhere, kissed his scars, and got rid of his clothes.

It was the kind of kisses and touches that made Hanbin feel breathless and somehow full that he had to hold on to Jiwon’s shoulders to make himself feel above water. Jiwon’s love, whenever he shows it, literally felt drowning and overflowing.

He took unbuttoned Jiwon’s top and got rid of it so he could him fully, feel his dependable arms and feel his muscle contract with every caress Hanbin does.

“Ah,” Hanbin breaths out as Jiwon bit his nipple, making him squirm and keen. Going gentle made every little touch stimulating and it made him feel more worked up.

Jiwon uncapped the bottle of lube while making his way down to Hanbin’s dick, giving it a few licks, sucks, and tugs to make him harder.

He felt a finger prodding at his entrance which made him tap Jiwon, “Kiss me while you do it,” he requested. And always, his wishes were Jiwon’s command.

The same time Jiwon inserted a finger, he kissed Hanbin to swallow his gasp. Due to their half a dozen kids, they didn’t have much time to really indulge themselves of their sexual needs and _wants._ They were pretty hands-on and focused with them, especially when there’s a new baby. Which is why, whenever they do it, Hanbin still squirms and makes too much noises. Rough sex were even rarer, once in a blue moon, the thought made Hanbin internally pout.

One finger, became two, and eventually became three. When Jiwon was about to insert his fourth finger, Hanbin just shook his head impatiently, “Fuck, I can’t take it anymore, love. Please, just fuck me,” he said frantically, unconscious of the marks he was leaving on Jiwon as evidence of his impatience.

Jiwon kissed his nose to calm him down, “I love you.”

“I love you, too. But, please—ah, fuck—put your dick inside me or I swear to—,”

His husband didn’t give him the chance to continue his threat as he gave him what he so desired, and that was to rail him then and there. “Better?”

Hanbin hissed and moaned as he clenched around Jiwon’s dick which in turn made the latter groan, “How the fuck was that slow and gentle?”

Jiwon couldn’t help but chuckle. He really loved teasing Hanbin. “Well, I didn’t actually say I’d be slow and gentle the entire time. I specifically said, I’d do this how I want to.”

“And—oh, jesus fucking… Christ—and that is to fucking annoy me?”

“Of course. That’s what bullied husbands do,” he chuckled as he continued to roughly thrust in and out but then going slow when Hanbin would look like he was about to reach his peak.

“You fu…cker! When did I ever bully you?”

“Every single day. You got that kids wrapped around your finger.”

Hanbin raised his hips higher to meet him in the middle, thrust for thrust, “You raised them—ah, shit, more—that way!”

“Yes, and now they seem like they don’t even trust me to actually take care you. Their precious Papa,” he cooed and before Hanbin could glare at him and retaliate, he swooped in to kiss the soul out of him and steadied his pace.

Hanbin continued to groan in between kisses and bit Jiwon’s lip from too much pleasure but his husband didn’t mind as he was too distracted to give him what he wants.

His back was starting to ache from the strain, his hips were stuttering in their pace to meet Jiwon halfway and that meant that he was near orgasm. He wanted to scream _more,_ but Jiwon got his lips locked with his own to the point that spit were dripping down his chin and to his neck.

Before he came, Jiwon held his hand and whispered _I love you_ to him three times, the second time was when Hanbin came, and third time was when Jiwon stuttered in his mouth and his thrusts as he came inside Hanbin, filling him up to the brim.

“You’re… you’re really taking advantage of the fact that I won’t be able to get pregnant anymore, huh?” Hanbin lazily asked as he hugged Jiwon who fell on top of him. The guy was heavy but it was a familiar weight, more comforting than restricting.

“Are you kidding me?” Jiwon looked up at him with a cheeky grin, “Of course I am.”

Hanbin woke up with a groan when he heard familiar raucous footsteps. But he had no choice but to wake up. He tapped Jiwon’s sleeping figure beside him to wake him up and made a move to stand up but was held down when he felt his back and thigh muscles throb.

 _Shit._ They did last night. _Wait. Oh shit._

“Jiwon!” he screamed at his sleeping husband, slapping his back to further wake him up. And he did with a disgruntled expression.

“Huh? What? Are you okay?” he asked, sleepily sitting up to tend to him.

“The door! Did you lock the door? The kids are—!”

“Papa! Daddy! Good morning!” Nabi greeted as she kicked her parents’ bedroom door open, her sibling barrelling in like they always do.

Hanbin buried himself deeper in the sheets. _Fuck._ He was buck naked and his six children were about to jump on their bed.

“Guys, no!” Jiwon shouted, much to the surprise of everyone. Hanbin was the yeller of the two, the disciplinarian. It was rare for his husband to yell, especially to the kids. “Papa does not feel good. I need you guys to go out for a few minutes while I take care of him, okay?”

Haneul, ever the smartass kid that he was, tilted his head, “Daddy, your arms are full of scratches. What happened?”

“Omo, oppa is right!” Nabi gasped dramatically.

Areum stood up, her arms leaning in their bed to steady herself, “Papa, Daddy, fight?”

“No, baby. Guys, we didn’t fight. I just—uh, I went out last night for a walk and there was a wild cat on the garden and attacked me. Don’t worry, they’re just scratches.”

“Oh, okay,” Haneul fortunately bought the excuse which made a chain reaction of the younger ones being convinced, too.

“Wait for us downstairs, okay? Papa and Daddy will be there shortly, babies,” Hanbin assured them, feigning a weak smile to convince their kids to leave them alone. They always listened to Hanbin whenever he felt sick or something. Of course they do because their dad is exactly the same.

Each one of them made their way out of the bedroom with flying kisses and adorable wave of their hands.

The parents sighed as they laid back down, already tired for the day. “Yeah, six is enough,” Hanbin concluded making Jiwon chuckle and hug him.

“We’re okay. We’re gonna be okay,” Jiwon reassured him with a kiss on the crown of his hair.

Hanbin hugged him back tightly, “We’re okay.”

Epilogue:

Jiwon would never forget the moment he turned his back on his family with tears on his eyes and sought out Mr. Kim Hanbin, the light at the end of the tunnel. And he thanked his past self for that decision. All the sacrifices were worth it.

Hanbin still had flashes of the night his mind was muddled and hazy at the loss of blood, a familiar bouncer helping him and saving his life. And he thanked his past self for seeing the potential of his saviour. Jiwon continued to save him over and over again. All the pain was worth it.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sibling order:  
> Haneul-Ae-Ra  
> Sam  
> Nabi  
> Eunhye  
> Areum 
> 
> The Jiwon POVs you guys requested will be in the Special Chapter. 
> 
> I can't believe we've finally come to the end. Ngl, I was emotional making this but I hope you guys enjoyed it. Six months of work went into this and I am so happy with how it turned out, I hope you guys are satisfied, too. There will be a separate fic for Junhwan from this universe and I hope you give it some love, too. Follow me on twitter to be notified about that.
> 
> This is Iris' official last chapter (not including the special chapter, of course) and I just want to thank you guys for reading this not so little and short story of mine. Thank you for being patient with me. All the love and appreciation warms my hearts so, so, so much and has helped me motivate myself not just in updating for you guys but to be better as a writer. Thank you for all the DMs, comments, kudos, and CC messages you guys sent me. I've read every single one of them and all of 'em made my heart flutter. I'll continue to write more fan-fictions as much as I can and give back all the love you've given me. I love you guys.
> 
> I posted a short (really short) video about Iris on my twitter but if you don't want to or can't, you can listen to Iris by Goo Goo dolls.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twt @flowerypath_131


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